I asked was there even anything left of our marriage to destroy; that I didn’t feel like his wife anymore, I felt like his property, or worst still, his prisoner.
That was when he hit me, and at that very moment, everything changed.
I knew he regretted it the moment he had done it, but he didn’t have the words to tell me that he was sorry. So, he grabbed the suitcase he’d been packing when I arrived home a short while before, and he walked out the door without saying another word.
It was at that moment; I knew I’d reached my breaking point. I just couldn’t take anymore and swallowing a handful of pills seemed like my only choice. It seemed like my only way out; the only way to end my heartache and numb the pain in my chest.
But now, lying there in the bed, watching Jaxson sleep. I realised that I had other choices. I could decide to stop being a victim. I could reclaim my life and learn how to be happy again.
I wondered if the right thing to do was just to leave Jacob. It certainly seemed like the easiest thing, but then where would I go. I had no job, no money, and no clue what I should do with my life. I could return home to my parents, but then what? Besides, I was raised to believe that marriage wasn’t something you got to quit like the gym. When you commit to someone, it means something. I’d made that commitment to Jacob, so whether I liked it or not, I was stuck. I needed to try and find a way to make my marriage work.
After a while, I realised that I needed to use the bathroom, so I pushed up on the bed, trying to sit up, but when I did, the room spun, and it made my stomach heave. I flopped back down onto the bed and groaned from the pain in my head.
“Ally!” Jaxson exclaimed, instantly wide awake, and his eyes found me immediately. “Are you okay?”
“Define okay,” I groaned, giving him a weak smile. “I need to pee, but my head feels like my brain is on a spin cycle, and it’s hard to get up.”
“I can help you,” he said, and he was up on his feet before I had a chance even to reply. When he reached the bed, he pulled back the bedclothes, then scooped me up in his arms before I knew what was happening.
“I think I can walk,” I began to protest, but there was no point. Jaxson was determined to look after me.
“Do you need me to stay with you?” He asked as he put me down on the floor, next to the toilet.
“I think I’ve got it from here,” I said, giving him a grateful smile as I looked up at him expectantly, waiting for him to release me completely, and leave me alone to use the bathroom, but instead, he just stood there. He had this strange look on his face, and I had no clue what he was thinking right at that moment. “Can you, you know.”
I glanced towards the door, then gave him a nervous smile.
“Sorry,” he said, giving me an apologetic smile as his face flushed with embarrassment. “I’ll be right outside the door when you’re done.”
He paused for a moment as he looked down into my eyes, and I knew there was so much he wanted to say to me. But instead, he just smiled, then turned and hurried out of the bathroom.
When I was finished, I called out his name, unsure if I could make it back to bed on my own. My whole body felt weak, and my head still felt full and a little dizzy.
“Let’s get you back to bed,” he said, scooping me up into his arms once more, then carry me back to my bed. Sitting me back down on the bed, he looked into my eyes, and smiled once more, before he released a long sigh.
“So,” he said as he slowly sat down on the edge of my bed, giving me a sad smile. “Do you want to talk about what happened last night?”
“What’s there to say?” I asked, suddenly feeling completely mortified.
“I think there’s a lot to say,” he shrugged, giving me a sad smile. “Ally, you tried to end your life last night. That’s something you need to talk about.”
“It was a stupid thing to do,” I quickly replied, shaking my head. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”
“Scaring me!” He exclaimed. “It’s not about me being scared or upset. It’s about you thinking that the only choice you had in this life was to end yours.”
“I was upset,” I tried to offer him some kind of explanation, but I knew nothing I said would make him understand why I had done what I had done. Suddenly hot tears pooled in my eyes, then spilled down my face. “It was a stupid thing to do. I’m sorry.”
“Ally,” he said as he reached out and took hold of my hand. “I get you were upset, hell you have every right to be angry and sad, and yes, even beyond upset. But that is never the answer. If I hadn’t found you when I did…”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as my tears continued to fall, feeling so embarrassed that I couldn’t look him in the eye any longer.
“I don’t want you to be sorry,” he said as he reached out, tilting my face up to meet his before he wiped away my tears with his fingers. “I want you to talk to me. Let me help you. I told you the first day I got here that I am here for you. I can’t help you if you don’t let me in. So, promise me. From now on, if you ever feel sad or alone, or like you need to do something… silly; promise me you’ll come to me and talk to me first.”
“Okay, I promise,” I replied, giving him a grateful smile, letting my eyes linger on his for a moment, having no clue what he was thinking.
“And what happened with Jacob?” He said, looking a little uncertain. “Has that happened before?”
“Not really,” I replied, knowing that wasn’t strictly true. It was true that Jacob had never intentionally lashed out and struck me as he had the night before, but he had hurt me before. Usually, it was how he would grab me, how he would wrap his enormous hand around my thin arms. Sometimes he would hold my arm so tightly; I would fear he would break it.
“What does not really mean?” He asked, giving me a worried look.
“He’s never hit me before,” I sighed, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “But…”
“But,” he pushed when I hesitated.
“Sometimes he grabs me,” I sighed, instinctively reaching up and rubbing my arm where he’d grabbed me the night before.
“I see,” he said, giving me a sad smile before he continued. “Well, you know that isn’t right either. That he doesn’t have the right to grab you like that.”
“It hasn’t happened that often,” I shrugged, knowing that wasn’t strictly true either.
“Ally,” he said, reaching for my hand. “If you ever need me to help you. In whatever way, I can. You just have to say.”
“I know,” I replied, giving him a grateful smile, and for the first time, I felt something I hadn’t felt in so long, and it blew my mind completely. For the first time since I met Jacob, I felt longing. A longing to be held, a longing to be kissed, and a longing to be loved. And I wanted Jaxson to be the one to do all of those things.
Jaxson held my gaze, and for a moment, we both held our breaths. It was like we were both frozen in time, and there was no one else in the world but him and me.
He reached up once more and softly touched my face as he moved towards me slowly.
“Good morning,” A voice from the doorway said suddenly, almost killing me with fright. The moment Jaxson heard it, he jumped back like his ass was on fire, and up off the bed.
“Travis!” He exclaimed; his face flushed with embarrassment as he turned to the guy standing at the door. “Looks who’s awake.”
“So, I see,” Travis said, moving closer towards the bed. He glanced at Jaxson, and for a moment, they shared a look I didn’t really understand, but then he turned to me and gave me a broad smile. “How are you feeling this morning, Ally?”
“Like I almost died last night,” I replied honestly as I glanced at Jaxson too, but he remained focused on the other guy while his face was completely unreadable. “But I guess that’s no real surprise. I mostly feel a little stupid right now.”
“Ally,” Jaxson said, finally turning back to me. When he did, he smiled, but there was an edge to his voice, and his gaze wasn’t meeting mi
ne. I didn’t know why, but I suddenly wanted to cry again. I knew I was being ridiculous, but it took everything I had at that moment not to burst into tears “I don’t know if you remember, but this is my brother, Travis. Travis is a resident at George Washington Hospital. I called him last night to… well, you know why I called him. He’s been here with me all night, making sure you were okay.”
“It’s nice to meet you properly,” Travis said, walking towards the bed, offering me his hand. “You gave us quite a fright last night.”
“It’s nice to meet you too,” I replied as I tried desperately to push my feelings back down inside me, giving him a genuine smile. “And thank you, for last night, I mean. Thank you both. I’m so sorry for causing such a fuss. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I suppose I really wasn’t. I just felt so tired, hurt, and incredibly lonely.”
“Just promise me that you’ll never do something so silly again,” Travis said, returning my smile. “And we can call it even.”
“I promise,” I said, glancing at Jaxson once more, but still, he didn’t meet my gaze, and I released whatever that was between us moments earlier had now passed. Jaxson had his work brain back on, and it was back to business as usual. My face suddenly flushed with embarrassment at how stupid I was being, and I really wished that they would just both leave me alone.
“I need to stop by the hospital,” Travis said, giving Jaxson a worried look. “I need to sign off on some charts I forgot to sign last night before I left. But then I am off for the next three days, so I will be back to check on Ally before I head for home to get some proper sleep, then I might do a little painting in the kitchen.”
“You’re painting your kitchen?” I asked, hoping that talking about something other than me or the night before would make it easier for me to regain my composure. I focus on Travis, trying to seem more interested than I actually was. “That sounds like fun.”
“I’m painting Jaxson’s kitchen,” he replied, giving me a broad smile, and suddenly I could see the resemblance between him and Jaxson. He had the same, clear blue eyes as his brother and the same thick curly dark hair. Jaxson was maybe a fraction taller than him, but they were a similar build. But there was something different about them. Travis had a happy, carefree attitude, whereas Jaxson was serious. Also, there was a sadness in his eyes. Something that drew me to him from the moment I met him. I mentally shook my head, pushing that thought out of my mind, and focused on Travis and what he was saying. “He’s picked the colours for me and left strict instructions on how I was to paint it and how to clean up once I was done. I am sadly just his little flying monkey, doing all his bidding.”
“Well,” Jaxson said, giving his brother a knowing grin, and for a moment, he seemed to let his guard back down. “In all fairness. You are living there for absolute free, so I think it’s a fair trade, don’t you?”
“And you will be very happy when I get my Leonardo Da Vinci on,” Travis replied with a cheeky grin that made me smile too. “And paint your kitchen even better than he painted the ceiling in that church.”
“That was Michelangelo, Genius,” Jaxson laughed as he finally allowed his eyes to meet mine for a moment before he quickly looked back at his brother. “And it’s a wall, not a ceiling you’re painting, so you needn’t get too carried away.”
“Whatever,” Travis laughed as he turned to me once more, “See what I have to put up with, Ally.”
I just smiled, but I didn’t reply. I liked Travis. I liked the relationship he appeared to have with Jaxson. It was clear they were very close, and while I thought that maybe Jaxson was the older of the two, I could see that Travis looked out for Jaxson too.
“Now,” he said, his voice suddenly a lot more serious. “I need to check you over before I leave. Is that okay?”
“Sure,” I said, giving him a cautious smile, hating that once more, everyone was thinking about how stupid I’d been the night before.
He checked my pulse, my blood pressure, then listened to my chest before he finally took my temperature. As he examined me, I glanced over at Jaxson, and our eyes met for a moment, but he quickly turned away.
“Well, the good news is that you seem to be just fine this morning,” he said, giving me a reassuring smile. “But I still want you to take things easy. You’ve had a long, hard night, and you need to give your body a chance to heal fully. Also, I want you to drink lots of water. You’re probably a little dehydrated, and the more water you drink, the quicker you will wash all the other crap out of your body completely. So, water and rest, at least till I get back.”
“Okay,” I nodded, once more feeling mortified about how dumb I’d been the night before.
“Also,” he said, smiling at me once more. “I will bring you some cream for your face. It will help reduce the bruising and swelling a little faster.”
“Thank you,” I replied before I glanced at Jaxson as I suddenly recalled him knocking on my bedroom door the night before. He’d heard Jacob and I fighting, and he came to check on me, which meant he probably knew that Jacob had hit me before he stormed out of the house.
I sighed inwardly, knowing that Jaxson must think I’m a real train wreck now.
“Why don’t you get some rest,” Jaxson said, giving me a nervous smile as he slowly walked towards the door. “I’ll show Travis out; then I will make you some breakfast. You need to eat something.”
“Nothing too heavy,” Travis quickly interjected. “Maybe some toast and a weak tea. I don’t want her getting sick again.”
“Okay, Doc,” Jaxson said, with a smile, before he glanced at me again, but his face was completely unreadable. “Anything else I need to know?”
“I think that’s everything,” Travis laughed, then looked back at me. “Please get some rest. I will be back as quickly as I can.”
“I will,” I assured him, before both he and Jaxson left the room, finally leaving me alone once more.
I flopped back on my pillow and stared at the ceiling.
My mind was racing with so many thoughts, the overriding one being, I wanted Jaxson to kiss me, and for a moment I think he wanted to too.
But then it was like he realised what a huge mistake that would have been, and now he couldn’t even look at me, and I felt crushed.
I knew I was just being ridiculous. Why would he even want to kiss me? For starters, there was the fact I was actually married to another man, and that man is technically his boss.
Then there was the fact, he’d seen me at my absolute lowest. I would always be the girl that tried to kill herself in a bath of water, with a handful of pills and a bottle of expensive vodka.
I just needed to push this, whatever it was, out of my head. I was in a weak, vulnerable state, and I was just confusing his kindness for something more, something that wasn’t there.
Suddenly, my head ached, and I felt completely exhausted.
I turned over onto my side, pulling my pillow closer to me, letting the sweet relief of sleep take me away once more.
Chapter 11
Ally
I woke up and stretched out in the bed. Thankfully, this time, not every inch of my body hurt. Opening my eyes, I was surprised to find the sun was already low in the sky, so I knew it had to be late afternoon. Turning onto my side, I spotted an untouched cup of tea and two slices of toast sitting on my nightstand. I smiled when I saw the toast was cut carefully into triangles and stacked neatly on the plate. For some reason, it reminded me of my dad and how he would bring me some breakfast in bed before he left early for school.
Suddenly I missed my mom and dad. I wondered if I should call them, but I knew the moment I heard either of their voices, I would fall apart, and they would know something was very wrong.
Pushing up in the bed, I swung my feet out onto the floor. I still felt a little tired, but I was feeling more like myself than I had when I’d woken up that morning. I reached out and grabbed a slice of toast from the plate before I pushed up from the bed and made my way towar
ds the bathroom.
As I pushed open the door, I noticed the lock was broken. For the first time since I woke up, Jacob crashed into my mind. I had no idea where he’d gone or Lynn for that matter.
I was sure she would have been up, sniffing around my room by now, but she was nowhere to be seen. I knew when I came home the night before, she wasn’t home because her car was gone from the front of the house, but I was sure she would have been back by now. I was sure Jacob would have been back too, but there was no sign of him.
Standing in the bathroom, I looked around the room as I recalled the events of the night before. I remembered climbing into the bath. I remembered the pills in my hand and then drinking the vodka. My stomach heaved as I recalled the taste of the alcohol. Drinking it straight was a lot harder than I thought it would be.
But then I remembered being on the floor and looking up at Jaxson. I remembered how terrified he looked. I hated that I had done this to him. I hated that he had to pick up the pieces for the disaster that was my life.
I looked around the room, and if I hadn’t known better, I would have said the events of the night before had never happened. There wasn’t a single shred of evidence of anything anywhere. I knew that it had to have been Jaxson who’d cleaned up all my mess. Yet another thing I had to be completely mortified about.
I decided I needed a shower. Maybe if I washed away the last traces of the night before, I would somehow be able to put it all behind me and get on with my life.
I reached into the shower, turning on the water to heat up. Then I quickly finished my piece of toast, looking in the mirror as I swallowed the last mouthful. The moment I did, my eyes fell to the mark on my face beneath my eye. I sighed as I looked at the skin just beneath my eye, already starting to turn purple.
What the hell had Jacob been thinking? Was this a one-off thing or was it a sign that maybe I should be worried about just what he was actually capable of. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to stick around to find out.
I thought again about leaving if maybe I should just pack a bag a go. I always believed that I would walk away from a man the first time he hit me. It was something I had always told myself that I would never accept. But now that it had happened, it didn’t seem as easy as that.
Monster Page 10