by Dixon, Ruby
She looks so fierce I’m momentarily a little terrified of her. “So…the games?”
“Right. Games to get some testosterone out of their systems and tire them out. Think of them like fussy children. I know I do.” She gestures at the beach. “This is their pacifier.”
I sigh, looking at the waves crashing onto shore, imagining all the things washing up that I could be missing out on. I wiggle my finger for Ahsoka and say, “Did they have to do it on the beach, though?”
“I guess you’ll just have to pull the wings off of flies here in camp, huh?”
“We have flies?” I ask, startled.
“It’s a figure of speech.”
“I haven’t seen insect life here,” I mention to her. “That could explain the distinct lack of flowering fauna, but did you guys have insects back at the other camp? Or did they have them on the island?”
“No bugs is just about the only plus here on this planet. Well, spurs help.” She nudges me and wiggles her eyebrows. “Am I right?”
“Spurs?”
“Oh, you sweet, innocent thing. You are in for a treat.”
“A treat?”
“Let’s just table the sex talk for now, all right? I’m going to have to give the full spiel the moment Bridget resonates, and with the hormonal rages she’s going through? I’d bet money that she’s resonating soon. Everyone gets totally unreasonable and all worked up over the slightest things when they’re about to resonate.”
Bridget’s about to resonate? Wow. “Do you think it’s because her symbiont is affecting her body’s normal—“
“Uh oh,” Liz interrupts, glancing down at the beach. She groans. “And it looks like my darling Raahosh is going to choke out R’jaal if I don’t step in soon. Can you watch Ahsoka for a moment for me?” Liz walks away before I can answer.
“Of course I can,” I coo at Ahsoka, who burbles up at me. I want answers to my questions, too, but I guess I can hold the baby until Liz comes back. I adjust her against my body and then go and sit by the fire, rocking her in my lap. I’ve held her before, but I don’t know what to do with a baby other than hold it. I jiggle her a little, and then she starts nuzzling at the front of my tunic, so I put her on my shoulder and awkwardly pat her back, because I don’t have anything she can nurse on.
Awkwardly, I look around the camp. Most everyone seems to be on the beach. There are a few of the usual groups already out hunting for the day, but the normal crowd around the main fire is gone. N’dek—the one missing the lower half of one leg—sits by the fire, his hair greasy and disheveled, his expression distant. He’s not talking to me, but that’s not surprising. He doesn’t really talk to anyone except J’shel, and J’shel is gone with Hannah. As I watch, Willa and Gren approach the fire, Willa holding Gren’s hand and the big, beastlike guy reluctantly following her. She gets them both cups of tea and then they sit on the far side of the fire, heads bent together as they talk.
I’m alone. Well, not exactly alone. I have baby Ahsoka in my arms, but she’s a poor conversationalist. I pat her little back, gazing around the camp as Liz wades into the group on the beach and starts talking. I can hear her from here, and I like that she’s never intimidated by anyone.
My Nani would tell me to be more like her. To just push my way forward and shove my way into the group. To make friends and not be so deep into my work. Of course, Nani would also be in Mom’s ear, both of them insisting that I find myself a husband.
At least here I don’t have to go on any blind dates set up by my mother and her friends.
I do miss my family, though. I miss being part of a big community that didn’t care if I was quiet and weird and really into dinosaurs. Nani would just roll her eyes at me, shove a plate of gulab jamun in front of me, and then tell me all the stories of when she married her husband. Mother would be busy going over one of her criminal cases at the kitchen table—ironic that she doesn’t want me to be too into my job but she’s crazy into hers—and it would just be…cozy. Friends and extended family members would drop by throughout the day and there was always food to eat, smiling faces at the table, and it was home. I belonged, even if Nani frowned if I pulled out a book that had a whiff of a dinosaur on the cover.
You’re young, she would tell me. You should get married. Have babies. Then you can play with your science.
And now I’m gone and there’s this never-ending ache where my family used to be. I still remember them. I think it’s been years since they last heard from me—something tells me that a lot of time has passed. I’m trying to look forward, to think of the present, and to enjoy this awesome planet with its fascinating wildlife.
But sometimes it’s hard. At times like this, it’s lonely. I hug Ahsoka to my chest and glance over at Willa and Gren again. She’s fishing some hardtack out of a bag and murmurs something, chuckling as she feeds it to him. He deliberately nips at her fingers and it feels like such an intimate moment I look away. I glance over at N’dek, but he seems lost in thought. In the distance, Liz argues with someone, pointing at the sand.
And they wonder why I focus on my work. At least when I’m focused on my research, I don’t notice that I’m lonely. That I’m the only Indian girl here, or for that matter, the only academic. I’ll fit in eventually. Until then, there’s always the beach.
With that thought in mind, I get to my feet and shift Ahsoka on my shoulder. Maybe I can hand her back to Liz and while everyone’s focused on this end of the beach, I can go down to the tide pools and see if anything new washed up overnight.
2
N’DEK
People come and go from around the fire, but I do not see them. I do not see the flames that I poke at absently. I do not see the sand, or the clouds in the sky, or anything else. I am lost in thought.
I am thinking of how I can make myself a leg to replace the one that is missing.
It has been many turns of the moon since that fateful hunt that changed my life. I thought that I would be useless for the rest of my days, forced to sit by the fire and let others carry me around. I thought I would become a burden. Me, who had once prided himself on being one of the strongest, fiercest hunters.
I have felt…useless. Pathetic. As if no one could understand my pain. I have felt alone. I have driven off J’shel and any that have sought to help me, because their eyes are filled with pity and I hate it.
But…yesterday one of the humans put horns on a helmet that she tied to her hair and declared that she wanted to be part of the horn-locking games. That she was not born with horns, but she would “improvise.” She was being silly, of course, because she was small and even fake horns would not protect her fragile skull.
Those fake horns made me think, though.
This morning, when P’nee and N’deen strapped snowshoes to their feet to go hunting, I thought even more. The humans do not have the right feet to walk in the deep snow. Their legs are short and their feet delicate, unlike the larger, stronger feet of the People. It does not stop them, though. They simply adapt their shoes and keep going.
It occurred to me that I could make myself a leg. Learn to balance on it the way the humans balance on their strange snowshoes. Walk on my own instead of forcing J’shel or V’za or K’thar to carry me.
I could be independent once more.
I could hunt.
I could impress one of the many females that flit around this beach, giggling and flirting with the Shadow Cat clan or the Tall Horn clan. They do not flirt with me. They do not talk to me at all, and I know it is because I cannot walk.
But what if I can?
It is as if the suns have come out from behind the clouds after months of storms.
For the first time in forever, I feel light. Full of hope. Lost in thought, I stare at the fire, turning the idea over in my head again and again. A boot, perhaps, but how do I get it to stay on my leg? What would I make it out of? I rub the stump of my leg, the scarred tissue that ends just below the knee, and I think.
I need
help with this, I realize. Someone to assist me with gathering materials and creating such a thing. Someone that will help me quietly, because if it does not work, I do not want the rest of the beach clan to know. I want to hide that shame.
It must be someone who is discreet.
I look around automatically for J’shel, who always hovers nearby. He is gone, though. He chased after H’nah on the strange fruit-hunting trip. V’za helped me out to the fire this morning. I glance over at the male, who is holding Z’hren in his arms as his mate spreads seaweed on a fur to dry out. He glances over at me and then nods.
I nod back but do not call him over. I like V’za—it is impossible not to. He is a shallow pond, that one. There is not a cruel bone in his body, but there is also not a hint of secrecy. He talks. A lot. He would tell his mate—and anyone else close enough to listen—that he would be helping me. I do not want this.
It might not work, after all.
Rubbing my jaw, I keep thinking. M’dok, perhaps…but his mate F’rli is as clever as she is lovely. She would know why I spoke with him, and I do not want her looking at me with pity.
It must be someone else.
I look around the fire, rubbing my bad leg again. It is empty, and I can see a great many people clustered on the beach near the water. They all laugh and chat and do something on the sand I cannot see from my seat.
“Do you need to get up?” V’za asks, moving to my side. “Do you need to relieve your bladder?”
I grit my teeth. This is another reason why I hate that I must be toted around like a kit. There is no pride left in a hunter who must be dragged behind another so he can empty his bladder. “I am fine.” When V’za continues to watch me, I ask, “Who is the smartest of the human females?”
He grins, showing fangs. “Why, my mate of course.”
“Oh, you crazy old fart,” G’hail says, immediately coming to V’za’s side and laughing. “He’s full of shit. Don’t mind him. What do you need help with, honey?”
I purse my lips. I like both V’za and G’hail both, but I do not know them well for all that they are in Strong Arm clan now. I do not want anyone from Strong Arm to help me…or the other island clans. We are far too competitive with each other, and that competitive feeling has only grown now that there are many pretty human females on the beach.
That leaves the humans. Perhaps one of them might have the answers I see. So I ask again, “Which of the human females is the cleverest,” I ask. “The best with her mind?” I can supply the brute strength, but I need someone to help me see what I am missing.
G’hail looks confused for a moment. “Oh. Um.” She glances down the beach, thinking. “All of the girls are smart, of course. But if you want brainy, I think Devi is your girl.” She looks over at me again, a speculative expression on her face. “You sure there’s nothing I can help you with?”
“Which one is D’vi?”
“She’s the scientist. The brown girl with the long hair.” G’hail points down at the beach. “She’s always playing with the dead things on the shore. I’m sure there’s a reason behind it, but I’ll be damned if I know what it is.”
I nod thoughtfully. I know that female now. She talks a lot and uses many words that are complicated. Her eyes are bright and intelligent though, and while she speaks a lot, she does not seem to share her secrets with the others. In fact, she is alone quite often. “She is the one I wish to talk to,” I say. “Will you help me, V’za?”
I hate that I must ask. Hate it.
“Of course,” V’za says. He hands Z’hren over to his mate, presses his mouth to them both in that strange human custom K’thar is such a fan of, and then comes to my side. “How shall I carry you?”
I grit my teeth and endure, because I know he is simply being friendly. “On your back. I will put an arm around your shoulders.”
V’za strains under my weight—he is a solid male, but I am Strong Arm and we are the heaviest and most solidly muscled of all the clans. J’shel was able to carry me without strain, but it is difficult for others. He does not complain, though, merely hauls me down to the beach, talking cheerfully of Z’hren and how he is outgrowing the leathers G’hail has just made for him. “My mate says he grows like a weed, but I do not know what such things are,” he chuckles, then gazes at the cluster of people farther down the beach. “You wish to go there?”
“No. To D’vi.” I raise a hand and point at the female walking alone near the rockiest part of the shore.
He watches the others for a moment longer and then turns away. “Are you looking forward to the games? We had something similar when I was a young hunter and there were females to impress. And a few turns of the moon ago, there was a lovely female by the name of Tee-fa-ni that many of us competed for.” He pats my arm as he jogs down the beach. “You should show off for the females. They like to see such things in a male.”
“I cannot walk,” I snap at him. “What games do you think I will win with that?”
“Why, the throwing ones. Or if there are climbing ones.” V’za does not seem disturbed by my anger. “Not everything will be about strength or speed, watch and see. They will come up with clever ways for the humans to participate and it will be great fun for all.”
“I do not have a leg,” I remind him. Perhaps he is more of a fool than I thought.
“Oh, I know,” V’za says easily. “Look, there is Deh-vee.” He lifts a hand in greeting. “Ho, female.”
The human straightens, giving us a confused look as we approach. She is taller than some of the others, lean of figure compared to J’shel’s H’nah. Her skin is an interesting golden-brown shade and her hair is as dark as any islander. She looks confused at the sight of us, setting down a sharp stick and wiping her knife on the sand. At her feet, I see several dead beach-crawlers opened up and torn apart. “Are you looking for me?” she asks, clearly surprised. She glances over her shoulder, and then seeing no one, gestures at her chest.
“I wish to talk to you, female,” I say, and then tap V’za on the shoulder and indicate a cluster of rocks big enough to sit upon. “Set me down there, please.” When he does so, he turns to look at me as I settle myself. “My thanks.”
“Of course,” V’za says, all smiles.
The female—D’vi—just watches us with furrowed brows, as if she cannot quite understand why I am here.
When V’za continues to wait, standing next to me, I realize he has no plans of leaving my side unless I tell him so. I indicate that he should lean in, and when he does, I murmur, “I should like to talk to the female privately.”
“Ahhhhh,” V’za says, and gives me a knowing look. He grins and then looks at D’vi. “She is a fine one.” He claps me on the back and then says, “Yell when you are ready to go back to the fire.” And he jogs a short distance away, heading to where the others are setting up the area for the games.
I watch her, and she studies me with a wary expression. I have never spoken to her before, so I am sure she has questions. A moment later, though, her gaze strays to the water a short distance away and she races forward, plucking something out of the waves.
I frown as she wanders close to what looks like a waiting tentacle of a skimmer. They like to bite first, and a few of the females have been nipped by their hard beaks at the end of each tentacle. “Mind that you do not go into the waters, female. It is not safe.”
She ignores me, picking up what looks like the balled up corpse of a crawler, and then moves away from the waves. With her fingers, she unfurls it, then digs her knife into its gut, splitting it open and examining the contents.
Well…I have been warned she is odd.
“I am N’dek,” I say when she continues to ignore me. “Of Clan Strong Arm.”
“Hi. Devi.” She pulls out a handful of guts and studies them, frowning. “Does this look like an intestinal parasite to you?” She brings the guts to me, spreading them with a blunt-tipped fingernail.
I glance down at what she shows me. “It l
ooks like guts.”
“Hmm. Yeah, it could just be an organ I’m unaware of or another symbiont. It’s entirely possible that if there’s one symbiont, there could be two, right?” She dumps the handful on the ground after studying it for a moment longer, and then wipes her hand on her leathers. “My name is Devi.”
“You said that.”
“I did? Sorry.” She gives me a sheepish look. “I get a little wrapped up in things at times. Forget what I’m talking about and who I’m talking to. My mother always said it was a bad habit to get too into my work, but that was the pot calling the kettle black, you know? And I guess it doesn’t matter because she’s not here, so I can work as much as I want.” She sighs heavily. “Though what I wouldn’t give for a damn laptop or even a notebook, you have no idea.”
I grunt, because she is rambling. “You…are working?”
D’vi wipes her hand again, looking nervous. “It sounds ridiculous. I know everyone thinks I just wander around on the beach and cut dead things open, but I’m trying to learn about the anatomy of the sea life here so I can determine how it’s evolving. Some of the bits are different than what I’m used to seeing, and no one likes it when I try to steal their dinner to examine it, so I only really get to poke around on the dead things on the beach.”
“Ah. And staring at these helps something?” I still do not follow.
“The more I learn about them, the more we’re aware of how they act, what their patterns are. Like this guy—” She moves back to her creature and picks it up, unfurling the long fan tail. “He has small teeth that look like a comb. So even though he looks like a scorpion, it’s clear all he’s doing is gathering silt and eating whatever bits come out of that. A ground dweller, probably eating detritus from the ocean floor. Which means he’s safe and if I see one in my tent, I won’t panic because it means he’s just as confused as me.” She wiggles one of its claws and then looks up at me, a crestfallen expression on her face. “Do you think that’s weird?”