by Elinor Glyn
XXIII
Alathea looked perfectly lovely when she came into the salon dressed fordinner. It is the first time I have seen her in anything pertaining tothe evening. She had a gauzy tea-gown on, of a shade of blue like hereyes. Her nut brown hair was beautifully done, with the last "look" likeCoralie's, showing her tiny head. Whether she likes it or no, I mustgive her some pearl earrings, and my mother's pearls. That will be amoment! But I had better wait a little while. Her eyes were shining withexcitement or resentment, or a mixture of both. She was purely feminine.She intended to attract me I am certain, her subconscious mind did atall events, even though she would not have admitted it to herself. Shewas smarting still about Suzette. The situation fills her with distrustand uneasiness, but I know now, after analysing every point, when Icould not sleep last night, that she is not really indifferent to me.And it is because she is not, that she is angry.
I registered a vow that I would _make_ her love me without explainingabout Suzette, fate can let her find out for herself.
I had not come to the comforting conclusion that she is not indifferentat the beginning of the evening though, so the sense of self-confidenceand triumph did not uplift me then. I was still worried at the eventsof the afternoon.
I had troubled to put on a tail coat and white waistcoat, not a dinnerjacket as usual, and had even a buttonhole of a gardenia, found byBurton for this great occasion!
I looked into her eyes with my one blue one, which is I suppose, as blueas her own. She instantly averted her glance.
"I cannot offer you my arm, milady," I said rather sarcastically, "So wewill have to go in after each other."
She bowed and led the way.
The table was too beautifully decorated, and the dinner a masterpiece!while the champagne was iced to perfection, and the Burgundy a poem! Thepupils of Alathea's eyes before the partridge came, were black as night.Burton discreetly marshalled Antoine out of the room each time after thedishes were handed.
"When will you get your new eye?" my wife--I like to write that!--askedin the first interval when we were alone, "and your new leg?"
"I suppose they will both be restored to me in a day or two. It will beso wonderful to walk again."
"I should think so."
Then something seemed to strike her suddenly, of how hateful it must allhave been for me. Her hard expression changed and she almost whispered:
"It--will seem like a new life."
"I mean to make a new life, if you will help me. I want to get away fromall the old useless days. I want to do things which are worth while."
"Shall you soon go into Parliament?"
"I suppose it will take a year or two, but we shall begin to pave theway directly we go back to England, and I hope that will be forChristmas."
She avoided looking at me. I could never catch her eye, but her adorablelittle profile was good enough to contemplate, the crisp curl by her eardelighted me, and another in the nape of her neck filled me with wildlongings to kiss it, and the pearly skin beneath it!
I think I deserve great praise for the way I acted, for the whole thingwas acting. I was cold, and as haughty and aloof as she was herself, butI used every art I knew of to draw her out and make her talk.
She is such a lady that she fell into the stride and spoke politely asif to some stranger who had taken her into dinner at a party.
At last we talked of the Duchesse, and we discussed her interestingcharacter, such a marvel of the _ancien regime_!
"She is so very good and charitable," Alathea said, "and has always atwinkle in her eye which carries her through things."
"You laugh sometimes, too?" I asked with assumed surprise. "That isdelightful! I adore the 'twinkle in the eye,' but I was afraid you wouldnever unbend far enough so that we could laugh together!"
I think this offended her.
"Life would be impossible without a sense of humor, even if it is a grimone."
"Well, nothing need be grim any more, and we can both smile at therather absurd situation between us, which, however, suits us bothadmirably. You will never interfere with me, or I with you."
"No--" There was a tone in this which let me feel that her thoughts hadharked back to Suzette.
"The Duchesse is going to have a little tea party for us on Saturday,you know, so that you may be introduced as my wife."
Alathea became embarrassed at once.
"Will people know my real name?"
"No--we shall tell no stories, but we shall not be communicative. Youwill be introduced as an old English friend of the Duchesse's."
She looked at me for an instant and there was gratitude in herexpression.
"Alathea, I want you to forget all about the troubles which must haveclouded your life. They are all over now, and some day, perhaps you willintroduce me to your mother and little sister."
"I will, of course when they come back from the South. My mother hasoften been so ill."
"I want you to feel that I would do anything for them. Are you sure theyhave all they want?"
She protested.
"Indeed--yes, far more. You have given too much already."
She raised her head with that indescribable little gesture of hauteur,which becomes her so beautifully. I could read her mind. It said, "Iloathe receiving anything from him, with that woman in the background!"
When we went into the salon I wondered what she would do. I did notspeak. She took my crutch and shook up my cushion, taking great care notto touch me. I could not look up. I knew that a powerful electriccurrent would pass from my eye to hers, if I did, and that she would seethat I was only longing to take her to my heart.
I remained silent and gazed into the fire. She sat down quietly on thesofa at the side, so that I would have to turn my head to look at her.Thus we remained for quite five minutes, speechless. The air throbbedwith emotion. I dared not move.
At last she said, "Would you care that I should read to you again, orplay?"
"Play for a little." My voice was chilly. I was quite determined theiciness should come from me first, not her, for a few days.
She went to the piano, and she began the Debussy she had played thatafternoon when I had first asked her to play--I never can remember itsname--and when she had finished she stopped.
"What made you play that now?" I asked.
"I felt like it."
"It wrenches my nerves. What makes you feel all unrestful and rebelliousand defiant, Alathea, am I not keeping the bargain?"
"Yes, of course."
"You are bored to death then?"
"No, I am wondering."
"Wondering what?"
She did not answer. I could not see her without getting up out of mychair.
"Please come here," I asked in an indifferent cold voice. "You know itis so difficult for me to move."
She came back and sat down upon the sofa again. The light of the apricotlamp fell softly on her hair.
"Now tell me about what you were wondering."
Her mouth grew stubborn and she did not speak.
"It is so unlike you to do these very female things, beginning sentencesand not going on. I never saw anyone so changed; once I looked upon youas the model for all that was balanced, and unlike your sex. It was Iwho used to feel nervous and ineffectual, now, ever since we have beenengaged, you seem to be disturbed, and to have lost your serenity. Don'tyou think as it is the first evening that we are alone together that itwould be a wise thing to try and get at each other's point of view? Tellme the truth Alathea, what has caused the alteration in you?"
Now she looked straight at me, and there was defiance in her expressiveeyes.
"That is just what I was wondering about. It is true, I seem to havelost my serenity, I am self-conscious--I am conscious of you."
A delicious sensation of joy flowed through me, and the feeling oftriumph began which is with me still. If she is conscious of me--!
"Do you mind if I smoke?" I asked with complete casualness to hide myemotions. Sh
e shook her head, and I lit a cigarette.
"You were uneasy because you did not trust me, you thought underneaththere might be some trap, and that I would seize you once you belongedto me. There was a moment when I might have felt inclined to do so,though I would never have broken my word, but you have cured me of allthat, and there is nothing to prevent our being quite goodacquaintances,--even if your prejudice does not ever allow you to befriends."
For a second a blank look came into her expression. I was banking on myknowledge of the psychology of a human mind, the predatory instinct mustinevitably be aroused in her by my attitude of indifference, if I canonly act well enough and keep it up! I should certainly win in a fairlyshort space of time. But she is so attractive, I do not yet know if Ishall have the strength of mind to do so.
"Are you not going to give me some regular work to do each day?" sheasked with a tone of mock respect in her voice. "None of the lettershave been answered lately, or the bills paid."
"Yes. I scrambled through them all myself while I was waiting, but ifyou will look over the book again, we might finally send it to apublisher."
"Very well."
"I don't want you to feel that you have ever to stay in or do any workyou don't feel inclined for. We shall have lots of time, for the rest ofour lives. No doubt to-morrow you would wish to spend with your mother,if she is going away."
"I said good-bye to her this morning. There is no need for me to goback. I came prepared to stay. Unless of course you would rather bealone, then I can go out for a walk." This last with a peculiar tone inthe words.
"Naturally you will want to go for walks, and drives, and shopping. Youdon't imagine that I shall expect you to be a prisoner, just waiting onmy beck and call!"
"Yes, that is how I took the bargain. It is quite unfair otherwise. I amhere as a paid dependant and receiving really too high wages for anypossible work I can give in return. I would not have entered into itotherwise or on any other terms. I loathe to receive favors."
"Madame Lucifer!"
She flashed blue sparks at me!
"I am not forced to command you to work you know," I went on "that isnot part of the bargain, the bargain is entirely concerned with my notasking _you_ to give me any favors, personal favors, like affection, orcaresses, etcetera, or that I shall ever expect you to be really mywife."
She frowned.
"Well, you may put your mind entirely at rest, you have been so awfullydisagreeable to me for so long, ever since we were at Versailles in thesummer, that you don't attract me at all now, except your intellect andyour playing. So if you will talk sometimes and play sometimes, thatwill be all right. I don't desire anything else. Now, assured aboutthis, can't you be at ease and restful again?"
I know why she wore glasses. She cannot control the expression of hereyes! The pupils dilate and contract and tell one wonderful things! Iknow that this attitude of mine is having a powerful effect upon her,the feminine in her hates to feel that she has lost power over me--evenover my senses. I could have laughed aloud, I was so pleased with mysuccess, but I did not dare to look at her much, or I could never havekept the game up. She was more delectable than I can ever describe.
"It would interest me so much to know why your hands used to be so red,"I asked after a little pause. "They are getting so much whiter now."
"I had work to do, dishes to wash, our old nurse was too ill, as well asmy mother, and my little brother then--" there was a break in her softvoice. "I do not like red hands any more than you do. They distressedmy father always. I will try to take care of them now."
"Yes--do."
The evening post had come in, and been put by Burton discreetly on aside table. He naturally thought such mundane things could not interestme on my wedding night. I caught sight of the little pile and askedAlathea to bring them to me.
She did. One from Coralie was lying on top and one immediately under itfrom Solonge de Clerte! Alathea saw that they were both in femalewriting. The rest were bills and business.
"Do you permit me to open them?" I asked punctiliously.
"Of course," and she reddened. "Are you not master here? How absurd toask me!"
"It is not; you are Lady Thormonde, even if you are not my wife, andhave a right to courtesy."
She shrugged her shoulders.
"Why did you put--'To Alathea from her husband' on the bracelets? Youare 'Sir Nicholas' and not my husband."
"It was a _betise_, a slip of the pen; I admit you are right," andindifferently I opened Coralie's effusion, smiling over it. I put up myhand as if to shade my eye, and looked at Alathea through the fingers.She was watching me with an expression of slightly anxious interest. Icould almost have believed that she was _jealous_!
My triumph increased.
I removed my hand and appeared only to be intent upon Coralie's letter.
"Perhaps we each have friends which might bore the other, so when youwant to have parties tell me, and I will arrange to go out, and when Iwant to, I will tell you. In that way we can never have any jars."
"Thank you, but I have no friends except the Duchesse, or very humblepeople who don't want to come to parties."
"But you will be making plenty of new friends now. I have some which youwill meet out in the world which I daresay you won't care about, andsome who come and dine with me sometimes, who probably you woulddislike."
"Yes,--I know."
"How do you know?" I asked innocently, affecting surprise.
"I used to hear them when I was typing."
I smiled. I did not defend them.
"If you should chance to meet, would you be civil to them?"
"Of course, 'Coralie,' 'Odette,' and 'Alice,' the Duchesse has oftendescribed them all! It was 'Coralie' who came to talk to you atVersailles in the park, was it not?"
Her voice was contemptuously amused and indifferent, but her littlenostrils quivered. Underneath she was disturbed I knew.
"Yes, Coralie is charming, she knows more about how to put clothes onbecomingly than any other woman."
"Do they dine often? Because I could perhaps arrange to go and have mymusic lesson with Monsieur Trani on those evenings, twice a week oroftener?"
"You would refuse to meet them?" I pretended to be annoyed.
"Certainly not, one does not do ridiculous things like that. I will meetwhoever you wish. I only thought it might spoil your pleasure if I werethere, unless of course you have told them that I am only a permanentsecretary masquerading under the name of your wife--so that they neednot restrain themselves."
Her face had become inscrutable. She was quite calm now. I grewuncertain again for a moment. Had I carried the bluff far enough?
"They have all quite charming manners, but as you infer they might notbe so amused to come to the dinner of a married man. I think the lastpart of your speech was rather a reflection upon my sense of being agentleman though. I of course have not informed anyone of our quaintrelations.--But remember you told me once you did not think I was agentleman, so I must not be offended now."
She did not speak, she was looking down and her eyelashes made a shadowon her cheeks. Her mouth was sad.
Suddenly something pathetic about her touched me. She is such a gallantlittle fighter. She has had such an ugly cruel life, and Oh! God she isgrowing to love me, and soon shall I be able to tell her that I worshipthe ground she walks on, and appreciate her proud spirit and greatself-respect? But I cannot chance anything. I must go on and follow whatI know to be sound psychological reasoning.
I felt my will weakening then, she looked so perfectly exquisite therein the corner of the sofa. We were alone.--It was nearly ten o'clock atnight, the flowers were scenting the air, the lights were soft, thedinner had been perfection. After all I am a man, and she legallybelongs to me. I felt the blood rushing wildly in my veins. I had toclench my hands and shut my eye.
"I expect you are tired now," I said a little breathlessly. "So I willsay good-night--Milady, and hope that you will sleep well the f
irstnight in your new home."
I got up and she came forward quickly to hand me my crutch.
"Good-night," she whispered quite low, but she never looked at me, thenshe turned and went slowly from the room, never glancing back. And whenshe had gone instead of going to bed I once more sank into my chair. Ifelt queerly faint, my nerves are not sound yet I expect.
Well, what a strange wedding night!
Burton's face was a mask when he came to undress me. Among the manystrange scenes he has witnessed and assisted at, after forty yearsspent in ministering to the caprices of the aristocracy, I believe hethinks this is the strangest!
When I was in bed and he was about to go, I suddenly went into a peal ofbitter laughter. He stopped near the door.
"Beg pardon, Sir Nicholas?" he said as though I had called to him.
"Aren't women the weirdest things in the world, Burton!"
"They are indeed, Sir Nicholas," and he smiled. "One and all, fromMam'zelle to ladies like her Ladyship, they do like to feel that a manbelongs to themselves."
"You think that is it, Burton?"
"Not a doubt of it, Sir Nicholas."
"How do you know them so well, never having married, you old scallywag!"
"Perhaps that's why, Sir. A married man looses his spirit like--and hisbeing able to see!"
"I seem lonely, don't I Burton," and I laughed again.
"You do, Sir Nicholas, but if I may make so bold as to say so, I don'tthink you will be so very long. Her Ladyship sent out for a cup of teadirectly she got to her room."
And with an indescribable look of blank innocence in his dear old eyes,this philosopher, and profound student of women, respectfully left theroom!