Prop a pillow up against one arm of the couch, and spread a towel over the couch arm for stain control.
Wrap your baby in a blanket, pinning his hands against his sides.
Lay him up against the pillow. Make sure that he’s not lying flat (so he won’t choke).
Sit on the edge of the couch, lean over him, and gently but firmly hold his chin steady with one hand while squirting a small amount of medicine into his cheek pocket (see previous page) with the other.
Gently blow into the baby’s face. This triggers the swallow reflex.
Repeat 4 and 5 until all of the medicine is gone.
Thank the baby and tell him to see the receptionist on the way out.
Soothing the TEETHER
If your baby starts drooling uncontrollably, becomes irritated for no apparent reason, wakes up every hour, and tries to gum everything in sight, congratulations are in order! He’s entering the ranks of the toothed.
But celebrating this new milestone is probably the last thing on your mind. “Why me?” is probably the first. Just when you start breathing a little sigh of relief—the baby is sleeping for longer stretches, you and your partner are back on speaking terms—the onset of teething is an abrupt reminder that serenity is a fragile and fleeting concept.
On average, baby’s first tooth arrives between six and seven months, but symptoms can appear months before the tooth actually rears its little pointy head (you can sometimes feel a bump just under the gum). Along with the symptoms listed above, red cheeks, a chin rash, diarrhea, a low-grade fever, inflamed or bleeding gums, and a refusal to feed have also been associated with teething.
But by far the most obvious sign is the absurd volume of drool streaming down his chin at all times, making him look like one of those tacky cherub fountains you find in some people’s backyards. He may soak through five or six outfits a day.
As pediatricians are quick to point out, these symptoms can be indicative of other conditions as well, so if they persist, or if you have any concerns, call your doctor.
Your Teething Toolbox
When you were teething, your parents might have rubbed whisky on your gums, a proven old country remedy that doctors today will not prescribe. Perhaps they’re afraid you’ll give your baby crib spins, or perhaps they fear you’ll self-medicate and pass out on his changing table. The truth is that alcohol is a toxin, and too much could harm the baby.
Since Jack Daniels is out of the picture, here are some alternate offerings:
Your knuckles and fingers Your knuckles seem to be the perfect size and firmness for chewing, and applying gentle pressure on the afflicted area with your finger can also provide relief.
Teething toys Many teething toys have bumps and nodules for the baby to gnaw on, but young teethers may not have the dexterity to hold them in place. You can also use a little baby toothbrush that you place over the end of your finger. The bristles relieve the teething itch.
Random frozen objects There are many things that, when placed in the freezer, become teething toys. Spoons, bananas, bagels, carrots, pacifiers, and washcloths can be frozen and applied to the gum. But once the tooth breaks through, be careful about the baby biting off chunks of the frozen foods (the same applies to store-bought teething biscuits).
Frozen bagels can be tethered to the baby, stroller, or high chair.
You can create an effective homemade teether by placing crushed ice or frozen apple slices inside a clean sock. Once the sock is knotted, the baby can hold it and chew on the contents (and he can get the flavor from the apples). You can buy a mesh fruit feeder to approximate this device.
Teething gels These over-the-counter topical anesthetics numb the gum tissue, and can provide immediate relief. Though fast-acting, the effect doesn’t last very long, and you can only apply the gel three or four times a day.
Acetaminophen This is perhaps the most effective way to deal with nighttime teething issues. The active ingredient in Infant Tylenol, acetaminophen, or, as it’s known on the streets, Liquid Nap, works for up to four hours, giving you at least a shot at four hours of sleep. Make sure to consult your pediatrician before giving the baby any medicine. (For help getting medicine into your baby, see pg. 104.)
Tooth Maintenance
You wouldn’t wash your car on the way to the junkyard. So why would you take care of a baby tooth if it’s just going to fall out anyway? Well, here are three important reasons why tooth maintenance needs to be an important part of your routine:
Baby teeth are placeholders for adult teeth, and losing them early could distort the shape of your baby’s month.
Baby teeth don’t fall out for another five years, so if you want your baby to enjoy a nice juicy steak, you’d better take care of those teeth now.
Unless he plans on going into hip hop, it would be a bit startling for your baby’s only tooth to have a big gold cap on it.
To keep his tooth clean, you can wipe it off daily with a washcloth, gauze pad, or baby toothbrush. Toothpaste is not necessary at this point. Also, don’t let him sleep for long periods with a bottle or breast in his mouth because the sugar from the milk can cause decay. Make sure he gets enough fluoride, either by drinking tap water or taking fluoride supplements. And when he hits the two-year mark, you can take him to the pediatric dentist.
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Order of Tooth Development
1s erupt between 6 and 10 months
2s erupt between 7 and 11 months
3s erupt between 8 and 12 months
4s erupt between 9 and 13 months
This is just an average. Some babies don’t get a tooth until after their first birthday, and a few even come out of the womb flashing a pearly white. (The tooth is removed so it won’t fall out and become a choking hazard.)
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Be Prepared for OUTINGS
Getting out of the house with the baby is like moving the Pope. There is a ridiculous amount of paraphernalia that you have to lug around. And for some reason the size of the baby is inversely proportional to the weight of the load.
One of the biggest advantages that dads have over moms is our ability to get out of the house quickly. That is because dads embrace one of the cardinal laws of parenthood:
Once you’ve managed to get out of the house with the baby, don’t go back in no matter what.
If you’ve forgotten something, either buy a new one or take your chances without it. But if you make it a policy to keep going back for stuff, eventually you’ll become paralyzed with indecision and you’ll never leave.
Many dads get a case of the cold sweats when faced with their first solo field trip with the small fry. After all, you haven’t even mastered in-home care, where there’s plenty of food, shelter, equipment, and immediate access to emergency services. So what makes you think you can survive in the field?
In a word, preparation!
YOUR GEAR BAG
The G.I. Tool Bag
Most likely your partner has something called a diaper bag, and chances are it looks like a big purse. Do you really want to lug this around with you? Instead, you can just use a gym bag or an old backpack and stuff all of your baby items in that. So what if there isn’t a special pocket for wipes. Do you need to be that organized? If you have to buy something, then go down to an army-navy store and get a G.I. Tool Bag. They’re pretty cheap, lightweight, and made out of heavy-duty canvas. And they have enough room and pockets for all of your supplies. How many other diaper bags have been tested on the battlefield?
There are eight basic items that belong in your gear bag:
Diapers—at least two more than you think you’ll need.
Wipes—for everything from fluid containment to toy sterilization.
Plastic Bags—to deposit used diapers, wipes, and soiled clothes in.
Changing Pad—to put down under the baby during changes.
Bottles—Breast milk can be stored in bottles along with cold packs in a small bottle bag. Powdered formula can be put in a
zipper bag and poured into bottles full of water.
Burp Cloth—so you won’t walk around smelling like spit-up.
Clothes—for you and baby—a complete outfit for him and an extra shirt for you just in case.
Toys—Age-appropriate toys provide stimulation or distraction to head off a crying jag.
Don’t worry about memorizing this list. In the sentence below, the first letter of each word is also the first letter of one of the items on your list. Memorize the sentence and you’ll never be left holding the bag.
* * *
“TEENAGERS WITH BABIES DON’T PRACTICE CAREFUL BIRTH CONTROL.”
* * *
Now, if you feel that this particular sentence will have trouble sticking to your brain, try one of these alternatives:
DAD’S BACK PROBLEMS CAUSED BY CARRYING WEIGHTY TODDLER.
BABIES CAN’T BE DRY-CLEANED, PUT THROUGH WASH.
Supplementary Items
Because you ought to be prepared for everything, you may want to take along the following additional materials:
Multi-Tool—Pocket tools like the Leatherman are useful for everything from opening formula to stroller repairs.
Duct Tape—Good for stroller and carrier repair, emergency diaper fastening, etc.
Extra Pacifiers—Even if you have one tethered to his shirt, it’s always good to have an extra three or four.
Spit-up Resistant Watch—Diving watches are optimal. If they can survive 300 feet below sea level, your baby’s discharge should be no problem.
Keychain Toy—Even though it looks goofy, clip a toy or small stuffed animal to your keychain. For situations where you need immediate distraction, it’s the ace in your deck.
Camera—If your cell phone doesn’t come equipped with one, take a camera along. You never know when that e-mail-worthy shot just happens to come along.
* * *
Be sure to tuck an extra car key in your wallet for emergency situations. More than one sleep-deprived dad has locked his keys in the car with the baby still in the backseat.
You may think this will never happen to you, and it probably won’t, but stick the key in your wallet anyway. The difficulty of pacifying a six-month-old through a car window is only matched by the humiliation of explaining to the 911 operator the nature of your emergency.
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GREAT OUTINGS 4-6 Months
Up until now, you could take your baby just about anywhere and he’d probably have a similar stone-faced reaction. But by 4-6 months, your baby’s burgeoning personality is starting to emerge, and he will definitely prefer some activities over others.
Supermarkets The dazzling array of colors, textures, and sounds will really excite the baby. Have him feel different products—a crinkling bag of chips versus a cold frozen turkey. And definitely try to catch the spraying of the produce.
Pet Stores The chirping birds, gurgling fish tanks, hamsters, and lizards can keep the baby transfixed for long periods of time. If you feel guilty about loitering, buy a squeaky dog toy for him to play with.
Escalators Riding up and down escalators helps with his growing sense of depth perception and object tracking, and he’ll be sure to get smiles and waves from everyone coming the other way. (But NEVER use the stroller on an escalator.)
Art Museums In general, most babies enjoy realism, especially portraits of people and animals where the faces are clearly discernible. Sculpture also engages them, as do paintings with large clean shapes.
Happy Hour caters to single people to whom the baby is a novelty, so he’ll have plenty of built-in entertainment. But the place has got to be smoke-free, and you need to arrive before people are drunk, and leave before the baby gets cranky. Perch your baby on an open pool table to play with all of the colorful balls, or flip the jukebox CD racks as he watches.
Driving and CRYING
When you’ve got a baby in the car, you drive with a sense of purpose normally associated with ambulance drivers and New York City cabbies. You know that at any moment the niblet could start screaming. And if you have ever been trapped alone in a traffic jam with a screaming baby in the backseat, then you know what desperation feels like.
There are certain times where you have to stop the car to remedy the situation. If he’s wet, you have to change him. If he’s hungry, you have to give him a bottle (but if he’s on solids, you can clip a snack cup to the car seat). If he’s bothered by the glare, you can attach a sun visor to the window. But for everything else, you can alleviate backseat blubbering by employing the following tactics:
String up plastic baby linking chains across the backseat, attached to the handles above the rear windows. Hang soft toys from the links. Every time you pull over you can take off old toys and put new ones on. Just make sure the chain doesn’t obstruct your view, and that the toys are hung at a perfect height for a baby to reach out and bat them around.
Tape photos onto a towel to keep your baby occupied in transit.
Keep a box full of toys next to you in the front seat and hand them back to the baby one-by-one. Remember, you can’t pick things up when he drops them, so it’s recommended that you load up at the beginning of each trip. Multiple pacifies arc good to have on hand as well.
Duct-tape some family pictures and black-and-white patterns to a towel (or directly to the upholstery if it’s a rental) and drape it over the backseat with tape at the top so it won’t fall down. Make sure the pictures are secure as you don’t want baby chewing on them. You can also buy something called a car seat gallery that has little clear pockets for pictures.
If you think the baby is overtired, turn the radio dial to white noise or open the windows to get a whooshing sound. If you are stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, you can press and release the brake to create a rocking motion.
Play the radio loudly on scan until you find a song that quiets the baby.
THE MIRROR PUPPET SING-ALONG
This little-known technique usually works when all else fails.
You will need three things:
A soft hand puppet that you can wear without impairing your driving ability.
A mirror that clips onto the backseat and tilts so that the baby can see you and you can see him through your rearview mirror. This is a good item to have for any car trip, because it gives you a view of the baby. (There’s one called The Car Seat Companion that’s available online.)
A CD or tape of baby songs.
Directions:
Place the puppet on your hand and make sure the baby can see it in his mirror. Get his attention by talking in a loud, obnoxious puppet voice. Turn on the CD player and sing along, manipulating the puppet’s mouth as you go. The baby will think he’s watching TV. But always remember to keep your eyes on the road.
The people in cars on either side of you probably won’t be able to see the baby and may think you insane. But that’s the price you pay for a quiet baby.
Using the baby as a PROP
Men with babies come across as more honest, sensitive, and responsible than their baby-less counterparts. Whereas without the baby women might see you as a predator and men as competition, with the baby you are a big, harmless lug to all.
As much as you’d like to rail against this prejudice, don’t. Instead, why not take advantage of your sudden sainthood? Whenever you need to negotiate with someone, bring the baby along for leverage.
When preparing the baby for the sting, you should try to make sure that he’s bathed, changed, and awake. It might also be a good idea to have your partner dress him. Remember: you’re going for maximum cuteness here.
Some suggestions:
Returning an Item without a Receipt
For best results, place the baby in the car seat right up on the customer service counter. If you get any resistance, you can say that the baby may in fact have eaten the receipt, and you’ll be glad to take off his diaper and look for it.
Jury Duty
Take your baby on a field trip and teach him the loopholes of
the legal system at the same time. With a squirming baby in your lap, there’s no doubt you’ll be sent home early.
Getting Prime Seats
When you take the baby to a sporting event, tip the usher and tell him that this is the baby’s first game and you’d love him to be able to see the action up close.
Getting “Bumped Up” in Long Lines
This one can go both ways. People may invite you to cut ahead of them if they see you with a baby, or they may just sneer and pretend they don’t notice you. But if there’s a full diaper involved, the odds are in your favor.
Picking Up the Girls
If you are a single dad, just walk around the mall and wait for the feeding frenzy. If you are married, why not lend the baby out to a single friend? Of course you should be there as back-up, but don’t walk alongside him. People might assume that he’s spoken for.
Taking a Sick Day
Now that you have the baby, you have so many more excuses to play hooky from work. You’re sick, the baby’s sick, the babysitter never showed up, and so on. Before calling the boss, download the crying baby clip from www.beprepared.net and play it in the background. With it, your boss won’t have the nerve to question you.
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