Onyx: Love

by J. S. Lee

  The venue manager took the card with a nod. “My guys have already been here longer than necessary. If you could make that sooner rather than later, I would appreciate it. I’ll go save that video in case you change your mind.” He left us then.

  Everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and I sagged against CX, grateful he was still supporting me. “Do we need to take MinMin to a doctor?” I asked.

  “What do I need a doctor for?” MinMin looked confused at that suggestion.

  I felt just as confused by his response. “Every time I sneeze, y’all ask me if I need to go to a hospital. For a cold. You got smacked in the face.” That wasn’t an exaggeration. If I had the sniffles or complained of indigestion – if anyone in the team did – the automatic response was ‘we should get you to a hospital’. Evidently, it was the done thing in Korea, but if I tried turning up to an emergency room with a cold, I’d get told off for wasting time.

  “Then why are you holding your wrist?” Xiao asked.

  I glanced down and dropped it. The truth was, it was still aching from where I had stopped my face from flying into the stage when ‘The Future Mrs. Yoon’ had shoved me.

  “Are you hurt?” Sungmin asked, instantly.

  I quickly waved my hands at him as I shook my head. “No. No, I’m fine!” Nothing a cold compress and a couple of ibuprofen wouldn’t fix, anyway. I was not aiming to get a guest stamp at a hospital in every country we visited.

  Xiao narrowed his eyes, but he didn’t argue.

  “Can we just go back to the apartment?” The plea came from Ina. I’d forgotten that it wasn’t just us in the room, and I leaped away from CX. She didn’t seem to notice. “It’s late,” she added.

  Thankfully, there was little else left to do, and as they wanted to close the venue too, we made a hasty getaway in several cars. While the crew disappeared to the rooms, I went to the kitchen to raid the fridge. It was full of drinks and fruit.

  “Hungry?” JongB asked, making me jump as he creeped up behind me.

  “Starving,” I agreed. “There was a chicken place across the street.” I pulled out my phone and glanced at the time.

  “It was closed,” Xiao said from the doorway.

  “It’s a good job this is London. There will be something open that delivers at this time.” I opened up the app store, downloaded an app which promised it had all the takeaways on it, and did a quick search. I wasn’t disappointed. “Who else wants chicken?”

  “Me,” JongB cried, enthusiastically.

  Sungmin appeared in the door, wearily. “Guys, it’s late. If you’re going to eat, will you please do so quietly?”

  Xiao gave the manager a respectful bob of his head. “Yes, hyungnim.”

  We waited for Sungmin to leave before I added our orders to the app. While I was searching the kitchen for the handy guide which had the apartment’s zip code on it, Xiao had disappeared. He returned just as I submitted the order, carrying the group’s first aid kit.

  That was a generous term: the thing was a duffel bag containing all kinds of medical supplies, some of which I’d already questioned Sungmin as to whether or not it was safe to be carrying to different countries, but he had assured me everything was above board.

  “What is that for?” I asked with a roll of my eyes.

  “You’ve yet to use your left hand properly.” Xiao deposited the bag on the table in front of me and started pulling out various items.

  I eyed the bandage with glare. “I don’t need that.”

  “Just be quiet and let me strap you up.”

  “I can think of other ways I’d rather be strapped up,” I grumbled under my breath while refusing to look at JongB. When nothing seemed to happen, I looked up and found Xiao staring down at me with his eyebrows disappearing under his still damp hair. With a sigh, I held my hand out.

  Xiao sat opposite, taking it gently. With great care, he started moving it, stopping when I winced. “I don’t think it’s broken,” he assured me.

  “I never thought it was.”

  “What happened?” JongB asked, taking the seat next to me so he could watch.

  “The Future Mrs. Yoon.”

  “Anita?”

  I shot JongB a look. “Who the fuck is Anita?” I quickly shook my head. “No, how the fuck do you know she’s called Anita?”

  “She runs one of Jiwon’s fan sites,” JongB explained. He leaned his elbow on the table, using his arm to prop his head up. “She’s been at all the shows.”

  “Did she win the lottery or something?” I asked in disbelief. I jumped as Xiao started spraying something on me which made my skin cold. “Dude!” I tried to pull my hand back, but he held on.

  “It will help,” he said, simply.

  “Ibuprofen and an icepack will help.”

  “This is quicker than an icepack.”

  OK, so whatever it was smelled funny, but it was making my wrist cool in a tingly kind of way. I glowered at my wrist and the slight white coating to it, but I allowed Xiao to continue.

  “I have no idea where she makes her money,” JongB continued as though I hadn’t disrupted the conversation. “But she has been at every show.”

  He pulled out his phone and opened Instagram, typing something and bringing an account open belonging to ‘Future Mrs. Yoon’. I took the phone from him, skimming through. “You guys follow your fan accounts?”

  “No,” JongB responded with a snort. “Atlantis would kill us. But that doesn’t mean we don’t look at them.”

  I looked back at the photographs. Anita had been at the concerts – but I’d never noticed her. It was odd, considering she was as white as I was, with mousy brown hair, and quite overweight, that I hadn’t noticed her in Asia. I guess by America my mind had been elsewhere for the duration of that leg of the tour.

  While Xiao had turned his attention to wrapping my wrist up in a bandage, I handed the phone back. “Seriously, though. She looks my age and she can afford to fly around the world to see you? The flights and tickets must be more than my student loan.”

  “But we’re worth it, aren’t we?” JongB fluttered his eyelashes at me.

  “Some of you are.”

  Without missing a beat, Xiao dipped his hand into the bag and tossed another spray can at JongB. With lightning reflexes, he caught it and glanced at the label. “Not. Funny.” JongB set the can down on the table. It was something for burns.

  I cracked up laughing.

  Before any of us could say anything, upstairs a door slammed shut. Then there was the sound of heavy footfall – two sets of feet – storming down the stairs. I leaned to the side just in time to see the front door close, and CX run outside. Xiao, JongB and I shared a look, and then we tore after them, trying to keep as quiet as possible.

  Outside, in the street, CX was trying to pull Jiwon back towards the rented house. “Fuck off, Yongsik!” Jiwon yelled at him.

  “Woah!” I cried getting close to them.

  “Don’t get involved in this, Katie,” Jiwon warned me.

  I held my hands up. “I have no idea what you’re arguing about, but it’s nearly two in the morning and if you don’t keep it down, you’re going to wake the street up,” I pointed out.

  “Then how about you all just fuck off and leave me alone?” Jiwon snapped, yanking his arm free from CX’s grip. He turned on his heel and stormed off down the street.

  CX started to follow him, but I grabbed his arm. “What the hell happened?” I asked in confusion.

  JongB stepped forward. “What did you do?”

  “That’s just it; I didn’t do anything,” CX shook his head, looking back at the house, and then at Jiwon’s disappearing silhouette. “He burst into our room and told MinMin that he wasn’t putting up with any more of his bullshit and he wasn’t going to spend another night under the same roof.”

  “What the fuck?” I was speechless. “What did MinMin do?”

  Xiao rubbed a hand over his face as he let out a long sigh. “CX, go back inside
and check on MinMin. JongB, you go too.”

  “Hyung!” JongB objected.

  Xiao held a hand up, cutting him off. “Let’s not kid ourselves, putting you with Jiwon when he’s in a mood like this will end up with you getting punched. Again. Go check on MinMin.”

  “Come on.” CX tugged JongB back inside leaving me in the street with Xiao.

  I looked up at the taller man in bewilderment. “Do you have any idea what is going on?”

  “I have a good idea,” he nodded, reaching for my hand. When I gave him my good hand, he gently batted it away, reaching for the one which had the bandage fluttering around it. He quickly wrapped it back up and secured it. I shivered in the cold, and his eyes narrowed. “You should go back inside too.”

  “That’s not going to happen,” I disagreed. I stuck my hands into my hoodie pocket. It was cold enough that I could see my breath in the air, and the ground was sparkling from the frost that was forming. My hoodie was definitely not warm enough for me to be out here, but I wasn’t going back in. “We have no idea where Jiwon has gone.”

  “He won’t have gone far. He’s not confident enough with his English to try public transportation.”

  “I’m still not going in,” I told him, firmly.

  “OK,” Xiao shrugged. He started walking down the middle of the deserted street.

  Like I was going to let him leave me behind!

  I jogged after him. “What do you think happened then?”

  “I do not wish to speculate.”

  “Xiao,” I sighed. “Is this because of what happened at the concert? About MinMin saying he liked him?”

  Xiao gave me a sideways glance. “Possibly.”

  “Is Jiwon…”

  “No.” Xiao paused and looked across the street. He pointed to a liquor store that was still open. And crossed over to it.

  제 8 장

  Growl

  Inside, Jiwon was busy buying cigarettes. Or trying. He was struggling with the accent of the guy serving him. “He wants to see your ID,” I quickly translated for him.

  Jiwon shot me a dark look. “How old do I look?”

  “Just show him your ID.”

  Jiwon pulled his passport out and handed it over. Moments later, he was paying for the cigarettes. I followed him back outside where Xiao was waiting. “I didn’t know you smoked.”

  “I don’t.” Jiwon looked at Xiao who nodded his head towards a bus shelter. It was one that had four sides to it and a bench – something that would offer us a little shelter. “Whatever,” he mumbled, but walked over to it. Instead of going in, he stood in the entryway and lit a cigarette, holding it between his index and middle finger. The smoke curled up around him.

  I walked into the shelter, ignoring the smell of piss, and sat down. “Well this is classy,” I grumbled.

  “You could always go home?” Jiwon shrugged, unbothered.

  Xiao sat down beside me, then, without saying anything, unzipped his hoodie, reached over and pulled me into his lap, and wrapped it around us both. “Thank you,” I murmured, settling into him. I opened my mouth, ready to say something, but from under the hoodie, Xiao’s grip on me tightened. When I looked at him, he very subtly shook his head, so I remained quiet.

  Finally, when the cigarette had almost burned halfway through – and Jiwon hadn’t smoked any of it – he flicked it into the road and lit another one. “It’s all over the SNS.”

  I was about to ask what was, but Xiao got in before me. “Does it matter?”

  Jiwon fixed Xiao a warning look. “I’m not gay.”

  “Did anyone say you were?”

  “The internet!”

  Once more I was ready to say something – which admittedly was going to be calling Jiwon a name, but Xiao’s grip on me tightened. When I looked at him and he shook his head once more, I sighed. He wanted me to stay silent.

  Me.

  OK… well, he was going to get maybe five minutes before my self-diagnosed Foot-in-Mouth disease kicked in…

  “The internet has been shipping all of us together since pre-debut,” Xiao calmly pointed out.

  “MinMin wasn’t gay then!”

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I grunted. “MinMin didn’t-”

  A hand clamped down over my mouth. “Just because he didn’t admit it doesn’t mean he wasn’t,” Xiao continued, calmly, as though he wasn’t using his hand as a gag. “And if you try to convince me that this is news to you, I am going to call you on that bullshit.”

  The hand around the cigarette box tightened just enough to make the edges crumple. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

  He stepped away from the glass wall and started pacing back and forth. “Why did it have to be me?”

  “You can’t help who you fall for,” Xiao said, more reasonably than I would have done.

  “I know that!” the cigarette box crumpled in his hands.

  “And just because he likes you, doesn’t mean you like him,” Xiao continued.

  Jiwon whirled around and glared at us, launching the crumbled cigarette box into the corner of the bus stop. “I know it doesn’t!” he yelled, his words echoing around us, making me wince. “But suddenly the whole world thinks we’re a couple.”

  Although his hand remained on my mouth, (OK, yes, it was annoying, but it was a good thing it was there because it was muffling my unhelpful comments), Xiao remained calm and rational. “We’ve already discussed this, Jiwon, so what’s really the problem?”

  “My parents called me!” He yelled it again, this time sending the half-burned cigarette into the gutter, then he turned and stormed off, back towards the liquor store.

  Only when Jiwon had gone in the store did Xiao finally unclamp my mouth. “How are you not calling him a fucking idiot?” I asked in disbelief, wanting to get up and chase after Jiwon, but unable to as Xiao wouldn’t let go of me. “This is the most backward thinking I’ve encountered in this group. Honestly, it’s disappointing and disgusting. Jiwon needs bringing to his senses.”

  “Kate,” Xiao said, once I had run out of steam. “Jiwon doesn’t believe any of that; that’s why.”

  “Did you not hear him? I know I struggle with his accent sometimes, but it was pretty clear to me!”

  With a soft sigh, Xiao leaned forward, kissing my forehead. “Jiwon does not believe that,” he said, again. “You’re right, it is disappointing, but you have to understand, in Korea, and even China, until recently, and I mean since we were born, being gay was not considered normal. Even in America gay rights still don’t have complete acceptance. Yes, it has become better than it has ever been with our generation, but most of our parents’ age and older, will not accept it.”

  “Fine,” I said with a harrumph, “but that doesn’t explain why Jiwon is being such a dick when our generation is supposed to be more understanding.”

  “What you’re hearing is what his parents were saying.”

  “Last I checked, his parents weren’t here.”

  “No, but it is morning back home, and they will have seen the news, hence the call. Jiwon’s parents never wanted him to be an idol. They disapproved of the lifestyle and wanted him to be a judge.”

  My eyes went wide at that. Jiwon? A judge?

  Xiao shrugged. “I never said he’d make a good one,” he said, as though he could read my mind. “But they are very, very traditional. They had an agreement with him, that if he hadn’t debuted by the time he was twenty, Jiwon would quit and would go to university. When he did debut, they tried to change that agreement and told him if he wasn’t successful in the first three years, he would have to quit. We were.”

  “I thought you guys had a standard seven-year contract?” I asked, my eyes narrowed in suspicion.

  Xiao nodded. “I guess they thought Atlantis would make an exception for him.”

  I almost snorted at that. From everything I’d ever heard about Holly’s brother, who had been running Atlantis, the real Atlantis was more likely to rise from the ocean.


  “That doesn’t mean he gets a free pass at being a dick to MinMin. That behavior is unacceptable.”

  “I know,” Xiao agreed. Lord, it was amazing how he managed to remain so calm. “But the thing with Jiwon is that, although he knows this, he needs to realize this. Getting angry and yelling is what his parents did – do – and he will automatically go against that.”

  I had nothing to say to that. The level of perception Xiao had was almost unbelievable. No wonder he needed me to keep quiet. “I probably shouldn’t be here.”

  “Stay. You’re good for him. Jiwon just needs to not smoke another cigarette or two.”

  “What’s that about?” I asked. “Buying cigarettes and not smoking them?”

  “That one I have never worked out, and I have never asked.”

  I shivered in the frigid night air and huddled closer to Xiao. My own personal hot water bottle seemed to run at a higher temperature than most. Hell, he was in shorts and flip flops.

  Jiwon reappeared, a cigarette already lit. The box must have been in his pocket because he wasn’t holding it. “My parents suck,” he muttered, sitting down beside us.

  Deciding to do my best to listen to Xiao’s advice, I sat quietly, but reached out and took Jiwon’s hand. It was freezing.

  “I don’t care that MinMin’s gay. The guy can fall in love with whoever he wants to. I just preferred it when it was nothing more than speculation and shipping on the fans’ part.”

  Finally, he flicked the half cigarette away and stood. “I should go speak to him.”

  I slid off Xiao’s lap, shivering as the cold air wrapped itself around my thin clothing, seeping through all the small holes. Beside me Xiao stood and draped his hoodie over me. “Aren’t you…” I trailed off. It was one of those pointless questions. Instead, I slid an arm through each sleeve and zipped it up.

  Together, we walked back to the house Atlantis had rented. At some point, Xiao took my hand in his. I reached for Jiwon’s, doing the same. The walk was spent in silence, apart from my shivering. When we got to the house, Jiwon went in, heading straight upstairs. As he disappeared, I yawned, glancing at the convenient grandfather clock in the hallway. It was nearly four in the morning. The house, while cold, was still warmer than it had been outside.