by Nikki Ashton
“You like this crap?” I asked.
“Oh my god,” she gasped, turning to me. “You scared me to death. I thought you were fast asleep.”
“Just woke up,” I replied, rubbing a hand over my face. “What’re you making?”
All thoughts of cutting and running were forgotten as I looked into the pan to see scrambled eggs and my stomach rumbled as I sniffed them.
“It’ll be ready in a couple of minutes,” Maisie said, turning to the toaster and pushing down the three slices of bread in it. “You can get the plates out for me, don’t bother with one for Frankie, he’ll sleep for a while longer.”
“He likes his sleep does he?” I asked, moving to the cupboard that Maisie was pointing to.
“Yeah he does. He’s an absolute nightmare to get up in a morning if he hasn’t had enough sleep.”
“Is that why he’s not allowed music at bedtime?”
I placed the plates next to the hob and leaned back against the counter, watching Maisie as she continued to stir the eggs.
“He told you that?” she asked, turning to me.
“Said Josh wouldn’t let him, but seems to think you might be of a different opinion now.”
We both laughed and Maisie rolled her eyes.
“Always spying his chance that one,” she said. “I would never dare have asked for or said half the things he does.”
“Is that right.” I ducked my head and scratched my ear, trying to hide my grin.
“Hmm, it appears he may have picked up a few traits from his father.”
Maisie’s lips thinned, but I could tell that it was all in good nature and it made my chest feel a little tight. Standing talking about my son and how much he was like me was something I would never have imagined, would never have wanted – yet it felt right; strange but right.
“What you going to do about the prick?” I asked, feeling it best to change the subject before I started wailing and wafting at my eyes like some stupid teenage girl.
Maisie sighed and reached for the toast that had popped up. “Report him to the police, I suppose.” She started to butter the slices, putting one on one plate and two on the other. “Although, it sounds like they won’t be bothered, because what’s he actually done except try to get back into his home.”
“Yeah, but it’s how he tried to get back in which is the problem,” I growled. “He fucking scared both of you, shouting and banging in a violent manner, so they should fucking listen. You want me to come with you?” I asked without thinking twice.
Maisie stopped spooning egg onto the toast and looked up at me. “You don’t have to,” she said. “You’ve helped enough.”
“I told you, I don’t mind.”
Maisie then handed me the plate with the two slices of toast on it. “Knives and forks are in the drawer on the right. You want some orange?”
I nodded and watched as she went to the fridge. Her dressing gown stopped mid-thigh and her long legs looked smooth and silky and seeing as I’d not been laid in a while since I was too busy and it was morning, my dick decided it might want in on some action. When she leaned into the fridge and the tops of her thighs and a pair of skimpy pink shorts were revealed, I had to adjust myself, repeating in my head ‘it’s just morning wood, it’s just morning wood’.
I quickly moved to the table, grabbing two sets of cutlery as I did, placing Maisie’s on the other end of the small rectangular table to where I sat myself.
“This looks great,” I said, cutting into the toast and adding a forkful of eggs.
“I’m not the best cook,” Maisie said, placing a glass of orange in front of me, “but I can do the basics well. Frankie loves my sausage and mash.”
I got the sense that she was trying to offer me snippets of my son’s life, without having to admit it. It was an olive branch of sorts and I just had to decide whether I wanted to take it or not.
“He’s got a good appetite?”
Maisie nodded as she chewed on her food. “Hmm,” she finally said around a swallow. “Really good. My mum reckons he’s got hollow legs.”
I laughed. “My mum used to say that about me. I think it was the swimming, it made me hungry all the time.”
Maisie looked at me over the rim of her glass, her eyes studying me.
“What?” I asked.
“Why did you take on the swimming lessons? Did you know Frankie was in the class?”
I was surprised that she’d think that, knowing how adamant I’d been about not being in his life. Yet, my recent actions – threatening Josh, rushing over here, insisting I stay the night and sharing his damn iPod with him, kind of contradicted that, so I supposed it was a natural conclusion to jump to.
“I had no idea he was,” I replied. “It was Amy hounding me for days about it. Bella, her and Elijah’s little girl, is in the water babies’ class and if I hadn’t stepped in their teacher would’ve had to and nooo waaay was Amy allowing that to happen.” I grinned, thinking about the force of nature that was my sister-in-law.
“I can’t believe they’re back together,” Maisie said. “After everything that happened. I mean I didn’t really know them that well, but it was all anyone in that social circle we were in could talk about.”
“Yeah it was a pretty shit time,” I sighed. “It impacted on us all.”
Maisie’s face coloured slightly and I knew she was thinking about why I’d called things off with her.
“They’re good now though,” I replied, moving the conversation on. “Brilliant in fact.”
“I know it’s nothing to do with me, but did he cheat? I mean I can’t imagine it, but for Amy to just leave like that.”
I shook my head. “Nope, he never would’ve done that to her. Lauren Procter set it all up at that party we were all at, plus she’d fucked with Amy’s head for years, trying to take Elijah from her and coming on to him all the time.”
“What a bitch.” Maisie said, her eyes wide in shock. “How did they find out she set them up?”
“Yeah she was and they don’t actually know.”
“What?” She put her knife and fork down and settled back in her chair.
“I bumped into Lauren a few years back, not long after they’d had Bella. She told me everything.” I carried on eating, watching the look of shock develop on Maisie’s face.
“You’ve never told them?”
“Don’t see the point in raking it all up. They’d sorted themselves out and were happy. Knowing she cost them five years of a life together won’t change anything, it might just make them feel like shit again. Amy knows now she was wrong to run and should have listened to him, but like I said, Lauren had pecked at her head for years and Amy was grieving, so I guess her actions were understandable to a point.”
“She was grieving?” Maisie’s eyes were bright with emotion as she placed a hand over her heart.
“They lost a baby a few months earlier.”
“Oh my god, that’s awful, I didn’t know that. Poor Amy and Elijah.” She leaned forward and placed a hand on my forearm. “No wonder he was in such a state and then I come along and lay my news on you. Shit, Sam, your head must have been battered by it all.”
I shrugged, realising that there was some truth in what she was saying, but my actions toward Maisie were purely based on what had happened to me when I was eighteen; but that was something I couldn’t talk about to her.
“It was hard like I said, but honestly Maisie, how I was with you was all on me – I was a selfish prick.”
“Was a selfish prick,” she said, grinning and removing her hand from my arm. “Does that mean you’re not now?”
I considered her question and really wanted to give her an answer that wouldn’t disappoint, but wasn’t sure I could. Spending one night listening to music with Frankie and sleeping next to him to make him feel safe didn’t really make me unselfish or father of the year.
“I’m trying not to be,” I replied and put the final forkful of breakfast into my mouth.
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“I suppose that’s something,” Maisie muttered as she stood up. “Would you like a coffee or a tea?”
“Tea would be great.”
As Maisie picked up my plate, I sat back and rubbed at my full belly.
“Hey,” a voice called from the doorway. “You didn’t wake me.”
I turned in my seat as Maisie looked over her shoulder to see Frankie standing there rubbing at his sleepy eyes. His hair was sticking up in about seven different directions and one pyjama leg was pulled up over his knee.
“Sorry buddy,” I said. “You were well away and I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“It’s really early Frankie.” Maisie walked to him and pulled him into a hug. “How come you’re awake?”
Frankie pulled away from her and came and sat at the table. “I’m hungry and when you’re keeping watch you only sleep for a little while. You’ve always got to be alert.” He tapped his temple close to his eye and nodded sagely. “And I needed a wee.”
Maisie and I both snorted out a laugh.
“Can I have porridge and toast please, Mum?” Frankie asked, seemingly unaware that we found him amusing.
“Both?” I asked. “Wow that’s some breakfast.”
“Yeah well,” he said, looking at me as though I was stupid. “I need my energy for when you take me swimming.”
“Swimming?”
“Yes, Mum, swimming. I didn’t get to go to my lesson yesterday, so Sam can take me today. Can’t you Sam?”
He looked at me with his head tilted to one side and the look on his face was pretty much daring me to say no. My gaze turned to Maisie who shrugged.
“It’s up to you, but we’ve really taken up enough of your time.”
Ah, fuck it.
“Yeah, of course I’ll take you buddy. Eat your breakfast and then we can go, with a quick detour to my place to pick my gear up. That okay?”
I asked Frankie, but looked at Maisie who gave me a small smile.
“Hey, I know,” Frankie cried. “Mummy can come too. It’ll be great, she can do laps while you teach me how to do the crawl.”
Maisie’s eyes widened and a blush touched her cheeks. I on the other hand, couldn’t help but wonder whether she’d wear a bikini or an all in one swimsuit.
Samuel
the past
It didn’t matter how often I tried not to, my thoughts were constantly on Maisie, wondering how she was doing, was everything okay with the baby, how much of a twat was I being by letting her do it all alone?
The trouble was, I still hadn’t changed my mind. I didn’t want to be a father, so why I kept thinking about her, I had no idea.
We hadn’t seen each other for months and had only had contact via a couple of text messages, but she seemed fine with the way things had ended up. Okay, it probably wasn’t what she had planned for her first kid and maybe deep down she hated me, but all in all she seemed pretty amiable and now only had a couple of weeks left before the baby arrived – boy or girl I had no clue. I’d chosen not to ask and Maisie hadn’t volunteered the information.
Trying to clear my head, I had decided to nip into town and get myself a couple of new shirts. I hoped some retail shopping would distract me for an hour at least. Throwing my sandwich wrapper into a bin, I turned to make my way over to my favourite menswear shop. It was then that I spotted her and my mouth went dry. She was just three feet away from me and everything I’d thought I’d feel didn’t happen.
My heart didn’t pound.
My mouth wasn’t dry.
My legs didn’t feel like jelly.
The world hadn’t stopped turning.
“Sam,” Alison gasped as she saw me.
I looked beyond her to see Roger holding hands with a little girl with tight ringlets of curls and cute pink glasses on the end of an upturned nose – Abigail.
“Oh my god,” Roger cried, stooping to pick up his daughter. “Sam, how you doing man?”
I allowed him a small smile and looked between him and Alison.
“Great. How about you two – sorry, three?” I asked, choking back the venom which I really wanted to spit out.
Alison shifted from one foot to another and nodded. “Yeah, we’re great too.”
Abigail stared at me over her glasses and I could see her striking resemblance to her mum. Apart from the skin tones, they were practically identical.
“So, what you up to man? Roger asked, running a hand over Abigail’s head.
“I, um, I work for a recruitment company. Hoping to buy it actually,” I replied, avoiding Alison’s gaze. I knew they probably weren’t interested in my plans, but I wanted her to know that she hadn’t left me broken and pathetic – well not in every sense at least.
“Really? Cool.” Roger bobbed his head looking suitably impressed. “That’s great, isn’t it, Ali?”
“Yes,” Ali croaked. “Fantastic.”
An uncomfortable silence followed and as I watched each of the family members standing in front of me, I knew things were definitely not perfect in this garden of roses.
Ali’s hand clung to the strap of her bag as her gaze drifted to the side, while Roger looked at me with dull eyes, his daughter’s arms firmly around his neck.
“You still swim?” he asked.
I glanced at Alison, wondering whether his question would pique her interest, but there was nothing – no indication that she was even listening.
“No,” I responded, suddenly desperate to get away. “Haven’t done for years.”
My response was short, even though I knew I could have said much more like; no your wife took my love of swimming away from me when she seduced me, when I was too young to know any better. Or maybe; no I can’t bear the thought of it since the smell of chlorine reminds me too much of losing my virginity in a fucking changing room surrounded by life buoys and rusty lockers. Nope, there was nothing else I could say.
Weirdly, Roger didn’t ask why or mention whether or not Ali still coached. He glanced at her and I wondered if he knew, if maybe she’d done it again and this time been caught. I didn’t care though, looking at her now I realised I had no feelings whatsoever for her.
Hah – how ironic was that? She’d ruined my fucking life, blackened my heart, and I felt nothing for her – no love, no hatred, no pity, nothing.
“I’d better go anyway,” I said, half-turning. “Need to get back to the office.”
“Well great to see you, Sam,” Roger said.
Alison finally looked up at me and gave me a thin lipped smile. “Bye, Sam.”
I didn’t reply but simply raised a hand and walked away. As I did, I felt a little lighter knowing that even though she’d already changed me and my life, Alison no longer had a hold over me. I was done. My hatred was gone after one innocent little meeting. That’s all it had taken and I wondered if we’d met up a few years earlier if things might have been different with Maisie and me.
It didn’t matter though, there was no point thinking it because the deal was done – I had a hard heart and nothing was changing it.
Maisie
the present
I was such a stupid, stupid idiot. What the hell had made me think it was okay to agree to Sam giving Frankie one on one swimming lessons? What planet was I from that I could possibly think Frankie spending more time with Sam was a great idea?
I’d been grateful to Sam for coming to my rescue the night before and while I knew it probably wasn’t the best idea, him staying over, I did feel much safer knowing that he was in the house. Which was ridiculous in itself. I’d allowed a practical stranger to sleep under the same roof as my child. A child that I cherished more than life itself.
I knew he’d have had all the appropriate checks done, otherwise he wouldn’t be allowed to give swimming lessons, but if I was being honest, that hadn’t even entered my head when he’d told me he was staying over. When I saw Frankie sleeping on the floor next to him, my only emotion had been happiness for my son. There was no fear, ange
r, or resentment, just pure joy at seeing them together.
I should have screamed with fury that he thought it was okay to waltz into Frankie’s life, eight years too late. Any normal mother would have told him to back off the moment she realised he was her son’s new swimming coach – but no, not me, Maisie West who lived in fairy tale land and thought that unicorns and mermaids existed and that fairies granted bloody wishes.
All I could think was ‘oh my god, Frankie is with his dad’.
Now to top it all off, the damn man was concentrating all his efforts on showing Frankie how to do the front crawl, and with each movement the hard, contoured muscles in his back stretched and pulsed liked a perfectly timed machine. Each sinew and muscle working with the next and creating perfection.
Sam was tall and sculpted and stood out among the rest of the men in the pool. His broad shoulders and slim waist, typical of a swimmer, despite the fact that I knew he hadn’t swum competitively for years. Frankie had inherited a similar shape, but whereas my boy still had a little chubbiness at his waist, Sam was lean. As for his tattoos, he had many more than the single one he’d had all those years ago. Now his arms, chest, and back were a myriad of pictures, each one moving fluidly whenever he stretched or flexed a muscle. He was magnificent, and I hated him for it because I couldn’t take my eyes off him when I wasn’t watching Frankie.
It pissed me off that after all the years that had passed Sam still had an effect on me. Years where I should have hated him and taught Frankie to hate him too, but I’d never been able to because he’d never lied to me. Okay, the day I had Frankie, Sam had acted like a pure, unadulterated prick, but he’d never given me false promises and had always provided for his son, up until Josh had insisted we stop taking the money. Part of me always wondered if I hadn’t insisted on the secrecy around Frankie’s DNA, whether Sam might have come around eventually, but deep down I’d known he probably wouldn’t have. That was why I’d insisted that no one ever knew, that way I would never be disappointed or spend my life hoping and Frankie would never feel let down that he didn’t have the relationship with his father that he deserved. It was also why I’d always told my son his dad went away before he knew about Frankie and I had no idea where to find him. One day when, or even if, I told him the truth, Frankie would probably hate me for it, but I hoped above all else he’d understand that I was protecting him.