by Jen Peters
His brothers. He needed to let them know what that appointment was like, the problems their father had doing simple tasks. But it was hard to think of sharing the burden if he didn’t know the right direction to go.
Adam spent the next twenty minutes making notes and writing questions. The scheduler finally called and set his dad’s MRI and other tests for Friday. Two days to wait, and then however long to get answers.
He leaned back in his chair, ran his hand through his hair and realized he really needed a haircut. He’d been too busy with his dad—and Maddy—to think about it. Ah, well, courting Maddy was worth looking messy a bit longer. But now he needed to gather his brothers.
He found Micah in the equipment shed, with Maddy and Mia watching him do something to one of the four wheelers. Just the sight of Maddy put a smile on his face. Probably eased some worry lines as well.
“You going to be here a while, Micah?” Adam asked.
Micah paused his wrench-turning. “Maybe another hour.”
Adam nodded. “I’ll go get Caleb—we need to talk.”
He had to wait for his other younger brother to finish putting a well-muscled buckskin back in the pasture, but they were soon gathered in the equipment shed.
Maddy smiled at him, but turned to Mia and said, “Come on, kiddo. Let’s leave them to their cowboy talk.”
“No, stay,” Adam said. “You probably ought to hear this too.” He grasped her hand, grateful for the sense of security it gave him.
“We need to talk about Dad,” he said, but he couldn’t find the words to continue.
Caleb came to the rescue. “What did the doctor say? There’s something to worry about?”
Adam nodded. “He…Dad couldn’t…the doctor had him do some things, easy things, and he couldn’t.” He looked up at the rafters. “He just wasn’t able, and she kept…”
His brothers just stared at him wide-eyed, but Maddy squeezed his hand and spoke up. “She, the doctor? She kept what, Adam?”
Adam closed his eyes, not feeling in control at all. “She kept saying he was doing fine, but he wasn’t! He couldn’t put the numbers around a clock right. He couldn’t remember three words she’d told him earlier. He said…he said he’s even gotten lost riding up to the pond!”
Maddy leaned into his shoulder. Micah leaned on the four-wheeler. Caleb didn’t lean anywhere, just took a step back and said, “But that’s, that’s Alzheimer’s. Dad can’t have Alzheimer’s.”
“What’s all-zimer?” came Mia’s little voice.
“Shh,” Maddy responded.
Adam told a deep breath. “Yeah, he can. It happens to people all the time. But she said it could also be some other things, anything from a vitamin deficiency to blood flow to the brain.” Just speaking the alternatives aloud gave him a little control back. “She wants to run a bunch of tests. We did the lab work today, and the scheduler just called back. I’ll take Dad back down on Friday for an MRI and some other stuff.”
“Alzheimer’s,” Caleb repeated.
“Wait and see,” Micah said.
Maddy looked up at him. “What can I do?”
Adam filled his senses with her warmth and caring. “Just be here. Be my anchor.”
“What’s an anchor, Mama?”
Adam smiled at her. “Something that keeps someone from just floating away in confusion. And your Mama’s a very good anchor.”
They talked a bit more, but it all came down to waiting.
Early Friday morning, with twenty minutes before she needed to walk Mia to the school bus, Maddy set her concerns aside long enough to grin as she listened to her daughter. Mia was conducting an argument between Barbie and a triceratops. Barbie wanted to go to school with it, and the triceratops insisted that school was just for dinosaurs.
Her daughter was happy, the sky was as blue as she’d ever seen it, the sun was warming the cabin. Spring was here and summer on its way. Thank you, Lord. And please be with Samuel and Adam through the tests and the results.
She rummaged around in the freezer. Baking for therapy might be necessary sometimes, but baking for joy was delightful. By the time Adam and Samuel got back from all the tests, a triple-berry pie would be just the right reward for them. Even it it came from a bag of frozen berries.
She hummed as she mixed the berries with sugar and cornstarch. Barbie had won the school fight and was now making friends with a T-Rex. Maddy was rolling out the pie crust when her cell phone chimed.
“Maddy, I’m so sorry.” Her sister’s voice was high-pitched in panic. “I didn’t—I can’t—”
“Hold on, Sophie! Take a deep breath and start from the beginning.” Maddy looked over to where Mia was now gathering dinosaurs and Barbies for recess.
“It’s Brock. He knows where you are.” Sophie gulped for air.
Maddy squeaked. “He has our address?”
“No, I don’t think so. But he knows you’re on a ranch, and he knows it’s near Grand Junction. Mom knew that from the postmark on your letter. She—” Sophie sobbed, then tried again. “Mom was telling Mrs. Norris when they were having lunch yesterday—I’ve told her and told her she can’t say anything, but I guess she forgot. And Brock’s been following her. He was in the cafe already, and he got up and walked right past them. He even gave Mom a thumbs-up!”
Sophie wailed again, but Maddy was frozen in shock. There were plenty of towns between them and Grand Junction, plus a ton of ranches, but if Brock was so obsessed that he would stalk her mother, he wouldn’t give up until he had checked every last ranch in southwest Colorado. She had to get out of here. She had to pack. She had to—
She couldn’t even think. Couldn’t swallow. Couldn’t breathe.
She thought she’d run to the end of the earth, hidden here in the mountains, that even if Brock had found her online, he couldn’t find her physically.
How could her mother have been so casual as to even tell her friend, let alone tell her in public? Didn’t she realize the danger she’d put Maddy in?
The room closed in on her, the colors around her darkened. Her sister’s babbling voice faded.
Breathe. She needed to breathe. She needed to keep it together for Mia’s sake.
Maddy gasped, a smidge of air getting to her lungs. She closed her eyes and willed her body to relax, until she could draw one short breath, then another.
“Mama, what’s wrong?” Mia’s little voice held grown-up concern.
Maddy managed a longer breath and opened her eyes. “Come here, sweetheart,” she said, opening her arm.
With Mia snuggled in, Maddy’s chest relaxed and her heart rate began to slow. “I’ll call you back,” she said to the phone that was still in her hand.
She had to stay calm for Mia. She had to figure out what to do. She had to get herself together and make decisions. She needed to call Mr. Wilkins. She needed to tell Adam.
No, first she needed to pray.
Maddy settled both arms around Mia, ready to pray silently right there, but the child was done cuddling. “Mommy, recess is over for the dinosaurs,” and she squirmed away.
Maddy glanced at the clock and managed a smile. “We need to leave in about five minutes, so it’s time to clean up. I’ll be in my bedroom for a little bit.”
“OK, Mama.” Mia moved her toys into her “classroom” instead of their toy bin, but Maddy wasn’t going to fight it.
Her shaky legs got her to her bedside, where she dropped to her knees. Dear God… Her voice quavered. She took a deep breath and started again. Dear God, please keep us safe. Please guide me and let me know what to do. I know You love us. I know all things are in Your hands. Please.
She paused and waited for inspiration. Surely the Lord would point her in the right direction.
A warm peace filled her, a sense of God’s arms around her, but no specific answers came. Did that mean they’d be safe if they stayed? Or was she just supposed to wait for an answer? She loved the feeling and was grateful He’d sent it, but she wasn’t ve
ry good at waiting for His timing.
She sighed and stood. She kept the prayer in her heart, but she also knew that if she had no specific answers, that she needed to do the best she could and trust God to tell her if she was on the wrong path.
And that was the question, now that she was calm enough to think. What was the right path? Stay? Or start looking for somewhere else?
28
Late Friday morning, Adam paced the radiology waiting room while his father was getting an MRI. An hour in a noisy tube—Dad wouldn’t be in a great mood when he came out.
He wasn’t sure exactly what it would tell. A brain tumor would obviously show up. And Dr. Jacobs had said something about blood flow, so he supposed it would tell what parts of Dad’s brain were working well. But an “easy” test like an MRI still wouldn’t show Alzheimer’s. His research had told him that the only 100% way of diagnosing it was looking at the brain tissue itself—after you were dead.
When Adam had memorized the magazines at one end of the room and the poster at the other and knew there were exactly twenty-six steps from wall to wall, he told the nurse he was going out to the main corridor.
She looked relieved.
How did anybody get through the waiting and the uncertainty, especially alone? He wished Maddy were there with him—she’d know how to distract him. She’d ask what Micah was fixing, how Caleb’s two-year-olds were doing, when they were going to brand the last set of calves.
She’d talk to him about the wells and cross-fencing, and the difference they would make. She’d listen patiently while he talked about soil tests and fertilizing the fields, or how they would know when it was time for the first cutting of hay.
Actually, it was amazing how much Maddy had absorbed since she came to the ranch. Adam tipped his hat back and rubbed his eyes. Was it really only a month and a half since she’d arrived?
So little time to account for such a big change in his life. He wished he could spend all his time focusing on her without the specter of Alzheimer’s hanging over their heads.
He wanted to know what her favorite flower was, if she ever pulled April Fool’s pranks, if she liked to dance. What had her dreams been in high school, even college, and was she living them? Well, other than a failed marriage—that wouldn’t be in anyone’s dream life. What were her dreams and goals now? Could she settle into ranch life forever, or would she head back to the city eventually?
A nurse opened the door and escorted his father to him. He looked pale and worn. “Do you know where you go next?” she asked.
Samuel looked expectantly at Adam.
“Yes, cardiology,” Adam said.
The nurse gave them directions, and Adam guided his father through the multitude of corridors to the next set of tests.
Drained of energy, Adam parked the truck near the house and helped his father out. Compared to Adam’s tiredness, Dad seemed exhausted. His face was drawn, and he’d had his eyes shut for most of the trip.
“Dad, you’re back!” Lacey cried, greeting them at the porch. “How was it?”
“I think I’ll just sit for a spell,” Dad said. “My age is catching up to me.” He kissed Lacey on the cheek and headed for the living room. “You call me if you need anything,” he told Adam.
“Will do.” What he wouldn’t give to help his father past this, whatever this turned out to be.
Lacey gave him a worried look. “Is he going to be okay?”
Adam shrugged. “I hope so. Mostly, he’s just tired. It’s been a long day.”
“At least you didn’t have to try to do algebra while you worried about him—school was hard.” Then she shrugged. “I’ll stay with him while you go tell the others.”
Adam nodded his thanks and trotted back down the steps. What he’d really like to do was go hold Maddy in his arms. But she’d be getting Mia settled after school, and he needed to check in with his brothers, so he wandered over to the stables for feeding time. He gave Mister an extra handful of oats and a behind-the-ear scratch, then went to help Caleb and Wes take grain out for the mares and foals.
“Creep feeder looks good,” Adam remarked.
It was true—the trough had been sanded and repaired, and two new horizontal poles replaced the old, worn ones. The whole setup let the foals under for their extra feed and kept the mares out.
Caleb was on edge, though. “Why wouldn’t it?” He gave him a look. “Don’t you think I can take care of things over here?”
Adam was too tired for this. “Not at all, just saying ‘good job.’ No need to be so touchy.”
Caleb huffed. “You do have a tendency to boss the rest of us around, you know.”
Adam snorted, but he kept his defensive hackles down. “Yeah, probably. Comes with the territory, I think.”
Caleb leaned a shoulder against the fence. “And what territory would that be? The oldest brother kind, or the second-in-command kind? Or could it be the I-have-to-be-in-control kind?”
“I don’t always have to be in control,” Adam protested wearily. “But there are a lot of working parts to this ranch, some of which I had no idea about until I started helping Dad more.”
It was Caleb’s turn to snort. “Tell yourself that if you want, Bro, but you were a control-freak when you were a teenager, too.”
“Only compared to you. Some of your escapades about got you killed.”
Caleb rolled his eyes. “Better than being a buttoned-up, old-before-your-time big brother who never knew how to have fun.”
“I knew how to have fun. It wasn’t your version, but it was fun.”
“Hah! You couldn’t ask a girl to dance if your life depended on it. You probably still can’t, not even Maddy.”
Adam sighed. He hadn’t come out here to pick a fight with his brother, and that last comment had hit home. Caleb went dancing on a regular basis. Micah had too, until he and Selena had a baby. And Seth was driven to prove himself, which drew the girls to him big time.
So Adam hadn’t dated much. And he hadn’t taken Maddy out much at all—no movies, no dinners, no antique shopping or whatever girls liked to do these days. But what was he supposed to do about that? He had far more on his plate than his brothers did.
“Look,” he finally said. “I came out to talk to you about Dad. We need a plan to manage his care, and—”
“We don’t even know what that will take yet, Adam! How can we plan anything until we have a diagnosis?”
“I know, but we’ll do better…” He stopped to correct himself. “I will do better if we have some ideas laid out. For one thing, we can figure out how to lighten his workload. Can we talk about it tonight?”
Caleb gazed over the mares, licking the last of the grain from their tubs, and the foals, who were still eating happily away in the creep feeder, safe from their mothers scarfing up their food. “I guess. But you’d better bring Maddy, too. You guys are getting serious and she needs to know what she’s getting into.”
Serious? They’d been a couple for a whole two weeks. Were they really getting serious?
Even without real dates, Adam didn’t need to think long to know the answer: yes.
29
Maddy had spent the day praying. Working too, but always with a prayer in her heart or on her lips. Especially when Brock’s angry face pushed into her mind. She had called Mr. Wilkins, who had called the Denver police, who had said they would “check on Mr. Johnston’s whereabouts.”
That gave little comfort, but her work and God’s peace had still settled her. She didn’t know how things would turn out, just that God knew her situation. She needed to deal with it however she could and trust Him to do the rest.
With His help, she set thoughts of Brock aside and got back to work, stopping now and then to say a special prayer for Samuel and Adam. Samuel’s situation left her feeling completely helpless, sitting on the sidelines while someone she’d grown to care about dealt with a possibly serious issue, but she could always pray.
Maddy counted her bless
ings once more as Mia got off the bus. She wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with her daughter if this were a full-time job.
The two of them watered their flowers in the hot sun—it was nearly eighty degrees today—and splashed each other with the hose. Mia showed off her somersaults, and Maddy read some funny Shel Silverstein poems to her. Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too!
They were still giggling over that one when Adam showed up. He walked slowly, and when he smiled at Maddy, it was with a tired face.
“Long day?” she asked, standing and brushing her shorts off.
Adam took her hands and leaned in for a kiss. “Like you wouldn’t believe. And hey, kiddo, how are you?” He reached down and tousled Mia’s hair.
“Want to see me do a somersault?” she urged.
“Sure. How about under that tree?”
He put his arm around Maddy, and they stood close while they watched Mia perform. Over and over and over.
“Want to talk about it?” Maddy asked softly.
“Not much to tell yet. Lots of tests, lots of waiting, and no answers yet,” he said. He drew a deep breath and let it out. “We’re going to talk about possibilities at dinner tonight.”
“But you don’t know anything,” Maddy reminded him.
Adam sighed. “No, but I don’t want us to be blindsided, either. It would be nice to have an idea of what to do for each possibility. And…” He paused to kiss her hair. “I’d like you to be there.”
“Me? But this is a family thing.” Maddy was comfortable around all of them, but still…
“Mm-hmm, I know,” was all Adam said.
Mia came running up. “Were you watching? Did you see?”
“I counted twelve,” Maddy said.
“You’re a pretty good somersault-er,” Adam added. “I think that calls for an Uncle Dirt-cooked dinner, don’t you?”
“Yes!” Mia shouted, before dashing into the cabin.
Maddy waited until the door slammed, then pulled Adam over to lean on the porch railing. “It’s been a long day for me, too,” she began. “I don’t think I’ve stopped praying since this morning.”