“I know you weren’t a virgin when we met, and you know I wasn’t either. Can you just cut to the chase?”
Nix winced when she mentioned that she wasn’t a virgin but nodded. “What I’m trying to say is that I’ve never had a real relationship. There have been women who I’ve dated without actually dating. You know, just friends with benefits. If I’m honest then I can admit that none of them were really friends, just women that I was attracted to that were looking for something physical. They knew what I offered, and I enjoyed my time with them. Nobody had hurt feelings because it didn’t involve feelings. Does that make sense?”
Louise nodded, still unsure where he was going with his little speech.
“Since Mom passed, that’s the way it’s been. Hell, I guess even before she passed. I didn’t have time for a girlfriend in high school, so I slept with older girls who knew the score. It wasn’t like I had the cash to take anyone out on dates anyway. As I got older, my hookups stayed the same. I could afford dinners and movies, but there was an end game…on both our parts. They were out for a good time just like I was. I made sure to avoid anyone that I thought would want more.”
“Okay.” Louise understood what he was saying but was still confused as to what it all meant.
“A year ago, I started noticing shit that I had never paid attention to before.” Nix licked his lips and cleared his throat. “Will started bringing Winter around, and I saw how happy he was. He was moving on and starting to build his own family. He was happier than I had ever seen him before, even happier than when he first got a spot at the station. I wanted that . When Winter started bringing Jazz around, I thought maybe it was time to settle down, and have someone of my own to treasure.”
“You dated Jazz?” Louise was blindsided that nobody had mentioned it to her before. Wasn’t there a rule about bros before hoe or something? Well, in this case Nix would be the hoe, and Jazz would be her bro…or did she have them switched?
Nix was shaking his head with his hands out. “No, no, no. It never got that far. Before I could even ask her out for coffee, Leo had staked his claim. When I look back at it, I don’t think I really wanted her anyway.”
“What does that mean?” Louise leaned forward, listening intently to his explanation.
“I saw someone who would make a good wife and a wonderful mother. Someone who would be faithful. Characteristics that appealed to me. Honestly, those qualities aren’t something that are very common in the women that I meet so I kind of jumped the gun a bit. I didn’t know her at all. We had just seen each other a few times, and I thought she was cute. I knew it wouldn’t have worked out anyway when I wasn’t that upset that Leo claimed her before I had a chance to. It was like someone taking the last slice of pizza that you thought you wanted, but then realized that you weren’t that hungry for pizza anyway.”
“Okay…”
“It did make me realize something though,” Nix admitted. “I realized that I was ready for everything that I had avoided earlier. I was ready for the girlfriend, the shared house…for all of it. Hell, maybe even a fucking dog.”
“You want a dog?” Louise asked dumbly, her mind overwhelmed.
“I want it all,” Nix answered, his voice honest. “I’m just not sure how to deal with everything.”
“Okay, so you’re saying that you want this…us?”
“More than anything.” Nix scooted closer, or at least tried to while his foot was still propped up.
“So, what’s your problem? Why push me away if you really want me here?” Louise asked the question still tumbling around her brain.
“I don’t know how to do this. Any of this.”
“You’re going to have to explain yourself better than that,” Louise argued, shaking her head.
“The last woman that I cared for, that cared for me, was my mom,” Nix explained. “I’m used to taking care of people. After my mom passed, I almost enrolled at the police academy. I felt like I needed to take care of something…someone. My first thought was that I would protect my town, my community. After thinking about it and doing some more research, I knew it wasn’t the right fit. That was when I decided to look into the firefighter program. I could help people that needed it without carrying a gun and all of the responsibility that came with that.”
“I can’t imagine you being a cop,” Louise admitted.
“Yeah, I would have made a shit one.” Nix chuckled before his face became serious once again. “Does any of this make sense?”
“A little,” Louise said, trying to sort out the puzzle that was Nix. “It still doesn’t help explain why you don’t want me here though.”
“I do want you here. Stop saying that,” Nix snapped.
“Don’t yell at me! You all but said that you didn’t want me here. You were an asshole the minute you saw me in your house. Explain to me why it’s okay for you to be in every single part of my life, but I can’t help you when you need it. You literally have keys to everything I own, you’ve been to my work, you’ve slept in my bed, yet I’ve been here once before today. A relationship goes both ways, Nix. It goes both ways, or it doesn’t work.”
“Fuck, I know that.”
“Well then act like it,” Louise said softly, wanting him to show her how much he wanted to be with her.
“I am, I will.” Nix moved over and patted the couch cushion next to him. “Come here, sweetheart.”
“I don’t want to.” Louise pouted, still not ready to forgive him even though he looked miserable.
“Come on,” Nix tilted his head and watched her closely. “I need you to forgive me, babe.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m shit without you,” Nix admitted, his voice serious. “I can’t imagine a day without you next to me and just thinking about something like that makes my chest hurt.” He rubbed the center of his chest, his eyes imploring her to give him another chance.
“You’re an ass.” She shot back, her anger fading the more he spilled his heart out.
“But I’m your ass.” Nix gave her a small smile, unable to argue the fact. “Please, I never needed anyone like I need you. Give me another chance, and I promise I’ll try my best not to fuck up again.”
“Promise?”
“I can’t promise I won’t, but I swear I’ll try.” Nix held out his hand, silently asking her to take it. “Forgive me. You’re everything I never knew I needed.”
His words hit her chest as if someone had struck a match and warmed her from the inside out. Louise tried to hide the smile that she could feel trying to take over her face. Damn him, he was right. Not only was she going to forgive him but she kind of understood where he was coming from now. His past relationships, or lack of, hadn’t prepared him for what they had together. She just hoped he didn’t fuck it up again because regardless of him being relationship stupid, she wasn’t going to be a doormat and not stand her ground when he messed up.
She took the offered hand and wiggled into the small space he had created on his leather couch for her. “Don’t fuck up again.”
Leaning her head on his shoulder, she felt an immense sense of relief when his strong arm dropped over her shoulders and tugged her closer to his side. “I’ll try not to. I promise. There may be times you need to pull my head out of my ass though.” Kissing the top of her head, he smelled her hair before letting out a sigh. “Did you leave me any chicken?”
Louise elbowed his hard abdomen, smiling when he let out an exaggerated gust of air at the minimal contact she made. “Nope, I ate it all in a fit of rage.”
Nix chuckled, his chest shaking where she was nestled into him. “A chicken rage?”
“Yeah, some people punch things, some scream, I devour chicken at an incredible speed. No drumstick left behind.” Louise got up and retrieved the bone she had been eyeing earlier. Holding it up, she inspected it closely. “I think I may have left you a tiny bit of meat right there.”
“That’s so generous of you,” Nix said as he took the bone
from her hand and nibbled the miniscule piece of meat she had pointed out. “So, now that I’m full what are we supposed to do?”
Louise snorted, happy that they had fallen back into the easy camaraderie that she had become accustomed to. “You think you can hobble into the kitchen?”
Standing up, she propped her hands on her hips while she watched him.
“I should be able to. It’s almost time for another pain pill so I need to eat before then. I would say that we should just take everything into the bedroom and get comfortable, but I have a feeling things could get messy.”
“Good point.” Louise eyed the path to the kitchen. “I think if we go slow we should be able to get there without too much of a problem. I can’t believe they didn’t give you crutches or a knee scooter to get around.”
Nix shook his head, “They gave me the number for a place to call and rent them, which I put in the bag of meds on my nightstand. I guess I should call them and see if they deliver or if I need to go down there and pick them up.”
Louise helped him shuffle toward the kitchen, kicking a small rug out of the way so it didn’t trip him up. “That reminds me, how did you get home?”
“I drove,” Nix answered as he grimaced in pain.
“You drove?”
“Yeah, my truck’s an automatic, and my right foot isn’t hurt so it was easy.”
“Didn’t you get checked in for a concussion though?” The more he spoke, the angrier she got.
“They did all sorts of tests, and it came back fine. Only thing that was hurt was my fucking foot,” Nix said.
“Okay, let me get this straight. Not only did you get hit in the head and break your foot, but you decided not to call anyone for help and drove home by yourself?” Louise knew her voice had gotten louder as she spoke, noting that his eyes were wide as Nix watched her warily.
“When you say it like that—”
“Out loud? You meant to say, when I said it out loud, right? Because at no point does that ever sound like the smart thing to do, even when you just think it,” Louise lectured. “What if you felt dizzy when you were driving home? Huh?”
“I’m sorry,” Nix mumbled, looking down at the table like a reprimanded child as the doorbell rang.
Passing Nix the bag that had some paper plates and plastic utensils inside, Louise checked her watch. “Were you expecting someone tonight?”
“Nope,” Nix answered, stuffing half a biscuit in his mouth. “These are so good.”
“Dish us up some food, and I’ll go see who’s here.” Louise turned around.
Nix smacked her on the ass sharply and she jumped. Looking back to glare at him, she fought a smile when he simply winked. “Caveman.”
“Wench,” he said softly with a lick of his lips.
“Hold that thought,” Louise whispered, her insides heating up at the promise in his eyes.
Checking the peephole before opening the door, Louise grinned at the sight that greeted her. Swinging open the wide door, she ushered Will, Winter, Leo, and Jazz inside. The women held out an assortment of baked goodies, while Will held a couple pizza boxes.
“We heard Nix was released this afternoon and thought it would be nice to bring over some food and see if you guys needed anything.” Jazz squeaked, her voice rising when Leo tried to sneak a cookie off the plate she was holding. “Stop that!”
“We would have been here earlier, but we went by your house first,” Winter said, not fighting Will when he grabbed a muffin out of her basket.
“You guys have perfect timing.” Louise ushered everyone into the kitchen as she spoke. “I grabbed a bucket of chicken and some sides, and with the pizza we will have a little feast.”
The next few moments consisted of the men talking about how Nix had gotten hurt, while Will and Leo snuck desserts off trays when they thought Winter and Jazz weren’t looking.
“Wait, you drove yourself home?” Will’s raised voice got the women’s attention from where they were getting the plates and cups ready. “What the hell were you thinking, man?”
“He drove home by himself?” Jazz whispered in Louise’s ear, her voice incredulous.
“Yep, and we’ve talked about what a stupid idea that was.” Louise glared at Nix who in turn had the smarts to look like he had learned his lesson.
“It won’t happen again,” Nix repeated, his eyes locked on Louise.
“It better not,” she whispered half to herself as she gathered some beers from the fridge.
It wasn’t long before the men were going over what had happened that morning step by step. One of the guys on their crew was still in the hospital after a beam had fallen on top of him. It could have been much worse though considering Dale hadn’t been flattened by it and was instead simply knocked down. Nix had been shadowing the newer crew member during the call and had witnessed him going down. Responding quickly, Nix had most likely saved Dale’s life that morning.
“How long will he be there?” Nix asked the guys.
“They are doing some more scans. So far, it’s looking like a couple days.” Leo passed the pizza box around the table. “His arm was broken in two places. We figured he put it up to protect his head when he saw the beam coming down.”
“Honestly, it’s probably the only reason his skull wasn’t cracked open. You guys were lucky today,” Will said between bites.
“I’m getting real fucking tired of this firebug.” Nix growled. “The captain called and left a message that I’ll be on temporary disability until I get cleared, and I won’t even know when that’s going to happen until I see the specialist next week.”
“So it was arson?” Louise butted in, becoming increasingly more worried the more she heard about what could have happened.
“Oh yeah. There won’t be an official announcement until the inspector goes through, but we could smell the gas before we even went in.” Tossing his napkin on his empty plate, Leo put his arm over the back of Jazz’s chair.
“Well then why did you guys go in?” Jazz asked the question that Louise was dying to know the answer to.
“To stop it from spreading.” Will shrugged. “The restaurant may have closed down last year, but the other five business that were connected to it were still up and running. If we had let it keep going, it wouldn’t have stopped until the entire street was burned down.”
The table sat quiet while everyone thought about what had happened earlier that day. From the looks on Jazz’s and Winter’s faces, they realized it could have easily been Will or Leo in the hospital. Their men’s expression showed how tired they were of trying to stay a step or two ahead of whoever thought lighting fires was fun.
Louise was simply trying to take it all in.
“Who wants some cookies?” Jazz offered, standing to grab the baked goods on the island.
Nix scooted his chair closer to Louise. “You okay?”
“Yeah, today’s been…draining,” she answered, unable to come up with a better description.
“We got this,” Nix said softly, leaning over to kiss the top of her head.
Louise leaned into the kiss with a grin, trying not to let the negativity hamper the happiness she felt. “We do.”
Chapter 23
“I swear to God that if you don’t fucking sit down and stay out of my way, I’m going to break your other foot!”
“I was just—”
The glare that Louise leveled at Nix was enough to keep him from continuing what he was about to say. Holding his hands up in surrender, he dropped back into the recliner he had been trying to escape.
Louise handed him the remote and smacked a kiss on top of his head as she passed him by with a basket of laundry. “This will only take a minute, and I’ll be right back with your lunch.”
“C’mon Lou, at least let me help fold. I can do that from right here,” he grumbled, holding out his arms for the clothes she was taking to the other room.
“This is all stuff that needs to be hung up,” Louise argued as she con
tinued walking. “Just sit and behave, and I’ll be right back.”
Louise struggled not to laugh when she heard him muttering under his breath. The man didn’t know when to take a break, and she was going to get him to rest even if it killed her. Which, at this point, it actually might.
She was exhausted.
Not only was she exhausted, but it felt like she was dealing with a toddler when it came to taking care of Nix. The man had no sense when it came to ‘taking it easy.’ The things that she had to stop him from doing with a broken foot so far had been ridiculous. Just the other day, she had almost had a heart attack when she pulled into the driveway only to be greeted with the sight of Nix hobbling around the front yard trying to rake up leaves.
She hadn’t said anything as she stomped right past him and into the house. A few minutes later he had stumbled in with some lame excuse that he thought made the situation better. Staying silent, Louise had simply raised her eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest until he backtracked enough to mumble an apology.
It didn’t seem to matter that Nix had gotten good news from the specialist he’d seen last week. He should be thanking his lucky stars that he was able to avoid surgery so long as he allowed himself to heal. The only problem was that he was supposed to keep his foot elevated without putting weight on it for at least six weeks…something that he was finding hard to do.
Louise had gotten magazines, books, a few new movies, and even hand weights to try to keep him sitting down, but so far he used any excuse to get up and move around. She understood where he was coming from, she really did. It would suck to be told you can’t stand on your own two feet, especially if you were a guy like Nix who had not only a very physical job, but also worked out a couple hours a day. The man was close to two hundred and thirty pounds of solid muscle. He wasn’t used to being immobile.
Still, she wanted to strangle him…just a little bit. When he did manage to get up, usually when she wasn’t looking, he ended up making a mess without even trying. It’s not like she expected him to be graceful or anything. The mere idea of his huge muscled frame hobbling around on crutches built way too short for him was enough to make her cringe. So far, he was going to need to replace two lamps and a couple of dishes.
Taming Fire (Braving the Heat #2) Page 17