by T Gephart
“No,” I fired out, waving my hands in the air. “Last thing she needs is a fucking ambush. I won’t have her thinking—however inaccurate—that we’re all ganging up on her. It’s about control, Tibbs. She needs to have it. We take that away and all of it will implode.”
I didn’t want to even think about it, knowing she could easily shut out every single one of us or even leave all together. That club owner would kill to have her move to fucking Hong Kong, and while they were still ironing out the particulars for the second Diablo site, no papers had been signed. One wrong move and she’d be on a plane, flipping us all off and miles away. And then what? Not only would I lose the fucking love of my life, but she’d be fucking alone.
Wasn’t happening.
Not on my watch.
“I’m not sitting around, Leighton and waiting for her to have a nervous breakdown, if that’s what you’re suggesting. She’s my fucking, sister.” Tibbs warned, clear that he wasn’t happy with the situation either.
I nodded, agreeing that one way or another it was going to come to a head. “So let’s think about this logically. We’re firemen. How would we treat this if it was a fire?”
Women were complicated. And as much as I liked to pretend I understood them, most times I was just guessing. Fire was complicated too, but I knew the fucking rules. And if you knew the rules, the conditions, the circumstances—there wasn’t a blaze you couldn’t extinguish. But you go in not knowing—or at least with a good estimation on—the variables you’re going to end up hurt, and worse, the fire wins.
“Presley’s a warehouse. Internal fire. No idea if there’s additional accelerant, or how many individual fires are going. We need to stop the flames before they compromise the structure.”
Tibbs thought for a second. “Multi-lines, roof access, containing the blaze is more important than putting it out. Once that shit is burnt, it’s done. And if you keep it back, stop it from spreading, you can still salvage the building. Easy to rebuild a room that is charred rather than have to start from the foundations.”
“You forgot the most important part, Tibbs.” I shook my head, knowing he was only half-right. “You do all that, but you need to ask the owner of the building what the hell was in there burning first.”
Keeping the fire to one room is smart. Like Tibbs said, once it’s burnt, it’s burnt. It can’t reburn, and eventually once it runs out of accelerant, it puts itself out. But what if there’s rocket fuel in that one room. The place will be blown to bits regardless of how much you try and contain it. Which is why warehouses usually have those fancy signs letting us know what the flammable liquids or chemicals are inside. And if we don’t know, Cap is on the horn finding the hell out.
“She’s going to have to help us put out the fire, Tibbs. No amount of surrounding and drowning will work unless we have an ironclad guarantee that shit isn’t going to level the block.”
You had to know.
Or have a really fucking good estimated guess.
And with Presley, we didn’t.
She was asleep when I got to her apartment.
I’d spent more time there than I had my own place, already out of my uniform and sliding into bed beside her. She was warm, the comforter doing its job, covering her naked body until I was able to take over. My lips pressed against her shoulder, a small moan escaping her lips as she leaned into me, and it was easy to believe everything was okay.
“I missed you.” She turned in my arms, her long lashes opening to reveal her beautiful brown eyes. “How was work?”
“Good. Long. And I missed you too.” I kissed her, my mouth fusing to hers as her lips parted for me. My tongue moved in, massaging hers as she groaned and gripped me tighter.
Her nails grazed against my back just enough to sting but not to draw blood, and I loved the feel of it. She shuffled underneath me, her tits pressed against my chest as she arched. “Mmmmmmmmm, I love morning sex.”
“I thought you didn’t like waking up before noon?” I teased, my dick hard and pressing against her lower belly.
She shuffled higher up the mattress, parting her legs so I could settle between them. “Exercising my prerogative to change my mind. Now do you want to discuss it, or do something else?”
“Discuss,” I said drily, pretending like sex wasn’t what I wanted.
Part of me wished I didn’t. That I’d be that guy who’d hold her and tell her that it was more important to cuddle. But I couldn’t, and not because I was a selfish bastard, or because I loved how it felt when I was inside of her.
I knew she was using me.
Using the sex to hush the demons and to lose herself, forget whatever else was going on in her head that she didn’t want to discuss. And I wasn’t even mad.
If that was what she needed, then I’d give it to her. It was that simple, not bothering to ask the question whether it was right or wrong. And no, I wasn’t being taken advantage of. I was having sex with the most beautiful woman I’d ever met, who I also happened to be in love with. Are you kidding me? It was nooooooooo fucking hardship.
And I wanted it too, because whether I was fucking her hard or making love to her slow, she was always with me, and only me.
She smiled, her beautiful lips parting as her tongue slipped out of her mouth. “Fine, let’s discuss then.” She leaned into me, dragging her tongue up my neck as her nipples hardened against my chest.
“Fast or slow?” I asked, the only discussion I wanted to have.
Her hips tilted, using my length to rub up against her clit. “Fast.”
I kissed her, grinding against her to give her the friction she wanted. She whimpered, seeking more contact as her hands slid down my back and grabbed my ass.
“Please more.”
It was like a chant and a prayer, both of them desperate as she bucked underneath me. I assumed those demons had been louder last night, feeding her need for a quicker release. And as much as I wished I could take them away permanently, I’d settle for an hour or two.
She protested as I lifted off her, trying to pull me back. “Condom, Presley.” I kissed her gently, “Give me a second to put one on and then I’ll give you what you want.”
“What if we didn’t?” she asked, her body underneath me going still.
“Have sex?” I clarified, because surely she wasn’t suggesting me not wearing one.
She shook her head, stopping me from going into the drawer of her nightstand and grabbing a condom. “What if you didn’t wear one.”
Look, given a choice, any guy would rather go bare.
I’d done it three times ever, and it was fucking mind blowing.
You feel everything.
Her hot, wet center.
How tight she contracts.
And everything just feels . . . well, more.
So yeah, if you’re in a relationship where you’re not screwing around, and you’re taking other precautions so nine months later you’re not rocking a baby carrier, then fuck the condom.
But Presley was a control freak, and she wasn’t the kind of woman who’d take that kind of a risk. And 99.9999 percent wasn’t good enough.
Which was why she took the pill every single day like clockwork, and I wore a condom.
“Presley, don’t you think we should have this discussion when we’re both thinking straight?”
I had to give her the chance to reconsider. Because so help me, God, if it was left up to me to decide, I was going to be buried inside of her—bare—in the next thirty seconds.
“No, I don’t want to think straight. Just do it. Please, Jared.”
There was so much need in the way she said my name that if I had any doubts whether or not I was going to do it, they were tossed out the window. I didn’t even care how fucking stupid it was, convincing myself that if I got her pregnant, I’d probably be ecstatic with that too.
I lowered my mouth to hers, crushing her with a kiss. My teeth pulled against her bottom lip, sliding in my tongue as the blunt of my
cock settled at her opening.
She lifted her lips seeking me out, but I didn’t budge, feeling her coat me in her juices as she slid up and down my shaft. It was delicious and sadistic, each drag of her hips making me harder and her wetter.
“You like using me to make yourself come, Baby?” My eyes focused on the juncture between her thighs where she was getting herself off.
“Yes,” she rasped, the word trapped on an exhale. “It feels so good.”
My hand reached down to my dick, giving myself a long hard stroke as I circled her. “Well, good just won’t do. I want you to feel great.”
I pushed in an inch, the head of my cock buried inside of her as she squeezed around it, both of us panting. And however mind-blowing it had felt those other three times I hadn’t worn a condom, it wasn’t even close to how fucking amazing it felt with her.
“Jesus,” I groaned, unable to hold back as I sunk all the way in. It was too good, the slick and tight way we fit together so phenomenal I was fighting the urge not to come. There was no way I was blowing my load so soon, conjuring up every unsexy thought I could to stop it from being over before it even started. My balls ached, a tremor traveling along my shaft as she squeezed against me.
“That feels sooooooo good.” She arched her back, her tits pushed up high and tight as her head dipped.
It was too much of a temptation, my mouth capturing one of her nipples as I slid out and then thrust back in. I’d already decided good wasn’t working for me, and her saying it again just strengthened my resolve.
I pumped into her again, getting myself deeper each time as her mouth opened and only wordless whimpers fell out.
But it still wasn’t enough, rolling us over so she was on top, adjusting her body as I held onto her hips. “Fuck me,” I said, looking into those beautiful wild eyes. “I want to see you get off with my cock inside of you.”
Her hands landed on my shoulders, fingernails biting into my skin as she used the leverage to rock. Her thigh muscles tightened, lifting off me before impaling herself on my dick.
The plan had been to let her give herself one orgasm and then I’d give her another, but I’d seriously over-estimated my patience. There was no way I could lie there and not be involved, the sight of her fucking me enough to drive me insane.
My hands guided her movements, picking up speed as I thrust in from under her. I didn’t give her the chance to fully retreat, pushing myself back in so deep, her eyes were rolling back into her head.
It was beyond good.
Hell, it was beyond great.
Every muscle in my body coiled so tightly, I was sure something was going to snap.
“I’mmmmm sooooo close,” she groaned, the words unnecessary as I felt her contract. “Jared, oh God.”
I lifted my head higher, getting my mouth on one of her nipples and sucking, her body trembling as I fucked her hard and fast.
She cried out, a jumble of syllables that didn’t sound coherent spilling from her lips as she detonated. The tiny spasms gripped my dick enough to send me over the edge with her, chasing the high. I couldn’t stop, pumping harder as she continued to shake as I filled her.
Our mouths met somewhere in the middle, pulling her down on top of me as my back hit the mattress. Our tongues tangled as our hot skin pressed against each other. I didn’t want to move, wrapping my arms around her and deepening the kiss, feeling myself still buried inside of her.
There was a chance she’d regret it. That once the initial buzz wore off, she’d realize the fraction of a possibility was too much and she’d beat herself up. Or worse, she’d blame me. But until that happened, I wasn’t willing to ruin what had been possibly the best sex of my life.
“You want to go shower?” I suggested lightly, thinking we could wash off and then crawl back into bed. There was still time for her to get more sleep but the mess we’d made was unavoidable.
“You want to shower with me?” she asked softly, which made me realize in the whole time we’d been together, we’d never done that.
We’d had sex all over her loft, and I’d showered in her fancy bathroom a plenty.
But we’d never done it together.
“Yeah, I do.” I nodded, brushing my fingers over her skin. Giving her a quick kiss, I gently pulled out of her and moved from the bed. She turned onto her side, watching me as I strode naked to her bathroom door. “Let me go start the water, come in when you’re ready.”
She hesitated at first but then nodded, and I had to wonder if the lack of condom was going to come up sooner than later. “You good?” I asked, waiting for her to say what I assumed was on her mind.
“Yes, I’ll be right in.” A small smile spread across her lips. “I’d really like to shower with you.”
It felt like more, like she was agreeing to something else, the shower the least of it. But she looked happy, relieved almost and I didn’t want to say anything that was going to take that away.
“Good, then come with me.”
Presley
MY BATHROOM WAS my sanctuary.
The place where I could literally strip bare.
I didn’t have to pretend in there, didn’t have to the wear the expectations of anyone else, and didn’t have to put on the brave face.
When Jared went back to work and I’d gone to Diablo solo for the first time, it was where I sat in the bottom of the stall and cried. It was stupid really, curled up in a corner and letting the water wash over me while I sobbed for no reason.
I was fine.
Hayden was fine.
And Lewis was in custody.
Why I was obsessing over it and letting it control my thoughts and feelings made no sense. I was a smart girl, why couldn’t my brain accept that everyone was safe, and I didn’t need to feel those feelings anymore.
But as much as I rationalized it, I couldn’t make it stop. The endless loop of my bad decision, and the blame that I should’ve known.
I’d lived with Lewis.
How didn’t I know about the gambling, the debts, the way he was manipulating not only me, but everyone around him? But I didn’t. Because he was hot, and I was busy. And well, it was just easy to ignore the signs.
I felt stupid.
Angry at myself.
And so goddamn guilty that no one could convince me otherwise.
I brought Lewis into our lives, so for better or worse, I was partly to blame.
But I wasn’t in my sanctuary where it was safe to have those thoughts, I was in my bed. And Jared was in my shower waiting for me to join him.
I’d never had a guy in there with me before, managing to avoid any intimacy in that room by careful and creative dodging. Sure, they used my bathroom when they stayed over, but never with me in it. The line of separation was maintained, keeping the integrity of my safe place.
Until Jared asked me if I wanted a shower.
With him.
The “no” had been right on my tongue, ready to give him one of the hundreds of excuses I’d given everyone before him. But for some reason, I didn’t. Because for the first time ever, I didn’t want to.
My feet slid to the floor, hearing the water already running in the other room. He’d left the door ajar, the steam barely spilling out. It was ridiculous how nervous I was about going into a room I’d been in a million times before, but it was different.
Wiping my hands down my bare legs, I took a tentative step and then another, holding my breath as I walked in. He was already in the shower, his blond hair saturated as his piercing blue eyes looked at me from under the spray. He was hot, rivulets of water snaked its way down, hugging each muscle on his chest and torso before falling to the floor.
Two large towels had been put conveniently close, his eyes raking up and down my body as I neared the stall. “You look pretty content in there,” I asked, opening the glass door and stepping inside. “You sure you want company?”
He didn’t respond, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close. “I
don’t want company, Presley. I want you.”
I wasn’t sure if it was him or me that started the kiss, his hands moving to my face as his mouth continued to move.
It was hot, the water cascading between us as my fingers explored his slick chest, our bodies pressing together as we touched each other everywhere. I was turned on, and even though we’d just had sex, I was surprised when I reached for his hard cock that he shook his head.
“We did it once without a condom. But if that’s something you want to keep doing, we need to talk about it when we’re not about to have sex.” A small smile edged at his lips. “And trust me, I want to. But I want for you to be sure.”
It had been a snap decision on my part, so worked up and needy for him that I just didn’t want him to stop. And then, when I thought about it—about having him inside of me with no barriers—it turned me on even more.
I trusted him, and I was so regular with my pill the chances were almost zero. No other medication to interfere with it and I hadn’t been sick, so I was comfortable I wouldn’t end up a statistic for carelessness. But he was right, normally I would have had a discussion about it. Weighed the pros and cons, and then decided.
But I didn’t.
And part of me didn’t care, wanting to feel something else, and so addicted to the high, I’d take the risk.
What was I doing?
I was supposed to be getting back to normal, not throwing out common sense and becoming reckless.
“Presley.” He caught my chin in his hand, not even realizing I’d taken a step back. “Don’t.”
Water fell into my eyes as I blinked, unsure of what he meant until I looked down between us. I hadn’t just taken a step back, but I’d completely let go of him too, my arms wrapped around my middle.
“I know, okay. I know you’re using sex to cope.” His voice was soft, his fingers skimming my jaw. “Baby, I’m not angry. I just need to make sure you’re okay.”
Hearing it out loud was so jarring I gasped, the idea that I was treating him like a sex toy, horrifying. “No, no, no. I love you.” I tried to make excuses, not willing to believe I could be so selfish. “I love you.”