Jason could not rid himself of the foreboding that nagged at his spirit. Something was not right with his mom. As much as she tried to put on a brave face, he knew he had to get home. He’d just started the September term, and to get away would be difficult. But when he talked it over with his girlfriend, Jennifer, they both agreed that a quick trip home to dispel some of Jason’s unease would be worth the effort.
He left on Friday after his classes and caught the late ferry over to the mainland. After a night at a friend’s place in Vancouver, he got an early start the next day.
Kelowna, the jewel of the Okanagan Valley, came into view. Jason was almost home. The entry to this beautiful city with its mountain backdrop against panoramic lake vistas usually gave him pause for appreciation, but today he felt only angst. He huffed at the aggravation the bottleneck on the bridge presented. The traffic crawled down bridge hill where it converged onto one of the world’s longest floating bridges across the Okanagan Lake. Jason knew his hometown only too well. This meant worse congestion on the city side. His edginess increased. All he wanted to do was get home, not face another traffic jam.
Jason had deliberately not phoned his mom in advance. He wanted to surprise her and hopefully catch her without that plastic smile. He needed to see the real person behind the mask. In truth, he longed to see his old mom, the one without worry etched upon her face. He’d not seen that peaceful soul for far too long now. A new person had emerged after his dad’s death, and he was worried.
He parked at curbside and entered the house quietly. Raised voices reached him.
“Drat,” he muttered. “She has company.” He glanced out onto the street but didn’t recognize the vehicle. With no intention on eavesdropping, his mother’s words stopped him short.
“Matt, you have to understand how sorry I am. I shouldn’t have lied to you under any circumstances. There’s no excuse. Please, forgive me.”
His mom’s voice wavered and Jason could tell she was crying.
“I do forgive you, Anna. I just don’t understand the social pressure you Christians put on yourselves. I’ll never believe that what we shared was anything but the most wonderful experience of my life … but all that aside, Anna, you have to realize with or without a relationship I want to be a father to my child. You can’t deny me that.”
Their voices hushed and fell to a whisper.
Jason was confused. Who was this Matt guy? Why was his mom crying about lying? She never lied. And what child were they talking about? Should he go back and enter with a loud knock, or should he walk into the kitchen? Like a wishbone, he felt pulled in two directions.
The moment of silence stretched into awkwardness. Had they gone out the patio door into the backyard? He didn’t know where they were, but he knew if he didn’t act soon they could come around the corner and find him standing there like an idiot, and so he entered the kitchen unannounced.
His very pregnant mother stood close to Dr. Carmichael, who pressed his hand intimately against her stomach as if it belonged there. With a tender look on her face, she watched Dr. Carmichael smile at the movement of the baby.
“Mom?”
Anna jolted at the sound of his voice. They jumped apart like they had each just touched a hot burner.
His mom clearly had been crying.
“Jason, my dear … why … when did you get here?” She moved quickly toward him, once again with that practiced expression he’d come to loath. “You should’ve called, I … I didn’t know you were coming.” Her voice wavered, and her hands shook as she pulled him close for a quick hug.
Jason had indeed interrupted much more than a casual conversation between them.
Matt moved forward and shook Jason’s hand firmly. “Good to see you again, Jason.” He turned toward the door and waved good-bye. “Anna, I’ll talk to you later.”
He was gone before either of them could respond.
Jason turned his attention toward his mom. “Are you all right?”
His mother shook her head. Tears brimmed and filled her bottom lashes. A few blinked free. “No Jason, I’m not all right and won’t be until the truth is told.”
Jason placed an arm around her shoulders and guided her into the living room. “Let’s sit down, Mom.” They moved to the couch, and he helped her get comfortable with some pillows behind her back.
“Why are you here, Jason? I thought you were coming in a few weeks when junior here gives an appearance?”
“I can’t explain it, Mom, but you’ve been on my mind and in my prayers, I just had to see you.” It sounded lame. He could hear the echo of his brother’s favorite way to tease him, “Mama’s boy. Mama’s boy.”
Her words confused him more. “I wondered who God would send my way next. Rita, my friend at work, assured me God would guide me through this difficult process, and here you are, my gentle Jason.
“What did you hear today before you came into the kitchen?”
He felt heat rush to his face and knew there was no point in denying anything. “It made no sense, Mom. I heard you two talking about lies, forgiveness, and Dr. Carmichael’s plea to be a father … I felt awkward hearing any of it. Are you two going out?”
His mom’s face blanched at his words. Her guarded expression fell and pain painted a new expression. One look at her face had him wishing the fake smile was pasted back there.
“Jason, I need to ask your forgiveness, but this is really difficult for me to tell, so you’ll have to let me finish before you ask questions.”
Jason nodded in agreement.
“I’ve failed miserably.”
Jason jumped up with a no on his lips, but she stilled him with the wave of her hand. “Sit, Jason. It’s time for truth.” She patted the sofa beside her.
“I let you, your brother, and the rest of the world believe a lie … because I wanted to cover up the truth. This baby has a different father than both you and your brother.” She let the truth sink in.
“What? Mom, you can’t be serious. Who’s the father?”
A light dawned inside his head. “Dr. Carmichael?”
“Yes.”
He felt like someone punched him in the stomach good and hard. “But … but, Mom, it would’ve had to have been …?”
Jason could tell by the flush of red to her cheeks she was embarrassed.
“Jason, I’m eight months pregnant. I became pregnant a month after your father’s death. I was lonely and distressed, but … oh no, I don’t want to cover my sin with excuses any longer. Please forgive me, Jason.” She buried her face in her hands.
She sat beside him weeping softly, while he processed her shocking revelation. His mother was not a saint. She was a real person with failures, and she needed a hug. His arms encircled her, and they stayed that way for a long moment. Though disappointed, Jason thought of his mother as a woman. Compassion flooded his soul as he realized his mother’s life had been filled with much more sorrow than happiness.
Anna drew back. “Jason, you’re such a gift to me. The rest of the world will not be so kind, of that I’m sure. I can tell by that hug, you’ve somehow forgiven me already.”
“Yeah, Mom … your life has been so tough—” He shook his head and ran a hand through his wiry hair that sprang back into place. “Life isn’t fair, is it Mom? Some people get no breaks.”
A few moments lapsed as they both sat in silence. Suddenly, Jason snorted.
“Oh, Mom, this one will go down big at church, and Mark is going to blow a gasket, not to mention Gramps and Gram Clarke.” He whistled between his teeth. “There’s a reason I felt compelled to visit you, Mom. I’ll be praying up a storm.”
“Are you trying to cheer me up, Jason? Because ice cream would work a lot better.”
They both chuckled before Anna grew serious once again.
“Jason, I didn’t set out to lie about this, bu
t when everyone assumed the baby was your father’s, all my shame was covered. A way of escape presented itself, and I chose a wrong path. I know that what I face ahead is considerably worse than had I spoken truth the moment Pastor Harry started rattling on about a modern-day miracle and Steven’s baby.”
Jason probed, “But, Mom, what made you decide to tell the truth now?”
“I wish I could say my good conscience kicked in, but truthfully it was Dr. Carmichael.”
“Why did he let it go so long, before demanding you deal with it?”
His Mom broke out in a watery smile.
“What?”
She reached up and smoothed the lines from his brow.
“I’m doing my Grinch impersonation again, aren’t I?”
“Jason, you’re such a joy. I remember from the time you were two, you had us in stitches with your scrunched-up face, eyebrows knit together like two furry caterpillars doing a dance and furrows in your brow the size of an old man … not to mention the Grinch expression that still makes me smile.”
“Well, if it makes you smile …” He deliberately made his best possible expression, and they laughed. “Happy to give a little comic relief considering—what’s ahead.”
“I don’t look forward to it, but for the first time in months I feel at peace.”
“How long has your relationship with the doctor been going on?”
She exhaled slowly. “Dr. Carmichael and I have had a friendship that goes way back, probably more of a friendship than I should’ve allowed. This made me vulnerable when he came calling a month after your dad’s death. I cut off the relationship after that one night, other than to tell him what a mistake it had been, so he didn’t know I was pregnant.
“But God wasn’t happy with the fact that the world believed a lie, because lo and behold, Dr. Carmichael suddenly gets the urge to go to church. What a surprise I must’ve been with my stomach sticking out like a beach ball. Then when he heard the pastor pray for the safe delivery of your father’s baby, he bolted from the church in absolute shock and fury, and I can’t blame him.”
She shook her head.
“Do you love him, Mom?”
Jason noticed the flush that immediately came to his mom’s cheeks.
“Oh, Jason, I don’t know what I feel. He’s been a good friend over the years and part of that bled into that night. He was … is an attractive man, and it would be easy to make decisions based on infatuation, loneliness, or this baby.” She smoothed a hand over her large tummy. “But those would be all the wrong reasons, not to mention the fact he’s not a believer. I’ve done many things wrong in the past eight months, Jason, and I don’t want to run ahead of God or outside his will ever again.”
“And what I saw today—”
“Was no more than Matt feeling the baby’s movement. He wants to be a father to this child … to his child, and I don’t know what that looks like at the moment. He arrived unannounced today, just as you did, and I’m faced with decisions I have no answers for. I’m going to need a lot of wisdom, and I’ve had so little since your father died.”
Jason squeezed her shoulders but remained quiet.
“Forgiveness is such a wonderful gift. I don’t think I really understood that until now. I was always the good girl. I married young, took care of your father when the going got tough, and threw myself into being a mother.”
“Mom, you were the best … and I’m not just saying that. I hear the abuse Jennifer went through as a child, and it makes me so sad. I was blessed to have you.”
“Yeah. But, Jason, there was a certain pride I took in all of that. I often looked at others with superiority and a lack of compassion. I felt God owed me something for being such a great Christian. That attitude took away the true wonder of the cross.” She dropped her head. “I’ve now been sufficiently humbled and have a much greater understanding of forgiveness. It’s the one gift that has come out of this.”
A sad look spread across her face as her eyes filled and glistened with unshed tears. “How easy it was for self-pity and self-righteousness to bring me down. I had everything on the outside looking good. People thought I was amazing, but in truth, I let the most important relationship with your father fade until we became nothing more than patient and caretaker. I regret that so much.”
“Mom, you’ve made many sacrifices for the family, and no one can take that from you, but honestly, we’ve all put you up on some saintly platform when God is the only one who deserves to be up there. It’s time to start taking care of yourself and this new baby and embrace your forgiveness. Who cares what people think?”
He rose to his feet. “Quite frankly, it’s refreshing to see you as a real person. I can handle that way more than how you’ve been these last eight months—enough said. I can go back to school in peace, and I’ll be back when my baby brother or sister is born.”
“Now let’s get some pizza, I’m starving.” Jason smiled down on his mom and dropped a kiss on her cheek. “Let me help you and that baby up out of the couch.” He reached out two hands.
“Okay, but only if we can get ice cream for dessert.”
He laughed. “Mom, you and your ice cream.”
Jason ruminated all the way back to Victoria. The one thing he could do to help his mom would be to talk to his brother on her behalf. He didn’t dare suggest it, because he knew she’d say no. But he knew his brother. Mark would need time to digest the information. If it was sprung on him, he would make a colossal fool of himself and hurt their mom big time.
Jason would handle this one very important detail but not without prayer … lots and lots of prayer.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Mark slammed his fist down on the table. “Tell me this is your idea of a sick joke before I use my fist to send you into next week.” Mark lifted from the chair with his body hunched forward over the table.
“Mark, I wouldn’t joke about something like this.”
Mark’s face turned as red as a pickled beet. He rose to his feet crashing the chair to the floor behind him.
“Mom … our good, little Christian mother?” Unbelief and scorn bit crisp from his lips.
“Mark, our mom is not infallible. She has real weaknesses and failures, just like you and me.”
“Weakness,” he bellowed. “I find out my mother acted no better than a common hussy, and you call it weakness? Blast it, Jason, this mama’s boy, bleeding-heart thing of yours has gone too far. Why didn’t she tell me to my face?” His fists clenched and unclenched as he paced the floor.
Jason prayed for the right words. “I went to Kelowna last weekend unannounced. I kinda ran into the situation head on. Dr. Carmichael was at the house, and I heard some things … Mom doesn’t know I’m telling you.”
“So, we still wouldn’t know if you hadn’t gone there and caught them together? Mom was forced into telling and not by a bout of that spiritual guidance she so often preaches we need. And if I could get my hands on that Dr. Carmichael, I would bust his neck. How dare he take advantage of a grieving widow? What a swine.”
“I don’t think it’s one-sided, Mark. Come on, you weren’t born yesterday. We both know what loneliness feels like.”
“Huh. Call it loneliness, but I see it for what it is … black-hearted sin.”
“And you’ve never sinned?”
“Don’t go there with me, Jason. Don’t you dare play the devil’s advocate. There’s no excuse for what that rat Carmichael did. And as for Mom, as a Christian—there’s nothing she can say to make this right. Nothing! She’s disgraced this family and totally insulted Dad’s memory.”
“If Dad could speak from heaven, he’d have more understanding than you have, Mark. He knew how hard Mom’s life has been.”
Mark burst across the room and lifted Jason off the floor by the neck of his shirt. “Don’t you dare tell me what Dad would say!
That man deserves respect.” He slammed Jason down on the nearby couch. “After all his suffering, the least Mom could’ve done was stay out of another man’s pants longer than a month.
“And I’ll tell you right now, I don’t want anything to do with that kid, and Mom can just forget about me coming down for that birth.
“I can’t believe she would embarrass us like this. What am I going to tell Lori? It’s bad enough that Mom is pregnant at forty, but this is … disgusting.”
Jason stood to his feet and took a deep breath. “I knew it. We finally get to the heart of the matter, hey, Mark? It’s all about you and your embarrassment.”
Jason knew he took a risk to challenge his hot-headed brother, but somehow, he had to get through for his mom’s sake.
He understood how hard Mark was trying to fit into Lori’s affluent family—where God was allotted time only at Christmas and Easter—where money and prestige meant everything—where relationships were formed only if the Tomlinson’s had something to gain. Mark’s humble background didn’t quite measure up. Their Grandma and Grandpa Clarke’s money and acquaintance with Lori’s parents was what had allowed Mark to be considered suitable for their daughter.
Mark closed in. He used his extra two inches in height and the older brother syndrome to intimidate. His chest puffed up and he clenched each fist. The veins in his neck bulged, and the muscles in his forearms rippled.
Jason held his ground.
“I’m leaving, Jason. Count yourself lucky that I don’t bust you through that wall like I feel like doing. It makes me sick that you’re such a pushover, such a mama’s boy who will let this ride.”
“I’m not letting this ride, Mark. I’m choosing to forgive as I’m forgiven. Remember the Lord’s prayer … you had it memorized at one time.”
“Yeah, sugarcoat the truth, Jason. Call it what you will. You’re just too weak to stand against obvious sin.” He turned and lit for the door.
Jason had just enough time before it slammed shut to shout out. “It takes more strength to forgive than to condemn, Mark.”
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