by Robin Roseau
“What are you?”
“On my scale?”
“Yeah.”
“At my worst, a 5.”
“Then I’ve never seen your worst.”
“How you see me at school? A 6. Dressed for a regular date with Cassidy, I make it to a 7. I might be able to make it to an 8 with the right clothes and help from a professional.”
“You’re putting me only one score below you. That’s bullshit.”
“No. Your day-to-day clothing makes you a 4. You’re still wearing your old clothes, and if you’re making me judge you on physical appearance, then you’re going to get honesty.”
“But I’m a five now.”
“These are newer jeans, and they fit you better,” I said. I stepped closer and fingered the shirt. “And this is nice. You should buy more of these, when you can.”
“I think this is the shallowest conversation we’ve ever had.”
“Probably not,” I said. “And you started it.”
“How do I get to a six?”
“Show off your arms and shoulders,” I said.
“Show some skin?”
“Yeah. Do you like how I’m dressed?”
“You look hot. And you’re showing a lot of skin. I think I get it. I’ve never been willing to before.”
“Cowgirls are hot,” I said. “Maggie, cowgirls are really, really hot. Now, I have no idea what guys think about them, but in lesbian circles, cowgirls and cops.” I smiled. “And doctors. Park rangers. Construction contractors, too.”
“Seriously?”
“Oh, yeah,” I said. “Totally. And motorcycles.”
“Really?”
“It’s very, very butch,” I said. “But not sissy bikes.”
“Harleys.”
“Yeah. I don’t recall any books where the hot biker chick rides anything but a Harley.”
“Mom would throw a fit,” Maggie said.
“Which one of us?” Cherlyn asked as she and Cassidy stepped into the kitchen.
“Bobbie,” Maggie said. “Maybe you, too.”
“I think I want to know why I might throw a fit.”
“If I saved all my money and bought a Harley.”
Cherlyn said nothing. Cassidy eyed Maggie and then me. “I think they were having a pretty intriguing conversation before we arrived, Mom.”
“I think you’re right, Elvira,” Cherlyn confirmed.
“Are the two of you going to do that all night?” Maggie asked.
“Probably,” Cherlyn said. “What was it the two of you were discussing.”
“Cowgirls,” I said.
“Cowgirls?” Cherlyn echoed.
“And motorcycles,” Cassidy pointed out. She flashed a brief smile. “Did carpenters get mentioned.”
“They might have been,” I admitted.
Cassidy eyed Maggie. “You look very nice tonight, Maggie,” she said. “But you should show off your arms and shoulders. Maybe you’d let me take you shopping.”
I chuckled and returned to the stove. Behind me, I thought Maggie was considering it, but then she asked if she could get something to drink.
“Of course,” Cassidy offered. “See what Mom wants, too.”
“There’s fresh iced tea,” I said. I didn’t have to turn around to know Maggie made a face.
“We don’t keep soda in the house,” Cassidy said. “But there’s fruit juice, and we can make coffee.”
“It’s a little late for coffee,” Cherlyn said. “Or even for tea, unless it’s herbal.”
“Sorry, full strength caffeine,” Cassidy replied. “But we have herbal.”
“I don’t want to be any trouble.”
“It’s not any trouble, Mom,” Maggie said. “I’ll see to it.”
* * * *
We had a lovely dinner. Cassidy and Cherlyn seemed to, for the most part, have declared a truce, although they were Mom and Elvira to each other.
We handled cleanup, and then Cassidy asked, “So, Mom. Do you play cards?”
“I may have dealt a hand or two in my day,” Cherlyn replied. “What did you have in mind.”
“My family plays 500,” Cassidy said. “But I know my way around a bridge score pad as well.”
“My family plays bridge,” Cherlyn said. “But I may have played a game or three of 500. I don’t think these two even know what bridge is.”
“It’s that thing that collapsed into the Mississippi River,” Maggie said.
“She gets the smart ass from her other mother,” Cherlyn said.
“Mom,” I said. “When I first met Maggie, she was sweet and never sarcastic. I think it might be your influence.”
“Maybe it’s yours,” Cherlyn suggested.
“No, no,” Maggie said. “I was always a sarcastic wench. I was just lulling you into friendship.”
“Right,” I said. I laughed. “Are we going to let them lure us into cards?”
“Sure. I might know how to play 500.”
“Then you can teach your sister,” Cherlyn said. “Cassidy and I will be partners.”
“I don’t know, Mom,” Cassidy said. “You’re slipping. Is it getting late for you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You called her Cassidy,” I said. “What happened to Elvira?”
“Shit,” Mom said. “Just. Shit.”
Three of us laughed while Cherlyn put on an expression. Then she turned back to Cassidy. “Are you gracious when your partner’s play is imperfect?”
“Not at all.”
“Yeah. Neither am I.”
I wasn’t sure which of them was lying.
Cassidy produced cards and a pad. I knew how to play and didn’t need to be taught. Cassidy and Cherlyn negotiated rules, then Cassidy smiled. “House rules.”
“Are you sure that’s how you want this to work?” Cherlyn asked. “So we’ll play by my rules in my home?”
“When is that going to happen?” Cassidy asked. “I think I’m safe.”
“Damn it. Fine. House rules.”
Cassidy grinned.
It turned out that we didn’t discover if they were gracious in the face of poor play. Neither of them played poorly, and they absolutely creamed Maggie and me. They were gracious about it, but I thought Cherlyn was especially pleased.
Maggie and I simply shrugged about it. It was just a game of cards. And I, for one, was glad Cassidy and Cherlyn were getting along.
It was shortly later that we showed them out, Cassidy’s arm around my waist as we watched them walk to the car. Maggie waved, and then they drove off. Cassidy and I stood on the front steps another minute, then rotated together and stepped back into the house. The moment the door was closed, her hand dropped down to my ass.
I laughed. “It’s been lonely right there.”
“I imagine,” she replied. “That went all right.”
“I think so, too.”
“So. Did Maggie come out to you?”
“Do you know something I don’t, or are you guessing?”
“Making an educated guess.”
“She asked if women would find her attractive.”
“Am I misremembering the first time we met?”
“No. But she worked at the stable the last two summers, and she’s been making other choices.”
“And thus the comment about cowgirls.”
“Right.”
“Come to bed.”
“Absolutely.”
Questions
The summer passed quickly, and junior year was nearly upon us, but we had a few more weeks. It was a Sunday morning. Cassidy and I were lounging in bed a little longer than usual when I rolled to her and set my head on her shoulder. “What’s to become of us?”
“I don’t know. What do you want to become of us?”
“I’m halfway through school. Thank you for that.”
“You’re welcome,” she replied.
“If I hadn’t needed someone like you, we never would have met.”
“I know.”
“I still need you for all the same reasons.”
“I know.”
“Our first date was awkward.”
“When you yelled at me for being judgmental, I’ve never in my life wanted someone more than I wanted you right then.”
“You wanted to put me in that tickle bench.”
“True, but don’t belittle what I just told you.”
“I’m sorry.”
She kissed my head. “Forgiven.”
“You know why I became a sugar baby, but you’ve never really explained your side. Will you?”
She lay quietly for a minute then said, “I had all these fantasies.”
“About someone like me being completely helpless.”
“Basically, yeah. And then you barged downstairs, and I was mortified.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
I thought about it. “Cassidy, what were you expecting to spend, total?”
“I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, you did.”
We lay there until she finally said, “I wasn’t sure, but in my head, I was thinking five, maybe ten grand.”
“Oh, shit, Cassidy.”
“That’s one.”
“But-”
“Are you arguing with me?”
“No, I’m talking about expectations versus what really happened.”
“Yeah, well. You happened.”
“You must have worked through your supply of fantasies six weeks after we met.”
“On that first date, when I realized you were serious about…”
“Not doing anything I didn’t want to do?”
“Before we met, I assumed if I waved enough money…”
“Right. You’ve waved a lot more money than you ever imagined.”
“No. I waved an education. This changed the moment I understood your motivations.”
“That’s when you stopped seeing me as a prostitute and instead as a person.”
“Pretty much.”
“I didn’t know what to expect,” I said. “And you didn’t get what you expected.”
“I’ve gotten so much more, Astrid, so much more.” She tightened her arm around me. “Please don’t doubt that.”
I stared ahead for a while and finally said, “I wish I didn’t need your money.”
“Why?”
“So you would understand what you really mean to me. I bet you think that’s the only reason I’m here.”
“I haven’t believed that since you let me tickle you.”
“Still. Cassidy, what happens to us?”
She didn’t answer. I didn’t think that was a good sign. I leaned away so I could look at her, but she turned away from me.
“I need you for two more years,” I said. “Are you growing tired of paying for me?”
“No,” she said. She turned back. “You don’t have to worry about that, Astrid. Are you going to get tired of what we do together?”
“Never,” I said. “Are there things you wish I’d let you do?”
“No, Darling.”
I reached up and caressed her cheek. “What happens then?”
“Maybe you’ll decide to go to grad school.”
“Why aren’t you giving me a straight answer.”
“Because I’m afraid, Astrid,” she said. “Once you don’t need me, will you still want me?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “With all my heart.”
“How much of that is gratitude?”
“I have no idea. Does it matter? Do you have any doubt at all I enjoy our time together?”
“What if I’m never willing to let my family meet you?”
At that I flopped back, staring at the ceiling. “Is that what it comes down to?”
“For now, you need me. Frankly, I don’t think you could do better if you left.”
“Why are we suddenly talking about me leaving?”
“I may treat you the way you want to be treated in most ways, but I have not introduced you to a single person from the rest of my life, and that’s a really, really shitty way to treat the woman who shares my bed.”
“Cassidy.”
She turned her head to look at me, but now I was the one staring at the ceiling. She rolled towards me until she was pressed against my side. “I love you,” she said. “I want to keep you forever. But I won’t if it’s not what is best for you. And I’m not sure, once you don’t need my money, you won’t want to start spreading your own wings.”
I rotated my head. “I want forever,” I told her. “But I vowed I wouldn’t pressure you for anything. I’m saying I want forever, but unless you bring it up, I won’t ever mention it again. Now I think you should get some toys and play with me.”
So she did.
* * * *
School started. Of course, Maggie and I were roommates again, and we were both quite pleased with the situation.
I had let Cassidy influence me and decided to pursue a business degree. I could do anything with a business undergrad.
And Maggie? “I’m going to be a veterinarian.” In Minnesota, it’s harder to get into the world class vet school at the University of Minnesota than it is to get into medical school, but I had no doubt she’d make it.
We both studied our asses off, but we found time for the other things in life, too. I continued my lunches with Mom. Maggie moved hers to Thursday. And I spent as much time with Cassidy as I could afford.
Maggie and Mom came to dinner with us about once a month. Cherlyn and Cassidy continued to refer to each other as Mom and Elvira, but I thought it had become with warmth. Midway through fall term, I also discovered that they were having lunch or coffee together every couple of weeks or so, too. I was just fine with that.
Life was pretty darned good, actually. Pretty darned good indeed.
Thanksgiving arrived. Cassidy spent the day with her family. I spent it with mine. Neither of us were invited to the other. “Tim wouldn’t understand.”
I was getting tired of that reason, and so the following Wednesday, I invited Maggie and Cherlyn to dinner with us, although I didn’t warn Cassidy they were coming. She was rather surprised to see the hostess leading us to a table that was already occupied, but she recovered easily enough.
“You weren’t expecting us,” Mom said.
“No.” Cassidy glanced at me. “Someone is plotting, but I have no idea what it’s about.”
“Neither do I,” Mom said. And they both took a look at Maggie, but she simply raised her hands defensively. I hadn’t told her, either.
“Let’s sit down and order something to drink, and I’ll tell you. It’s nothing bad.”
“Uh, huh,” Mom said. But we settled in. We ordered drinks. Cassidy added an appetizer order. I waited until the drinks arrived and said, “I want to tell Tim I’m seeing Cassidy.”
“Astrid, why?” Cassidy asked.
“Because I want you to come to Christmas, and every other family event after that.”
Cassidy leaned back and shut her mouth. I looked around the table, finally settling my eyes on my girlfriend. “You first. Yes or no? Do you want to come to family Christmas?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Maggie, do you mind if we tell your dad?”
“What would we tell him?”
“That I’m seeing a much older woman, that I have been for a while, that I’m in love, and that she treats me very, very well.”
“He doesn’t need to know more than that,” Cherlyn said.
“Then I don’t mind,” Maggie said.
All three of us turned to Cherlyn. “Mom,” I asked. “Is Cassidy welcome?”
“For my part, she is,” Cherlyn replied. “So this comes down to whether I think it’s a good idea to tell Tim.”
“I suppose it does.”
She looked at me. She looked at Cassidy. Then she said, “What the hell. Sure.”
“Do you mean that?”
�
�Sure,” she said. “Sure.” She turned to Cassidy. “We would love for you to join us for Christmas. If you tell us what your side does, we can plan around that, but we need to know soon so we can also coordinate with Bobbie.”
“That’s my other mom,” Maggie said.
“Got it.”
“We always do early Christmas Eve,” Cassidy said. “It actually bugs me. I do now, but I didn’t used to get that off, and it bugged me that I was supposed to take vacation when I wouldn’t have to if they made it dinner instead.”
“Bobbie has expressed some flexibility,” Cherlyn said, “But she hoped to have Maggie for Christmas Day. If I asked you to come to dinner on the 24th and then be there early again on the 25th, could that work for you? Maybe you’re taking Astrid away to Florida again.”
“I can’t this year. Some of my family is trying to pressure me into joining them. I told them I have a work project.”
“You couldn’t just say ‘no?’” I asked.
“Cherlyn could take lessons in pushy from some members of my family,” Cassidy said. “White lies are easier.”
“I fail to see why that means you can’t do something with Astrid. Not that I’m pressuring you or anything. That’s none of my business.”
“Because my sister is as likely as not to actually check up on me,” Cassidy said. “And if I’m anywhere other than in Minnesota, I have to deal with her for weeks, and I’d rather deal with her as little as possible.”
“Ah. So. Dinner, and then in the morning?”
Cassidy nodded. “I’d like that.”
“Good,” I said. “How do we tell Tim?”
“We don’t,” Cherlyn said. “I do. Leave it to me.”
“It’s my responsibility.”
“Don’t argue with your mother,” she said. “Managing my husband is my responsibility. Leave it to me.”
“Thank you, Mom.”
“You’re welcome.”
* * * *
Christmas arrived. Cassidy came to dinner. Tim acted like it was no big deal and said simply, “Welcome to this very strange family.” The two talked about the photography business. She took me home with her and enjoyed unwrapping one of her presents. I enjoyed her unwrapping her present, too.
The next morning, she was quite surprised to find there was a stocking with her name. There would have been two, as Cherlyn and I both set out to obtain one, but I realized at the last minute she might have handled it and called her about it.