Sasha blinked past the burning sensation as her father hugged her mother close to his side. Her heart broke just a little more when she noticed him crying against the gray sprinkled strands of her mom’s hair. She looked away quickly, the sight too painful to watch.
Sasha’s assigned seat with her family sat empty as she tried to soothe little Hazel. Her niece had done well at the church earlier but could sit still for only so long before her tiny body wanted to be put down. Taking Hazel from Annie had been a welcome relief for them both. It gave Sasha a chance to step back and breathe and let her brother’s widow grieve without worry that Hazel was being cared for. She had been grateful when Jack followed her to the back of the group surrounding the grave. His presence lending her comfort by simply being there.
Her older brother was dead. A firefighter, who followed in their father and grandfather’s footsteps, had simply answered a call at the station like many other nights.
Max was a hero…dead, but a hero nonetheless.
To her family, he had been so much more than that. He had been the best older brother, friend, son, husband and new father that any of them could have wished for.
Until two weeks ago, their small Colorado town hadn’t suffered a loss in the line of duty for the last fifteen years. It was two weeks ago when Sasha’s mom had called crying so hard that Sasha was unable to understand a word being said. It wasn’t until she had turned on the news that she figured out what her mom had been trying to get out.
Max was dead.
It was odd that no matter how many times she thought about him being gone, it still seemed like the first time all over again. It felt fresh and raw like an open wound that hadn’t even started to heal.
That Friday was just like any other normal boring Friday. Jack was scheduled to work, and she had been bone tired. So instead of doing something with friends that evening, she had simply headed to their apartment for a lazy night in. Max had called earlier that afternoon from work, and she had made plans to watch Hazel the next morning, so he could treat his wife to a much-needed day out. He had spoken of how tired they were now that Hazel was starting to teethe, but she could tell he was smiling even as he complained. After hanging up the phone, she had never in a million years imagined it would be the last time she told him ‘love ya’ or heard his laugh. Remembering the conversation now brought a wave of fresh tears to her eyes.
That particular Friday night, the old movie theater downtown was running an eighties themed marathon starting at seven and ending the following afternoon. It had sounded fun, and if Jack hadn’t been working, there was a chance she would have tried to get tickets. Sasha had driven by the old brick building on her way home from work and been surprised at how many people were lined up for the first showing. Some had even stood in line with blankets and pillows to make the night a tiny bit more comfortable on the old wooden theater chairs.
At a little past ten, Sasha had woken up to the vibration of her cellphone against her glass of forgotten pop next to her on the table. She had still been trying to wake from her impromptu nap when she clicked accept on the phone call only to hear a woman screaming and crying. At first, she thought the phone call had been an accident and her parents must have been watching a movie or something to account for the noise that she was unable to comprehend. Clicking end, she had tried to call back only to have it go straight to voicemail.
Turning on the TV with the intention of checking the weather to see if it would be park worthy for a walk with Hazel the next day, Sasha had been frozen in dread when she saw live coverage of a fire. As she watched footage taken from behind a safety barrier, she noted that both her father and brother’s station had answered the call. Their small town had two fire stations, one on each side of town. Her brother worked at one with his best friend and her boyfriend Jack while her father was the captain of the other. On a normal day, they rarely worked together. It was only when they had a large fire they had to fight that they were both dispatched.
Sasha had immediately thought of the phone call and a woman crying and redialed her mom. After going to voicemail for a solid five minutes, Sasha had done the only thing she could think of.
She drove down to the movie theater.
Parking two blocks away when she was unable to get closer, Sasha ran past stopped traffic and onlookers as the blaze glowed brightly against the dark night. The only thing that stopped her from passing the safety barricade had been a friend, Stan, who was also an EMT on duty that night. The moment she saw the look on Stan’s face, as he stood there in his soot covered uniform, she knew a life had been lost. Her first thought had been that Jack had somehow been hurt. When Stan started yelling for Jack over the crowd, she realized it was someone else.
In the end, an electrical short had started a small fire backstage of the crowded and overpacked theater where they had been storing the prints for the movie marathon. Reels and reels of movie film went up in seconds, spreading flames that cut off the back exits. That left over two hundred people trying to get out of the small front exit to the lobby as they climbed over wooden seats and across blankets, pillows, and other items that had been forgotten after the first flicker had been spotted.
Max had gone back into the building after the parents of two teenagers said they were unable to find their children. The girls had been trapped in one of the bathrooms after a large metal trashcan had tipped over in front of the door as people were running for the exit. Eyewitnesses had said he muscled the can out of the way before pulling the two girls out and into the hall. As they were running past flames and falling timber, Max had pushed one of the girls out of the way just as a large portion of the old lobby’s balcony collapsed where he had been standing. When the smoke cleared, her father and Jack had been among the crew who went in to bring Max out.
The next few days were filled with nonstop sympathy visits to her family home. Many brought food and casseroles. Some even brought bottles of bourbon as a toast to Max.
During one of the visits, her father announced he was retiring early, a move that nobody expected nor questioned. Then, he picked up one of the bottles and went into his study where he sat in silence for hours. Her mom wasn’t doing much better. There had been a few days where she hadn’t even bothered to get out of bed. It wasn’t until Annie asked for help with the funeral service that her mom pulled herself together enough to even get dressed. Two nights after the fire, Sasha needed to get out of the house and offered to stay with her sister-in-law.
When Sasha mentioned staying at the house with Annie, she didn’t say yes but she didn’t say no either. She simply looked at her with blank eyes. Taking care of Annie and Hazel gave Sasha something to focus on. The simple tasks of making sure Hazel was cared for was a welcome distraction. Watching her mother however had been harder than Sasha ever thought it would be. On the night before the funeral service, Sasha had walked in on Annie sitting on the kitchen floor holding a knife. As she knelt down in front of her brother’s widow, she witnessed utter heartbreak as Annie contemplated out loud the ramifications of taking her own life. Sasha didn’t even think that Annie realized she was speaking aloud as she went over the pros and cons of leaving this earth.
In the end, Annie let her take the knife out of her hand, agreeing that she couldn’t leave Hazel no matter how badly she wanted to be with Max.
It was then that Sasha was given a piece of advice that she hadn’t asked for or wanted.
“Sash, don’t ever love a firefighter.” Annie had wept, almost begging Sasha to listen to her. Rocking back and forth, she repeated a plea to God over and over again, “I just want this pain to go away. Why won’t it go away? God, please make it go away.”
Sasha cried with her sister-in-law that night for hours on that cold kitchen floor, in those late hours she had realized there was something that she had to do.
“You holding up, babe?” Jack whispered against the top of her head.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be okay,” Sasha croaked out
.
“I know, honey. He was like a brother to me…” Jack sniffed, his own eyes wet with tears after sitting through the service.
What he had said was more than true. Jack had in fact been her brother’s best friend before they had ever started dating two years ago. Their life had seemed to fall effortlessly into place when they had met. Max had asked if he could bring his buddy to a family dinner and the rest was history. She had spotted him walking in with Max and had felt the breath leave her body. After their first date, he had admitted to wrangling an invite to dinner after seeing a picture of her at her brother’s place.
Tall, with dirty blond hair, Jack was her exact opposite. Yet, when they took pictures together, he was the perfect complement to her dark hair and round body. His body was solid muscle, which had intimidated her at first, but Jack had shown that he had nothing but appreciation for her curves. The ease they felt with each other was something she had always wanted but never expected.
Her father loved him, of course, which made perfect sense since he reminded her of the type of man her dad was. Jack was strong, smart, and sweet. He had more manners than any of the men she had dated before, not that she had dated all that much, but it was still true.
Jack was everything that she had dreamed of when she was a little girl and he fit in perfectly with her family. Until two weeks ago…she had seen firsthand what being in love with a firefighter did to a person two weeks ago.
It broke them.
It broke every single piece of them.
Her father, who had lived and breathed his job, took early retirement because he couldn’t stand the pain of losing Max. Annie now had to raise their daughter without her husband by her side. Jack had lost his best friend. And she had lost the older brother she had idolized.
Sasha jumped when a cold hand touched her arm jerking her back to reality. A reality she didn’t want to be in.
“Sorry, honey. I just wanted to say good-bye before we head back to Denver,” Aunt Meg said softly and leaned forward to kiss Hazel, still held in Sasha’s arms. Giving Jack a stern look, she squeezed his arm before ordering, “You take care of my girls, okay?”
“Of course, Aunt Meg.” Jack kissed her pale wrinkled cheek following the words.
Sasha looked around and realized that the service was officially over, and it was time to head back to her childhood home. Nodding to those walking past her and Jack as they stood in the back, Sasha was amazed at how many people had shown up to pay their respects. After saying good-bye to those that weren’t able to make it back to the house after the service and passing Hazel off to her grandma, Sasha and Jack walked back to the graveside.
“It’s so quiet now.” Sasha looked around before her gaze was caught by the long line of cars streaming out of the cemetery. “So many people came…”
“Max was loved.” Jack whispered, moving to stand behind her and hold her in a loose hug. “Annie’s mom mentioned that she was going to take her and Hazel to stay with her for a couple months.”
Sasha leaned back to look at Jack, brushing the hair out of his face. The gold colored locks feeling ridiculously soft under her fingers. “Really?”
“I think it would be good for her. You know, to get away from here for a little while.” Jack shrugged before looking around a bit. “The town isn’t going to let this die down for a while and she’s barely hanging on as it is. Leo called earlier and said the station is wanting to put together a memorial for Max.”
“That would be nice.” Sasha nodded, not really wanting to think of the memorial at this time regardless of how touching it was.
“Sash,” Jack whispered against her neck. “I’m sorry, baby.”
His words caught her off guard.
“Sorry for what?” she asked.
“For letting Max die.”
Taming Fire (Braving the Heat #2) Page 22