by J L Collins
She studied my face for a moment, placing Jax back down on the ground. “The beginning, I guess. How did you two meet? I mean, it was here in the Human Realm, right?”
A memory is a funny thing. One tiny thought you pull from the past is like the seed that shoots up and instantly blooms into all these other thoughts, pictures, experiences. Sort of like a budding flower. For me, it was sitting on the bank of Rickshaw Lake, watching my reflection in the water ripple outward.
“It was one of my first real missions as part of the Shadow Hands. I graduated from the academy a couple of months prior, top of my class. I was anxious to prove myself to Uncle Gardner, even though I didn’t know that it wasn’t necessary. As soon as he brought up there being a possible CHARM coming up, my hand was the first one in the air to volunteer for it.”
“What’s a CHARM?”
“C.H.A.R.M. It stands for Classified Human and Related Mission. It’s pretty common for us to check into the Human Realm to keep an eye on things. Sometimes things pop up that we need to investigate. Since we don’t want to draw any attention to ourselves, we go in pairs instead of larger groups.”
“So, what was going on? Another magic leak?”
I shook my head. “No. It was a disturbance at the gateway. We weren’t sure at first. Uncle Gardner thought it might be something like a stray animal accidentally going through the gateway. We have charms in place to stop that, but every now and then one of the smaller ones sneak through so we have to be careful.”
“Keeping control of the ecological system. Gotcha.”
“My partner was late the morning we were heading out to conduct the scouting. I was getting pretty impatient and he wasn’t responding to my fire message, so I decided to go on alone. I had my briefing anyway, and part of your Shadow Hand training is to spend several days in the field so to speak. In the Human Realm—to check out how they live without magic, observe but never initiate contact. I figured I had all that in my back pocket and I should just go ahead and handle things myself. Plus, I wanted to impress Uncle Gardner.”
She nodded, keeping up. “I can see that.”
“It was a humid day and even though I brought water with me I was still thirsty once I got through the gateway and downed my canteen. I remember looking for the nearest river source and feeling like an idiot for forgetting to bring my map with me. Mistake number one.
The day was dragging on, and we were only supposed to be scouting around the gateway itself for signs of potential tampering. But I had wandered way off to find some water, and without the map and ability to use magic, I was kind of screwed. Then I heard it. Something big was making its way through the forest way too close for comfort. I don’t know if Erie ever mentioned this or not, but we don’t have bears in the Other Realm. I’d heard about them and the fear of the unknown creature was really starting to get under my skin. It was embarrassing to say the least, since I didn’t want to seem weak. I hid behind a fallen log, hoping whatever it was would just keep going.”
Fiona-Leigh was leaning forward, listening intently.
“But I heard this sound of trickling water and was confused. I wasn’t at the river . . . so what was it? I looked back over the log and saw a guy standing there, pouring water over his head to cool off. He was hiking and must have stopped to take a break.” I took in another deep breath, the image of dark red hair curling at the nape of his neck sinking me back into the moment. “He leaned against a tree, looking over a map and checking his compass. We were taught how to use compasses too in training, and I thought maybe if I talked to him, he could let me take a look at his map, and I could be on my way. It was breaking the number one rule of a CHARM, but I didn’t see any other way to get back on track.”
Without being totally weird, I slowly stand up, making sure my wand is tucked safely away. He doesn’t notice me right away which is good. It gives me enough time to make it look like I’m coming from another direction and not lurking behind a log.
The guy flips his shaggy red hair back, taking a swig from his own canteen. It’s pretty flat from this angle—he probably needs more water, too.
I clear my throat, jumping back a little when he goes for whatever he has in one of the many pockets in his shorts. “Sorry,” I say, throwing my hands up like I was taught to do. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
He’s looking at me like I’ve grown another limb. I almost want to check to make sure I haven’t accidentally knocked into some dublach mums on my way to the gateway. I glance down at myself anyway.
The guy pulls himself away from the tree, still staring. “Uh, hi. I didn’t know anyone else was out here.”
His eyes. I’ve seen plenty of Witches and other creatures with brown eyes… but his are different. The warm brown of Aunt Bee’s toffees in the shop. Darker around the edges, lighter closer to his pupil. Lashes that would put anyone to shame.
I stumble to reply, my cheeks burning as I’m searching for whatever it is I’m about to say. “I was um, looking for the river and must have lost my map along the way. Do you think I could take a look at yours?” There were plenty of other questions I wanted to ask him—how is your hair the exact color of the leaves on the redbud trees during the cooler months when the Fae change the weather to let old plant life die away? Do you train in a special academy too? Is that how your arms and legs are in perfect muscular shape?
The guy is still staring. Did he hear me? Is this someone who has trouble with their hearing? I’ve read in some texts that there are many humans that are ‘disabled’ though really they are able to carry on with their lives all the same. There is some kind of hand language involved here… but I have no idea how to use it.
He shakes his head. A smile starts from one end of his mouth, slowly crossing to the other. I didn’t think it was possible for someone’s lips to be so soft-looking.
“Sorry. I’m just . . . I’ve never seen someone with purple hair like that before. I mean, maybe some of the goth chicks at school. But you don’t strike me as the angsty type.”
I’m running my hands through the sweaty, lilac mess toward the front of my face. “Oh. Yeah, um. That’s just my hair.” Not at all what I was hoping he’d say. What am I hoping he’ll say? ‘Fair maiden, you are the most beautiful in all the land?’ Hardly. He definitely isn’t some fancy-pants Fairy prince from the olden days.
He laughs and something rises through my chest, lighter than air.
“To answer your question, yes. You can check out the map if you need to. The river isn’t for another twelve miles that way, though,” he says, pointing behind me. Completely off course from where I’ve been going. “There’s a small lake though a couple of miles this way. I was actually headed there myself. Did you need to refill?”
He’s looking at the canteen hanging off my backpack. A hiker with some smarts about him, too.
“Yes. I made the mistake of drinking it too quickly, I guess. It’s not usually this humid where I’m from.” Beads of sweat roll down my back and chest as if further proving my point.
His eyebrows knit together, creating this cute little line between them. “Are you sure you’re okay to keep going? I could go fill up your canteen and bring it back if you want. We don’t want you passing out almost forty miles from the nearest hospital.”
Oh wow. We were taught a lot of things about humans and their ways of life, but I never thought I’d meet one so caring like this one. I adjust the straps on my backpack and start walking in the direction he pointed, toward the lake. “I’m fine, thanks. Let’s get going then.” It never occurs to me that I should separate myself from him, but it does occur to me that I should probably introduce myself so as not to be rude.
“I’m Adam, by the way,” he says, butting ahead of me. “Do you go to Mitchell University too?”
Adam. Simple. And pretty ironic, considering he was the first human I’d ever met. I remembered reading about the myths in the Human Realm. One surfaced in my mind, about the first human man on Earth.
“Gwendolyn? I like that. It’s different. Like your hair,” he says, shortening his long strides to stay on par with me.
Fiona-Leigh shushed Jax as he started to whine at her feet, bringing me back to the present. “You met while he was hiking? Is that something he liked to do? He sounds . . . really nice.”
“He was. He was very much into being outdoors, learning about nature. For a human he was very aware of the world around him, and really saw the beauty in it. He was studying to become some kind of environmental engineer.”
“And you two got to the lake finally?”
I nodded. “We spent the rest of the day there, actually. I thought it wouldn’t hurt. Just one day. But then once I was back home, I found myself wanting to go back. And with the tongue-lashing I got for going and doing scouting on my own, I wasn’t sure I was going to be allowed to. But I begged Uncle Gardner to let me continue. I knew it was unlikely I’d see Adam again. He was on his way down to Georgia after all, and who knew how far he’d gotten while I was gone?”
“It was like the planets and the moon had aligned or something. I got far enough away from my partner, and started sweeping the area like I was supposed to. But I kept hoping I’d see the little blue tent he brought with him. I lost my mind when I saw it, this time keeping an eye on the map so I’d remember the location. And he was there. It was perfect. After that . . . well. It was hard to be away from him.”
A grin broke out across Fi’s face and my chest ached, remembering just how much her smile reminded me of her father’s. “That is probably the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. So, it was like a boy meets girl, they fall in love despite their differences, and have a ridiculously adorable child.”
“Mm, not quite. I mean, it wasn’t that simple. I got in a lot of trouble on my end. We weren’t supposed to have any contact with humans, remember? So, when I kept slipping out of the realm well past the CHARM, I was put on notice. No one really knew about Adam though. Except Erie. We told each other everything. She wasn’t a fan of the idea, but she knew I was a goner, and she kept my secret.
For months I was able to get away with all of it, no one catching on just how much I’d been sneaking out into the Human Realm. But one day, I got to the gateway and there were two of my fellow Shadow Hands standing there, guarding it. I was already in trouble and I tried to make it look like I was there because I’d been sent there. But they weren’t buying it. They’d been asked to stand guard in case I showed up. And there I was, just like he thought I’d be.”
I sighed. The burning anger I’d felt at being controlled that way and being kept from my boyfriend still lingered quietly somewhere in me.
“Oh no,” she whispered.
“Oh yes. And imagine my surprise when around the corner of that alcove, came Adam. He was so confused. So were the guards. All of us, really. Everyone started talking at once. The two standing there figured out that he was a human and stunned him until he fell over, asleep. They were busy talking about how to explain to Uncle Gardner and the rest of the heads at the MARC that they’d let an actual human slip through. I didn’t want Adam to lose his memories of me obviously, and I knew that was the first thing they’d do—I was relieved they hadn’t already. But I was livid of course, and not so great at controlling my emotions. I stunned them both and wiped their memories so that I could get him back into the Human Realm. It was nothing short of disastrous.”
Fiona-Leigh really was on the edge of her seat. “Whoa.”
“Yep. The worst part was having to explain everything to Adam.”
She winced. “You told him everything? How did he take it?”
The feeling was familiar to me. A hopeful feeling like maybe it hadn’t been such a bad idea to keep things going with Adam. Sort of like how I felt when I was walking through the woods with Sully. My stomach churned at the similarities. “After he calmed down about being stunned and the whole gateway leading into another world thing . . . he was pretty excited. He didn’t blame me whatsoever for not telling him. It was my worst fear and he brushed it off like it was never a possibility. He told me he loved me no matter what, and we would figure things out.”
This time my shoulders slumped. I knew what came next. “We had to get them off our backs, so I planned to meet him at the edge of the forest, not far from where we usually go into it. I had this crazy idea that I would pretend to go camping in Amaranth Forest when I was really going to spend a few days with Adam. He wanted to introduce me to his friends, to show me where he went to college, and to take me hiking through the Smokies. I was so excited. The day of, I wasn’t feeling too hot. It didn’t take the Health Maester to figure out what was going on. I was already stressed out about losing Adam because of the rules. I wasn’t about to tell a soul that I was pregnant. With you.”
Fiona-Leigh sighed. “Oh, Mama.”
“I was terrified because I had no idea what would happen. Witches and humans never procreate, at least to my knowledge then, and I didn’t want others wondering why it was on my mind if I tried looking it up in the Athenaeum. They keep records of that stuff.”
I leaned forward; my palms sweaty. “I made it out of the gateway, no problem. It was about halfway through when I started hearing this really weird noise. I thought it was maybe bees or something, but it got louder the further away from the gateway I got. I had no idea what the blaring red lights were, or why the big white transporter was making this weird wailing noise as I got close enough to the edge of the woods. But I saw him there, on the stretcher. His red hair, those same arms I’d had around me the whole time with him. When they pulled the white sheet over him, I-I came rushing out, screaming for him. No one could calm me down. They sedated me and I was taken to the hospital in another transporter—I mean, ambulance. I woke up and thankfully no one had done any kind of testing or bloodwork on me. The nurse took the saline drip off and I was told what happened. Adam had brought his car with him to our spot. While he was out fixing a flat tire, someone hit him on the side of the road where we were supposed to meet. He was killed instantly.”
Fiona-Leigh’s tears matched my own and I held back the urge to reach out to her. “I was a mess. I didn’t want to eat. All I wanted to do was sleep. And it didn’t take long for me to start showing. Erie was the first to put it together. She helped me steer clear of Aunt Bedelia so she couldn’t read my thoughts. It was only because of Erie that I admitted to Aunt Bedelia what happened. Then there was Dad. Nathaniel. I knew Dad was worried about me and you. He thought it would be a tough life for a human child to grow up in a magical place. But he was willing to be there for it, once he came around. Aunt Bedelia was excited,” I said, giving Fi a watery smile. “She said you were an unexpected but wonderful miracle. She was right.”
“What about Uncle Gardner?”
I looked down at my hands in my lap. “He was . . . difficult. He thought I was a disgrace to the name of Shadow Hands, getting myself caught up in the affairs of humans, then falling for one. He refused to even mention me being pregnant. I was kicked out of the Shadow Hands, understandably, even though I was one of their best. He couldn’t even look at me. And that hurt. I started thinking about what Dad said, and when more and more people found out it was like I was this social pariah, it cut me even deeper.”
Through gritted teeth, Fiona-Leigh muttered, “Wearing a scarlet letter.”
“It definitely felt like that. I had part of my family’s support, but without Uncle Gardner’s support—the person I’d been trying to please for a good chunk of my life—I was lost.”
“What about your dad? Didn’t you care about his opinion too? Why didn’t you feel like you should impress him?”
“Because with Dad, I knew I didn’t have to please him or win him over. He loved me and Tristan u
nconditionally, through and through. He was so loving toward us. He hated punishing us for anything—and often it came down to Aunt Bee or Aunt Ginny because he was such a sucker,” I couldn’t help but smile. “I always knew I wanted to be a Shadow Hand like Uncle Gardner though, and that’s why I always wanted to show off to him. He’s a tough nut to crack, in case you haven’t noticed.
Anyway. You were born and everyone loved you, naturally. I saw not only Adam in you, but parts of my mother who died when I was seven. She was a strong woman, very similar to you. You would’ve loved her. But so many people kept trying to show up to the manor house, claiming they wanted to see what a human was like. Wanting to see if magic would work on you. I hated the idea that you were going to grow up with all eyes on you, no matter who you were and what you did.
I made the decision one night. I packed up everything, wrote a couple of letters and left them there. I took my box, a few of our belongings, and left Spell Haven for good. After I’d stopped at the gateway to check and make sure you were okay, it sealed up behind us. It was gone. Back in Spell Haven, there had been the idea that it was time to seal off the gateways around the world. There are only three of them anyway, and with my meddling and other things happening, the MARC thought it was for the best. I found out later, that it was a cruel coincidence. No one locked me out on purpose, it was already meant to happen. But it also meant that unless there was an emergency, no one could get through either way.”
“But didn’t you say your dad died? And what about Osh? How did he get here?”
I held up my hands. “I got the letter about my Dad sent with Osh. Like you saw with Aunt Bee, there is other strictly guarded magic that gets you into the Human Realm without the gateway. Since everyone there had had enough of Oisín, and he was meant to go to the first heir, my cousin Isobel, whom he hated… he decided he wanted to stay with me. We always got along pretty well, and he was pretty tired of Spell Haven too, I think. So, he stayed with me. Finding out about Dad like that . . . I don’t think I’ll ever get over it, quite honestly. But I’ve had to make peace with what I did and what happened afterward. I found a place to live. A little apartment nearby. And it took me a little while but I saved up and found a little cottage to rent here in Midnight Pitch. Got a better job. Decided to make a deal and take the house off the owner’s hands. And here we are,” I said, gesturing to the house around us, my eyes wet with tears. “Home . . . sweet home.”