by Cassie Hamer
‘Umm … I’m not sure where to start,’ said Jamie.
Peter leant back. ‘All right. I sense a little shyness here. That’s all right. That’s all right. Entirely okely-dokely. I get it all the time with my newbies. So, let’s start with the basics. How long have you been dating?’
‘Four years,’ said Jared.
‘Actually, it’s six.’ Jamie touched Jared lightly on the arm. ‘Don’t you remember? 2012? The London Olympics? We were watching the opening ceremony at the pub.’
‘Yeah, of course I remember when we met.’ Jared gestured to the celebrant. ‘But he asked when we started dating.’
‘We dated from the start, didn’t we?’
‘But it was only casual for the first couple of years.’
‘Really? Casual?’
‘We both saw other people in the first couple of years after we met, don’t you remember?’ said Jared, frowning.
‘Ummm … no. We didn’t.’ Jamie looked at him incredulously. ‘At least, I didn’t.’
‘People. People.’ Peter held up his hands in the truce signal. ‘Forgive and forget. Forgive and forget. All ancient history now.’ He tapped Jamie’s hand. ‘After all, the ring is on your finger, Jamie. No one else’s. Isn’t that right, Jared?’
Jared grunted his assent.
‘There we go. Let’s all kiss and make up, shall we? It wouldn’t be a wedding without a few little tiffs here and there. Kiss! Kiss!’ he commanded them. Sensing he wouldn’t stop until the required act had been performed, Jared gave Jamie a perfunctory kiss on the cheek.
‘Excellent, excellent.’ McCluskey reached under the table for his briefcase. ‘How about we get going with the paperwork. Neutral territory. Call me Switzerland if you like.’ He winked. ‘Now, this is your notice of intention to marry. It is the legal document that has to be submitted at least one calendar month before the wedding. And as you are marrying on April ninth—’ he checked his watch ‘—and today is March eighth I must stress the importance of getting this right the first time. One chance and once chance only.’ He held up his finger. ‘The answers you give today must be true and correct. All right?’
McCluskey’s expression had become more serious and Jared squared his shoulders. This was more like it. The legalities. Excellent. Paperwork and documentation were his forte. Lawyers lived for it.
The first few questions were straightforward—names, addresses, dates of birth, identification details—and Jared answered confidently. In work mode, the celebrant was tolerable. Business-like. Seeking clarification of spelling where needed, but otherwise to the point. If he could behave like this at the wedding, perhaps everything would be fine.
‘Nearly there. Just a couple more, I promise.’ He looked over his glasses at them both. ‘Though these ones are slightly more personal … and a bit unusual.’
‘Fire away,’ said Jared.
‘Are you two related in any way?’ said Peter.
‘To each other?’ Jamie laughed.
‘I’m sorry,’ said Peter. ‘It is something we have to ask, legally.’
‘Of course we’re not related,’ said Jared, looking a little peeved. ‘Next question.’
‘Any previous marriages?’
‘No,’ they said together.
‘So, no children then?’
‘No,’ said Jamie firmly.
Jared said nothing.
Shit! Where did that question come from?
‘Jared?’ said Peter expectantly.
‘I don’t understand what that has to do with anything,’ said Jared hotly.
‘It’s just a question on the form, buddy. I don’t make them up,’ said Peter.
‘It’s an invasion of privacy!’ said Jared, his voice rising. His left leg started to jiggle uncontrollably, the way it always did when he felt circumstances getting beyond his control. ‘I won’t answer it.’
Peter looked from Jared to Jamie and put his pen down. ‘You know what? I’m going to make a visit to the little boy’s room.’ He rose. ‘Coffee,’ he said by way of explanation. ‘Does it to me every time.’
Jamie waited until Peter was out of earshot before clasping Jared’s arm. ‘What is wrong with you? It’s just a question! Answer it!’
Jared twirled an empty sugar sachet in his hands. ‘I don’t want to,’ he said sullenly.
‘Sometimes, you’re a real idiot. You know that?’
Jared folded his arms. ‘The government gets far too much access to personal information,’ he muttered.
‘What are you talking about? You don’t have any children! How does answering that question tell the government anything?’
‘It tells them that I don’t have a child.’
‘You don’t have a child!’ Jamie threw up her hands.
Jared looked out the window and refused to meet her gaze.
‘You don’t have a child, do you, Jared?’ Jamie sounded uncertain.
Jared kept his mouth set in a hard line.
‘Oh my god. That’s it. You have a child. Oh my god. Oh my god.’ Jamie fanned her face with her hand. ‘I think I’m going to faint.’
She started gasping for air as Jared looked at her and, seeing her distress, put his arm around her shoulder. ‘Breathe. Breathe, Jamie.’
She shrugged off his arm. ‘How could you not tell me? How could you?’
‘It’s not what you think,’ said Jared miserably. ‘I don’t know for sure.’
‘You don’t know? How is that even possible?’
Jared looked out the window again and drummed his nails against the table. ‘You remember Melissa?’
‘The girl you dated before me?’
Jared nodded. He’d been thinking about her a lot lately. They’d met during Oktoberfest, in Munich, when Jared was twenty-eight. She’d accidentally spilt a beer stein over him and there was a photo, somewhere at home, of him looking like an extra from The Sound of Music in his khaki lederhosen and forest-green Tyrol hat. He had his arm slung around Melissa and it was dangerously close to her bosom, which was displayed to absolute perfection in a corset-like dirndl. She looked like a naughty milkmaid but her face was sweet and open. She was a pre-school teacher from some small town in the state’s north and it had taken her two years to save for the trip, her first overseas. Sweet, uncomplicated and given to laughing easily, Melissa was unlike any other woman he’d ever dated before and Jared fell for her. Hard. Against all odds, their romance had survived the holiday and continued back in ‘the real world’.
After two years, it ended. Abruptly.
‘When we broke up, Melissa was pregnant.’ Jared played with the teaspoon, flipping it back and forth so it made a chinking sound against the saucer.
Jamie swallowed. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I behaved like a dick. Told her I didn’t want it. That we weren’t ready. Couldn’t afford it. That a baby would ruin our careers.’ Jared sighed. ‘Basically, all the things a woman really wants to hear when she’s pregnant,’ he said sarcastically.
‘Then what happened?’ Jamie asked faintly.
‘I don’t know.’ The teaspoon was now tap-dancing on the saucer. ‘She disappeared. Told me to never call again.’
‘But you did, didn’t you?’
He shook his head despondently. ‘I was scared, and heartbroken.’ As Jared gave the saucer a particularly hard whack, the whole thing cracked, sending the cup rolling across the table. As Jamie caught the cup, Jared rubbed his temples. ‘I ruined everything,’ he moaned.
‘What about the baby?’ Jamie whispered.
‘I’d presumed she didn’t have it. That she … took care of it.’ Jared kept his head down. ‘But I don’t know for sure. After Ava’s party, when I first met Ellie at Lisa’s place, I just wondered …’ he trailed off.
‘If she could be your child.’ Jamie finished the sentence and clapped her hand over her mouth. ‘Oh my god,’ Jamie breathed and looked squarely at Jared. ‘That’s why I felt like I knew her. Your eyes, they’re
exactly the same. And Melissa … Missy. Ellie’s mum’s name is Missy.’
‘Holy shit.’ Jared started rocking backward and forward. ‘I didn’t know that. Melissa’s mum used to call her Missy for short.’
‘But how could she? Why would she? Do you think she?’ Jamie’s words tumbled out of her mouth, premature and unformed.
Jared rubbed his eyes. ‘I have no idea,’ he said wearily.
‘Hey, folks, sorry for that brief intermission.’
Oh shit. The celebrant was back. McCluskey adjusted his tie as he lowered himself into the seat. He took in Jamie and Jared’s distraught faces.
‘Houston, I think we have a problem,’ he said.
Jamie nodded. ‘I think we do.’ She placed her palms flat on the table. ‘Jared has just informed me that he may have a child from a previous relationship.’ She spoke evenly, with no emotion in her voice and for a brief moment, Jared felt nothing but admiration. Jamie really was quite extraordinary in a crisis. No wonder that crazy boss of hers loved her.
‘You say may have a child,’ said Peter slowly. ‘What does that mean?’
‘It means it’s a possibility, but not a certainty,’ snapped Jared.
Jamie gave him a look. ‘Six years ago, Jared ended a relationship with a woman who was pregnant. He asked her to terminate the pregnancy.’ She took a breath. ‘But recent events suggest she may have gone ahead and had the baby. We’re yet to confirm this, though,’ she added quickly.
Peter leant back. ‘Riiiiight,’ he said slowly. ‘But you know.’ He tapped the form. ‘For the purposes of this document, it doesn’t actually matter.’
‘What do you mean?’ Jared leant in as Peter put the paper in front of him.
‘See here.’ Peter pointed. ‘It’s only asking if there are children from any previous marriages. And you weren’t married, were you?’
Why the hell didn’t you say that earlier?
‘No,’ said Jared firmly. ‘Definitely not married.’
‘All right, then. Legally, we can complete this form today, and as your celebrant I strongly advise you do that. Time is not on our side.’ The celebrant signed with a flourish and passed the form to Jared. ‘This notice of intention to marry is valid for eighteen months, so if you do decide to postpone, you might still be able to use it.’
At the mention of the word ‘postpone’, Jared stopped writing and looked at Jamie. Would she want to call it off, after what he’d just told her? It was a massive bombshell after all. It could ruin everything and maybe it would. Shit, he didn’t want that. Jamie really was a terrific girl.
Jared slid the form towards her and though Jamie signed without hesitation there was something stilted about her movements.
Maybe she would be okay with it? After all, they still didn’t know anything for sure. They certainly didn’t know if Ellie was his.
His child.
It was the first time he’d been able to admit the full scope of the possibility—that Ellie was, possibly, his daughter and that for some reason, Melissa had seen fit to return her to his life, albeit via Jamie’s sister Lisa.
The idea was so strange. So unlikely. So out of character for the Melissa he knew. Virtually impossible, really. And now that he had, mentally at least, conceived of the possibility and expressed it out loud, he saw how ridiculous it was. He’d panicked. With her dark hair and pointy chin, Ellie had reminded him so starkly of Melissa. And those blue eyes—it was just like looking in the mirror.
But so what?
So what if there was a physical resemblance? That’s probably all it was. The Melissa he knew would never do anything as weird as abandon her own child. She was a pre-school teacher for god’s sake.
Nope. It was panic. Pure and simple. Pre-wedding jitters. That’s all. And hopefully that’s how Jamie would see it. He couldn’t let this ruin the wedding. He wouldn’t. A DNA test or even a simple blood test would put him in the clear and then they’d be able to move on with their lives and get married. No secrets. A fresh start in Dubai. Easy. Jared smiled. He felt better than he’d felt in days. Lighter. It was good to be free of his secret and he now felt faintly ridiculous for having been so freaked out about it.
‘Okay, folks, well that’s all we need for today.’ Peter started collecting his things and putting them into his briefcase. ‘I’ll be in touch in a week to let you know that everything’s been approved. And then we’ll start talking about readings and vows and all the fun stuff.’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘That’s if it’s still going ahead.’
Jared shook off the celebrant’s remark and stood to shake his hand. ‘Thank you, Peter. You’ve been a great help.’ He was sincere. Sure, McCluskey was a bit of a tool but he’d been very useful in terms of helping Jared to unburden himself.
Jamie didn’t move. In fact, she hadn’t moved or said a word since signing the document. She was staring into space and she kept staring as McCluskey waved and left the café. Clearly, convincing her that everything was okay was going to be harder than Jared thought.
‘Jamie. Jamie.’ He sat down and tugged at her arm. ‘What’s wrong? Why aren’t you moving? You didn’t even say goodbye!’
She turned to him slowly. ‘We have to find her.’
‘Who? Melissa?’
Jamie nodded.
‘Whoa! Hold on. Let’s back up here for a moment.’ Jared took Jamie’s hand. ‘Melissa would never abandon her own child. I’m sure of it. Look, I’ll take a blood test. A DNA test. Whatever! I’m sure it will prove that Ellie’s not mine.’
Jamie shook her head sadly. ‘That’s not enough.’
‘How so?’
‘Maybe Ellie’s not your child. We don’t know. And you’re right, we can do a test to see. But your child might still be out there. Maybe Melissa’s a single mum, raising your kid out in the suburbs somewhere. Can you really live with not knowing?’
Jared clasped his other hand over the top of Jamie’s. ‘You don’t understand. You weren’t there when she left. She never wanted to see me again. She hated me for what I said. Don’t you think I’ve caused her enough trouble already without suddenly popping back into her life?’
Jamie was incredulous. ‘But surely you want to know if you’re someone’s dad?’
‘Well, actually …’
‘You cannot be serious!’ Jamie wrenched her hand away from his.
‘I don’t think there is a baby.’ The thought popped into his head like a shooting star. Yes, yes. That was it. This was his escape argument. ‘You don’t know Melissa. Yes, she hated me when she left but she wasn’t insane. She was a very good, very decent person.’ Jamie went to speak and Jared held up his hand. ‘No, no. Hear me out. If Melissa had gone ahead and had the baby, she would have told me. I have absolutely no doubt about that. The fact that she didn’t tell me means there’s no baby! It’s logic—pure and simple.’ He clasped his hands, content with the argument he’d made. Circumstantial, yes. But convincing? Definitely.
‘You don’t know for sure.’ Jamie banged the table.
Okay, so maybe not quite as convincing as he thought. ‘In my heart, I know for sure.’ Jared put a hand to his chest and used his most sincere voice.
‘That’s not enough.’ Jamie collected her handbag.
‘Wait, please, Jamie. Can’t we talk about this?’ Jared caught her hand.
‘I need some time to think.’ Shaking off his grip, Jamie strode from the café and didn’t look back.
Jared’s head dropped. Who was it that said honesty was the bedrock of relationships?
Whoever it was, they were wrong.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
On the way back to the office, Jamie dawdled. As long as she was by herself she could exist on a plane where the last hour of her life had not actually occurred.
She paused at shop windows, pretending to admire the shoes, the clothes, the décor—whatever was on display. But she actually couldn’t see a thing. Her brain was too full of Jared and his disclosure for her to think of anythi
ng else. At one point, she realised she’d been staring for five minutes at a heartrate monitor in a pharmacy window. She looked around, hoping no one had noticed her zombie-like trance. She needed to pull herself together or she would find herself in a psychiatric facility.
A child? Jared a father? Ellie’s father?
It was all too much to take in.
Could she still marry him? Did she even want to?
Jamie shook her head. She was getting too far ahead. She had always prided herself on being a methodical thinker but in the space of five minutes, she’d gone from signing a notice of intention to marry, to contemplating calling the whole thing off.
She needed to slow down and take things step by step.
Back at work, Jamie flipped open her laptop and typed in Melissa, pre-school teacher, Sydney.
One hundred and eighty-four thousand results.
Damn! She would need more information from Jared if she was going to track this woman down.
Ben poked his head around the door. ‘Angel’s ready for you in the conference room.’
Jamie clenched her fingers. Oh Christ! The meeting where she was supposed to present her business plan for Spin and a plan for her own consultancy. The presentation was ready to go in her laptop, but mentally she wasn’t prepared at all. Normally, she liked a few minutes before a major meeting to collect herself. Check her make-up and confirm the presentation was all in order.
There was no time for any of that.
‘Of course. Just need a minute,’ muttered Jamie as she unplugged her computer and gathered a few random papers sitting on her desk that she thought might be relevant to the meeting.
‘Are you okay?’ Ben was still at the door. ‘You seem a bit stressed.’
‘I’m fine. Fine,’ she said a tad too brightly. ‘Had an extra coffee this morning. And you know how that makes me a little—’ She fluttered her hands about. ‘Now, have I got everything?’ She looked desperately about her desk and then stood.
‘You’ll be fine.’ Ben’s hand in the small of her back was a shock. A pleasant zap of electricity. ‘You’ve got this,’ he murmured and propelled her towards the doorway.