by Robin Roseau
“Oh, sorry. Talking out loud,” I said. But under my breath, I repeated it. “I won’t do anything I don’t want to do. If I have to drop out of school, then so be it. It takes me a few extra years. Not the end of the world.”
I sat up straighter. “But I have a plan,” I said. “And for now, I’m sticking to it.”
* * * *
I reached the Caribou first. I was intentionally early, after all, and I made sure I didn’t feel at all harried. I pulled out a mirror and did a quick check on my appearance. Then I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, calming myself.
Then it was time for a pep talk. “She’s a nice woman, and I’m going to put on a good impression. I am friendly. I smile a lot. I’m sweet and agreeable, but at the same time, I won’t be a doormat. That’s not a problem until it is, so skip that.” I babbled at myself for a minute.
And then I saw a tall, slender woman walking towards the Caribou entrance. She was professionally dressed, with a purse over one shoulder and her phone in her hand. I was sure she was looking straight at me, and then she glanced back and forth from her phone to her hand before she began to smile broadly.
I made absolutely sure to smile in return. The woman walked straight towards me. “Astrid?”
“Hello, Roma,” I said, smiling even more broadly. I took two steps straight towards her, wrapping one arm around her neck to kiss her cheek. I think I surprised her, but I stepped back before she could fully react. “I’m glad we could meet today. Could I offer a confession?”
“I love confessions,” she said, “as long as they aren’t my own.”
“I’m nervous, and I don’t really know how to behave. Do you think you can help?”
“Of course I can help,” she said. She looked me up and down, put her phone away, and then closed the distance, taking my arm. She offered a little tug, drawing me into the Caribou. “Do you mind?”
“I am very well-behaved,” I replied. “Ask anyone.”
She snorted then squeezed my arm. “I meant this.”
“I don’t mind at all,” I said, and I leaned against her slightly besides.
“Good,” she said. “Do you know what you want?” She gestured with her nose.
“Espresso,” I said. “No whip.”
She nodded and pulled me to the counter. We waited our turn, Roma continuing to hold my arm, and then she ordered two espressos. She released my arm to pay the barista, and then we waited together. She didn’t take my arm again, and I felt a little disappointed by that.
We made small talk. I asked if her work day had gone well. She asked about class. Her name was called, and a minute later we found ourselves seated in adjacent comfortable chairs in the corner, smiling at each other. We sipped from our drinks, and then she set hers aside before pointedly looking me up and down. I smiled over the top of my espresso, holding it in two hands.
“Initial impressions,” she prompted.
“Sure.” Then I waited.
Finally, she laughed. “No. I wanted your initial impressions.”
I offered my own brief laugh. “I thought you were offering.”
“I’m offering to let you tell me what you think.”
“All right,” I said. I sipped from the espresso then set it aside before leaning closer. I gave her my own look, smiled, and leaned back.
“Well?”
“I wasn’t clear?”
She snorted. “No.”
“You’re an attractive woman, Roma. I don’t think you need me to look in the mirror for you.”
“Tell me you’re not waiting to hear what I have to say about you,” she said.
“Fair enough. I’m nervous. I already mentioned that.”
“What are you nervous about?”
“Mostly, the obvious. Will you like me, and what are the implications if you don’t? Will I like you?” I offered another smile. “You’re an attractive, intelligent woman, so I suspect it will come down to how do you wish to treat me.”
“So you’re not looking for a quick escape.”
“No,” I replied. “I’m not looking for a quick escape. Unless you decide you’re leaving sooner than that, we have two hours, and I hope this isn’t the last time we meet. Your turn.”
“Fair enough,” she agreed. “You’re cute and clearly intelligent. You seem to be agreeable.” She smiled. “I liked the little kiss, although it wasn’t fully satisfying.”
“We’re in public. Were you hoping for a show?”
“No. I’m hoping for more privacy.”
“Tonight?”
“Not necessarily,” she replied. “Well, yes, because I want a better kiss than that.”
I smiled. I hadn’t done a whole lot of dating. I was barely 19, after all. I hadn’t actually been on a date where we even talked about kissing on the first date. Oh, I’d kissed, but we hadn’t talked about it.
“You told me you were in sales,” I said. “But you didn’t explain more than that.”
“Ah. I work for a software service company. I’ve been there about eight years.” She told me about her company. I didn’t really understand, but I asked about a typical customer.
“Ah. It’s hard to use the word ‘typical’.”
“But your customers are other businesses?”
“Oh. Yes. And a few governmental units.”
“That must be lucrative.”
“Government sales can be difficult,” she said. “And ultimately, we can lose the business through no fault of ours. That can be true of any customer, but with businesses, personal relationships matter.” She talked about the complexities. And as she talked, I realized something simple.
Sales wasn’t for me.
We sat and talked for an hour. Our espresso was long gone, and I’d declined the offer of a second. When Roma checked her phone for the third time, I decided she was ready to ditch me, so I asked her, “Did you need to be somewhere?”
“No. You gave me a deadline, and I’m trying to decide how I’d like to spend it.”
“We could take a walk,” I said. “We’ve got an entire mall we could wander.”
“Sure,” she said with a nod. We stood together, and she gestured me out to the corridor. Then I waited for her, and as she stepped to my side, her hand took mine.
I let her keep it.
We walked slowly, not really going anywhere in particular, and talked easily, holding hands the entire time. If anyone thought we looked unusual, no one said a word. We took the escalator to the second floor and did a full circuit, looking through a few shop windows, but no stepping inside any. Then we came to an intersection, the exit to one of the parking ramps to our right.
“I owe you Uber money,” she said. We turned to face each other. I hadn’t been watching my phone, but the last clock we’d passed had given me ample time yet. I smiled, but I was disappointed. She was ready to send me home.
I was only half right.
“I want to drive you,” she continued.
I thought for about a half second then tugged on her hand, pulling her from the center of the corridor. We leaned against the wall, looking at each other, still holding hands. “I may be about to screw this up,” I admitted. “I hope you won’t hate me.”
“You don’t want to let me drive you home.”
“That’s not it,” I said. “I want you to tell me flat out I’m safe, Roma.”
“Oh,” she said. “Of course, Astrid. I’ve never hurt anyone.” She paused. “And I won’t turn into some sort of stalker, either. That’s what you’re really concerned about.”
“Not worried, not exactly. But I don’t want to be flat out stupid, either.”
“You know they did a background check on me. On both of us.” I nodded. So she’d paid for one on me, or so I gathered.
“You’re offering to take me straight home,” I said. “My home. And you know I won’t be inviting you in.” I paused. “Unless I’ve screwed this up and you’ve changed your mind, I’d like that kiss, but I don’t necessar
ily want it while sitting in your car in my dorm parking lot.”
She looked at me uncomfortably, and I dropped my eyes. “Oh,” I said, feeling real disappointment.
“No,” she said. She used her free hand to lift my chin. “Actually, I’m offering to drive you almost straight home. There’s a reason we’d be leaving perhaps earlier than necessary to make your deadline.”
I laughed. “You want to park somewhere.”
“Yeah. Like a couple of teenagers.”
“How far off the beaten track are you trying to take me.”
Her face clouded. “Fuck.”
“Oh, hey,” I said. I squeezed her hand. “I take it you have somewhere rather secluded in mind.”
“I did. I’m sorry, Astrid. I didn’t even think of that.”
“So if I said ‘yes’ but took certain precautions, you won’t be too offended.”
“We don’t have to,” she said.
“Is that you changing your mind?”
“No.”
“All right then. I’m attending Glendale in St. Paul. I expect to be in my dorm by six. Is that a problem?”
“No, Astrid.”
“Let’s go.”
* * * *
She walked us to her car. I took out my phone and took a photo of the back of her car, with another of her license plate. Roma said nothing as I forwarded them to Maggie and then texted, “Taking the scenic route. Still expected by 6:00.”
And then I got into the car. “Please don’t be offended.”
“It’s fine, Astrid,” she said. “With me, it’s not necessary, but I suppose with some people, it would be.”
We pulled from the ramp. The spot she had in mind wasn’t actually that far. The Minnesota River passes just south of the Mall of America. In another half a mile east, it would encounter Fort Snelling, merging with the Mississippi River. Roma knew of a secluded park overlooking the river. She parked, and our view was of trees, not the river, but there wasn’t anyone in sight.
I turned to her and smiled. She was watching me with an intent look. “So,” I said.
She unbuckled her belt. She was rather pointed about it. I did the same. Then she reached for me, just one hand on my cheek. I leaned towards her, and we met somewhere in the middle.
As first kisses go, it was so-so, mostly due to the uncomfortable position, leaning against the console between the two seats. But at the same time, it was nice. Not fabulous, but nice. We kissed and then separated, but I only went so far away and opened my eyes.
Roma was watching me from no more than a foot away. I smiled at her. “We can both do better than that.”
“I think you’re right.” I flicked my eyes to the back seat. “I’m not undressing, Roma.”
“I wasn’t asking you to.”
I didn’t wait. I turned away, opened the door, and then stepped to the rear seat. Roma was still watching me as I climbed in. I looked at her. “Well?”
She smiled, and it was only a few heartbeats before she joined me. We met, somewhere in the middle, and our second kiss was far, far better than our first. When we parted, she kept a hand on my cheek, and we looked at each other.
“That was nice,” I said, a little dreamily.
We kissed a third time, this one shorter, but still sweet. And then, by silent but mutual agreement, I slipped around to face forward but snuggled under her arm to lean against her.
We sat quietly for a few minutes. I don’t know what she was thinking about. I was deciding how I felt about all this. And I decided I liked her, and I had enjoyed kissing her. If she wanted to pursue an arrangement, I’d be for it.
Finally she asked, “What happens now?”
“I presume you aren’t talking about driving me home.”
“No.”
“I presume you wouldn’t be asking if you held little interest in seeing me again.”
“Correct. I very much would like to see you again.”
“You’ve done this before, haven’t you?”
“A few times.”
“What happened with them?”
“With the first, she had a price sheet.”
“Seriously?” I asked. I shifted out from her arm and rotated to look at her. “A price sheet. Fifty bucks to hold her hand? That kind of price sheet.”
“Dates were by the hour,” Roma replied. “And then there were extras.”
I stared into her eyes then said, “Well. That’s a little predatory.”
“Well, I knew what I would be paying,” she replied. Then she shook her head. “At the end of each date, she would pull out her phone and use the calculator to total my bill.”
I pointed to my face. “I don’t know what I look like know, but this is my disgusted look.”
She laughed. “It wasn’t that bad.”
“Well, I’m not doing that. Did she charge you for the first date?”
“Yeah, and a lot more than a cup of coffee and an Uber fee.”
“Have they all been like that?”
“There haven’t been that many, Astrid. No. One told me to pay her what I thought the dates were worth. Another had a flat fee.”
“Ah. Well, maybe this is wrong, but I’m not doing that. If you want a relationship with me, I’d like that.” I paused. “I decided something on the way to see you.”
“Oh?”
“I’ve felt weird about this from the beginning. But I decided that I wasn’t going to do anything I didn’t want to do. Maybe this is just semantics. The next time we’re together, I’ll explain my situation. If you want a relationship, I’d like that. If all you want is sex, that might be fun.”
“But you want more than that.”
“Yes,” I said. “And maybe you’ll want to help me out.”
“Money.”
“Yeah. I don’t want to talk about it tonight, but I’ll explain next time.”
“When?”
“When would you like?”
“This weekend.”
“Let me text you later tonight.”
“All right.”
I smiled, looked her up and down, and moved closer again. This time, I controlled the kiss, and she let me. Then, a little breathless, we looked into each other’s eyes. “We can hold hands during the drive, if you want,” I said. “But once we get back in the front, it can’t really be more than that.”
“And so if I want a little more, it’s now or next time.”
“Right.”
“Well, I want more,” she said. She pushed my shoulder, guiding me back into the seat. Then she rotated around, throwing a knee over me until she was perched in my lap. I set my hands on her hips and looked up at her. Then she slowly lowered herself to our final kiss of the afternoon.
It was a good kiss, a long kiss, and it left me a little hot, and her more than a little. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me. “I was so afraid,” I whispered. “Thank you for being so gentle with me, Roma.”
“You’re welcome, Astrid,” she said.
Fanny
We were a few minutes late, but I texted Maggie that we were close. Roma dropped me off in front of the dorm, and when I got inside, I saw Maggie waiting for me. She took one look at me and said, “So. It went well.”
“Uh huh,” I said.
“You’re smudged.”
I smiled. “I’m not surprised.”
“Did you have sex?”
“No, but a pretty nice make-out session.”
“In the car?”
“Yeah. She took me parking.”
“You wild teenagers,” Maggie replied with a laugh. She hooked my arm. “I’m starving.”
“Yeah,” I agreed.
* * * *
Skype rang two hours later. I’d had dinner, fixed my appearance, and then headed back to the academic building. My favorite classroom was actually in use, so I found another, then cracked the books. Fanny was a few minutes late, but I made sure to be smiling when I accepted the chat.
It took a moment for
her computer to convince mine to talk to it, but then she appeared on the screen. It looked like she was messing with her computer, and I could see her house behind her. Then she realized I was watching and smiled. “Hello, Astrid.”
“Hello, Fanny,” I replied. “How has your day been?”
“Productive. Yours?”
“Studious,” I replied.
We talked for an hour, not really discussing anything important, just casual conversation until she blurted, “I want to see you.”
“When?”
“You promised you’d keep a day open this weekend.”
“Tomorrow or Saturday,” I said. “What did you have in mind?”
“Tomorrow night. Dinner, then we can come back here.”
As far as I was concerned, she had just invited me for a booty call. While I was deciding how I felt about that, she frowned. “Did that sound as presumptuous to you as it did to me?”
“I’m not sure that’s the word I would have picked,” I replied.
“I’m not assuming anything, Astrid. I just wanted somewhere we could talk and be ourselves.”
I nodded. “All right. Where are we meeting for dinner? Will you cover my Uber bill for me?”
“I’d prefer if you let me pick you up.”
“Is that because you don’t want to pay the Uber bill?”
She frowned again. “I’ll make reservations and let you know.”
“Perfect.”
Twenty minutes later I sent an email to Roma telling her she could have Saturday evening if she wanted it.
“I want,” was her answer. “I’ll pick you up at 5:30.”
“Perfect,” I replied.
* * * *
Fanny had made an effort. She was dressed stylishly, and I thought she might have gone to the hairdresser. I kissed her cheek and then sat down, smiling. She stared at me. I smiled at her.
“You’re so beautiful,” she whispered.
“Thank you,” I said. “You look nice, too.”
“I used to turn heads,” she said. “And then I had two children.”
I froze. I hadn’t even thought about that. “You have kids.”
“My son is 27,” she said. “My daughter is 24. Is that a problem, Astrid?”
“No,” I said, although I was a little weirded out. I shouldn’t have been. “You were young.”