by Dixon, Ruby
But this is my first brush with up-close nudity and I am so not prepared.
I watch in mystified fascination as he fishes his cloth out of the bowl and rubs it right down his front again, as if I’m not standing in front of him like the world’s biggest virgin.
Relax, Devi, I tell myself. He’s not coming onto you. You told him he was stinky and he’s fixing it. Lauren said the islanders went naked a lot or wore nothing but leaves. This is normal for him. You’ve seen penises before. You’ve studied anatomy textbooks. You’ve seen porn. You saw Game of Thrones. This is just another penis.
But…it’s big. And blue. And has ridges.
And really big.
And he’s washing it while I stand there staring.
My mouth goes dry as he slides the cloth over his length as if I’m not standing here.
“What’s that?” I can’t help but ask when I spot the appendage above his, ah, penis.
He glances down at himself. “This is my cock. It is for putting into a female’s cunt to fulfill resonance. It gives them pleasure and my seed both.”
Hoo boy. “Thanks for the anatomy lesson, but I meant that thing on top.” I point at the area on myself. “That’s not a normal appendage.”
“It is not?” He looks down and runs his fingers over it. “Do you…think it is too big?” He looks worried.
“How big is it supposed to be?” It looks like it’s the size of my thumb, but…thicker. “I didn’t mean that yours wasn’t normal, I mean that I’ve never seen one before. It is not part of human anatomy.” I’m fascinated at the sight and have to bite back the request to touch it. Of course he’s not going to let me touch it. It’s part of his privates.
If my Nani knew I was having this conversation, she’d be clutching her heart right now.
N’dek just looks down at his genitals, confused.
“Is it bone?” I ask, curious. I set my pack down by the door and go to sit by him as if to say see, I can be totally cool with your utter nudity and great big penis and whatever that thing is.
“Bone? No.” He touches his ear. “It is hard but bendable, like this.”
“Cartilage,” I answer, and reach out to touch his ear just to be sure. “Yep, cartilage.”
He watches me closely as I lean in and touch his ear, and I can’t read his expression.
“Sorry, is touching not allowed?”
“It is fine,” he says in a low voice. “I was just…surprised.”
“Well here, you can touch mine.” I rake my hair back behind my shoulder and lean in, and he obediently touches my ear, his fingertips moving over the curve of it.
His touch is gentle, his hands warm and strong, and I get goosebumps at his touch. “I see.”
“I’m sorry if my questions were inappropriate,” I say to him. “It’s merely the scientist in me that’s curious as to our differences.” It has nothing to do with your great big dong, I promise. Or the fact that I’m a great big virgin to boot.
N’dek looks down at himself again. “Your males do not have…a spur?”
“Is that what it’s called?” I think back to my conversation with Liz. “Oh, is it for stimulating your female?” He shrugs, and I make a mental note to ask Liz about it again next time I’m around her. Discreetly. As if I’m used to sex talk.
“Are there other differences?” N’dek asks, running the wet cloth along one impossibly thick thigh. “Between humans and the People?”
“I’m sure there are,” I say distractedly. It’s very difficult to concentrate when he’s bathing himself in front of me and all I can think about is how the models in anatomy class never looked quite so fascinating.
“Such as?”
Oh. “I…don’t know. Something specific? Or just in general?”
He shrugs. “I wish to know in case I will resonate to a human. I want to be prepared.”
“Are you?” I ask, curious. “How can you tell? I don’t hear your khui.” His chest is as silent as mine.
N’dek puts a hand there and rubs absently. “I know. But I suspect it will be soon. I have a feeling in my spirit.”
Ah. I remember my conversation with Liz from earlier. “There’s definitely an odd vibe in camp right now. Liz thinks Bridget’s about to resonate and that’s why she’s being so difficult.”
He gets an odd look on his face, rubbing his chest. “Perhaps.”
Resonance seems to be on everyone’s mind lately. Maybe that’s what’s spurring along this change? “Is that why you want help with your leg? To impress the female you’re going to resonate to?”
His mouth twists, his expression turning bitter. “No, I want a leg because I want to be a whole N’dek once more. I am tired of being carried like a kit. I am tired of asking someone to help me when I need to do the simplest of tasks. I want to be a burden to no one.”
“Independence. I totally get that. My Nani was always chiding me that I was too independent to make a good wife for someone. Naatin, she would say, men don’t like a woman who has her nose in a book all the time.”
“Why not?” he asks, and I want to squeeze him for such a supportive thing. Then, “What is a book?”
“Earth things,” I say with a chuckle. “Unimportant now, I guess. But if you are going to be independent, we should take a look at the stuff I brought for your leg, shouldn’t we? It’s probably a bad idea if I get caught here with you.”
“Why?” He frowns at me. “You are an adult, are you not?”
“I am. I’m just thinking of A’tam and how possessive he is of Bridget. You’re not going to get weird on me, are you?” For a moment, my heart squeezes. Do I want him to be weird and possessive on me? He’s the first guy that I’ve really connected with since I got here. And I…don’t really hate the idea.
His mouth curves into a frown. “I am not like A’tam.”
“No, I suppose not.” I have no idea why I feel disappointed. Maybe I just want to be so intoxicating to a man that he loses his mind over me. I’m not that kind of girl men lose their minds over, though. I’ve always been the buddy, the friend, the dependable one. Even on an alien planet, I’m still friend-zoned.
Oh well.
“What did you bring?” he asks abruptly. “For my leg?”
“Right!” I beam at him and grab my bag.
4
N’DEK
Being here with D’vi is…strange. I thought when she appeared, I would be full of excitement over the prospect of my leg, but I think less about that and more about her strange expression as I bathed myself. Her curiosity over my spur. The fascination on her face as she watched the cloth move over my belly. Her attention has made me feel…whole again. For so long, I have been N’dek, the wounded one. N’dek, the one who cannot walk by himself. The females here look at me with pity or they do not look at me at all.
It is different with D’vi, though. She has never made me feel as if I am less, and I did not realize how much I appreciated it until I saw her eyes gleam with interest.
I wonder what other differences we have in our bodies. I wonder if she would show me hers if I asked.
I should not be thinking about her, though. If I feel I am to resonate soon, and B’shit is to resonate soon, I know what that means. We are to be mated. It cannot be coincidence. I must think of her as my potential mate…which means I should not be thinking of D’vi and her lithe body.
No matter how much I want to.
D’vi pulls her giant pack into her lap and begins to spread out objects. “I made a few different things, because I wasn’t sure how we wanted to approach this. I rubbed down a length of wood, but it’s less firm than I’d like. So then I hunted through the bones everyone keeps and found a nice, strong femur. Two, actually. I like it as the support for your weight, but I also worry it’ll splinter over time due to impact and was thinking we could wrap it with leather to ensure that it remains strong. And then, of course, there’s this harness I made. I figure we’ll slip the bone—or wood—in through here”—a
nd she shows me a hole in a leather contraption she has made. “And then we’ll belt it to the upper part of your leg, below the knee and above, to ensure that it doesn’t slide. If that doesn’t work, we can always go so far as to belt it all the way up to a waist-belt, but I figure it’ll take a few rounds to perfect it anyhow.”
She holds one of the large bones out to me. It is a dvisti thigh bone, long and sturdy. On one end, she has cut a groove, and as I study it, she crawls over to my side in the hut.
“Here, I’ll help you put it on so you can see what I mean.” D’vi takes the leather harness and sits beside me. She slides the bone through the loop, and then adds a thick layer of padding where my stump will rest. Then, she touches my stump and gently eases the leather harness up my leg.
No female has ever touched my stump except the healer, and her eyes were full of pity. With D’vi, though, her fingers skim over my flesh and she works on the straps, fitting them to me. Her touch is so matter-of-fact—as if it were any other leg—that my cock reacts, stiffening.
She pauses, noticing.
“It is just a reaction,” I tell her. “I will not touch you.”
“Of course not.” Her voice sounds less confident, but she returns to her work, tightening and adjusting straps. I try to watch her as she works, because I know it is important, but I can smell the ocean in her hair. She is close enough to touch, her lean body crouched next to mine. I ache to touch her, to see what it is like to caress one of the human females and not have her look at me with pity in her gaze.
Something pinches in my leg, and I let out a hiss.
“Too tight? Sorry.” D’vi immediately loosens a strap, adjusting. “Is that better?”
“Yes,” I say before she even finishes. It reminds me that she is here to help me, to assist me with walking once more so I can be like any other hunter.
So I can impress the female I will soon resonate to. My khui is yet silent, but deep down in my gut, I know something will change for me soon. I think it will be resonance, and I must be ready for it.
I must be ready to resonate to B’shit. Logic says it will be her, even if the idea is unsettling.
“I think that’s all the straps. How does it feel?” She looks up at me, eyes shining.
I ignore the ache and hardening of my cock, putting my hands on the fake limb we have strapped below my knee. It looks…ridiculous. A dvisti bone jutting out from my leg, tied to my stump with a leather harness. But I do not tell her this. She has worked hard on it all day. “It feels all right.”
“Tight enough? We need to make sure it doesn’t wiggle when you put your weight on it. Like I said, it’ll need some adjusting, but we can fine-tune as we go. This is just the first draft, so to speak.”
I fight back disappointment. This might not work? For some reason, I had envisioned myself racing out to join the others in the games, to show them I am just as capable as any other. To think that it might not happen that way is frustrating, but I must learn to be patient. “I see.”
“Shall we try it?” D’vi gets to her feet and holds out her hands, as if I will grab onto her for support.
My mouth goes dry. I stare down at the fake leg for a moment longer. I am almost afraid to try, because I do not want it to fail. I need this too badly. I close my eyes for a moment, bracing myself, and then try to get to my feet.
It is awkward at first. I cannot get up how I used to, and my body wants to put weight on a leg that is no longer there. I struggle at first, then roll onto my stomach and use the strength in my arms to push to my feet. Immediately, I wobble, but D’vi is right there, her arms around my waist, offering her support.
“You might be off balance at first. I imagine it’ll take a little time to figure out how to make things go, but with practice you should be able to get around again. How’s the height?”
Her warm hand is on my stomach, and she looks up at me with complete faith, as if she is certain I can do this. Her trust makes the awful tension in my shoulders ease a bit, and I test the weight on my leg. “It is…short.” When I lean forward, putting weight on that leg, my entire body tilts.
“Yeah. It looks like it might be a few inches shorter than I expected. I brought a longer bone from a taller creature just in case, but this one was the sturdiest so I thought we’d start with it.” She looks up at me again. “How does it feel against your stump? Any pain? Friction? How are the ties? Tight enough?”
I nod, only half-listening to her questions. Instead, I focus on the thing strapped to my stump. It does not feel like a leg. It feels strange, and I miss the sensation of the earth under my toes and balancing myself with that. I let go of her, leaning my weight on my good leg, and try to step forward. I wobble, but D’vi is there immediately with one of J’shel’s extra spears, holding it out to me, and I use it for balance. That helps.
My leg feels weak, and short, and awkward, but I am standing without anyone’s assistance.
“Well?” D’vi asks.
“I…”
I am at a loss for words. I am standing…but it is not how I expected. I do not know what I expected. Part of me is disappointed, because I wanted my old leg back. I wanted to be as I was, but that is impossible, and I cannot fight the feeling of frustration. But I am standing, and that gives me hope.
As if she senses my struggle, D’vi gestures at the front of the hut. “Shall we go practice walking on the beach?”
She moves the screen aside and exits the hut. A moment later, I hear her feet crunch on the sand, and then I am alone.
I fight back a surge of irritation. Does she expect me to just follow her?
Then, I realize that is exactly what she expects. She is treating me no different than any other male hunter on the beach. She would not coddle them, and she will not coddle me. Grinning, I follow her.
Or I try to.
It is not as easy as I expected. Every step feels off, hollow. It is not like having my old leg. I am weak, too, after many turns of the moon of just sitting around. My stump wobbles against the padding and it is easy to tilt off balance. Hanging onto the spear helps, though, and I manage to hobble my way out of the hut.
D’vi is already down at the edge of the water, her long hair blowing in the breeze as she crouches at the shore, gazing at something. She looks over at me, waves, and then goes back to poking her creature.
I eye the platform, no more than a hop off the ground. It seems impossible with my strange new leg, though. I put the butt of the spear down to the sand and use my good leg to step down…and tumble into the sand, face first. Biting back a snarl, I spit out a mouthful of gravel and pick myself up. I can do this. Gritting my teeth, I get to my feet once more. It is easier this time, and I tighten the straps on my fake leg and take a step forward.
Better.
Each step is a learning experience, but I am figuring it out. I am learning the feel of my new leg as it thumps to the ground with no toes to help my balance. I am learning how to place it so I do not wobble as I step forward. It is still too short, but…I am walking.
By the time I get to D’vi on the shore, I am grinning into the moonlight. She smiles back at me, pride in her strange human features, and this might be the best day I have ever had in a very, very long time.
“Is this a bad time to point out that you’re still naked?” D’vi asks, and I laugh.
* * *
I practice walking on the beach for only a short time. Before long, my muscles tremble with exhaustion and my stump aches from striking against the bone. The fake leg will need more padding there, but I can do that. I am already thinking of ways to adjust things to be more comfortable, and I know D’vi will get me materials if I ask her.
“You’re doing great,” D’vi says as we slowly head back to my hut. It is late, the moons high and the wind bitter, but I am sweaty with exertion. “I don’t know a lot about prosthetics but I seem to recall hearing that it’s like learning to walk all over again. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll be destroying all o
f us in foot races.” She chuckles. “There are humans on earth with prosthetics that make them faster than everyone else. Science is amazing.”
I lean heavily on the spear as I step forward again and give her another look. She has that dreamy tone in her voice, and her gaze is distant. This is a female who loves the possibility of things, who will not let herself be told she cannot do something, and I admire that. “You are a good friend to me, D’vi. I thank you for your help.”
“Of course. All I did was gather the materials. The hard part is up to you.” She leans down and picks up a curved shell in front of my feet. For a moment, I think she is clearing the path for me like I am a child, but she stops in her tracks and studies it, fascinated, and I realize this is just D’vi doing her best to learn more about the world. “I haven’t seen shells like this before. I mean, we had them on Earth, but this beach has been pretty devoid of mollusks of all kinds. It looks like an ammonite. Have you seen these before?”
I shrug. “Yes?”
Her eyes widen with excitement. “What lives inside it?”
“The crawlers,” I say, and before I can explain more, she squeals with excitement, loud enough to echo on the beach.
“Another type of crawler? Oh my god, that’s four different kinds!” She clutches the empty shell to her chest. “I wonder if they had the shell and adapted it away or if it’s the other way around? Oh my god, this is so exciting.”
“It is?”
“Yes!” She holds the shell up to her eye, squinting inside as if to see if it is occupied.
I carefully reach out and lower it. “You do not want to do that. It might squirt its bowels at you to frighten you away.”
She looks even more excited at that thought. “Really? They have that defense mechanism?”
A laugh rumbles up from my chest, because her enthusiasm is infectious. “Is there anything that you do not get excited over, female?”