by Emily Brontë
CHAPTER XXXIV
For some days after that evening Mr. Heathcliff shunned meeting us atmeals; yet he would not consent formally to exclude Hareton and Cathy. Hehad an aversion to yielding so completely to his feelings, choosingrather to absent himself; and eating once in twenty-four hours seemedsufficient sustenance for him.
One night, after the family were in bed, I heard him go downstairs, andout at the front door. I did not hear him re-enter, and in the morning Ifound he was still away. We were in April then: the weather was sweetand warm, the grass as green as showers and sun could make it, and thetwo dwarf apple-trees near the southern wall in full bloom. Afterbreakfast, Catherine insisted on my bringing a chair and sitting with mywork under the fir-trees at the end of the house; and she beguiledHareton, who had perfectly recovered from his accident, to dig andarrange her little garden, which was shifted to that corner by theinfluence of Joseph's complaints. I was comfortably revelling in thespring fragrance around, and the beautiful soft blue overhead, when myyoung lady, who had run down near the gate to procure some primrose rootsfor a border, returned only half laden, and informed us that Mr.Heathcliff was coming in. 'And he spoke to me,' she added, with aperplexed countenance.
'What did he say?' asked Hareton.
'He told me to begone as fast as I could,' she answered. 'But he lookedso different from his usual look that I stopped a moment to stare athim.'
'How?' he inquired.
'Why, almost bright and cheerful. No, _almost_ nothing--_very much_excited, and wild, and glad!' she replied.
'Night-walking amuses him, then,' I remarked, affecting a carelessmanner: in reality as surprised as she was, and anxious to ascertain thetruth of her statement; for to see the master looking glad would not bean every-day spectacle. I framed an excuse to go in. Heathcliff stoodat the open door; he was pale, and he trembled: yet, certainly, he had astrange joyful glitter in his eyes, that altered the aspect of his wholeface.
'Will you have some breakfast?' I said. 'You must be hungry, ramblingabout all night!' I wanted to discover where he had been, but I did notlike to ask directly.
'No, I'm not hungry,' he answered, averting his head, and speaking rathercontemptuously, as if he guessed I was trying to divine the occasion ofhis good humour.
I felt perplexed: I didn't know whether it were not a proper opportunityto offer a bit of admonition.
'I don't think it right to wander out of doors,' I observed, 'instead ofbeing in bed: it is not wise, at any rate this moist season. I daresayyou'll catch a bad cold or a fever: you have something the matter withyou now!'
'Nothing but what I can bear,' he replied; 'and with the greatestpleasure, provided you'll leave me alone: get in, and don't annoy me.'
I obeyed: and, in passing, I noticed he breathed as fast as a cat.
'Yes!' I reflected to myself, 'we shall have a fit of illness. I cannotconceive what he has been doing.'
That noon he sat down to dinner with us, and received a heaped-up platefrom my hands, as if he intended to make amends for previous fasting.
'I've neither cold nor fever, Nelly,' he remarked, in allusion to mymorning's speech; 'and I'm ready to do justice to the food you give me.'
He took his knife and fork, and was going to commence eating, when theinclination appeared to become suddenly extinct. He laid them on thetable, looked eagerly towards the window, then rose and went out. We sawhim walking to and fro in the garden while we concluded our meal, andEarnshaw said he'd go and ask why he would not dine: he thought we hadgrieved him some way.
'Well, is he coming?' cried Catherine, when her cousin returned.
'Nay,' he answered; 'but he's not angry: he seemed rarely pleased indeed;only I made him impatient by speaking to him twice; and then he bid me beoff to you: he wondered how I could want the company of anybody else.'
I set his plate to keep warm on the fender; and after an hour or two here-entered, when the room was clear, in no degree calmer: the sameunnatural--it was unnatural--appearance of joy under his black brows; thesame bloodless hue, and his teeth visible, now and then, in a kind ofsmile; his frame shivering, not as one shivers with chill or weakness,but as a tight-stretched cord vibrates--a strong thrilling, rather thantrembling.
I will ask what is the matter, I thought; or who should? And Iexclaimed--'Have you heard any good news, Mr. Heathcliff? You lookuncommonly animated.'
'Where should good news come from to me?' he said. 'I'm animated withhunger; and, seemingly, I must not eat.'
'Your dinner is here,' I returned; 'why won't you get it?'
'I don't want it now,' he muttered, hastily: 'I'll wait till supper. And,Nelly, once for all, let me beg you to warn Hareton and the other awayfrom me. I wish to be troubled by nobody: I wish to have this place tomyself.'
'Is there some new reason for this banishment?' I inquired. 'Tell me whyyou are so queer, Mr. Heathcliff? Where were you last night? I'm notputting the question through idle curiosity, but--'
'You are putting the question through very idle curiosity,' heinterrupted, with a laugh. 'Yet I'll answer it. Last night I was on thethreshold of hell. To-day, I am within sight of my heaven. I have myeyes on it: hardly three feet to sever me! And now you'd better go!You'll neither see nor hear anything to frighten you, if you refrain fromprying.'
Having swept the hearth and wiped the table, I departed; more perplexedthan ever.
He did not quit the house again that afternoon, and no one intruded onhis solitude; till, at eight o'clock, I deemed it proper, thoughunsummoned, to carry a candle and his supper to him. He was leaningagainst the ledge of an open lattice, but not looking out: his face wasturned to the interior gloom. The fire had smouldered to ashes; the roomwas filled with the damp, mild air of the cloudy evening; and so still,that not only the murmur of the beck down Gimmerton was distinguishable,but its ripples and its gurgling over the pebbles, or through the largestones which it could not cover. I uttered an ejaculation of discontentat seeing the dismal grate, and commenced shutting the casements, oneafter another, till I came to his.
'Must I close this?' I asked, in order to rouse him; for he would notstir.
The light flashed on his features as I spoke. Oh, Mr. Lockwood, I cannotexpress what a terrible start I got by the momentary view! Those deepblack eyes! That smile, and ghastly paleness! It appeared to me, notMr. Heathcliff, but a goblin; and, in my terror, I let the candle bendtowards the wall, and it left me in darkness.
'Yes, close it,' he replied, in his familiar voice. 'There, that is pureawkwardness! Why did you hold the candle horizontally? Be quick, andbring another.'
I hurried out in a foolish state of dread, and said to Joseph--'Themaster wishes you to take him a light and rekindle the fire.' For Idared not go in myself again just then.
Joseph rattled some fire into the shovel, and went: but he brought itback immediately, with the supper-tray in his other hand, explaining thatMr. Heathcliff was going to bed, and he wanted nothing to eat tillmorning. We heard him mount the stairs directly; he did not proceed tohis ordinary chamber, but turned into that with the panelled bed: itswindow, as I mentioned before, is wide enough for anybody to get through;and it struck me that he plotted another midnight excursion, of which hehad rather we had no suspicion.
'Is he a ghoul or a vampire?' I mused. I had read of such hideousincarnate demons. And then I set myself to reflect how I had tended himin infancy, and watched him grow to youth, and followed him almostthrough his whole course; and what absurd nonsense it was to yield tothat sense of horror. 'But where did he come from, the little darkthing, harboured by a good man to his bane?' muttered Superstition, as Idozed into unconsciousness. And I began, half dreaming, to weary myselfwith imagining some fit parentage for him; and, repeating my wakingmeditations, I tracked his existence over again, with grim variations; atlast, picturing his death and funeral: of which, all I can remember is,being exceedingly vexed at having the task of dictating an inscriptionfor his monumen
t, and consulting the sexton about it; and, as he had nosurname, and we could not tell his age, we were obliged to contentourselves with the single word, 'Heathcliff.' That came true: we were.If you enter the kirkyard, you'll read, on his headstone, only that, andthe date of his death.
Dawn restored me to common sense. I rose, and went into the garden, assoon as I could see, to ascertain if there were any footmarks under hiswindow. There were none. 'He has stayed at home,' I thought, 'and he'llbe all right to-day.' I prepared breakfast for the household, as was myusual custom, but told Hareton and Catherine to get theirs ere the mastercame down, for he lay late. They preferred taking it out of doors, underthe trees, and I set a little table to accommodate them.
On my re-entrance, I found Mr. Heathcliff below. He and Joseph wereconversing about some farming business; he gave clear, minute directionsconcerning the matter discussed, but he spoke rapidly, and turned hishead continually aside, and had the same excited expression, even moreexaggerated. When Joseph quitted the room he took his seat in the placehe generally chose, and I put a basin of coffee before him. He drew itnearer, and then rested his arms on the table, and looked at the oppositewall, as I supposed, surveying one particular portion, up and down, withglittering, restless eyes, and with such eager interest that he stoppedbreathing during half a minute together.
'Come now,' I exclaimed, pushing some bread against his hand, 'eat anddrink that, while it is hot: it has been waiting near an hour.'
He didn't notice me, and yet he smiled. I'd rather have seen him gnashhis teeth than smile so.
'Mr. Heathcliff! master!' I cried, 'don't, for God's sake, stare as ifyou saw an unearthly vision.'
'Don't, for God's sake, shout so loud,' he replied. 'Turn round, andtell me, are we by ourselves?'
'Of course,' was my answer; 'of course we are.'
Still, I involuntarily obeyed him, as if I was not quite sure. With asweep of his hand he cleared a vacant space in front among the breakfastthings, and leant forward to gaze more at his ease.
Now, I perceived he was not looking at the wall; for when I regarded himalone, it seemed exactly that he gazed at something within two yards'distance. And whatever it was, it communicated, apparently, bothpleasure and pain in exquisite extremes: at least the anguished, yetraptured, expression of his countenance suggested that idea. The fanciedobject was not fixed, either: his eyes pursued it with unwearieddiligence, and, even in speaking to me, were never weaned away. I vainlyreminded him of his protracted abstinence from food: if he stirred totouch anything in compliance with my entreaties, if he stretched his handout to get a piece of bread, his fingers clenched before they reached it,and remained on the table, forgetful of their aim.
I sat, a model of patience, trying to attract his absorbed attention fromits engrossing speculation; till he grew irritable, and got up, askingwhy I would not allow him to have his own time in taking his meals? andsaying that on the next occasion I needn't wait: I might set the thingsdown and go. Having uttered these words he left the house, slowlysauntered down the garden path, and disappeared through the gate.
The hours crept anxiously by: another evening came. I did not retire torest till late, and when I did, I could not sleep. He returned aftermidnight, and, instead of going to bed, shut himself into the roombeneath. I listened, and tossed about, and, finally, dressed anddescended. It was too irksome to lie there, harassing my brain with ahundred idle misgivings.
I distinguished Mr. Heathcliff's step, restlessly measuring the floor,and he frequently broke the silence by a deep inspiration, resembling agroan. He muttered detached words also; the only one I could catch wasthe name of Catherine, coupled with some wild term of endearment orsuffering; and spoken as one would speak to a person present; low andearnest, and wrung from the depth of his soul. I had not courage to walkstraight into the apartment; but I desired to divert him from hisreverie, and therefore fell foul of the kitchen fire, stirred it, andbegan to scrape the cinders. It drew him forth sooner than I expected.He opened the door immediately, and said--'Nelly, come here--is itmorning? Come in with your light.'
'It is striking four,' I answered. 'You want a candle to take up-stairs:you might have lit one at this fire.'
'No, I don't wish to go up-stairs,' he said. 'Come in, and kindle _me_ afire, and do anything there is to do about the room.'
'I must blow the coals red first, before I can carry any,' I replied,getting a chair and the bellows.
He roamed to and fro, meantime, in a state approaching distraction; hisheavy sighs succeeding each other so thick as to leave no space forcommon breathing between.
'When day breaks I'll send for Green,' he said; 'I wish to make somelegal inquiries of him while I can bestow a thought on those matters, andwhile I can act calmly. I have not written my will yet; and how to leavemy property I cannot determine. I wish I could annihilate it from theface of the earth.'
'I would not talk so, Mr. Heathcliff,' I interposed. 'Let your will be awhile: you'll be spared to repent of your many injustices yet! I neverexpected that your nerves would be disordered: they are, at present,marvellously so, however; and almost entirely through your own fault.The way you've passed these three last days might knock up a Titan. Dotake some food, and some repose. You need only look at yourself in aglass to see how you require both. Your cheeks are hollow, and your eyesblood-shot, like a person starving with hunger and going blind with lossof sleep.'
'It is not my fault that I cannot eat or rest,' he replied. 'I assureyou it is through no settled designs. I'll do both, as soon as Ipossibly can. But you might as well bid a man struggling in the waterrest within arms' length of the shore! I must reach it first, and thenI'll rest. Well, never mind Mr. Green: as to repenting of my injustices,I've done no injustice, and I repent of nothing. I'm too happy; and yetI'm not happy enough. My soul's bliss kills my body, but does notsatisfy itself.'
'Happy, master?' I cried. 'Strange happiness! If you would hear mewithout being angry, I might offer some advice that would make youhappier.'
'What is that?' he asked. 'Give it.'
'You are aware, Mr. Heathcliff,' I said, 'that from the time you werethirteen years old you have lived a selfish, unchristian life; andprobably hardly had a Bible in your hands during all that period. Youmust have forgotten the contents of the book, and you may not have spaceto search it now. Could it be hurtful to send for some one--someminister of any denomination, it does not matter which--to explain it,and show you how very far you have erred from its precepts; and how unfityou will be for its heaven, unless a change takes place before you die?'
'I'm rather obliged than angry, Nelly,' he said, 'for you remind me ofthe manner in which I desire to be buried. It is to be carried to thechurchyard in the evening. You and Hareton may, if you please, accompanyme: and mind, particularly, to notice that the sexton obeys my directionsconcerning the two coffins! No minister need come; nor need anything besaid over me.--I tell you I have nearly attained _my_ heaven; and that ofothers is altogether unvalued and uncoveted by me.'
'And supposing you persevered in your obstinate fast, and died by thatmeans, and they refused to bury you in the precincts of the kirk?' Isaid, shocked at his godless indifference. 'How would you like it?'
'They won't do that,' he replied: 'if they did, you must have me removedsecretly; and if you neglect it you shall prove, practically, that thedead are not annihilated!'
As soon as he heard the other members of the family stirring he retiredto his den, and I breathed freer. But in the afternoon, while Joseph andHareton were at their work, he came into the kitchen again, and, with awild look, bid me come and sit in the house: he wanted somebody with him.I declined; telling him plainly that his strange talk and mannerfrightened me, and I had neither the nerve nor the will to be hiscompanion alone.
'I believe you think me a fiend,' he said, with his dismal laugh:'something too horrible to live under a decent roof.' Then turning toCatherine, who was there, and who drew behin
d me at his approach, headded, half sneeringly,--'Will _you_ come, chuck? I'll not hurt you. No!to you I've made myself worse than the devil. Well, there is _one_ whowon't shrink from my company! By God! she's relentless. Oh, damn it!It's unutterably too much for flesh and blood to bear--even mine.'
He solicited the society of no one more. At dusk he went into hischamber. Through the whole night, and far into the morning, we heard himgroaning and murmuring to himself. Hareton was anxious to enter; but Ibid him fetch Mr. Kenneth, and he should go in and see him. When hecame, and I requested admittance and tried to open the door, I found itlocked; and Heathcliff bid us be damned. He was better, and would beleft alone; so the doctor went away.
The following evening was very wet: indeed, it poured down till day-dawn;and, as I took my morning walk round the house, I observed the master'swindow swinging open, and the rain driving straight in. He cannot be inbed, I thought: those showers would drench him through. He must eitherbe up or out. But I'll make no more ado, I'll go boldly and look.'
Having succeeded in obtaining entrance with another key, I ran to unclosethe panels, for the chamber was vacant; quickly pushing them aside, Ipeeped in. Mr. Heathcliff was there--laid on his back. His eyes metmine so keen and fierce, I started; and then he seemed to smile. I couldnot think him dead: but his face and throat were washed with rain; thebed-clothes dripped, and he was perfectly still. The lattice, flappingto and fro, had grazed one hand that rested on the sill; no bloodtrickled from the broken skin, and when I put my fingers to it, I coulddoubt no more: he was dead and stark!
I hasped the window; I combed his black long hair from his forehead; Itried to close his eyes: to extinguish, if possible, that frightful,life-like gaze of exultation before any one else beheld it. They wouldnot shut: they seemed to sneer at my attempts; and his parted lips andsharp white teeth sneered too! Taken with another fit of cowardice, Icried out for Joseph. Joseph shuffled up and made a noise, butresolutely refused to meddle with him.
'Th' divil's harried off his soul,' he cried, 'and he may hev' hiscarcass into t' bargin, for aught I care! Ech! what a wicked 'un helooks, girning at death!' and the old sinner grinned in mockery. Ithought he intended to cut a caper round the bed; but suddenly composinghimself, he fell on his knees, and raised his hands, and returned thanksthat the lawful master and the ancient stock were restored to theirrights.
I felt stunned by the awful event; and my memory unavoidably recurred toformer times with a sort of oppressive sadness. But poor Hareton, themost wronged, was the only one who really suffered much. He sat by thecorpse all night, weeping in bitter earnest. He pressed its hand, andkissed the sarcastic, savage face that every one else shrank fromcontemplating; and bemoaned him with that strong grief which springsnaturally from a generous heart, though it be tough as tempered steel.
Mr. Kenneth was perplexed to pronounce of what disorder the master died.I concealed the fact of his having swallowed nothing for four days,fearing it might lead to trouble, and then, I am persuaded, he did notabstain on purpose: it was the consequence of his strange illness, notthe cause.
We buried him, to the scandal of the whole neighbourhood, as he wished.Earnshaw and I, the sexton, and six men to carry the coffin, comprehendedthe whole attendance. The six men departed when they had let it downinto the grave: we stayed to see it covered. Hareton, with a streamingface, dug green sods, and laid them over the brown mould himself: atpresent it is as smooth and verdant as its companion mounds--and I hopeits tenant sleeps as soundly. But the country folks, if you ask them,would swear on the Bible that he _walks_: there are those who speak tohaving met him near the church, and on the moor, and even within thishouse. Idle tales, you'll say, and so say I. Yet that old man by thekitchen fire affirms he has seen two on 'em looking out of his chamberwindow on every rainy night since his death:--and an odd thing happenedto me about a month ago. I was going to the Grange one evening--a darkevening, threatening thunder--and, just at the turn of the Heights, Iencountered a little boy with a sheep and two lambs before him; he wascrying terribly; and I supposed the lambs were skittish, and would not beguided.
'What is the matter, my little man?' I asked.
'There's Heathcliff and a woman yonder, under t' nab,' he blubbered, 'un'I darnut pass 'em.'
I saw nothing; but neither the sheep nor he would go on so I bid him takethe road lower down. He probably raised the phantoms from thinking, ashe traversed the moors alone, on the nonsense he had heard his parentsand companions repeat. Yet, still, I don't like being out in the darknow; and I don't like being left by myself in this grim house: I cannothelp it; I shall be glad when they leave it, and shift to the Grange.
'They are going to the Grange, then?' I said.
'Yes,' answered Mrs. Dean, 'as soon as they are married, and that will beon New Year's Day.'
'And who will live here then?'
'Why, Joseph will take care of the house, and, perhaps, a lad to keep himcompany. They will live in the kitchen, and the rest will be shut up.'
'For the use of such ghosts as choose to inhabit it?' I observed.
'No, Mr. Lockwood,' said Nelly, shaking her head. 'I believe the deadare at peace: but it is not right to speak of them with levity.'
At that moment the garden gate swung to; the ramblers were returning.
'_They_ are afraid of nothing,' I grumbled, watching their approachthrough the window. 'Together, they would brave Satan and all hislegions.'
As they stepped on to the door-stones, and halted to take a last look atthe moon--or, more correctly, at each other by her light--I feltirresistibly impelled to escape them again; and, pressing a remembranceinto the hand of Mrs. Dean, and disregarding her expostulations at myrudeness, I vanished through the kitchen as they opened the house-door;and so should have confirmed Joseph in his opinion of hisfellow-servant's gay indiscretions, had he not fortunately recognised mefor a respectable character by the sweet ring of a sovereign at his feet.
My walk home was lengthened by a diversion in the direction of the kirk.When beneath its walls, I perceived decay had made progress, even inseven months: many a window showed black gaps deprived of glass; andslates jutted off here and there, beyond the right line of the roof, tobe gradually worked off in coming autumn storms.
I sought, and soon discovered, the three headstones on the slope next themoor: the middle one grey, and half buried in the heath; Edgar Linton'sonly harmonized by the turf and moss creeping up its foot; Heathcliff'sstill bare.
I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the mothsfluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft windbreathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could ever imagineunquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.