Clenching my jaw, I nodded as I met her eyes. “I’m never gonna have a normal relationship, Trina. I need you to understand that. And I need you not to judge me over it too.”
Her face clouded, but she nodded. “It won’t happen again.”
I hitched my bag higher on my shoulder then started walking with her falling into step beside me. “So, um, are you and Ben serious now?”
She laughed. “As serious as we can be. We not getting married if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I only worry that you’ll settle. I want you to be happy.”
She bumped her elbow against mine. “I am happy.”
Glancing her way, the curve of her lips told me she was telling the truth. “OK. Now, no more relationship questions.”
“Deal,” she said, flashing me a smile. “You still coming to my place? Mum made lemon cake.”
“In that case, I’m definitely coming.”
“I thought so.” She laughed, and suddenly everything was right between us again. As much as all this relationship stuff felt like a big elephant in the room at times, there was no way I was going to let any of it get between Katrina and me. We’d been too close for too long. I would never let her go.
Five
Before long, Ben and Trina became the year ten it couple. With Katrina’s long honey hair and clear blue eyes, and Ben’s dark hair and dark features, they looked like movie stars together. And I wasn’t even jealous.
Not a single bit.
Not even when my time with Trina cut in half…
OK. That was a lie. I’d always been possessive of her, so it was hard to watch her makes goo-goo eyes at some dude.
To help my lonely heart feel more whole, I spent more time exploring the effect I had on the opposite sex. I wasn’t sure why, but most of the girls I encountered seemed very interested in getting me alone. Girls my age, even girls a couple of years older, were keen to get down and dirty. And I wasn’t complaining. Not one little bit.
Of course, I didn’t fuck all of them. There was a lot of heavy petting. A decent amount of oral. And some very satisfied smiles. While it felt good for all parties involved, it was meaningless. I missed my friend's constant company. I missed her laugh. Her conversation. Even her unwanted questions. I was simply filling the void.
Eventually I found out why girls were so willing to get naked with me. It got back to me that they were fascinated over the size of my cock. There were even comments written about how huge they thought it was in the girl’s toilet block. Suddenly, I wasn’t having fun anymore. I felt like a circus act instead and backed away from all of them. I went into the girls' toilets after school one day with a sheet of sandpaper and scrubbed the comments away. Seeing them there made me feel really cheap. I’d never once bragged about anything I did with girls. I couldn’t understand why they’d write things about me for the whole school to see.
Since Ben and Katrina were practically joined at the hip, I didn’t feel that I’d be missed within the ‘celeb’ group. It really wasn’t that fun watching her and Ben cosy up every recess and lunch. So, I started choosing other things to do instead. Slowly, I shifted into the group Loren and Erin were in. They’d always been down to earth and straight with me, and I preferred their company over the false smiles and veiled snickers from my previous ‘friends’.
As much as I felt that Trina was too caught up in her own little world, she did notice me pulling away. I explained my absence away by telling her I was getting sick of the sex obsession the group had. It was all they could talk about—sex and parties—and I was over it.
“I get it,” she said. “It’s getting pretty old. If I wasn’t dating Ben, I’d probably break away with you.”
“Why stay in an uncomfortable situation just because a guy wants you there?” I shot back.
She didn’t have an answer to that.
“This all reminds me of how things were when we first started high school—you hanging out with one group, me with another. It’s kind of sad,” she said, instead.
“I suppose. But, we don’t really spend that much one-on-one time together at school, anyway. We’ll just catch up on the bus going home.” On the days you actually go home instead of hanging with Ben
I wasn’t jealous. I was just being real.
“Yeah,” she said, flashing me a smile that didn’t replace the concern in her eyes. “That could work. We’ll be OK, right?”
Drawing her into a hug, I released my breath. “Trina, you and I will always be OK.”
Cassie wasn’t quite as understanding as Trina was. Despite knowing I was sleeping with other girls besides her, she seemed to think she had some kind of claim on me. I was always clear about what she meant to me. And she said she understood, but her reaction when I told her I was through said she saw us as more than we were.
“What about prom?” she screeched.
My expression locked between disbelief and confusion. “Prom? We’re not in America, Cassie. It’s a formal.”
“But I wanted you to take me.”
“I was never going. I’ve told you that several times.”
“I thought I could get you to change your mind.” What? I will never understand women.
My reason for sitting out the formal wasn’t because I thought I was too cool for it, it was because money was tight at home. Mum was struggling to make ends meet and paying for my ticket and tux hire was money she’d need to work extra shifts at the hospital to find. I didn’t want to put that pressure on her, so I decided to sit it out. Besides, everyone was cooking up for it, and we already knew couples made me uncomfortable.
Speaking of couples. As expected, Trina was going with Ben. She was so excited that she had her dress and hairstyle planned months ago. She even managed to con me into going shoe shopping with her, which was boring, but also welcome because it took hours and we were together. A small price to pay.
Ben was looking forward to the formal for a different reason, the details of which I overheard in the change rooms after our basketball game the week before.
To set the scene, a bunch of guys from year ten to twelve were on the school team. It wasn’t much of a commitment. We just had to train on a Monday at lunchtime and play a game on a Thursday afternoon against one of the other schools in our district.
There were maybe twenty of us in the change rooms. I was in taking a shower and when I came out, I could hear Ben telling Terry all about the things Katrina would let him do to her. I did my best not to listen in, because it seriously made my chest hurt to hear him talk about her like that, but my ears wouldn’t tune him out.
By the time I was dressed and had my shoes on, I knew, in explicit detail, exactly how far she’d let him go. I swear that steam was coming out of my ears as I tried to breathe through my anger. Don’t get involved. You promised.
“I reckon if I play my cards right, she’ll let me go all the way at the after party,” he bragged, earning himself a high five from Terry.
“She’d better put out. All the other girls are giving it up, and you’ve waited over six months for her,” Terry said.
“For sure man. I so deserve this.”
I’m not sure how I got from the other side of the locker room so fast, but suddenly I was standing behind Ben, breathing hard and growling like an animal.
“Know what you deserve?” I ground out, fists coiled at my sides. He turned around, grinning like a fuckwit before his eyes flashed with fear and his smile dropped. Forgot I was here. Didn’t you, Benny?
“Shit. I-I—”
I didn’t wait for him to finish.
Stepping forward, I rammed my fist into his gut, doubling him over as he stumbled back into the wall behind him.
“Wanna fuck, Benny-boy? How about I fuck you up?” I spat as he braced a hand against the wall and righted himself.
“What’s your fucking problem, Taylor.”
“You are.” I grabbed him by the shirt and rammed him back into the wall. “Stay the fuck
away from her.”
The dickhead actually grinned. “I knew it,” he said. “You want her for yourself.”
“Shut your filthy face or I’ll shut it for you.”
“Go ahead,” he sneered. “It’ll just make it easier for me.” Fuck.
Slowly uncurling my hand, I took a steadying breath and stepped back. “Wait till I tell her what I overheard. I’ll make it fucking impossible.”
Looking around at our audience, he scoffed. “She doesn’t want you, mate. She wants me.”
With a malicious smile curving my mouth, I leaned in close so no one could hear me. “Don’t make the mistake of thinking you mean something to her, mate. You are with her because I allow it. Piss me off and watch what happens. I fucking dare you.”
I met his eyes with a dark glare, spotting a spark of fear inside his. Unfortunately , fear didn’t make him any smarter. “You’re delusional. I’m the one who’s touched her in those special places. I’m the one who makes her wet.”
“Yeah? Well, she’s thinking about me while it’s happening,” I shot back. Not my finest moment, but if this fucker was going to taunt me, then I was going to put him in his place.
“It’s my name she’s sayin’, mate. And it’ll be my name she’s screaming after the formal when I fuck her all. night. long. She’s mine, Taylor. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Our audience released a collective, Whoa! Ben looked around, nodding like he thought he’d won. I tried playing nice.
A rumbling growl built in my chest and exploded out of me, echoing through the change rooms as angry red colours coated my eyes. My fist shot out and slammed into his jaw, sending him reeling.
I didn’t give him a chance to get back up. I physically launched myself at him, ramming him into the brick wall pummelling him with my fists. He got a few good hits in before I was hauled off him, kicking and spitting, swearing I was going to take his life if he touched her again.
“You’re fucking crazy,” he yelled, swiping at his mouth and finding blood.
“This is just the tip of the iceberg, motherfucker.”
Next stop, the principal’s office. Neither of us talked. So our parents were called, and we were suspended for three days.
I didn’t give a fuck about the suspension. Ben deserved every cut and bruise I gave him. But my mother didn’t see the justice behind my actions, grounding me for an entire month. I was to go to school and come straight home—no fun, no friends, no... Trina.
* * *
Late that night, a gentle tapping on my window told me Trina had already heard about Ben’s and my fight. Knowing this could turn into a shit fight, I sighed before I got off my bed and opened the curtains.
“What are you doing here? You can’t go walking around at night on your own,” I hissed through the darkened window.
“Want to explain to me why Ben broke up with me over the phone this afternoon?”
“He broke up with you? Good.”
Her hands went to her hips. “Good?”
“Yeah. Good. The guy’s a jerk.” I pulled on a pair of shoes and jumped out the window onto the ground next to her. “I’ll walk you home. It’s not safe around here.”
“Why is it safe for you to come to my window, but it’s not safe for me to go to yours?”
“Because you’re a girl. Girls shouldn’t walk around at night on their own. Simple as that.”
“You’re such a chauvinist sometimes.”
“Yeah, well, I’m the only guy around who’s looking out for you.” I started walking, knowing she’d come too.
“Beating Ben to a pulp is looking out for me, is it?”
“Yep,” I said, letting the ‘p’ pop as we walked side by side.
“Did you tell him to break up with me too?” When I glanced at her, I could see that her eyes were red and swollen from crying. I hated that she was hurting. But I still didn’t regret what I did. If she knew what Ben had been saying about her, what he was planning, she’d be humiliated.
“I told him to stay away from you.”
“Why? What did he do to warrant that?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“My boyfriend dumped me, David.” Shoving me in the shoulder, she got in my way so I needed to sidestep her to avoid stopping. “Don’t you think I deserve an explanation.”
“From him? Absolutely. But from me…” I glanced in her direction, my jaw tight. “I need you to trust that I acted for you. Not against you.”
As she seemed to consider that we walked in silence for a bit. “Are you badly hurt?” she asked, trying a different tack.
“I’m OK. I'll heal.”
She pulled me to a stop under a streetlight and grabbed me by the chin, turning my face from side to side as she took in my battle wounds. She then picked up my hands and ran her fingertips lightly over my grazed knuckles.
It wasn’t cold, but a chill ran through me as she gently stroked my hands. I wanted so many things from Trina, all of which I denied because I knew without a doubt I’d only cause her pain and leave her wanting. She smelled like strawberries, and I inhaled her greedily. She’s too good for you, David.
Lifting her gaze, she looked into my eyes. “Tell me what the fight was about.”
Pulling my hand from hers, I moved toward her house. “Let’s keep walking.”
“David,” she called, jogging to catch up. “Answer the question.”
“We got into a fight because the guy’s a fuckwit, all right?”
“That isn’t an answer.”
The only reply I had was a shake of my head. Sure, I could’ve told her he was talking shit about her. But then she’d want details, and I wasn’t going to be the one to give them to her. She’d feel dirty, used, violated. I wasn’t about to do that to her. This way, she’s angry, and she’s frustrated, but both those emotions are preferable.
“This is bullshit,” she said, walking a step ahead of me in stormy silence until we were back at her house.
“Here. I’ll give you a boost,” I said, interlacing my fingers and holding my hands open for her.
“What did he say about me?” she demanded in a harsh whisper.
“Trina.” I pressed my lips together and looked away.
“I know you, David. The only reason you’d beat him up and tell him to stay away from me was if he said something about me you didn’t like. What was it?”
“Are you going to let me give you a boost or not?”
“You seriously won’t tell me?” She dropped her hands so they slapped on her thighs. I met her eyes with silent determination. “Fine,” she said, planting her foot in my hands and letting me heft her over the fence while she mumbled about squeezing blood out of stones.
“Good night, Trina,” I told her as I turned to leave.
“Whatever David,” she said from the other side of the fence before her head popped up again. “You know something? I would have thought out of everyone in that locker room, you would have been the guy to tell me the truth. What is this? Some stupid bro code? I thought I meant more to you than that.”
I moved closer to her, taking her head in my hands as I planted a soft kiss upon her forehead. “You mean the world to me, Trina, and I don’t want to upset you over guy talk. I took care of it OK? You don’t have to worry about it. Now go inside before your parents hear us and ground you too.”
She rolled her eyes. But I still saw the tears escape as she turned away.
* * *
During my suspension, my mother left me a huge list of jobs I needed to have completed by the time she got home each day. She also swore that she was going to drop by randomly to check on me and alluded to having some sort of surveillance set up to make sure I stayed home.
I didn’t believe that, but I wasn’t in the mood for socialising, anyway. I spent my days trimming trees and weeding garden beds as well as cleaning out all of our storage areas. I wished the list of jobs took my mind of things, but they didn’t. I hated—hated—hearin
g Ben talk about Katrina like she was any other girl out there. It made me sick. And before I left the popular group I’d always been part of, he never would’ve spoken about her like that because she was under my protection, and I was one of them. But, I guess that’s what happened when you changed friendship groups; your alliances and respect changed too. I was never going to stand by and take it. I wasn’t to be trifled with.
On the third day of my suspension, Katrina detoured past my house on her way home from school. I was busy raking leaves in the front yard, so I didn’t realise she was there until she called to me.
“Are you back to school tomorrow?” she asked, standing on the council strip and talking to me over the garden bed.
I paused what I was doing and leaned on the rake, happy she was here speaking to me after she seemed so angry the other night. “Yeah. How’s it been in my absence?”
“Boring, enlightening, and a little lonely.”
“Enlightening?”
She bounced a shoulder and chewed on her lip a little. “Do you know Ethan? He’s in year twelve and gets off a stop before us on the bus.”
“Yeah. I know Ethan.”
“Of course you do. He’s on the basketball team isn’t he?”
I nodded, feeling pretty sure what was coming next.
“Well, Ethan sat next to me on the bus today. He told me what Ben was saying about me and what he said would happen after the formal. He told me how he was provoking you.”
I tapped the rake on the ground a couple of times, before I gave her a shrug. “Like I said, guy’s a fuckwit.”
“Yeah, but the stuff he said. It’s not true. Half of it hasn’t even happened, and I’m certainly not ready to…you know. Anyway, I’m glad we broke up. I really liked him at first, but then he started pressuring me to do more and well, it’s a relief to have that over. And I don’t like being locker room fodder. It’s supposed to be private, you know?”
I met her eyes, working my jaw as my memory reminded me of Ben’s bragging. “Yeah, Trina. I do know.”
Struggle: Beautiful Series, book one Page 33