by Lisa De Jong
Love feels so good but hurts so bad. If I didn’t think I could love him, the only question would be his room or mine.
Pierce is worth more than one night.
“Weren’t we supposed to go check out the hotel building tonight?” I ask, desperately trying to change the subject.
“Shit,” Pierce mutters under his breath. “If we can’t do it tonight, I’m afraid we won’t get to without Wade around, and you know how that goes.”
“Do we have time yet tonight?” I ask, enjoying yet another bite of salad.
He looks at his watch and signals to the bartender. “It’s only a couple blocks from here. We can walk.”
I look down at my four-inch heels and shrug. I’ve put miles on them before.
After charging our drinks to his room, he grabs my hand again, and we start down the quiet street. The sun is setting over the horizon, and I wonder what it would look like if we were near the ocean right now. I’ve always wanted to see the sun set over the ocean.
“Have you ever watched the sunset over the ocean?” I blurt as we cross one of the many busy streets.
“I’ve seen it a few times. Why do you ask?”
I shrug, trying to keep pace with him. “I’ve only seen it in pictures. I’ve always wondered if it looks even better in person.”
He stops suddenly, coming to stand in front of me. “You’ve never seen the sunset over the ocean?” he asks.
I shake my head, feeling slightly embarrassed. I’m not a world traveler, and just being in New York is a big deal to me.
The corner of his mouth turns up, and his eyes glimmer the way a little boy’s would if he were about to create mischief. “We’re not going to worry about the 5th Avenue project tonight.”
“But—” Before I can continue, he’s on the curb signaling an available cab down the street.
“We can run there tomorrow, but I have other ideas for us tonight.”
I slip into the waiting cab, watching Pierce follow. I’d argue, but I learned a long time ago that it doesn’t get you far with Pierce Stanley.
I sit quietly, watching parts of New York I’ve never seen go by. Maybe when this project is over, I can come visit with the sole intention of exploring—trying different restaurants, walking through museums, seeing all the different neighborhoods. From the little bits of it I’ve seen, New York is full of inspiration.
Pierce nudges my shoulder. “We’re here.”
I glance over at his smiling, handsome face. The way he is with me … the way he’s always trying to make me happy, it’s not something I’ve experienced before.
He holds his hand out to me. “We need to hurry, or we’re going to miss it.”
I slide out of the seat behind him getting my first glimpse of the ocean. “Where are we?” I ask, mouth gaping.
“Chelsea Pier.”
We walk hand in hand to the end of the pier. We’re not the only ones here, but we might as well be because the silence lends to the sounds of nature. With a slight breeze, small waves hit against the pier. A few white pelicans fly overhead while a pod of them float on the water right off the deck. With the sky glowing from a deep purple to orange, they look even more beautiful.
Once we reach the end of the pier, I let go of Pierce’s hand to grip the railing. The wind blows against my skin as I close my eyes, breathing in the scent of the ocean. There are places—moments—that you just wish you could stay in forever.
Everything is perfect … and nothing else matters.
Pierce wraps his arms around my waist, momentarily resting his chin on my shoulder. “Is this what you had in mind?”
“This is the way life should always be,” I mutter, my eyes locked on a small sailboat coming into the harbor.
“I agree,” he whispers, pressing his lips to my cheek. “It’s definitely better than work.”
“This would top just about anything,” I answer honestly.
His hands fold over my stomach, pulling me even closer. “Is this okay?”
I nod. There’s nothing I would change about this moment. Not a thing.
And we stay like that until the sun seemingly disappears into the ocean, slowly painting black where the purple and orange once lit the sky.
“That was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever witnessed,” I say, covering his hands with mine.
“I’m glad I was able to give it to you,” he says quietly, lips pressed against my hair. “About earlier—in the elevator—that wasn’t just a moment. I want to kiss you every time I look at you. I’ve been patient, Lila. I’ve been waiting for your heart to mend. There’s no one else, and I’ll hold on to the idea of us unless you tell me it’s never going to be.”
His words touch me in a place I thought had become untouchable.
He’s flowers just because.
He’s candles and rose petals.
He’s the meaningful diamond and a house in the burbs.
He’s a perfect now and forever after.
“I want us,” I say, leaning my head back against his shoulder. “I just need it to happen slowly … naturally. Like this … this is perfect.”
“I agree.”
We stay just like this for a while. Maybe it’s the surroundings or maybe it’s being locked in his arms, snuggled against his strong body, but I feel weightless for the first time in a long time.
“As much as I don’t want to, we should probably get going,” he says. “It’s getting late, and we have a big day tomorrow.”
“We can’t just tell Wade to screw off and explore the rest of the city?” I ask, only half joking.
“You have no idea how much I’d love to tell that asshole to fuck off, but we made it this far. Might as well show him what you got because you really did knock it out of the park.”
I laugh nervously, only reminded of what’s to come. “You don’t have to lie to make friends, Stanley.”
He loosens his grip around my waist, spinning me in his arms. “I don’t need friends, Ms. Fields. I really only need you.”
I open my mouth to respond, but he cuts me off. “I’m moving too fast,” he says, brushing my hair away from my eyes. “I’ll stop.”
“Thank you for this.”
He winks. “It’s just the beginning.”
ON THE WAY BACK TO THE HOTEL, he holds me close in the back of the cab, rubbing the backs of his fingers up and down my arm. His touch lulls me until my cheek rests against his chest. I watch the lights go by until the cab comes to a stop in front of the hotel.
“Can you walk?” he asks, still brushing his fingers against my skin.
“I’m just tired. I’ll be fine.”
He wraps his arm tightly around me as we make our way inside the hotel, not letting go until we’re standing in front of the door to my room.
“Lila,” he whispers so close I feel his warm breath against my lips. That little touch is all it takes before I’m leaning into him, curling his crisp, white shirt between my fingers. Without another thought, I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips to his. It’s just a touch—a soft, lingering, sweet touch—but then his strong arms wrap around me, and he pushes for something more.
His teeth tug at my lower lip then he presses me tightly against him—hips, heart, lips—and his tongue begs for entry. It feels like forever since I’ve been kissed like this, and desire grants him a key.
I remember everything about Pierce and how we got here. There’s something about a man who can kiss a woman and tell her everything he’s feeling at the same time.
Pierce leaves nothing unsaid.
Seconds…minutes…hours could have gone by with us locked in the same place. For the first time in a long time, I feel alive—like there might be something left in this life besides sadness and loneliness.
My lips are numb by the time he finally pulls away. My fingers instinctively trace where his mouth was. Powerful yet sweet. Firm yet tender. Everything he is. It takes everything I have in me to not pull him in for another.
His thumb comes up, tracing a line under my lower lip. “That was the best night I’ve had in a while,” he whispers, chest heaving up and down.
“That was the best anything I’ve had in a while.”
“If you’d let me, I’d make every moment feel just like that one.”
“Pierce—”
His finger moves up, pressing against my lips. “Don’t consider it an invitation. Consider it a reminder.”
I nod, enjoying the feel of his fingers against my sensitive skin. “You haven’t been forgotten.”
“Good,” he says, the corner of his mouth curling up. “We should get to bed. I have a feeling Wade is going to keep us busy tomorrow.”
“I can hardly wait.”
“Your sarcasm is one of the things I like about you. I never know what is going to come out of that mouth of yours, yet I expect something.”
“Can you guess what I’m going to say now?” I ask staring up into his mischievous eyes.
“No, but I know I want to hear it.”
I lift up on my tiptoes and kiss him softly. It wasn’t meant to linger, but it does. I feel stuck to him and don’t want to let go. I pull away hesitantly. “Good night.”
Turning my back to him, I fumble with my key card. It’s not a hard task by any means but I can feel his eyes burning into my back.
“Do you need help with that?”
A shiver runs down my back as his warm breath hits my neck. “I’d be okay if you weren’t staring at me.”
“Here,” he says, slipping the key out from between my fingers.
He unlocks the door easily, holding it open for me to go inside. When the door clicks shut, he’s standing in my room, staring at me.
“What are you doing?” I ask, startled.
He leans back, resting the sole of his expensive shoe against the wall. “You don’t really want to sleep alone in this big room do you?”
“Pierce—”
He shakes his head. “Let me hold you. Nothing else.”
Words want to fall from my lips, but I consider them carefully. There have been way too many forks in the road for me lately, and I’m getting so tired of having to pick my way. “Can I trust you?” I finally ask, feeling my heart pound against my chest.
What he’s offering could be the start of something perfect, or it could just be the next in a line of bad decisions I’ve made.
Without words, he walks to me, cupping my face in his cool hands. I can do nothing but look at him. He’s gorgeous and successful—a dream for most women.
But, is he my dream?
He kisses me tenderly on the forehead then stares down into my eyes. “I think you should let me stay and find out.”
I nod, mostly because I’m not ready for the night to end. Because I do trust him. Because he’s never been anything other than good to me. And mostly because I want him to stay.
“Go get changed for bed and do whatever it is you do. I’m going to run across the hall and grab a few things.”
“Here,” I say, handing him a key. “I want you to trust me, too.”
He smiles, his lips curling up in that way that gets me every time. A woman could fall in love with that smile, shower in it forever, and he’d never have to say a word.
My heart beats rapidly as I fumble through my suitcase looking for pajamas. The silk camisole I usually wear during the summer months doesn’t feel right, and it’s literally all I brought for bed. Pierce might get the wrong idea if I go there.
After a couple minutes of staring at the pile of clothes I’d brought with only a business trip in mind, I decide on a pair of black cotton running shorts and a tank top that says “Catch Me If You Can” which I’d planned on wearing for my morning workout. Not that I ever crawl out of bed early enough to make that happen.
There’s a knock at the door just as I finish brushing my teeth. Here goes nothing, I think to myself after one last look in the mirror. It’s time, Lila. It’s time to let him go.
When I see him standing outside the bathroom door, I’m startled at first, but then I remember the key I handed him, and all the fear washes away. His hair is mussed up, probably from pulling his clothes off. My eyes wander down, passing by the smile I’d just admired minutes ago to his muscular chest. No shirt. Fuck me.
My gaze passes the sculpture I probably admired a little too long down to his black athletic shorts. Great minds think alike, I guess.
“Are we going to stand here all night or are you going to let me take you to bed?” he asks, his voice sounding tired.
I find his eyes, and my voice at the same time. “I’m too tired to stand here so I guess we’ll have to go with the second option.”
He grins. “Good.”
Dear God, help me.
Without warning, he lifts me into his strong arms and starts toward the bed.
“What are you doing?” I ask, feeling my nerves kick into overtime again.
“I read your shirt and decided to accept the challenge.”
He sits me on the edge of the bed and pulls the covers back. “If we were running—like really running—you wouldn’t be able to catch me.”
“Really?” he asks, lifting a brow. I bet he runs, and I bet he does it often.
He motions for me to crawl under the covers. I continue my meaningless chatter. “Yeah, I run a few times a year at least. Usually when I’m pissed off and need time to think.”
I slowly make my way toward the pillows. “I went out for cross country in high school and didn’t make it past week one. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do it, I just didn’t like to be told to run and where and how long. But if I really want to, I can run. I can run really fast. Once—”
“Lila,” Pierce interrupts, “Tonight, I’m going to lie in this bed next to you. I’m going to wrap my arms as tightly around you as I can without smothering you. I may cover your legs with mine, and I may bury my nose in your scented hair just to remind myself who I’m with if I wake up in the middle of the night and think this is just another dream. If you’d like, I’ll even give you another goodnight kiss, but Lila, we’re not going past that. I want to take this slow. I want to know that you’re with me every step of the way. Are we clear?”
I nod, speechless. He always seems to know exactly what to say even when I don’t know what it is I need to hear. He’s the period to my sentence, and sometimes I can’t believe that he wants anything to do with me after what I put him through.
As I lay my cheek on the pillow, I watch him climb in next to me, taking a second to push the button that turns the lamp off. Only the city lights illuminate the room now. We lie facing each other. No words, just eyes reading the other’s thoughts. The position makes it impossible to think of anything but this. We might as well be in our own little world.
I think we are.
“What are you thinking about?” he whispers, gently caressing my jaw line.
“You. It’s hard to consider anything else. What about you? What are you thinking about?”
His eyes close briefly, and when he opens them, they speak of something different—hope, desire, hesitancy—it’s all there. “Have you ever dreamt of something knowing it would never happen?”
I pause, thinking back to things I probably shouldn’t be thinking about right now. After Blake left, I dreamt for days that he’d come back. I prayed for it, but he never did. And then there’s the whole idea of happily ever after … I think that’s all a dream now too. The whole exercise of thinking makes me feel like the Lila who has existed the last several months so I push it all away. “Of course,” I whisper.
“Have any of them come true?”
I shake my head. “No.”
His fingers move up, tracing subtle lines across my cheek to my lips. “Mine is right now. It’s amazing and scary at the same time.”
“Why is it scary?”
He replaces his fingertips with his mouth, giving me a kiss that feels like a gust of air against my lips. He pulls away just enough to speak.
“Because I’m afraid I’m going to wake up tomorrow morning, and it’s all going to be a dream again.”
The pit that’s been lodged in my stomach since Blake left puts an end to its short-lived vacation. I’m at a point where I can’t make promises to myself, let alone someone else.
“I’m incapable of commitment right now, Pierce.”
“Can you promise me a chance?”
“I wouldn’t be here right now if I couldn’t,” I answer honestly.
His warm lips brush my forehead. “That’s all I need.”
I run the backs of my fingers along his bare shoulder. “We should get some sleep. I don’t want you to strangle Wade tomorrow.”
He chuckles, kissing my forehead yet again. “Now that I know I have a chance with you, I’m not going to do anything that might land me in prison. It would be better to hire someone else to do it after we leave town.”
Now, it’s my turn to laugh. He’s obviously put a lot of thought into this. “Okay, it’s obviously past your bedtime, Mr. Stanley. You’re starting to scare me.”
“Can I kiss you once more?”
“Please,” I say without hesitation.
It happens like a kiss in the movies the director wants you to savor. He closes the distance between us slowly, increasing the anticipation … increasing my desire. His breath hits my lips first then it finally happens—his mouth presses to mine. There’s no movement. There’s no attempt to reach deeper.
It’s everything. I feel it in places I didn’t think were capable of being touched anymore. He’s answering a prayer I didn’t even know existed.
And when I’m completely lost in it, he pulls away. It’s as if I lost the covers on a cold winter morning.
I want him back.
“Turn around,” he instructs, laying his head back on the pillow.
I comply without question, my trust fully gained by the magic of a kiss.
His arm wraps tightly around my stomach, pulling me into his warm body. “Goodnight, Lila.”
“Goodnight,” I whisper, feeling myself drifting. Sleep hasn’t been this easy since … well, since he left.
AS I START TO WAKE, I feel a warm body curled against mine—one arm firmly wrapped around my stomach and another along the top of my head. I smell Pierce’s cologne, and the dream I’d thought I had becomes real. All the memories of last night come flooding back, and a smile pulls on my lips.