Black Love:
LOVE
By Any Means Necessary
BLACK LOVE:
LOVE
By Any Means Necessary
BRENDA HAMPTON
Brenda Hampton Entertainment
P.O. Box 773
Bridgeton, MO 63044
Love By Any Means Necessary
Copyright © 2017 Brenda Hampton
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without prior consent of the Publisher, except brief quotes used in reviews.
Printed in the United States of America
This is a work of fiction. Any references or similarities to actual events, real people, living or dead, or to real locales are intended to give the novel a sense of reality. Any similarity in other names, characters, places, and incidents is entirely coincidental.
ISBN-13: 978-1978293489
Monai
Chapter One
For the past two weeks or so, it had been pouring down raining. The sun had basically disappeared and the clouds made the sky appear gloomy, which was exactly how I felt. With a coffee mug gripped in my hand, I sat on the nook in front of a bay window while gazing outside. Tears were welled in my eyes. I couldn’t stop thinking about the unfortunate situation I’d allowed to happen last night. Demetrious was long gone, but the memories of what had transpired between us hammered my brain. Lord knows I shouldn’t have let him come inside. I’d told myself over and over again that our relationship was a wrap. I had put it to rest two years ago. Simply, because, Demetrious was no good for me and our relationship was toxic. Through the eyes of many, he was classified as a bad boy. One who couldn’t be trusted, one who was a habitual liar, and one who definitely ignored the definition of respect. I suffered plenty of days and nights behind his actions, and after a three-year-long relationship, I decided to throw in the towel and call it quits.
That was then, this was now. Now, I had opened the door for him to slide back in. He’d always wanted back in, and for quite some time, I was able to ignore his pursuit of interfering with my happiness. But last night, things changed. Not by much, but it was enough to make me feel horrible about what I’d done. My timing was off because the new man in my life, Nate, wouldn’t approve of this. If he’d ever found out what I’d done, he’d be disappointed in me. More than anything, he would hand me my walking papers and never look back. He was a no-nonsense kind of man; a man who would never share me with another. I’d told him every single detail about my relationship with Demetrious. Nate was glad it was over. So was I, but then there was last night. I couldn’t stop thinking about why I’d not only opened the door, but also opened my legs for Demetrious to come inside. As a slow tear rolled down my face, I swallowed the oversized lump in my throat and thought about my night with Demetrious.
Around 7:00 p.m., there was a knock at the door. Nate had just dropped me off, and we’d had an amazing time at a picnic earlier. The only reason he didn’t stay the night with me was because he had an early doctor’s appointment the next day and needed to get some rest. I thought it was him at the door, but when I looked through the peephole, I saw Demetrious. I slowly backed away from the door and silenced myself so he would think I wasn’t home. But his knocks became harder and harder. He called out my name and begged me to open the door.
“Please,” he said in a whisper. “I need you, Mo. I know you’re in there, and I saw you get out of your man’s car. Ju . . . Just open the door so we can talk. I have so much that I need to tell you right now.”
At the moment, his soft spoken words didn’t move me. I’d heard it all before, and who did he think he was stalking me? Had he been lurking around my house? In order for him to see me exit Nate’s car, Demetrious must’ve been hiding somewhere. The thought angered me. My face tightened; I marched toward the door to open it. Before my hand touched the doorknob, I took a deep breath and turned to the right to examine my appearance in the mirror. While my clothes were a bit wrinkled from being at the picnic, my thin braids that were parted through the middle and hung along the sides of my face were still intact. My butterscotch colored skin glowed, and the ruby-red gloss on my full lips added more beauty. My appearance shouldn’t have mattered, but Demetrious had always been so critical of my looks in the past. Through his eyes, I was too skinny and I needed more curves. He loved women with curves and the multiple women he’d seen during our relationship had plenty of curves and then some, according to him. Him who had no business at my door, demanding anything from me.
With my face scrunched, I pulled on the doorknob and was now face-to-face with my ex. I wanted to slap him across the face, yell at him for coming to my house and give him a piece of my mind for how badly he’d treated me. Instead, I stood as if cement had been poured over me. My mouth was open, but no words escaped. The only things in motion were my eyes. They shifted in numerous directions as I scanned Demetrious’ tall frame that was formed with tight muscles. His light brown eyes always did something to me, and when he smiled, his dimples were in full effect. His mocha chocolate skin appeared soft to the touch, and his long dreads were in a ponytail, exposing his chiseled, handsome face. I melted right before his eyes. But in an effort not to let my enthusiasm show, I straightened my spine, kept a mean mug on my face and didn’t dare form a smile.
“What do you want?” I questioned with snap in my voice.
He inched forward, but I held up my hand and placed it on his chest to halt his steps. “What I want is you, Li’l Mama,” he admitted. “Only you. That’s why I’m here.”
He removed my hand from his chest, and as he proceeded to bring my hand to his thick lips, I snatched it away.
“Sorry. You can’t have me, so try again.”
Demetrious’ smile became wider. He folded his arms across his chest while locking his eyes with mine.
“I don’t mind trying again, and as you already know, I’m a fighter. I don’t give up on who or what I want. If you think I’m going to let some handicapped fool have you, you are sadly mistaken.”
I hated when Demetrious spoke that way about Nate. In no way was he handicapped; he had been injured while fighting in Afghanistan years ago. The left side of his foot had been crushed, and it caused him to walk with a limp. It was still painful for him at times, and he visited his doctor often to see if there was more he could do. I had no problem defending Nate, especially since Demetrious’ insults were disgraceful.
“Nate is more man than you will ever be, Demetrious. That is the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Now, if you don’t mind, either tell me why you’re really here or allow me to get back to doing me.”
“I apologize for insulting your little friend, but when it comes to being a real man, it doesn’t get any better than this.” He widened his arms so I could see all that he’d hoped I had been missing. “As for being here, I already told you why. I need you now, more than ever. Been going through some things and I need your advice. Your words always bring me comfort, so does seeing you. I also meant what I said about wanting to do us again. I hope it’s not too late. I guess it’s not, since you haven’t gotten married yet.”
I fired back at his bullshit. “Married or not, it’s too late. And I’m sorry that you’re going through something, but seek counseling, please. I hate to be this way, but we’ve been here before, Demetrious. These little games you play don’t work anymore. I can’t stress enough how much you’re wasting your time.”
“Then let me waste my time. Let me come in so we can just holla at each other. You don’t have to be so bitter about things. If anything, your bitterness proves that you still love me. Apparently, something is still there. If you want to discuss it, then speak up or forever hold your peace. Running from me and ignoring me won’t
help you one bit. Get it all off your chest, tonight, and let’s try to put this problem between us to rest, once and for all.”
In my heart, I still had so much I needed to say to Demetrious about our relationship. I wanted him to know how much he’d hurt me, but I’d never felt like the timing was right. I hesitated to let him come inside, but after he continued to push, I moved aside and let him enter. A smirk was on his face as he entered the living room area and looked around.
“I see you haven’t made many changes to your crib.”
He was referring to the modern style, gray and white furniture that adorned my living room area. The shiny, hardwood floors ran throughout the main level of my house, and my unique lighting fixtures from IKEA brightened up the place.
“Everything is pretty much the same.” I closed the door. “With the exception of your pictures. Every last photo of you went into the trash.”
Demetrious snickered as he pivoted to face me. He licked across his lips and dipped his hands into the pockets of his tan cargo shorts. The gray ribbed shirt he wore showed much definition in his broad chest and rested on his biceps that were covered with tats. He knew he was a twenty on a scale from one-to-ten, which was unfortunate because his good looks enhanced his arrogance.
“My photos deserved to be put in the trash and that’s where they belong. I’ve made many attempts to tell you how sorry I am for what I did to you. I’ve changed though, Mo, and sometimes you have to lose something in order to know how valuable it was to you. I’m a better man because of you, and I’m not afraid or ashamed to tell you how badly I want you back. I know you got some strong feelings for, uh, what’s his face, but do you really love him more than you love me?”
I released a deep sigh, before walking over to the sofa to take a seat. A part of me wasn’t ready to have this conversation with him, but as I’d thought about how good Nate had been to me, how he had come into my life at the right time and showed me how to love again, I couldn’t hold back on what I’d felt inside. I looked at Demetrious as he stood a few feet away from me, waiting for a reply.
“I used to love you or I thought I loved you, but not anymore. Nate has shown me what real love feels like. You say you’ve changed, but how many times have I heard that, Demetrious? I accept your apology, but I will never forget what you did to me. I begged you to do right by me. Begged you to get yourself together, but you didn’t think I was deserving of anything. All you did was criticize me and make me feel like I wasn’t good enough for you. And let’s not forget about you putting your hands on me. It was too much and our relationship left me scarred. I could never go back to that again. I don’t understand why you would think that I would want to.”
Demetrious removed his hands from his pockets and strolled over to the sofa to sit next to me. He reached for my hand, gripping it with his.
“I guess I’m a damn fool for believing you would forgive me. But with all the love I still have inside for you, I had hopes. Yes, I did you wrong for sure. I made some mistakes and you already know why I put my hands on you that day. I was angry at you for being at my boy’s crib. I thought the two of you had been fucking around behind my back. To this day, he said something happened, you said it didn’t. I still don’t know who to believe, but I do know that you were hurt by how I treated you. I figured you were just trying to get back at me.”
Deep down, I knew the truth but a good, smart girl never tells what she really did.
“Michael lied to you and you know it. But I don’t want to discuss him, nor do I really want to talk about us anymore. It’s too painful to think about, and in my heart, I doubt that you still love me. You’re just saying that because either something has happened in one of your relationships or you’re trying to mess up what I have with Nate.”
Demetrious released my hand and reached for my chin to lift my head. He could tell I was in deep thought about our relationship, and as I fidgeted with my long fingernails, he could sense me weakening.
“We don’t have to holla about Michael, but I will say this. That muthafucka is no longer considered a friend and I personally handled that nigga myself. Putting that aside, what you need to know is I do love you. I will never stop loving you, and I wish you would be honest and deal with your feelings too. I guess you’re not ready to do that right now. I just wanted to put a bug in your ear to let you know how I feel. If or whenever you’re ready to shake shit up with me again, just say the word. I’m ready to do this with you again, and aside from all the problems we had, you can’t deny the good times we had. Especially the sex. Shit was off the hook. I was always good to you, Mo, wasn’t I?”
I wasn’t falling for this trap. He wanted me to think about the sex, but I quickly replaced those thoughts with the ones from the day he’d beat my ass for being at Michael’s house. My lips were swollen for days. Head was sore from him yanking my hair and dragging me across the floor. Body was covered with bruises from when he knocked me down and punched me for betraying him. After all he’d done to me, I had to pay for betraying him. I couldn’t believe his actions that day. Demetrious had shown me a side of him that I didn’t know existed.
“As a matter of fact,” I said. “You weren’t always good to me. And those good times you mentioned were overshadowed by too many bad times I refuse to forget.”
Ready for him to leave, I stood and moved away from the sofa. Demetrious stood too, while continuing to listen to what I had to say.
“I’ll never be ready to do us again, so don’t expect me to reach out to you anytime soon.”
He stood in silence as he watched me walk to the door and open it. I made a gesture with my hand for him to exit; all he did was shrug.
“Just think about what I said. Maybe you’re not ready right now, but as you get real with yourself and start to think about your feelings, I know you’ll feel exactly how I do.”
I didn’t respond. He strutted toward the door, cracking his knuckles and moistening his lips again with his tongue. Before exiting, he towered over my short frame and tossed out a few compliments.
“You’re still so beautiful to me. I love how you’ve thickened up a bit, and forgive my eyes for staying locked on that fat ass of yours. It has always been top notch to me, and if I could share some of the dreams I’ve had about us . . .”
“Don’t bother,” I said, rolling my eyes as I cut him off. “It won’t be necessary because sharing your dreams won’t change a thing.”
Demetrious nodded, yet he remained silent as he searched into my eyes again. I turned my head to the side to avoid the connection I still felt inside between us. There was no question that some of my feelings remained, but I could never forget all that he’d done to me. Without saying another word, he walked out. I slowly shut the door and released a deep breath. My palms were sweaty, heart had picked up speed and crazy thoughts were swarming in my head. After seeing Demetrious, I needed a cold shower. I needed to relax and call Nate to make sure he’d made it home. I had to tell him how much I loved him, and I needed to hear the same from him so it would help me shake what I’d felt inside. As long as I kept my distance from Demetrious, I would be okay. There was nothing else that needed to be said about our past relationship. As far as I was concerned, he would never get a call from me, and I hoped he understood why we needed to move on.
I walked away from the door and made my way down the narrow hallway leading to my bedroom. Expensive artwork covered the hallway walls, and as I looked up at the sky-view window, bolts of lightning flashed. I dimmed the lights in my bedroom, and as soon as I entered the bathroom, the smell of my sweet perfumes permeated the air. I picked up a bottle of Dior perfume that Nate had recently purchased for me, just because. Thoughts of his kindness made me smile. He was the best man ever, and trust me when I say men like him didn’t come around too often. As soon as I finished my shower, I intended to call him. I wrapped my braids in a bun, then removed my clothes. After placing my shorts on the counter, I turned on the waterfall showerhead and entered
the spacious shower that provided plenty of room for me to lower my body temperature and gather my thoughts. Warm water sprayed on my face, and as I turned in slow circles, soapy water hit my body from every angle. I closed my eyes—my thoughts turned immediately to Demetrious. He’d mentioned the good times we’d had, so I ventured to those rare moments. There were times when he’d made me laugh, times when he seemed to care about my needs, and times when making love to him was all I wanted to do. I couldn’t wash those memories away from my thoughts, no matter how hard I’d tried. I could feel his hands caressing my body, and as my eyes remained closed, I envisioned his touch in all the right places. My hands roamed my body. I shook my head, trying to replace my sexual thoughts of Demetrious with thoughts of Nate. He was a spectacular lover, too, but Demetrious knew how to do things to me that no other man had mastered. I always felt high as a kite with him, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t yearned for his touch again. I wondered what had taken place between us during his dreams, but since I didn’t allow him to elaborate, all I could do was let my imagination take me there. My imagination went there, and I felt a burning need for some kind of relief tonight. My hands weren’t satisfying enough, so I faced the wall and squeezed the soapy, wet sponge against my back. Just as I lifted my foot on the seat, I felt something soft pressing against the nape of my neck. My eyes popped open; I quickly pivoted to see what it was. Lips. Demetrious’ lips that pecked me here and there. My waist was tightly wrapped in his strong arms; I could feel his hard muscle growing against me. The feel of his wet body pressed against mine left me speechless and hungry for him in every way.
Black Love Page 1