by Nikki Ashton
“It’s fine,” I croaked and held my arms out. “Come here.”
As soon as Eli let Frankie go, he practically jumped onto the bed and flung his arms around me, snuggling his cheek against my chest.
“You wouldn’t wake up. I tried to make you, but you wouldn’t.”
His excited voice trembled a little and his grip on me grew tighter. I felt like shit, but there was no way I was going to forgo cuddles with him simply because I had a pain in my fucking head.
“I’m sorry, buddy,” I said, breathing him in. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You scared us all,” Mum said, emotion in her voice.
“If that isn’t a lesson to stop wearing those freaking ridiculous slider shoes, I don’t know what is.” Eli’s tone was derisory and I couldn’t help giving him the finger behind Frankie’s back.
Before I saw her, I felt Maisie at my other side. I could smell the faint aroma of her perfume and my heart beat sped up – thank fuck the doc had taken me off the heart monitor.
“Hey,” I said softly, turning my head to look at her.
She took hold of my hand and gave me a beautiful, tearful smile. “Hey.”
“You been here all day too?” I asked, still holding onto my boy.
“She was here all night,” Dad chipped in.
Maisie blushed slightly and shrugged. “I wanted to be sure you were okay.”
“Yeah?”
She nodded. “And you’re sure you fell?” she asked, concern crossing her tired features.
“Yeah why?”
As I saw concern change to fear, I guessed what she was worried about.
“Seriously, Maisie, I fell. I’d let Dave go and said I’d close up and had just mopped the floor and slipped on it. I swear.”
“Firstly,” Elijah said, “what the hell are they thinking letting you have responsibility of closing up the leisure centre and secondly, what do you mean, Maisie? His feet are too big and he tripped over his stupid shoes, what else would it be?”
I turned back to my brother and rolled my eyes. “I’m fu-flipping responsible. I’m thirty-three and own a business, so it’d be a little bit crap if I couldn’t close up the place wouldn’t it?
“Yeah but you obviously can’t,” Amy muttered. “I mean, you fell on the wet floor and knocked yourself out.”
Elijah laughed and high-fived her, which earned them a flip of the finger each. Mum sighed and pushed her way to the side of the bed, laying a hand on Frankie’s back as he continued to hug me and look up at me with his big soulful eyes.
“Come on Frankie,” she said softly. “Let’s go and give Mummy and Daddy a few minutes together, hey?”
“Mum,” Elijah said. “I’m not sure he’ll be allowed to do that just yet, if he’s even up to it.”
Amy back-handed him against his chest. “Just get out.”
Eli laughed and blew me a kiss. “See you later bro. Come on Frankie, you come with me and Auntie Amy, we’ll go and get Bella from her other nanna and grandad and then go for a burger, how does that sound?”
Frankie’s head shot up and he looked up at me warily. “You’ll be okay now, won’t you?”
I ruffled his hair and nodded. “Yes, I’ll be fine.”
“You’ll see Daddy soon,” Maisie said. “He’s going to come and stay with us until he’s better.”
My head almost swiveled off my neck, causing my pain to spike, but I swallowed back the groan.
“I am?”
She nodded and gave me a shy smile. “Yes, you are.”
I was too busy watching her to notice everyone leave, even Frankie being taken from my arms didn’t register. It was only when Maisie’s gaze went toward the door that I realised we were alone and that my hand was still in hers.
“You sure you want to have me as a patient?” I asked, pulling her closer.
“Yes, I’m sure. I hate the thought you were lying there all that time.”
“I’m not going to fall again. I’m not some doddery old bloke, I’ll be okay.”
She shook her head and took a deep breath as though steeling herself.
“I want you near us,” she whispered. “I was so scared.”
Tears formed in her eyes and if the pain hadn’t been raging in my head, I would have pulled her down and kissed her. I needed painkillers though and it was getting harder to concentrate on anything else, even the beautiful woman who I was falling for, standing in front of me.
“It wasn’t Josh, you’re sure?” she asked, her question hurried. “I know you need to get some rest, so I just need to know.”
“No, babe. I would have said. You really thought he might have clocked me one over the head.”
“Yeah,” she groaned through a quiet laugh. “I suppose it was a little dramatic, but I got the police to check where he’d been all night.”
Squeezing her hand, I lifted it to my lips and kissed it. “I promise you, I slipped. Now go home and get some sleep, okay?”
I was shattered and couldn’t wait for the nurse to come back with my meds. I knew I’d been unconscious, but I was desperate to close my eyes again and get some sleep.
“Okay, and you make sure you rest too.” Maisie leaned down, her soft lips landing on mine. “We’ll be back later tonight.”
My eyes drifted against sleep and discomfort and I nodded, loosening my grip on her hand. She gave me one last kiss to my forehead and then she was gone, her space next to my bed filled by Kerry the nurse who gave me what I needed to reach a few hours of painless oblivion.
Maisie
the present
Sam had been home, or at least in my home, for three days having received the all clear. After a couple of days of observation, the doctors were confident it had been a severe concussion and he shouldn’t have any lasting effects of it.
Needless to say, I was still worried and insisted that he stay with us, particularly as he was tired and still had to take pain relief for his headache. He’d also had a few stitches in the back of his head, and I wanted to be sure they were looked after properly. Who the hell was I kidding? I wanted him close by because seeing him in the hospital bed, looking so pale, had scared the life out of me and I needed to know he was alright. Which was why I was taking a few days off work to look after him.
Obviously, I couldn’t let him sleep on the sofa, so he’d had my bed and I’d started with a camp bed in Frankie’s room, but when I found Frankie camped out on the floor next to Sam the following morning, I put the camp bed in there for him and I took Frankie’s bed. Sam had tried to argue that we should swap, but his six feet plus frame would never fit the bed and I didn’t like the idea of him sleeping with his feet hanging off the end, so, I’d spent my nights tossing and turning in a small blue wooden bed thinking about crawling into a huge King size with Sam and cuddling against his hard, warm chest.
“Hey,” a voice said behind me. “What you doing?”
I looked up from where I was kneeling on the floor, surrounded by boxes and packing tape. “I thought you were still asleep.”
Sam gave me a lazy smile and scratched at his chest. “Been awake about twenty minutes. That bed of yours is so comfy.”
Yeah I know, I thought as I surreptitiously rubbed at a sore spot in the small of my back.
“You want some breakfast?”
“I can get it, you look busy.” He crouched down next to me and picked up a paperback on the SAS and studied the back of it before throwing it back onto the floor. “His stuff?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I sighed, surveying the clothes, books and general stuff that was piled over the carpet of my lounge. “I just want it out of here and I don’t want him here to collect it, so boxing it up and getting it sent to him seems the best idea.”
“Yeah well,” he said gruffly. “Let’s hope he has no need for it soon.”
I wasn’t totally convinced Josh would get a prison sentence, but I didn’t really care if he didn’t, as long as we never had to see him again. His court
date was in three weeks’ time and we were still hoping he pleaded guilty to avoid me having to give evidence.
“Anyway,” I said, grinning at Sam. “What’ve you been doing if you woke up twenty minutes ago?”
His eyes softened and he gave me a wistful smile. “I dropped my phone and was looking for it under the bed and found Frankie’s baby book.”
“So you’ve been reading it?”
I cupped his cheek with my hand and gently stroked his stubble with my thumb. His eyes looked sad and full of regret.
“You know you can’t keep doing this Sam,” I whispered. “You have to move forward. I am, so you have to too.”
“I know but-.”
“No.” I shook my head. “There is no but. If you keep holding on to this regret you will never be the father that Frankie needs. You’ll treat him with kid gloves, walk on egg shells, however you want to describe it, but he’ll figure it out and no matter how much he loves you, he’ll take advantage and disrespect you. Yes, you were an absolute idiot -.”
“And a prick.”
“Yes,” I laughed. “And a prick, but you’re putting things right. You lost eight years of being his dad, but you potentially have another fifty or sixty to give him, so stop looking back and move on. Looking back is what got you into this mess in the first place.”
Taking a deep breath, Sam reached for me and pulled me into his arms, wrapping me into a tight hug.
“You’re so fucking amazing, you know that,” he whispered against my hair. “I can’t believe I got this second chance with you and this first chance with our son.”
I dropped a kiss to his jaw and wrapped my arms a little tighter around him. “Because you’re pretty amazing yourself, when you’re not being a prick.”
Sam’s laughter roared in my ear. “Oh am I. You cheeky little-.”
I didn’t give him chance to call me anything because I kissed him again, this time my lips landing on his. It was soft and gentle and full of…well love, I supposed.
After a few seconds I pulled away, because as much as I would have like to get hot and sweaty with him on my lounge floor, he was convalescing and needed to be careful.
“Hey,” he cried as I pushed away. “I was just about to start my best moves on you.”
“I know, but you’re ill and I have to get these boxes packed, so sorry that’s all you’re getting.”
Sam groaned and rolled his eyes.
“And stop behaving like your eight year old son.”
I slapped at his arm playfully and reached for another pile of Josh’s clothes.
“Talking of,” Sam said, dropping his backside to the floor and taking a box and some books. “When are we telling him about us?”
It was something I’d thought about over the few days that Sam had been staying with us and knew we would have to make a decision, but if I was being honest, I wasn’t sure it was still what Sam wanted, so hadn’t broached the subject. Plus, us playing happy families for the last few days, all be it in a weird way, had scared me at how much I wanted it despite all my fears.
“You didn’t make any life changing decisions in the hospital then?” I asked. “You know, some come to Jesus moment while you were unconscious about wanting to sail single-handed around the world, or go back packing through Australia.”
I laughed, but it was a nervous laugh, because I really was worried that something like that might have happened. The kiss a few moments earlier had been the first contact we’d had since he’d got out of hospital.
“Why would you think that?” he asked, placing a pile of paperbacks into the box he had in front of him. “I told you what I wanted, what I still want and no bang on the head is going to change that.”
I looked at him carefully, noting the hardness of his jaw and the twitch in his cheek.
“Okay,” I breathed out, as much in relief as needing to breath. “Maybe in a few days. Now I’ll go and sort you some breakfast.”
I pushed up from the floor, needing some space. Of course I was happy that Sam still wanted both me and Frankie, but something was still holding me back from being all in with his plan.
As I moved to walk away, Sam caught hold of my hand and tugged on it, urging me to look down at him.
“You know Maisie,” he said quietly. “Letting go of the past is what we both need to do, and that isn’t just about you forgiving me about Frankie. It’s about you forgiving me for not realising how special you were nine years ago.”
I nodded and gave him a small smile before pulling away and going to make him some breakfast.
Sam
the present
Six whole days I’d been under the same roof as Maisie, and apart from one brief kiss, hadn’t fucking touched her and it was killing me. To anyone looking in on us, you’d think we were a normal, happy family. In the day while I worked for a couple of hours from a laptop in her kitchen, Maisie cooked, read, or did housework and then when she told me I’d worked enough for one day, we’d sit and have some lunch and then watch a film or listen to some music. I’d then take a couple of hours nap while she went off to get Frankie from school and maybe take him to see her parents before bringing him home where I’d help with homework and reading, or even play a game while Maisie cooked dinner. All very fucking pleasant, but my body was burning for her.
I’d tried jacking off in the shower a couple of times, but it wasn’t enough, plus it was night time when I craved her the most, knowing she was just across the landing dressed in some skimpy sleeping attire. However, as Frankie was on a camp bed in the room with me, relieving myself was an absolute no go area.
What the last six days had also done, apart from give me fucking blue balls, was to cement my feelings for her. We’d talked a lot about general things, we’d laughed a great deal too and I’d seen first-hand what an amazing mum she was. The love and attention she gave to our son was as strong and as bright as the summer sun and Frankie basked in it daily. She’d been great with me too, always attentive and caring, checking whether I needed any painkillers, looking at my stitches and making sure I was warm, fed, and happy. Truth be known, I probably could have gone home days ago, but I justified it by saying once the doctor signed me off to go back to work I’d do it, but as my doctor’s appointment was the following day, I was dreading it and seriously considering telling him my headaches hadn’t stopped four days ago, but were still there and I was constantly feeling dizzy. It was all in contradiction to the part of me that was desperate to get back to work and running my business. I had great staff who knew exactly what they were doing, but I still had a deep-rooted need to be there and involved, which was why Maisie had conceded to the two hours a day on the laptop answering emails and taking a daily call with Eve, my Office Manager.
I smiled as I thought of Maisie and how she’d stamped her tiny little foot where I’d suggested working from home for six hours a day. She may well have been small, but she was a force to be reckoned with and I’d soon caved and agreed to a compromise of two hours. There was so much about her that I fucking adored and I really was struggling with the idea that we might not be what she wanted any more. She wasn’t particularly eager to tell Frankie and there had only been that one kiss.
Knowing she would be back from dropping Frankie at her parents’ house soon, and that potentially I only had one more day to make sure we were on exactly the same page about the future, I decided to come up with a plan of action. Maisie West was going to be under no fucking illusion how I felt about her within the next couple of hours.
Maisie
The house was quiet when I let myself in, which was unusual for the time of day. Sam was out of bed, because he’d been down to say goodbye to Frankie when I took him to my mum and dad’s for the day. They’d come up with some weird little handshake between them, one that included shoulders and elbows as well as hands and Frankie had told me in no uncertain terms it was a man thing and I shouldn’t worry about it. I’d left Sam making his breakfast and usually by this ti
me music could be heard as he went on line to read the newspapers before starting on his emails. I wondered whether he’d decided to go back to bed, with it being a Sunday, or whether it was because he had a headache again and that worried me. He hadn’t had any painkillers for almost three days, so maybe he’d been suffering in silence.
“Sam,” I called up the stairs, but not too loudly in case he was sleeping.
When I got no response, I quietly moved down the hall into the kitchen. It was all clean and tidy, his breakfast dishes washed and put away and there was even a mug out with a spoonful of coffee in it for me; something that he’d done every morning that I’d taken Frankie to school.
I put the meat and potato pie that Mum had made for us in the fridge and flicked the kettle on, trying to decide what to do with myself while Sam was sleeping. There was no housework that needed to be done seeing as I’d had all week off and I wasn’t really in the mood for watching a film, so wondered about catching up on a couple of things on Netflix. I would have quite liked to watch some more of The Handmaid’s Tale, but it was something Sam and I had started to watch together, so he’d be disappointed if I did.
It struck me how we’d manage it once he left for home the following day, because I was sure that the doctor would sign him off as being fit to go back to work. The thought of him leaving made my heart clench in my chest because I really didn’t want him to go. The past week of having him with us had been amazing for Frankie and for me. Just having him around to talk to and to laugh with had made me happier than I had been in years. Watching him with Frankie had been the best thing ever. I knew he was trying hard, but you would never have thought he was new to being a father. The way he talked to Frankie and gave him his attention was everything that my boy deserved. It didn’t really matter if he was making an extra effort, because it didn’t look that way, it all looked so natural. The way he smoothed Frankie’s hair down, or nudged his plate toward him when he was too distracted to eat his dinner or how Sam instinctively reached for him when they were both sitting on the sofa watching TV – it all made butterflies swarm my stomach and my heart beat faster.