CHAPTER XVI.
THE WALK BACK TO HENDON.
"I was here a little early," said Hampstead when his friend came in,"and I found your mother just going to church,--with a friend."
"Marion Fay."
"Yes, Miss Fay."
"She is the daughter of a Quaker who lives a few doors off. Butthough she is a Quaker she goes to church as well. I envy the tone ofmind of those who are able to find a comfort in pouring themselvesout in gratitude to the great Unknown God."
"I pour myself out in gratitude," said Hampstead; "but with me it isan affair of solitude."
"I doubt whether you ever hold yourself for two hours in commune withheavenly power and heavenly influence. Something more than gratitudeis necessary. You must conceive that there is a duty,--by thenon-performance of which you would encounter peril. Then comes thefeeling of safety which always follows the performance of a duty.That I never can achieve. What did you think of Marion Fay?"
"She is a most lovely creature."
"Very pretty, is she not; particularly when speaking?
"I never care for female beauty that does not display itselfin action,--either speaking, moving, laughing, or perhaps onlyfrowning," said Hampstead enthusiastically. "I was talking the otherday to a sort of cousin of mine who has a reputation of being aremarkably handsome young woman. She had ever so much to say to me,and when I was in company with her a page in buttons kept coming intothe room. He was a round-faced, high-cheeked, ugly boy; but I thoughthim so much better-looking than my cousin, because he opened hismouth when he spoke, and showed his eagerness by his eyes."
"Your cousin is complimented."
"She has made her market, so it does not signify. The Greeks seem tome to have regarded form without expression. I doubt whether Phidiaswould have done much with your Miss Fay. To my eyes she is theperfection of loveliness."
"She is not my Miss Fay. She is my mother's friend."
"Your mother is lucky. A woman without vanity, without jealousy,without envy--"
"Where will you find one?"
"Your mother. Such a woman as that can, I think, enjoy feminineloveliness almost as much as a man."
"I have often heard my mother speak of Marion's good qualities, butnot much of her loveliness. To me her great charm is her voice. Shespeaks musically."
"As one can fancy Melpomene did. Does she come here often?"
"Every day, I fancy;--but not generally when I am here. Not but whatshe and I are great friends. She will sometimes go with me into townon a Thursday morning, on her way to the meeting house."
"Lucky fellow!" Roden shrugged his shoulders as though conscious thatany luck of that kind must come to him from another quarter, if itcame at all.
"What does she talk about?"
"Religion generally."
"And you?"
"Anything else, if she will allow me. She would wish to convert me.I am not at all anxious to convert her, really believing that she isvery well as she is."
"Yes," said Hampstead; "that is the worst of what we are apt to calladvanced opinions. With all my self-assurance I never dare to tamperwith the religious opinions of those who are younger or weaker thanmyself. I feel that they at any rate are safe if they are in earnest.No one, I think, has ever been put in danger by believing Christ tobe a God."
"They none of them know what they believe," said Roden; "nor do youor I. Men talk of belief as though it were a settled thing. It is sobut with few; and that only with those who lack imagination. Whatsort of a time did you have down at Castle Hautboy?"
"Oh,--I don't know,--pretty well. Everybody was very kind, and mysister likes it. The scenery is lovely. You can look up a long reachof Ulleswater from the Castle terrace, and there is Helvellyn in thedistance. The house was full of people,--who despised me more than Idid them."
"Which is saying a great deal, perhaps."
"There were some uncommon apes. One young lady, not very young, askedme what I meant to do with all the land in the world when I took itaway from everybody. I told her that when it was all divided equallythere would be a nice little estate even for all the daughters, andthat in such circumstances all the sons would certainly get married.She acknowledged that such a result would be excellent, but she didnot believe in it. A world in which the men should want to marry wasbeyond her comprehension. I went out hunting one day."
"The hunting I should suppose was not very good."
"But for one drawback it would have been very good indeed."
"The mountains, I should have thought, would be one drawback, and thelakes another."
"Not at all. I liked the mountains because of their echoes, and thelakes did not come in our way."
"Where was the fault?"
"There came a man."
"Whom you disliked?"
"Who was a bore."
"Could you not shut him up?"
"No; nor shake him off. I did at last do that, but it was by turninground and riding backwards when we were coming home. I had justinvited him to ride on while I stood still,--but he wouldn't."
"Did it come to that?"
"Quite to that. I actually turned tail and ran away from him;--notas we ordinarily do in society when we sneak off under some pretence,leaving the pretender to think that he has made himself verypleasant; but with a full declaration of my opinion and intention."
"Who was he?"
That was the question. Hampstead had come there on purpose to say whothe man was,--and to talk about the man with great freedom. And hewas determined to do so. But he preferred not to begin that which heintended to be a severe accusation against his friend till they werewalking together, and he did not wish to leave the house withoutsaying a word further about Marion Fay. It was his intention to dineall alone at Hendon Hall. How much nicer it would be if he could dinein Paradise Row with Marion Fay! He knew it was Mrs. Roden's customto dine early, after church, on Sundays, so that the two maidens whomade up her establishment might go out,--either to church or to theirlovers, or perhaps to both, as might best suit them. He had dinedthere once or twice already, eating the humble, but social, legof mutton of Holloway, in preference to the varied, but solitary,banquet of Hendon. He was of opinion that really intimateacquaintance demanded the practice of social feeling. To know a manvery well, and never to sit at table with him, was, according to hisviews of life, altogether unsatisfactory. Though the leg of muttonmight be cold, and have no other accompaniment but the commonill-boiled potato, yet it would be better than any banquet preparedsimply for the purpose of eating. He was gregarious, and now felt alonging, of which he was almost ashamed, to be admitted to the samepastures with Marion Fay. There was not, however, the slightestreason for supposing that Marion Fay would dine at No. 11, even werehe asked to do so himself. Nothing, in fact, could be less probable,as Marion Fay never deserted her father. Nor did he like to give anyhint to his friend that he was desirous of further immediate intimacywith Marion. There would be an absurdity in doing so which he didnot dare to perpetrate. Only if he could have passed the morningin Paradise Row, and then have walked home with Roden in the darkevening, he could, he thought, have said what he had to say veryconveniently.
But it was impossible. He sat silent for some minute or two afterRoden had asked the name of the bore of the hunting field, and thenanswered him by proposing that they should start together on theirwalk towards Hendon. "I am all ready; but you must tell me the nameof this dreadful man."
"As soon as we have started I will. I have come here on purpose totell you."
"To tell me the name of the man you ran away from in Cumberland?"
"Exactly that;--come along." And so they started, more than an hourbefore the time at which Marion Fay would return from church. "Theman who annoyed me so out hunting was an intimate friend of yours."
"I have not an intimate friend in the world except yourself."
"Not Marion Fay?"
"I meant among men. I do not suppose that Marion Fay was out huntingin Cumberland."
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"I should not have ran away from her, I think, if she had. It was Mr.Crocker, of the General Post Office."
"Crocker in Cumberland?"
"Certainly he was in Cumberland,--unless some one personated him.I met him dining at Castle Hautboy, when he was kind enough to makehimself known to me, and again out hunting,--when he did more thanmake himself known to me."
"I am surprised."
"Is he not away on leave?"
"Oh, yes;--he is away on leave. I do not doubt that it was he."
"Why should he not be in Cumberland,--when, as it happens, his fatheris land-steward or something of that sort to my uncle Persiflage?"
"Because I did not know that he had any connection with Cumberland.Why not Cumberland, or Westmoreland, or Northumberland, you may say?Why not?--or Yorkshire, or Lincolnshire, or Norfolk? I certainly didnot suppose that a Post Office clerk out on his holidays would befound hunting in any county."
"You have never heard of his flea-bitten horse?"
"Not a word. I didn't know that he had ever sat upon a horse. And nowwill you let me know why you have called him my friend?"
"Is he not so?"
"By no means."
"Does he not sit at the same desk with you?"
"Certainly he does."
"I think I should be friends with a man if I sat at the same deskwith him."
"With Crocker even?" asked Roden.
"Well; he might be an exception."
"But if an exception to you, why not also an exception to me? As ithappens, Crocker has made himself disagreeable to me. Instead ofbeing my friend, he is,--I will not say my enemy, because I shouldbe making too much of him; but nearer to being so than any one Iknow. Now, what is the meaning of all this? Why did he trouble youespecially down in Cumberland? Why do you call him my friend? And whydo you wish to speak to me about him?"
"He introduced himself to me, and told me that he was your specialfriend."
"Then he lied."
"I should not have cared about that;--but he did more."
"What more did he do?"
"I would have been courteous to him,--if only because he sat at thesame desk with you;--but--"
"But what?"
"There are things which are difficult to be told."
"If they have to be told, they had better be told," said Roden,almost angrily.
"Whether friend or not, he knew of--your engagement with my sister."
"Impossible!"
"He told me of it," said Lord Hampstead impetuously, his tongue nowat length loosed. "Told me of it! He spoke of it again and againto my extreme disgust. Though the thing had been fixed as Fate, heshould not have mentioned it."
"Certainly not."
"But he did nothing but tell me of your happiness, and good luck, andthe rest of it. It was impossible to stop him, so that I had to rideaway from him. I bade him be silent,--as plainly as I could withoutmentioning Fanny's name. But it was of no use."
"How did he know it?"
"You told him!"
"I!"
"So he said." This was not strictly the case. Crocker had sointroduced the subject as to have avoided the palpable lie ofdeclaring that the tidings had been absolutely given by Roden tohimself. But he had not the less falsely intended to convey thatimpression to Hampstead, and had conveyed it. "He gave me tounderstand that you were speaking about it continually at youroffice." Roden turned round and looked at the other man, white withrage--as though he could not allow himself to utter a word. "It wasas I tell you. He began it at the Castle, and afterwards continued itwhenever he could get near me when hunting."
"And you believed him?"
"When he repeated his story so often what was I to do?"
"Knock him off his horse."
"And so be forced to speak of my sister to every one in the hunt andin the county? You do not feel how much is due to a girl's name."
"I think I do. I think that of all men I am the most likely to feelwhat is due to the name of Lady Frances Trafford. Of course I nevermentioned it to any one at the Post Office."
"From whom had he heard it?"
"How can I answer that? Probably through some of your own family. Ithas made its way through Lady Kingsbury to Castle Hautboy, and hasthen been talked about. I am not responsible for that."
"Not for that certainly,--if it be so."
"Nor because such a one as he has lied. You should not have believedit of me."
"I was bound to ask you."
"You were bound to tell me, but should not have asked me. There arethings which do not require asking. What must I do with him?"
"Nothing. Nothing can be done. You could not touch the subjectwithout alluding to my sister. She is coming back to Hendon inanother week."
"She was there before, but I did not see her."
"Of course you did not see her. How should you?"
"Simply by going there."
"She would not have seen you." There came a black frown over Roden'sbrow as he heard this. "It has been understood between my father andFanny and myself that you should not come to Hendon while she isliving with me."
"Should not I have been a party to that agreement?"
"Hardly, I think. This agreement must have been made whether youassented or not. On no other terms would my father have permitted herto come. It was most desirable that she should be separated from LadyKingsbury."
"Oh, yes."
"And therefore the agreement was advisable. I would not have had heron any other terms."
"Why not?"
"Because I think that such visitings would have been unwise. It isno use my blinking it to you. I do not believe that the marriage ispracticable."
"I do."
"As I don't, of course I cannot be a party to throwing you together.Were you to persist in coming you would only force me to find a homefor her elsewhere."
"I have not disturbed you."
"You have not. Now I want you to promise me that you will not. I haveassured my father that it shall be so. Will you say that you willneither come to her at Hendon Hall, or write to her, while she isstaying with me?" He paused on the road for an answer, but Rodenwalked on without making one, and Hampstead was forced to accompanyhim. "Will you promise me?"
"I will not promise. I will do nothing which may possibly subject meto be called a liar. I have no wish to knock at any door at which Ido not think myself to be welcome."
"You know how welcome you would be at mine, but for her."
"It might be that I should find myself forced to endeavour to seeher, and I will therefore make no promise. A man should fetterhimself by no assurances of that kind as to his conduct. If a manbe a drunkard, it may be well that he should bind himself by a vowagainst drinking. But he who can rule his own conduct should promisenothing. Good-day now. I must be back to dinner with my mother."
Then he took his leave somewhat abruptly, and returned. Hampsteadwent on to Hendon with his thoughts sometimes fixed on his sister,sometimes on Roden, whom he regarded as impracticable, sometimeson that horrid Crocker;--but more generally on Marion Fay, whom heresolved that he must see again, whatever might be the difficultiesin his way.
Marion Fay: A Novel Page 16