Christmas came and among the cards received at work was one from Lucas’s company which was personally signed by Lucas in his bold writing below the standard greetings. Harriet had to resist the temptation to keep the card for herself when Jimmie recognised the name and pinned it proudly on the notice board.
The youth had met Lucas at a function he attended for one of the other charities he was involved with and Lucas told him he intended spending Christmas in London with his brother. She wondered what his mother was doing. It seemed strange.
Christmas was quiet, with just her parents on the day and a family thing with some cousins on Boxing Day. Probably just as well as the constant round of functions left her exhausted and lethargic.
The doctor’s appointment was long overdue, but she couldn’t evade her responsibilities forever. She’d known the risks she’d been taking.
“It’s going to be difficult.” He’d been her doctor since childhood. He knew her history. She trusted him.
Harriet nodded. “I know.”
“Your legs wont cope with the extra weight. You’ll need help. Do you have a partner? The father?”
She sucked in a breath. “He’s not around.”
The doctor looked at her thoughtfully, tapping his pen on the desk. “Will you be notifying him?”
Guilt wound a noose around her throat. She shook her head. “He’s moved on.”
“In that case, you’ll need to make arrangements for support. I suggest you give up work before the sixth month. You don’t want to put too much strain on your body.” He handed her a printout. “You’ll need a scan.”
“For the baby?”
“And your legs. You are still at risk of further aneurisms. This pregnancy will put a strain on the circulation in your lower body. We’ll need to monitor it closely.”
“Whatever it takes.” She hugged the sheet of paper to her chest. There was no way she would risk this child. It was her last chance, her only chance.
If she could have danced out of the surgery, she would have. The only cloud on the horizon was Lucas. He would have to be told. But not yet. Not until later. When the baby was born would be soon enough. There were too many risks to navigate to ensure this baby made it safely into the world.
She would have to tell her parents. They would want to mollycoddle her. Her mother would want her to move back home, but that wasn’t happening. There were other options. She had savings. If necessary, she could employ someone. She was about to be a parent. It was time to be a grownup.
“You miss Lucas.”
It wasn’t a question and Harriet looked over at her mother, surprised at her bringing up a subject that had been ignored for weeks.
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry if anything we did drove him away.”
Harriet shook her head. “It was inevitable. Nothing you said or did would have made a difference.”
“You still love him, don’t you?”
“Why wouldn’t I. He was the only person ever to want me for me, not for what I could offer.”
She was aware her mother flinched, but it was hard to care. She felt sick to her stomach.
Her mother’s voice was soft, tentative. “He wanted…”
“Don’t start with the whole ‘boys only want sex’ thing again. Of course, he wanted it. I wanted it to. It’s perfectly normal for people who care about each other.” She rubbed her eyes, angry at the way the tears came so readily. Stupid hormones. “Can’t you understand? All I want is to be normal. Ordinary.”
“You’ll never be ordinary, Harriet. You’re exceptional.”
“So why doesn’t he want me?” She sniffed inelegantly. “Why won’t he fight for me? Why did he need someone else, a walking, talking Barbie doll?” Which was unfair. The woman was a lawyer. It was the walking thing she envied.
“Did you fight for him?” Her mother held up a thin veined hand. “No. I’m not talking about after the accident. You did what we all thought was best at the time.”
“Dad said I should have listened this time.”
“Your father is a wise man. A patient man. Your Lucas is much younger. It’s hard for them to be patient.”
“And I’m a sad pathetic loser feeling sorry for myself. I can do better. I will do better. Lucas may be gone but I have to get on with things.”
“I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, Harriet. But your father and I only want what’s best for you.”
“I know. I’m a selfish brat.”
“It’s not about selfishness.”
Harriet looked at her mother, wishing she didn’t have to disappoint her again. “I’m pregnant.”
10
Things were largely back to normal by the end of January and she was congratulating herself on keeping her life nicely under control when at five minutes to nine on a Friday night she answered the phone to find Lucas on the other end.
“Harriet don’t hang up. I need to tell you something…ask you something.”
Her heart thumped madly, and she gripped the phone with trembling fingers. She’d thought this would never happen. That she’d never hear his voice. Not until she contacted him, if and when their child was born.
He sounded odd and Harriet wondered if her parents knew he was encroaching on their time-slot. “I’m listening, Lucas. But be quick, you know I’m expecting a call.”
He drew a breath that was clearly audible through the line.
“I’m going away on business for three months and I want to see you before I go. Just a cup of coffee or chocolate and it can be wherever you want.”
“Three months. How will your mother handle that?”
The line went dead, except for a soft whisper that could be someone breathing.
“Are you still there, Lucas?”
“Mum passed on a few weeks before Christmas.”
Harriet was silent, processing the news. It must have been almost straight after the breakup. Maybe that was why he hadn’t persisted. He would have had enough on his plate. Despising herself for the hope that wiggled its way into her heart she searched for words.
A phone call wouldn’t have taken that long. For either of them. I could have been there for him. Comforting him. If he’d wanted her. She’d worn out his patience by not responding when he reached out. Yet here he was, reaching out again.
“Harriet? I’m sorry if it’s a shock. I told you her heart was dodgy.”
Poor Lucas. She had the strangest urge to reach out and hug him. The relationship with his Mum had been tricky but she was still family. He’d uprooted his life in the U.S. for her. Would this mean he would be leaving again? Not just for a few months but forever. What else did he have to keep him here? Pain twisted through her chest. Not her. Yes, he was calling. But at the worst possible time.
“I sorry for your loss. Could you pass on my condolences to your family?”
“Thank you. I’ll do that. When can we meet?”
What could she say? The words that wanted to spill out of her would only make things worse. It would all be for nothing and he would come to hate her. After seeing the cost to his parents, he would never want to stay married for those reasons. To be trapped into it. Especially when it might not happen. She rubbed her stomach in apology. “I’m sorry, Lucas. I just can’t.”
“You could come with me.”
She could barely breath at the sudden hope that blossomed. Holding the phone to her chest, she quickly pulled it away, afraid he would hear the pounding of her heart. Stomping it down with a good dose of common sense, she put the phone back to her ear. Travel was out anyway.
“I can’t…” It sounded so bald, so…weak. “Please, travel safely.” She hung up before he could respond.
The legal papers arrived almost a fortnight later. The note from Lucas was brief and to the point. “This should have been taken care of seven years ago. Your father can advise you or refer you to a divorce lawyer. I think you will find the settlements are fair. Lucas.”
Harriet stare
d at the signature, her chest tight and achy.
Sucking in a breath to ease the pain, she skimmed through the documents and found the part about money. He was worth a fortune. If she signed the documents as they stood, she would be worth a fortune too. Which would be totally unfair to Lucas. Her father wouldn’t agree, knowing about her pregnancy. But he didn’t know the whole truth and these documents would make it very clear how she had failed them all those years ago.
Her mother was still stressed over the baby. She couldn’t push her further. If she had another breakdown, like before, Harriet would never forgive herself. It was over two months until Lucas would be home again. Time enough to see how things panned out with her mother. It was still early days and there was no guarantee she would carry this child to term anyway. Better to wait. She put the documents in her desk drawer and locked it. A lot could happen in a few months.
A week after he returned from his extended sojourn, Lucas resumed jogging along the river walk. Despite the early hour, there were quite a few people walking or running, including a familiar figure he didn’t expect. Slowing down, he turned to confirm that it was Jack Emerson and came to a halt, waiting for the older man to catch up.
“Hi, Jack. A beautiful autumn morning in sunny Brisbane.”
Jack slowed and put his hands in the pockets of his tracksuit. “So, you’re back in the country. Have you seen Harriet?”
Not the most enthusiastic of greetings and Lucas could understand why. “I didn’t think that would be a good idea. She was quite explicit about what she wanted last time I saw her.”
Jack turned away to lean on the railing, overlooking the river, “You let her send you away twice now, lad. I expected more stamina from you, this time. The pair of you seem doomed to repeat your mistakes.”
The criticism stung. “I thought you’d be pleased. You weren’t happy about me being back in her life. Now I’m out again and you still aren’t happy. It was Harriet’s choice after all.”
Jack sighed “I’m sorry, Lucas. It’s not fair of me to put it all on you. Harriet is a stubborn young woman. You probably remember that from the way she fought to be allowed to date you when she was in high school.”
Lucas felt a stinging in his eyes and the river blurred. He pinched the bridge of his nose and turned to Jack. “What do you think I should do?”
“That’s up to you. You need to know what you want before you go anywhere near Harriet. There are complications now.”
“Complications?”
The older man shrugged. “Health things. Nothing serious. Her mother and I are there for her, so you don’t need to worry. And Harriet’s much stronger now than she was first time round.”
With that Jack moved away at a determined pace and Lucas was left confused….and curious. For Lucas, the months away had hardened his resolve to put the past behind him and move on. Harriet had always been an impossible dream and with so much painful history between them, it probably was futile to ever hope they could make things work.
Even though he’d come to understand her rejection at the time of the accident, it was still a wound that didn’t bear probing. And his own stupidity had been the reason Harriet had thrown up all the barriers again. Jack had said she was much stronger now than the first-time round. The first time of what?
There were still things Lucas felt were hidden from him about Harriet’s recovery. Her parents were so guarded when they spoke about that time and still very protective. It niggled him because they were also supportive of her independence. But only so far.
Health issues. A cold sensation settled in his gut. He couldn’t leave it at that.
Cornering her in her workplace was something Lucas wanted to avoid but needs must when the devil drives. There was still unfinished business.
The murmur of voices greeted him as the lift door opened. Jimmie stood by the reception desk talking to Harriet, who wore a bright purple flowing top over loose lilac slacks and matching crocheted beanie. Jimmie saw him and smiled, giving him a wave. Lucas held his breath as Harriet turned. She appeared thinner around the face and with her hair hidden under the beanie she looked like a child.
As he watched, her hands rested briefly on her stomach before dropping to the wheels, spinning the chair away and down the hall. Startled by what he had seen, Lucas hesitated before striding over to Jimmie.
“I need to see Harriet.”
Jimmie stood his ground, his face flushed. “Harriet has to make some important phone calls. She’s not available to visitors today.”
Lucas backed off, forcing himself to smile at the receptionist. He had no authority to enter the private offices of the organisation. It wouldn’t be fair to the young receptionist to push, to take out his anger on him. He fought back the nausea, clenching his fists to stop the betraying tremble.
“You’re a good man, Jimmie. How’s everything going?”
“It’s okay. Harriet’s training a new girl who is really nice.”
“What about you, things going all right for you.”
“Yes, Harriet takes me to the movies on Thursdays now she can’t play basketball. We take turns to choose which movie.”
“How is Harriet?” Lucas tried to keep his tone nonchalant, but Jimmie still looked anxiously down the corridor before answering.
“She’s good. It’s going to be different with her not around so much.”
With a sigh Lucas accepted the inevitable and after chatting about general things with Jimmie to put him at his ease, he took his leave.
It had to be his child. No wonder she’d refused to see him. She must have been already showing when he called her before his overseas trip. Rage fought with fear, churning his stomach and heating his blood. The tightness in his chest wouldn’t go away. What the hell was she thinking?
It was time to ask for help.
Back in his office, he dialled the Emerson’s number. Caro answered, recognising his voice immediately. “Lucas? Is everything all right?”
He wondered at the urgency in her tone. “No, everything is fine. I’m just having trouble contacting Harriet and wondered if I could come talk to you and Jack tonight.”
Caro paused, and he heard her sigh. “Yes, yes of course. You know where we are. We’ll see you around seven.”
At seven o’clock Lucas pressed the buzzer at the Emerson’s apartment block, his gaze wandering to the neighbouring building two doors along. He couldn’t see much of her apartment apart from the bathroom light shining. She was at home. Caro saved him from temptation by answering the buzzer and he was on his way up to the ninth floor in no time. He had only been here the once with Harriet, but it was so similar to her apartment building he was sure it was built by the same design and construction company.
Caro was alone when she let him into the apartment and she led him into the lounge room with the usual enquiries about health and work. He let her get them coffee because he could see that would make her more comfortable and when she sat with him in the lounge, he could see she was still uncertain.
It had been Caro who had fretted about his relationship with Harriet all along. In the end she’d been proved right. It probably didn’t comfort her. She was a genuinely nice person. Loved her daughter devotedly.
“Jack is just over at Harriet’s place trying to talk sense into her.”
“About what?”
She took a sip of the coffee before answering and Lucas could sense the ambivalence about his visit “We’re trying to persuade her to move back in with us.”
“Why, Caro? Is she unwell?”
She looked a little hunted at that. “No not really. Just changed circumstances. You know she is giving up her job next month?”
“I got that impression from Jimmie when I spoke to him today.”
“You were there? Did you see Harriet?”
“Only at distance. But I saw enough. She’s pregnant, isn’t she?”
Putting the cup down the woman stood abruptly “Yes she is. That’s why she needs to co
me home. The extra weight is playing havoc with her knees.”
Lucas expelled a breath at the confirmation of his fears. “She needs assistance with the transfers now?”
“Yes. The pregnancy is exacerbating the situation because the hormones are loosening up her ligaments anyway. The extra weight was always going to be a problem without that complication.”
“How far along is she?” He was surprised at how much the answer meant to him, though in his heart he already knew.
“Six months. She’s due in August.”
“The child is mine.”
“Yes, I’m afraid so, Lucas.”
“She told me she was protected.” Caro turned sharply and something in her face told him the answer though she didn’t speak. “Actually no, I just assumed she was. She told me she would take care of it. She had to know she could fall pregnant.”
“She can’t take hormonal medication because of the risk of embolisms, so if she told you she was safe, she was lying.”
Another lie. “Why would she risk a pregnancy with someone she didn’t plan on keeping around?”
“You’ll have to ask her that.”
“If I can get to see her. I’ve called her, knocked on her door. She won’t speak to me.”
Caro said nothing, looking past him at the door. Lucas turned his head. “Jack?”
The older man seated himself beside his wife. “Hello, Lucas. My daughter giving you hell?”
“Something like that.”
“She’s at home now. Will you go over and see her?”
“What’s the point when she won’t open the door? Why are you encouraging me? You were the one who wanted me to stay away.”
“I think I was wrong. Harriet is different when you’re around. Natural. Happier.”
“That’s hard to believe.”
“When you’ve come as close to death as she did it’s bound to change you. But it was like that before the accident too.”
“That’s different. She had a perfect life. She was perfect.”
Tell Me No Lies Page 15