by Nikki Ashton
“Of course I know,” she snapped indignantly. “And so does he, he can provide for him, for us and doesn’t want you to have to give us anything anymore.”
“Controlling prick,” I muttered.
“What did you say?”
I groaned and ran a hand down my face. “You know, you’re just like my brother.”
“Elijah?”
“Yeah, Elijah,” I sighed. “His ex-wife is back and he still fucking loves her, but is too stubborn and too proud to tell her and is insisting on being in a relationship that doesn’t fulfil him, with a woman he thinks he loves just ‘cause she’s nice.”
“I’d say that makes him loyal.”
“No Maisie, it makes him stupid.”
“So, I’m stupid now, well thanks for that.”
She reached for the door handle but before she could open it, I put a hand on her shoulder.
“Please Maisie, just take the fucking money.”
She stopped and turned in her seat. “I have a picture of Frankie in my purse, do you want to see it?”
I didn’t hesitate. “No.”
To her credit, Maisie didn’t falter. My words didn’t seem to shock or hurt her.
“Didn’t think so, well we don’t want your money.”
This time I didn’t stop her, wincing the only movement I made when she slammed the card door.
“Fuck.”
I dropped my head back against the headrest and let out another curse at the way I’d handled it. Maybe if I apologised, she’d see sense and take the fucking money. I wanted him to have it. I needed him to have it because the guilt I’d feel if he didn’t would be in danger of choking me. I’d left the kid without a dad, the least I could do was help financially, plus my own damn ego didn’t want that label stuck to me for the rest of my life.
When I looked back through the windscreen, Maisie was nowhere to be seen, all that I could see was the back end of the bus disappearing up the road.
With regret and anger, I pulled out my phone and stabbed at a couple of buttons, bringing up my gallery of photographs. Finding the one I wanted, I opened it up and sighed. It was a picture of my friend Hannah’s kid, Rosie. It was her birthday party and she was wearing a pink tutu and tights and was holding a fairy wand. She looked cute, but it wasn’t her I’d asked Hannah to send me the picture for, it was for the boy in the background wearing a Super Man costume with earbuds in and an iPod in his hand – that boy was my son.
Maisie
the present
My eyes shifted sideways to catch a sneaky glimpse of Sam, wondering what the hell was going on in his head. He’d done exactly as he’d said he was going to do – got changed and then came back to take Frankie to school. Frankie was delighted, but when he looked at Sam through one squinted eye, I knew he was trying to figure out why it was happening and why Sam had been with me when we’d picked him up from Josh’s friend’s house. The night before he’d been too upset, or maybe too tired to ask, but when we’d got into Sam’s Range Rover to go to school I could see the cogs working in my son’s brain. The time was definitely getting closer to when we would have to tell him who his dad was.
“Something you want to say, Maisie?” Sam asked, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel in time to the music he was playing.
“Nope.”
I had plenty to say, plenty that I wanted to ask him, but I didn’t. Instead I sighed and looked through the side window watching the clouds that were gathering and darkening the sky.
“Play that one again, Sam,” Frankie chirped up from the back seat. “It’s really good.”
“I can’t believe you haven’t heard that one before,” Sam replied.
“I don’t think I have. What’s it called?”
As the song started to play again, Frankie began to sing along to it, tunelessly.
“Soul Time by Sarah Ellis.”
Sam joined Frankie’s sing-a-long and it suddenly became obvious why Frankie was tone deaf – so was his dad.
I looked between Sam and Frankie and shook my head. “You two are awful.”
“I think we sound good,” Sam quipped, a huge grin on his face. “Don’t you, Frankie.”
“Yeah Mum, we sound excellent.”
Frankie giggled as Sam held up a hand to high five him and after what had happened the night before, that was one sound that I didn’t mind listening to.
With Sam and Frankie singing along to each song that played, we carried on to the school and as we got closer, I began to feel more and more emotional. It was stupid, but the thought of being at the place from where Josh had taken my son was making my stomach churn.
“Stop worrying.” A large hand landed on my thigh. “He’s locked up and the school won’t cock up again.”
My eyes were pinned to his profile as he carried on driving; trying to soak up his confidence and composure. I couldn’t afford to crack up and needed to stay calm for Frankie’s sake – to see me losing control would only serve to upset him.
“I was so scared,” I whispered, failing at holding the words and emotions in.
Sam briefly took his eyes from the road to flash me a sympathetic smile. “I know, we all were, but he was safe and he’s home now.”
His hand on my leg squeezed gently and I felt my heart beat faster. My eyes widened with surprise as a whole host of feelings rushed through me, while pictures of the night before danced before my eyes causing my skin to heat up.
“Are you okay, Mummy?” Frankie’s voice sounded small and scared and I felt guilty for worrying him.
“I’m fine sweetheart,” I said brightly, looking between the seats. “Just being silly.”
“I promise I won’t ever go with Josh again,” he replied, his chin lowering to his chest. “It was because he said Nanna wasn’t coming.”
“I know,” I soothed, reaching to rub a reassuring hand up and down his leg. “It was not your fault, so don’t ever think it was. Josh did a bad thing lying to your teacher and he only did it because he was mad at me. So, don’t you worry, okay?”
His long lashes swept against his cheeks as he closed his eyes and nodded slowly.
“Good, now let me hear you singing again, it was actually pretty good.”
Frankie’s cute little face broke into a smile, his freckled nose screwing up and his teeth showing.
“I told you we were good.”
With that, he and Sam continued singing until we reached the school.
“I can’t apologise enough, Miss West,” Mrs. Rowntree, the headmistress said. “But Mr. Brent was still on the authorised list.”
“I understand,” I sighed. “I should have let you know, it’s just all happened so quickly, I forgot to call and tell you.”
Sam sat silently, listening to our exchange and with every word of apology from Mrs. Rowntree and Miss Carmichael, the teacher who had let Josh take Frankie, his jaw had tightened along with the grip he had on the coffee mug in his hand.
We had been in the office for over half an hour and he’d barely uttered two words and I was beginning to wonder if he’d changed his mind about the whole parenting thing. I got that talking to teachers wasn’t something he was used to, it was out of his comfort zone, but he’d been the one who had insisted that he came with me.
“He’s been removed now,” Miss Carmichael replied, twisting her fingers together. “And I can assure you Frankie will not be put in the care of anyone other than yourself, your parents, or your sister.” She glanced down at the list in front of her, obviously checking her facts.
“You need to add me to that.” Sam’s deep voice boomed.
Mrs. Rowntree looked at him quizzically, glanced at the list in Miss Carmichael’s hand and then looked back up to me.
“This is…” I cleared my throat. “Mr. Cooper is Frankie’s father, but we’d prefer if you didn’t broadcast that,” I said, glancing at Sam. “Especially to Frankie.”
Initially I’d only introduced Sam as Mr. Cooper and not explained w
ho he was, so it was no surprise when the headmistress tried to hide her shock, but I heard the slight gasp and saw how she reared back slightly, seeing as Sam had never been in the picture before.
“It’s complicated,” I explained as Mrs. Rowntree looked between me and Sam.
“Could you provide a photograph for the records, Mr. Cooper?” Miss Carmichael started to scribble on the list and then looked up at Sam.
Sam nodded curtly and reached around to the back pocket of his charcoal grey suit trousers and pulled out his wallet.
“I have a spare passport photograph in here I think.”
After a couple of seconds, he pulled out the small picture and passed it to the clearly stressed young teacher. She took it from him with a slight shake in her hand and reached for the stapler on Mrs. Rowntree’s desk, attaching it to her list.
“Thank you,” she said quietly.
“Miss Carmichael, we don’t blame you.”
She looked up at me and her eyes were suddenly full of emotion. “I should have checked, especially as Frankie wasn’t sure he should go with him.”
Mrs. Rowntree gave a quiet groan, while Sam growled beside me.
“He didn’t want to go with him?” he asked, leaning forward and slamming his mug down on the desk.
“Frankie was a little unsure, that’s all.” The headmistress looked at her employee and blinked slowly. “That’s right isn’t it Julia.”
Miss Carmichael nodded vigorously and looked between me and Sam. Her neck was bright red and I could see a thin sheen of sweat on her top lip.
“He didn’t refuse or anything like that, he just said he wasn’t sure he should. Mr. Brent seemed genuine though, he told me and Frankie that Frankie’s grandmother couldn’t make it, so you’d sent him. I just thought Frankie was being cautious because he’d been expecting Mrs. West.”
“And you didn’t think that maybe it was because he didn’t actually want to go with him?” Sam’s nostrils flared as he shook his head in disbelief. “Did you not ask him why he didn’t want to go with him?”
Miss Carmichael bit her lip and shook her head.
“Mr. Cooper,” Mrs. Rowntree sighed. “We are where we are and have learned from it. We are going to change our process; we’re now taking photographs and the school secretary will contact the child’s main guardian every term to ensure that the list hasn’t changed. We are also considering issuing some sort of pass card too, but rest assured nothing of this nature will happen again.”
“All great ideas, Mrs. Rowntree,” Sam replied. “But the fact of the matter is, Frankie didn’t want to go with Brent and you still let him take our son.”
My heart tripped from its regular beat when Sam said the words ‘our son’, and it scared me how much I liked hearing it.
“I am so sorry, Mr. Cooper.”
Miss Carmichael was almost in tears now and while she’d helped to create the scariest experience of my life, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.
“I think we all could have done things differently,” I said and, for Miss Carmichael’s benefit, I copied Sam’s comforting move from the car and put my hand on his thigh “I should have ensured I told you that Josh was off the list, but you should have listened to Frankie, and taken note of his hesitancy.”
Mrs. Rowntree nodded and folded her hands in front of her on her desk.
“We apologise again, wholeheartedly. We can promise you nothing like this will happen again and hope you can both feel confident that Frankie is safe here.”
I nodded. “Yes, we do.”
Sam didn’t answer, but nodded with a sharp exhale of breath.
When Mrs. Rowntree pushed back her chair, Sam’s pushed to his feet and shoved his hands in his pockets. Anger was seeping from him, which in turn pissed me off. All of a sudden he was the concerned father. After eight years of nothing he now felt it was okay to go into my son’s school, the one I chose, the one that had served him perfectly well so far, and tell everyone what they’d done wrong. I then remembered the look of absolute fear on his face the night before and I understood. He’d fallen in love with his son and the thought of losing him had been too much to bear. At least it proved that I’d been right to let him into Frankie’s life – but whether that included me, well of that I wasn’t so sure.
Sam
the present
It had been almost a week since Josh had taken Frankie, and he had been charged and was awaiting sentencing. Maisie was adamant she didn’t want to go to court and find out what the bastard got. Initially I had wanted to but if I was honest, I’d probably have jumped into the fucking dock and punched him, so decided whenever his court date was, I’d be best staying away.
As for Frankie, well he seemed none the worse for what happened. Yes, he’d been worried when Josh picked him up and unsure whether he should go, but to all intents and purposes he’d gone on a play date and had some fun, his biggest concern being he’d upset his mum when he saw how upset she was. It amazed me how quickly kids bounced back and I had realised I had a lot to learn about parenting.
Over the week I’d see Frankie a couple of times, for a cinema visit and a trip to the Football Museum, but the kid was smart and at the cinema had actually said, “So what’s the deal, Sam? How come you’re doing things with me, are you wanting to take my mum out and daren’t ask me if it’s okay? ‘Cause you don’t need to spoil me, I’d say yes.”
I had to admit it floored me and I wanted to confess everything; that I was his dad and wanted a relationship with his mum, but I knew Maisie would have my balls if I did. Instead, I told him that I liked him and his mum and maybe in the future I’d like to take her on a date but for now was happy to be friends. He looked at me as though he didn’t believe a fucking word, but didn’t say anything, only nodding and then running off to the pick ‘n’ mix sweets.
I was now about to teach the swimming lesson and Frankie was already in the pool, seeing as I’d picked him up. We’d had a splash around, even though he’d wanted me to watch him do laps, but I wanted him to enjoy swimming too, so had insisted he wait for the lesson. He’d pouted but as soon as I splashed him, he soon decided he was happy to play.
“Okay guys,” I called to the group. “Get yourself into the water and duck right under.”
They all moaned a little, except for Frankie and a petite little girl called Sophia, but were soon dropping into the water and submerging themselves. Timothy, as usual with everything we did, struggled a little and bobbed around until he finally just pushed his face into the water.
“You okay?” I asked him, squatting down on the poolside.
Timothy gasped and nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay. It’s a bit cold, Sam.”
“I know buddy, which is why you need to get your shoulders under too.”
Timothy took a deep breath and tried to push himself under, but he just floated to the top again. Thankfully the pool was heated, albeit a low temperature, so he’d get used to it soon enough.
“Right, everyone against the wall and you’re going to show me a width of breast stroke.”
A couple of the boys giggled and Frankie and the two girls in the group rolled their eyes. I smirked to myself thinking that there were some aspects where Frankie was nothing like me.
The kids had done some drills and I’d just called them to my side of the pool using back stroke when I saw Timothy starting to struggle. He’d been in the middle of the pack, I guessed he’d either been hit by a flying arm or had cramped up. There was no real danger of him drowning, but because the others were all kicking and splashing, I couldn’t see him and my heart rate spiked. I blew two sharp whistles to indicate someone was in trouble and trying not to panic, looked amongst the kids who were in a cluster in the small section of pool we’d been using. After what can only have been a couple of seconds, I saw Timothy’s hands thrashing against the water as he struggled to keep afloat. Spotting the flash of the red costume of Paula the lifeguard on duty, out of the corner of my eye, knowing Timothy
was too far away to catch the life buoy I didn’t hesitate any longer and dived in.
When I reached him, his limbs were lashing out and an arm smacked me right in the chest as he continued to panic. He was now getting tired and getting more anxious which was affecting his breathing, which in turn was intensifying his fear. Furiously treading water, somehow I managed to grab him under the arms and pull him against me. At first he fought with me, thrashing out with his arms and grabbing at my head, but once I got the crooks of my elbows under his arms pits he started to calm down.
“You’re okay Timothy,” I said, my mouth close to his ear. “I’ve got you. You’re not going to drown.”
He gasped in the air, his little chest heaving and tears mixing with the pool water on his face. As I swam backwards to the poolside, the poor kid began to sob, but thankfully let me pull him along without any further struggle.
When we got back to the side, all the other kids were standing along the edge, holding themselves tight and shivering. Sophie was comforting Molly, one of the younger girls, and Toby, the kid who always had a smart comment whenever Timothy struggled with anything, was crying quietly, his shoulders shaking as he swiped at his face.
As Paula and Kieran, another lifeguard, pulled Timothy out onto the side, my eyes searched for Frankie. He was standing right near the edge his body hunched over, hands between his knees and mouth open. My heart stalled as I looked at him and saw awe in his eyes and I had never felt so humble.
“These kids should have been sent to the changing room,” I snapped as I pushed myself out of the water.
“They wouldn’t go.” Paula looked up at me as she wrapped Timothy in a huge towel. “They wanted to be sure Timothy was okay.”
I looked around the pool to see the other groups that had been having lessons had all disappeared and my group were the only ones still there, their gasps and sniffles echoing around.
Kieran took over from Paula, checking Timothy’s breathing and pulse rate and asking him questions.