Turning up the volume on her radio to drown out the sound of the voices, she flipped channels, searching for the right song. Something loud, she thought. Not the Chili Peppers or Creed because they’d make her think. She found the local jazz station and raised the volume even more.
She put the car in Drive and realized as she was driving that it had started to snow. In Florida, snow had seemed romantic and fun, everything that fall and winter should be. Last winter she’d had a minor fender-bender while driving in the stuff.
She slowed her car and drove sedately toward town. The deejay introduced a recording of classic jazz…Lena Horne’s Someone To Watch Over Me. Lila’s foot slipped off the gas before she remembered where she was.
She put her foot more securely on the pedal and reached for the radio dial to change it. Remembering her own mother’s melancholy reaction to that song was one thing, actually letting sadness seep through herself was something else.
She hit an icy patch on the road and her car did a 360°-loop. Everything spun so quickly. She tried to steer into it but she had no control. She slammed forward as her car rocked to a stop and impacted a tree.
Her head hit the steering wheel before the seatbelt yanked her back and the airbag exploded in her face. She slumped forward in her seat. The music still played in her mind and the voices continued to swirl around. Her heart felt heavy and her future looked dim as pictures of her life flashed in her mind. She had an image of herself and Nick as they’d looked the night they’d attended the symphony. Her mother and her at the beach. Nick and she in her bed, the desperate way he’d held her close. Nick’s face as she’d seen it that last time.
Her head pounded, and she couldn’t keep her eyes open. Pinpricks of light, so bright she couldn’t focus clearly on them, floated around her and she gave up consciousness wishing for Nick and the life they could have shared.
Nick was leaving the office when the receptionist stopped him to take a call.
“Take a message,” he requested.
“She said it was an emergency, Mr. Camden.”
He took the phone from the receptionist and barked his name into it.
“I’m sorry to bother you. This is Kitty Maxwell, Lila’s mother.”
“Yes, ma’am?” Nick suddenly felt sick to his stomach.
“She’s been in an accident. I’m on my way to the airport, but I won’t be able to get to Indiana until late tonight. Will you go to the hospital and wait with her?”
“Don’t worry, ma’am. I’ll take care of her.”
He hung up the phone and left the building as fast as he could. He drove as quickly and safely through town as possible, knowing that nothing could stop Fate. If Lila lived, she would whether he was sitting by her side or not. But he wanted to be by her side. Needed to be there so that he could give her some of his strength.
He parked and ran inside, not sure what he’d find. The emergency room was busy but not too crowded. He approached a reception desk, introduced himself as Lila’s fiancé and was directed to a small curtained-off area. Lila sat on the side of the bed. A huge bandage covered most of her forehead and her fingers were laced tightly together.
“I’m going home, doctor,” she said, her voice hoarse and small but determined.
“No, miss, you are not, not unless you have someone to take care of you.”
“I will,” Nick said. He wanted to make a vow to her there in the hospital because seeing her made him want to protect her always.
Lila glanced at him, but there was no welcome in her eyes. No wild emotions that called to his soul and made him want to react to her. Nothing that showed he was anything to her other than a boss.
“And you are?” the doctor asked.
“My boss,” Lila said.
Her boss. Nick wanted to argue that he was so much more, but knew he’d forfeited the right. He’d forced Lila out of her comfort zone and challenged her to acknowledge him as her lover, and then pushed her away. Sometimes he really could be a bastard.
“She has a mild concussion. Here’s a prescription for the pain, and she needs to be awakened every four hours,” the doctor instructed Nick.
Nick pocketed the prescription. The doctor left them alone in the curtained room. It smelled of cleaner and antiseptic. Next door someone moaned in pain, and a doctor was paged over the loudspeaker.
“What are you doing here?” Lila asked. Her tone held a hint of accusation, almost as if she didn’t believe he deserved to be there. Maybe he didn’t.
“Your mom asked me to come.”
“Well, you’ve fulfilled your duty. Thanks for getting rid of the doc but, I’m fine from here out.”
“How are you planning to get home?”
“I’ll take the bus.”
“You are so stubborn.”
“I’m not the only one.”
He glared at her, realizing that she called to the extremes in him. Lila was never going to be a safe placid lover. She was always challenging him, not just to be his best but to be on his toes.
“Let’s get you home.”
She didn’t say anything else. An aura of fragility surrounded her, and he was afraid even to touch her. But he knew he had to. He wanted to feel her breath against his neck and her heartbeat under his hands to affirm that she was whole and fine.
He pulled her into his arms and held her for a minute realizing how desperately happy he was that she was alive and only concussed. She held herself stiff in his arms and then slowly, when he didn’t let go, she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest.
He brushed her hair back from her face, placing the smallest of kisses right next to the white bandage. Her breath caught and she pulled away.
“I can’t do this, Nick. Not now.”
She was right. He needed to get her out of the hospital, and she needed rest. Then they could talk and touch. Because he wasn’t going to feel as though she was safe until he could just hold her in his arms. Then he was going to have to convince her that what they had would last. He knew now that it would.
“Stay here, I’ll see what we have to do for you to leave.”
“Where am I going to go?”
“Don’t be smart with me,” he said.
She just shook her head, and he remembered the way she’d been after they’d made love on his desk. Her sass was her defense mechanism and he couldn’t blame her for it. After all, he’d shown her that he was her enemy.
“I’m not your enemy anymore,” he said.
“We’ll see,” she said.
She closed her eyes. Nick knew she wasn’t up to a conversation. He walked out without saying anything else. He found the doctor, and Lila signed a few papers and then they left. He wanted to carry her, but she glared at him when he suggested it.
He seated her in his car. “Your house or mine?”
“Amber Court, please.”
“My place is closer,” he said.
“Nick, I don’t want to go to your home.”
He said nothing else, just drove quietly toward her place. He drove through the twenty-four-hour pharmacy and dropped off Lila’s prescription.
When they arrived at her place, he parked on the street and came around to open her door. She was glaring at him again and Nick knew he’d made a big mistake, one that he was going to have to continue to pay for unless he made some changes.
He scooped her up into his arms, kicked the door closed and crossed the street. The rain had changed to a light flurry of snow and it dusted Lila’s hair and clothing, making her look even more like an angel.
He entered the marble foyer and Rose Carson, Lila’s landlady, came out, saying in shocked tones, “Lila, are you okay?”
“She has a mild concussion. I’m going to take care of her,” said Nick.
Rose smiled slightly and murmured, “Good.”
She went back into her apartment, and Nick felt as if he’d been given a seal of approval.
“Maybe I wanted Rose to stay with me
.”
“Looks like you’re stuck with me,” he said.
“Nick—”
“Not here in the hallway, okay?”
She nodded, and he carried her up to her apartment and placed her on the bed. Nick helped her remove her boots and coat. He wanted to help her change into her nightgown, but she was already asleep when he removed her second boot. He pulled the covers over her.
Lila’s mother called to say that she couldn’t get a flight until the next day, and Nick assured her that he was staying with Lila and she’d be okay. He hung up and took off his own coat, shoes and belt. He set his watch alarm for four hours and climbed into bed next to her, pulling her into his arms. He couldn’t sleep, but holding her brought him a peace he hadn’t realized he’d been searching for.
Twelve
Lila rolled over in her sleep, waking when she realized that Nick’s arms were around her. She wondered where all of his protectiveness was coming from. Why did he suddenly seem not to want to let her out of his sight?
But she welcomed it. She felt puny today. The wound on her head throbbed, and her body had a bunch of bruises on it. She was acutely aware of every place their bodies touched and she snuggled closer to him while he was sleeping and couldn’t see how much she needed him, needed his touch.
She stared at his face so close to hers. Even in sleep his intensity didn’t wane. He looked fierce as he held her. She traced one finger lightly over his features. She’d never noticed the small scar under his right eye. She memorized his features and the security his arms brought her, knowing that once he was awake and out of bed, she’d never touch him again.
She had to tell him there was no baby. Had to let him know that there was no reason for him to protect her. Had to make sure he knew his obligations to her were over.
His eyes opened and she found herself staring into his deep-blue eyes. They always reminded her of the Atlantic Ocean near the Keys where her mother used to take her every summer when she was a little girl.
“Lila? Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes, I’m fine.” But the words were a lie. She’d never be fine again. And she didn’t know how to make his life right for him, knowing she wasn’t the one who should do it anyway.
She glanced at the clock. It was 7:00 a.m. The sun peeked though the edges of her wooden blinds. It looked like it was going to be a nice day. She vaguely recalled Nick waking her throughout the night.
“Thanks for staying with me last night.”
“No problem. I, um, had to sleep with you because the couch is too small.”
She wanted to tease him about that, the way she would have a few days earlier, but now she didn’t know where they stood. She knew she had a secret she had to share and that he’d told her she was running from life the last time they talked. So much was unsettled between them. She was almost afraid to settle it because then he’d leave and she’d be alone again, spending all of her nights dreaming of a man she couldn’t have.
“Why don’t you wash up and I’ll fix you some breakfast?” Nick stood and she realized he’d slept in his clothes, too.
“Okay,” she said, wanting to delay the moment when she had to tell him they weren’t having a baby. Delay the moment when she’d sever the last bond between them. Delay the moment when he left for good.
She grabbed a change of clothes and walked to the bathroom. “Don’t lock the door in case you fall.”
“Will you catch me?” she asked before she could stop herself.
“I will,” he said and walked to the kitchen.
She showered and dressed and joined him in her small kitchen. He’d made coffee and found some waffles she’d frozen the week before.
They sat at her counter to eat. When he finished his breakfast, he stood. “Ready to talk?”
She nodded.
“Let’s go sit in the living room.”
Her couch was comfortable, and Nick hadn’t really spent a lot of time there. She didn’t want him sitting on it now. Didn’t want to have another piece of furniture or another room in her house that was overwhelmed by the memory of him.
But she sat next to him just the same. “I…”
“Lila, please let me say something first.”
“Okay.”
He swallowed and stood to pace the room. “You were right when you said that I was hiding from life and that Fate wasn’t responsible, I was.”
She wrapped her arms around her waist to keep from going to him and pulling him into her embrace. She knew it was duty that motivated him to speak to her.
“I’ve always known you were smart.”
He didn’t smile as she’d hoped.
“Lila, all my life I’ve been searching for something that was just out of my reach. Ambition in my career brought me close, my marriage to Amelia brought me closer, but neither of them touched the part of me that you did.”
“I’m not sure that I really could reach you, Nick.”
“I didn’t know it either until I came so close to losing you.”
“I was already lost to you. You said it. I was running away from love again.”
“No, you weren’t. This time I drove you away. I don’t know about the past and I really don’t care about it. I’ve always lived for the future and I want that future to include you and our baby.”
Finally, he knelt at her feet, arms caging her hips and pulled her toward him. He lowered his head so that it rested against her stomach. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and hold him to her, but she knew he’d leave when she told him what she needed to say. Had to say it now.
“Nick…”
“Shh,” he said, covering her lips with his fingers. “I know I’ve been cruel in the past, but as of this moment forward my life belongs to you. I can’t live without you.”
He straightened from her body and took her left hand in his. He caressed her fingers before lowering his head and brushing a butterfly-soft kiss against her hand. She shivered and watched him.
“Will you marry me?”
The words she’d always wanted to hear from the man who owned her body, heart and soul. The tears that had been burning the back of her eyes since he dropped to his knees in front of her began to fall.
“I can’t,” she said.
“Why not?”
“I’m not pregnant, Nick. There’s no reason for us to marry.”
Lila stood and stalked to the window. She stared blindly down at the street, wrapping her arms around herself and holding tight. Waiting for the inevitable sound of Nick leaving. Though she’d been expecting it, the sound of his footsteps still lanced through her, making the tears fall.
Nick knew he was probably going to rot in hell for what he’d done to Lila. He deserved to pay for the mess he’d made of both of their lives. All he’d really wanted to do was love her and yet that had gone awry.
Of course, he’d been hedging when he’d asked her to marry him. Trying to protect himself and not give her a way out, and still she’d found one. An unexpected one that hurt him as much as it hurt her.
Lingering fear from his childhood made him believe that he was the wrong man for her, but sometime during the night as they’d slept close to each other in her bed, he’d come to realize that Lila and he were meant for each other. He’d dreamed of them in a house with a white picket fence and children playing in the yard. He’d dreamed of her pregnant with their third child and him holding her while a large group of their family and friends surrounded them.
He’d dreamed of a life he’d never had a shot at before her, and he wasn’t going to let that slip through his fingers now. He’d waited a lifetime to find the woman of his dreams, not even realizing that he’d been searching for her.
He stepped out to Lila, and she stiffened when he touched her back. His hand seemed too big and rough for Lila in her pretty pink sweater. Should he leave? He heard the small catch in her throat as she breathed, knew she was crying and that he was responsible for those tears.
He pu
lled her into his arms. Her back pressed solidly to his front, he held her tightly and brushed his mouth against her ear. There were words he had to say, but he could do no more than whisper them.
She sniffled, and he reached for a tissue and carefully dried her face. She wouldn’t turn in his arms, but in the window he saw their reflections. His big, dark shape behind her smaller one. They looked like yin and yang and he realized they were.
Man without woman, woman without man was not how nature intended humans to live. Until that moment he hadn’t acknowledged why he needed Lila in his life, but finally he could.
“I love you,” he said. They were words he’d never said before, not even to Amelia, who’d been a good friend and someone he’d cared deeply about.
She turned in his embrace. Her gaze searched his face and silent tears tracked down her pale cheeks. He brushed them away with a kiss, the salty taste of her tears bittersweet to his tongue.
He leaned back and she framed his face with her hands. Then leaning up on her toes, she pulled his mouth to hers. He kissed her with the care of a man who knows that he’s finally found what he’s spent his life searching for. Kissed her as if she were water and he’d spent the last years in the desert. Kissed her with all the emotion he’d been hiding from.
“Marrying you is about the only thing that can save me from a long, lonely life. Lila, you’ve been telling me that I threw my dreams away—but you’ve made me dream again.”
“You’re sure?” she asked, when he pulled back to breathe.
“Yes.” He’d never been surer of anything. Even though he felt almost weak at the thought of putting himself in her hands. “Believe me, I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Her words made him strong. And he realized that loving wasn’t something that weakened you. It was something that made you stronger.
“I wanted your baby so badly.”
“We’ll have lots of babies,” he said. He realized his dream last night hadn’t only been a nice image of the future. It had been a warning that he was letting his destiny slip through his fingers.
“If this is a dream, don’t wake me,” she whispered.
Some Kind 0f Incredible (20 Amber Court Book 2) Page 12