by Robin Roseau
She licked her lips, and I could see the hunger. My smile broadened. “Are you thinking of tickling me?”
Her brow furrowed. “Astrid,” she said.
“Face value, Cassidy,” I said. “There’s something you want. Why aren’t we already doing it?”
“Come with me.”
Yes, I was loud.
* * * *
I put the baggage behind. I spent the rest of the week focusing on my studies, digging in even more deeply. Cassidy and I had an intense weekend, and then I was back to studying.
It was shortly before eleven on Tuesday that my phone rang, surprising me. I turned to look at it.
Cherlyn.
I stared at it for a minute, and it rolled to voicemail. I continued to stare, and thirty seconds later, a text arrived. “I am two minutes from campus with coffee. Please answer your phone, Daughter.”
I stared at that, but when it rang a second time, I answered immediately.
“Good,” she said in greeting. She sounded cheerful. “Where are you?”
“Dorm.”
“Excellent. See you in five.” And then she clicked off.
I checked my appearance and then spent a minute making both beds, buzzing her up when needed. I propped the door open, and a minute later, carrying two coffees, Cherlyn strode through the door. She nudged the doorstop out of the way and the door closed, then set the coffees down before moving straight to me.
I probably looked quite hesitant about all of it. I’m not quite sure what my body language told her, but she ignored it and pulled me into a hug. I took a kiss, and then she held me tightly for a minute before whispering into my ear. “Did you think I was playing some game when I called you ‘daughter’?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Well, it’s not a game to me, and I don’t abandon people.” Then she released me, collected the coffees, and held one out to me. Numbly, I took it. She hooked Maggie’s chair and pulled it closer to sit down. Still numb, I sat in my own and sipped at the coffee.
“Am I clear so far, Daughter?” Slowly, I nodded. “Have you rescinded the privilege of calling you that?” I shook my head. “All right, then. Good. Let me continue to be clear. I love you.”
It wasn’t the first time she said it. I looked down at the coffee but mumbled, “I love you, too.”
“What’s that? I didn’t quite hear you.”
I looked up. “You heard me just fine.”
“Say it like you mean it.”
“I love you, too, Mom.”
“Good. So we can put that part of this baggage away.” She waited until I nodded. “Excellent. You were right about something. Other than dropping out, if the school couldn’t help you enough, I don’t have any other answers, either. Even now, with what we’re calling each other, we’re strapped as thinly as we’re able to pay for Maggie’s classes.”
“I know. And I would never ask.”
“Maggie showed me the web site you’re using. They seem very careful.”
“They are.”
“And she showed me your profile.”
“She helped me assemble it.”
“She told me that as well.”
“Does Tim know?”
“No. He wouldn’t understand. Let him focus on being a photographer. He’s very good at that.”
“Maggie’s pretty good, too.”
“Yes, she is, although she has other aspirations. You wouldn’t happen to know what those are?”
I laughed. “Do not put me in the middle of that. If you want to know, you ask her.”
“Do you blame me for trying?”
“Yes.”
It was her turn to laugh. “By now, you both know I’m like this.” Then she sobered. “I want things.”
“We all want things.”
“You’re going to give me what I want.”
I slowly set my coffee down, making a show of it, then just as slowly and deliberately folded my arms. “We’ll see.”
“I want something to call her other than ‘Astrid’s girlfriend’. That can be her name. If you don’t offer me a name, I’m calling her Elvira.”
“She’s not Elvira!”
“Tough. Until I get her name, her real name, I’m calling her Elvira.”
“That’s blackmail.”
“Not once have you made up a name for me to use,” she said. “It’s your own fault if I finally settled on one myself.”
“It is not,” I said. “Call her what you want, but I doubt she’ll answer to it.”
Cherlyn snorted. “Two. You tell her I want to meet her.”
“No.”
“You tell her, Astrid.”
“You’ll be you.”
“Don’t you think she can handle me?”
“She shouldn’t have to.”
“Am I that terrible?”
I considered my answer. “You’re not at all terrible.”
“You tell her I want to meet her. She may pick when and where. I won’t stalk, but you tell her.”
“I’ll tell her, but if she says ‘no’, then it’s ‘no’.”
“It means I’ll ask again next month.”
“And if it remains ‘no’, you’ll stalk?”
“No. You’re an adult.”
“And you know how angry I’d be.”
“That, too,” she admitted.
“I want to be clear about something. I may have used misdirection, but I have never lied to anyone about this. I’ve never lied to you.”
“I haven’t accused you of it,” she said.
“I expect the same respect from you,” I said. “You just promised no stalking.”
“No stalking,” she said.
“No following me hoping to find her.”
“That would definitely be stalking.”
“And don’t pressure Maggie, either. This is between you and me.”
“And Elvira.”
“Please don’t call her that. I know who Elvira is.”
“Mistress of the Dark,” Cherlyn said. “Clever woman. She managed to be incredibly tacky and somehow be classy in doing it. That’s probably a poor description of it.”
“She’s a caricature.”
“That was part of her shtick,” Cherlyn replied. “We’re off topic. Your lady remains Elvira until I get a different name to use.”
“I could make one up.”
“And you’re then going to tell me if it’s real or made up, and if it’s made up, I’ll continue to use the one I picked.”
“You’re a brat.”
“I’ve been called worse words beginning with B before. You have until my coffee is done before we need to finish this conversation. We have lunch reservations.”
“We do not.”
“We’re going to lunch. Are you arguing with me?”
“Not about that,” I said. “Do you have other demands?”
“Yes. All bets are off if she hurts you.”
“Couples hurt each other,” I replied. “I had a high school girlfriend for a while, and we certainly hurt each other. I’m pretty sure Tim and Bobbie hurt each other, and fairly badly at that. Relationships end, and when they do, people are hurt. So what are you going to do?”
“Astrid, that’s not the sort of hurt I’m talking about.”
“Then maybe you should tell me what you mean.”
“I don’t know what I mean.”
“She treats me very well, and I wish you would take my word for it.”
She said nothing for a minute, just looking at me, and then finally nodded. “How old is she?”
“You don’t get to ask questions like that.”
“I get to ask any questions I want, Daughter. Answer me.”
I folded my arms again.
“Give me a range.”
I considered. “She’s significantly older than I am,” I said.
“I already knew that. Is she older than my mother?”
I unfolded my arms and leaned back a little
in the chair, considering her. “When I started this,” I said carefully, “I told each of my patrons the same thing. It’s actually a loaded statement, so let me get this out.” She nodded. “I told each of them I was with them because I enjoyed their company and the way they treated me.”
“Why is that a loaded statement?”
“Because it has two meanings. The assumption is that the only reason I’m there is for the money. And yeah, the money is a factor, but it wasn’t the only factor.”
“Okay, I get that.”
“At the same time, I was also telling them that the fact I was there with them meant I enjoyed their company and how we spent our time together. And also at the same time, it was a warning that if they began treating me in ways I didn’t care for, they would stop being allowed to be my patron.”
“Oh.” I let her think about it. “That’s good then.”
“Right. So. I didn’t go out with anyone I didn’t want to go out with. No guys. And the service does a good job protecting both the babies and the patrons, so I didn’t meet anyone who felt totally skeezy to me, although I might not say that if I’d been open to guys.”
“Okay,” she said slowly.
“I didn’t accept money for first dates,” I continued. “They paid for dinner. There were a few I didn’t like, and I didn’t accept future dates. There were a few that didn’t ask for future dates.” I paused and then grimaced as I said the next word. “Elvira was the first who asked for an exclusive relationship, and it was very early. But I’m fairly sure I could have had other offers. I’m positive if I just wanted money, I’d have gotten a lot more from some of the men.”
“Does that idea disgust you?”
“Entirely,” I said. “I want you to think about the implications of everything I just told you,” I added. “Think it through. We can talk more when you drop me off, if you want.” I finished my coffee and tossed it away, then waited for her to hand me her empty cup.
“Give me a minute,” she said.
“If you need prompting, I can prompt.”
“Give me a minute,” she repeated. Then she turned and stared out the window. I sat down and waited for her. Finally she turned back. “I don’t think I’m seeing all the implications, but I’m seeing some.”
“I love her,” I said. “She says she loves me, and I believe her. She treats me very, very well. It may not be the way you would want to be treated, but it’s how I want to be treated. She treats me now in a fashion consistent to how she did from our very first date, though, so I knew what I was getting into.”
“All right.”
“You understand we have sex.”
“I assumed.”
“It’s really good sex,” I said. “Yeah, she’s paying me money so I can continue to go to school.”
“And she paid for your apartment last summer.”
“Yes. But if I didn’t want to be with her, I wouldn’t be with her.”
“I’m not sure that’s true. As you’ve admitted, you were in a jam, and I think you would do what it took, as long as you could look in the mirror afterwards.”
“All right. Yeah, you’re right. So I guess I’m lucky, because I want to be with her. The reason I need arrangements away from her a night or two a week isn’t because she’s having parties. It’s because some nights she does things with people who don’t know about me, like her family, and I don’t want to sit home sulking that she won’t introduce me. If I’m doing something, too, then I don’t have to sulk.”
“Oh. I should have figured that out. Maggie told me if I didn’t want you getting an apartment, I had to get my shit together about this, and quickly.”
“She asked me to wait.”
“Our house isn’t large, but there’s a room.”
“Maggie says she sleeps on the sofa.”
“We’re making a proper bedroom and will buy a bed. This current situation is untenable, and I want both my daughters to know they have a proper home. But would sharing a bed with Maggie be too weird?”
“It’s what we did last summer when she stayed with me,” I said. “I’m fine with it if she is. And I have a bed. Well, Elvira has the bed I had last summer. I suppose I’d have to ask how she felt about letting us have it. But she’s just storing it. I bet she lets us have it.” I paused. “Okay, it’s not a bed. It’s a box spring and mattress. The apartment had a bedframe. It was actually pretty nice. A sleigh bed. But I think metal frames are cheap.” I realized I was babbling a little. “Mom?”
She smiled. “That’s right,” she said. “Mom. All right?”
I nodded. And then we were both hugging tightly. “What does Tim think about all this?”
“I already told you that.”
“Tell me again.”
“He told me I’m allowed to bring in lost sheep.”
“Is that how he put it?”
She pulled away. “What are you asking?”
“You didn’t actually ask permission.”
“It may be that I am the major force in that house, Astrid, but we’re still a couple, and we don’t make major decisions by edict. He probably didn’t use that word, but I don’t remember the exact wording. He enjoys having you around, and he also knows that you are at least partially responsible for the improved relationship with Maggie. You are not only welcome in our home, but desired. Okay?”
“Okay,” I agreed.
“All right then,” she said. “When you call me ‘Mom’, are you being sarcastic?”
“No, but I don’t know how deeply settled in that is, either.”
“Well then, I want to be clear. This isn’t anything I haven’t said, but I’m going to say it again, and then something else. I can’t have children, and I’m past the point in my life I want to try to adopt young ones.”
“You’ve said that.”
“Right. But that doesn't mean I am giving up on having daughters, and lo and behold, I have two standing in front of me. Neither situation is simple. One of them has a mother. The other, well.”
“Well,” I agreed.
“I want you to see me as your mother. And I want to see you, both of you, as my daughters. I think in some ways, that’s actually easier for you, at least until your own family comes to their senses.”
“Let’s not talk about that.”
“It’s an elephant I wanted to address,” she said, and so I nodded. “There are currently no conflicts, is what I’m saying. I’m not stepping on any toes.”
“No toes,” I agreed.
“So, I won’t push.” I scoffed, which she pretended to ignore. “But I want to formally adopt you.”
“When did you decide that?”
“The entire time I’ve been calling you ‘daughter’,” she said. “But I wanted you to be ready. Did Maggie warn you?”
“Yeah. I decided either she got it wrong, or it was symbolic, or something.”
“Well, she didn’t get it wrong, but I was waiting. You don’t need to give me an answer today, but I want you to consider it.”
“Why? I’m an adult now. I can understand if I was under age and needed a guardian or something.”
“Well, you’re right in that it is largely symbolic, but there is a legal element. Next of kin and things like that. But I admit the symbolism is the important part. I don’t want to have to explain anything about a pseudo-adoptive daughter or anything like that. Will you think about it?”
I nodded. “Yes. I’ll think about it, but I want to understand the legal implications.”
“I’m not a lawyer. There might be implications with your real parents. Inheritance or something.”
“That’s not a factor,” I said. “They disowned me, and at this point, I neither need nor want anything from any of them, ever again.”
“Unless they change their will, I don’t know if you would lose any potential inheritance.”
“Don’t. Care.” I said clearly.
“You say that now.”
“Don’t. Care.” I repe
ated.
“All right, then,” she said. “But we’re clear, Daughter?”
“We’re clear, Mom,” I said. It actually felt pretty good, and I smiled.
“You’ll remember that I want to meet Elvira, and you promised to tell her.”
“I’ll tell her. And you’ll remember not to stalk.”
She laughed. “I’ll remember not to stalk.”
“Where are you taking me for lunch?”
* * * *
“I have things to tell you,” I told Cassidy on the phone that night. “I don’t want to do it over the phone.”
“Are you dumping me?”
“Where did that come from?”
“Are you sick?”
“Cassidy!”
“Have you committed some terrible crime, and I need to help you hide a body?”
“Where is this coming from?”
“I am eliminating the things that I’ll worry about while I drive over and get you.”
“I have class in the morning, and I’m not done studying. Tomorrow. It’s weird, but it’s okay.”
“Did Cherlyn stop by for your Tuesday lunch?”
I laughed. “It only took you four guesses.”
“No, that was my first assumption. Weird, but it’s okay?”
“Amongst other things, she wants to formally adopt me,” I said. Cassidy grew quiet. “And she has started calling you Elvira.”
At that, Cassidy began laughing, and rather loudly. “Seriously? I don’t look at all like her.”
“You kind of do,” I said. “You’ve got the same cleavage, and your legs are pretty darned good.”
She laughed again. “That woman,” she said. “God, did I have the hots for her.”
“Did you really?”
“I was young, and she became my image of sexy. Physically stunning and sassy as hell. You’re okay, Astrid.”
“I’m good. There are other things, but may we talk about it tomorrow night?”
“Sure.”
Wednesday evening, I told her everything. “Of course, you should use the bed. And you liked the sleigh bed, as I recall.”
“We can use one of those metal things.”
“Nonsense. I’ll consider it a peace offering to Mom.” She grinned. “I think I’ll call her that. Won’t that get her goat?”
“She might just call you Daughter,” I said. “And make you eat your peas.”