by Lilly Atlas
Cassie frowned. “What do you mean?”
“That’s your big breakup story? A fight that lasted two and a half days then ended in a proposal and wild sex?” She shook her head. “Pitiful.”
That made Cassie laugh, which was perfect as it chased away the tears that had crept up on her toward the end of telling her story. She should have known recalling the passionate way Viper had proposed would dredge up a host of powerful emotions.
God, I miss that man.
If it wasn’t for Shell and her unimpressed response to the breakup-turned-engagement, Cassie might be sobbing into her coffee mug instead of laughing. Thank God for amazing friends.
“Well, I’m so sorry we didn’t have a real break up,” she said, flipping Shell the bird.
The other woman’s unglossed mouth dropped open. “Di—um, did you just flip me off?”
Cassie chuckled and did it again.
Shell rubbed her eyes then blinked. “I mean, seriously, you, Cassie, Mama V, the sweetest woman in the world, did you just stick your middle finger up at me? Twice?”
In a full-on laugh now, Cassie nodded. “Yes, sweetie, I did. That’ll teach you to make fun of an old lady’s breakup story.”
“Oh please. First off, you are not old. And what that tale is, is a phenomenal proposal story. Not a breakup story. Though I gotta say, I did enjoy hearing about you telling my dad off.” Shell pressed her lips together as she pushed away the now empty plate of fries.
“He wasn’t a bad man, Shell. He had his demons, yes—”
“And he succumbed to them while dragging my mom down with him.” She rubbed a hand across her baby bump, sinking back into the bench seat.
During her first pregnancy with Beth, Shell had lived in another state without family or club support. This time around, Cassie was thrilled to stand by Shell’s side while she grew the next generation of Handlers. Despite his many flaws, Sarge would have loved to see his baby girl raising her own family.
Cassie nodded. “He did. But he led the club well for many years. And your parents weren’t always unhappy. It’s true, they probably shouldn’t have gotten married, but they had good times together too. Though the best thing to come out of that relationship is sitting across from me.”
That brought a smile to Shell’s face and lightened the shadows in her eyes. While cathartic, talk of the past could dredge up unhappy memories as well. “See, sweetest woman ever, which is why I’m shocked and appalled you flipped me the bird.” The twinkle in her eye told a different story. She probably couldn’t wait to get home and laugh with her ol’ man as she told him Cassie gave her the finger.
They fell silent for a moment. Cassie sipped her coffee while Shell downed a tall glass of ice water.
“You think they might have made it work if it wasn’t for the drugs? My parents, I mean. Think they’d have stuck it out?”
Cassie pursed her lips as she gave that one some thought.
A few days after she and Viper announced their engagement, Sarge cornered her in the club house. She’d been wary and uncertain of how to act, but he’d come straight out and apologized. He’d also promised to do right by Viper and be respectful of her at all times. He’d mentioned how he really did think she was perfect for his brother and that sometimes, when he was high, he lost his head. Drugs weren’t discouraged back then, but he’d told her he planned to stay away from them for the sake of the club and his wife.
A good few years into his reign as president, Sarge’s behavior took a turn for the unpredictable. Not that he wasn’t prone to the occasional irregular and grandiose behavior in the beginning, but Viper had done a stellar job at keeping Sarge even keeled, clean, and focused on what was best for the club.
They’d stopped moving weapons, stayed away from drugs, and began a lucrative loan sharking business the club still relied on today for much of their income. They’d also had a few legitimate businesses as they did today, though most of those had changed over the years. Membership grew and for a while things were great. Sarge and Viper had been a good leading team.
Until they weren’t.
Years down the road, he not only began using drugs frequently but got the club involved in selling everything from Oxy to weed to heroin and everything in between. Viper and the rest of the exec board had been kept out of the loop until the deal had been made and the money had started rolling in. The deception put a strain on their relationship which was felt through ranks as brothers became divided down the middle on their thoughts about pushing drugs.
Viper hadn’t been on the pro side, but he’d been loyal to his president and managed to keep the club from fracturing.
No one, not even Viper, could deny those were lucrative days for the MC.
Until they weren’t.
Until Sarge got involved with a deadly drug running gangster named Reaper and ended up gunned down at a gas station.
In front of his wife and ten-year-old child.
Shell.
Afterward, Cindy’s hatred of the club grew, and she became vocal in her loathing. For years, she tried to remain close and let the club help take care of her, but she’d become so bitter, eventually she pulled away entirely. As a teenager, Shell would sneak away from home and pop up at the clubhouse more often than not, much to Cindy’s dismay. Try as she might, the woman could not keep Shell away from the Handlers. Her enormous crush on Copper might have had something to do with that. Eventually Cindy stopped trying to keep her daughter from the club and let her crash at Cassie and Vipers more often than not. The relationship between mother and daughter had never been the same, and still remained strained to this day.
“Do I think your parents would have stayed together? Oh, honey, that’s a tough one,” Cassie said as she drummed her thin fingers on the table. She grew stronger each day but had a good way to go before getting back to her pre-chemo weight. It’d been a struggle to force herself to eat enough in the aftermath of Viper’s death. Her appetite had all but disappeared, but her doctor had been very firm in telling her to take care of herself, so she tried. “I’d like to think so, but your mother never adjusted well to club life. Her hatred skyrocketed after Sarge was killed, but I’m not sure that a happily ever after was ever in the cards for them. They just weren’t meant for forever.”
“Yeah,” Shell said, her eyebrows drawing down.
Though she rarely spoke of it, Shell had felt the loss of a father through her teenage years. The strained relationship she had with Cindy now often had her feeling like her children were robbed of true grandparents. Beth was always welcome at Cindy’s house but Copper was not and since she began a relationship with him, Shell wasn’t comfortable at Cindy’s either. Her mother made no attempt to hide her disdain for the club and often spent her time with Shell trying to convince her daughter to leave the club. Copper was an incredible husband and father, so different from Sarge, but Cindy couldn’t see past her own experiences to be happy for her daughter.
It was a damn shame.
“Not like you and Copper.”
That had the woman she loved like a daughter perking up. “We are pretty perfect together, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, you sure are.”
“Like you and Viper.”
Would she ever get used to the painful stabs to her heart at the mention of his name? Would they fade with time? Would they disappear altogether?
Would she even want them to? Sometimes it seemed pain was preferable. At least it meant she remembered him and what they’d shared. Moving on meant stepping into the chasm of unknown and that scared the daylights out of Cassie. She was supposed to be living life with her man until they were frail and wrinkly, not starting life over again in her late fifties.
“Cassie? You okay?”
The look of concern on Shell’s face had Cassie rushing to reassure her. “I’m fine, sweetie.” With a pregnancy and husband running an MC in a time of crisis, the last thing she needed to deal with was worry her words had upset Cassie.
&n
bsp; “It’s really hard, isn’t it?” Shell’s softly spoken question had Cassie’s throat thickening.
Hard? What a simple word for the complex sorrow and grief. If she had one wish for her friend, it’d be that Shell never had to experience this particular brand of pain.
“Yes.” With trembling fingers, she twirled the wedding band and engagement ring she’d been wearing on a chain around her neck ever since her fingers had become too slim to wear them. “Yes, it’s harder than I ever imagined it’d be. I miss him, Shell. I—” She swallowed a lump. “I think of him every time I breathe. Every time I blink. We were lucky. So damn lucky to have found each other and have had more than thirty years together. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just selfish to want more when so many people don’t come close to having what we did, but I can’t help it. I wasn’t ready and I want more. I want him back.”
Shell stood and came around to sit in Cassie’s side of the booth. She gathered Cassie close for a tight hug. Between them, her baby bump rested warm and secure, new life to counter loss.
“It’s not selfish, Cassie. He was stolen from you. Of course you weren’t ready. Of course you want more. You deserve more.” She choked out a sob that tore at Cassie’s heart. “We all want more time with him. He was an incredible man you couldn’t help but love.”
When in the throes of grief and loss, remembering she wasn’t the only one suffering became difficult. The reminder that Shell loved Viper and grieved almost as strongly as Cassie did, comforted her in a bizarre way. It helped her to remember she wasn’t alone. An overbearing, gruff, crass, and loving family stood behind her and would prop her up whenever she needed it. Cassie wasn’t above asking for help when necessary. Just the knowledge that this group of strong men and women had her back bolstered her strength. Then there was the love they all had for her husband. That was the greatest source of comfort for her. The devotion his club had to him meant he would never be forgotten. His life would never be taken for granted. His cut would hang in the chapel for generations and stories would be told about the man who devoted his life to the club, loved his family, adored his ol’ lady, and made the ultimate sacrifice to save the life of one of their own.
“Thank you,” Cassie said, holding Shell close. “He loved you just as much, you know.”
Shell nodded against Cassie’s shoulder which grew damp from her tears. “I know he did. He wasn’t shy about telling me.”
No. Her husband didn’t believe in making those he loved guess his feelings. He’d told her on more than one occasion that life was too short to forget to tell someone you loved them. Almost as if he’d known…
A throat clearing from a few feet away, had both weepy women separating. Normally, there’d be some sort of sexist comment made in jest about women and their periods or some nonsense, but the four men standing by the booth also grieved Viper’s loss. There’d be no snarky comments made at this time.
“We can come back,” Copper said, his voice suspiciously controlled, as though he fought his own emotions. Made sense he would be greatly affected by Viper’s death. Her husband had been Copper’s right hand man for years. They had an extremely close relationship and functioned exactly as a leadership team should. No, they didn’t agree on every decision, but their mutual respect and brotherly love had them putting the club’s needs before their own both in times of prosperity and crisis. The club was their family and they valued and ran it as such. More than once over the past few weeks, she’d considered broaching the subject of how he was coping, but Shell probably had that in hand, so she’d let it go.
“No,” Cassie said, as she wiped errant tears from her cheeks. “We’re good. Right, Shell?”
“Yep.” Shell beamed at her ol’ man who slid into the booth.
Thunder, Cassie’s hands down favorite prospect, winked at her before heading over to the counter. Screw and Gumby had walked in with them also, probably there to collect Jazmine. Hand in hand, they walked toward an empty booth, slipping in side by side to wait for the third piece of their puzzle.
Cassie couldn’t help but grin. Those three had been through a lot, but they’d emerged strong and very much in love.
If there was one thing she learned, it was that no one escaped life without challenges and pain being thrown at them.
No one.
What varied though, was a person’s ability to overcome those hardships.
She was lucky. Always had been. Every time life placed the biggest bumps in her road, she’d had incredible people backing her up, supporting her, loving her…saving her. From the time Viper rescued her from his father’s club to now when the entire Handler’s club had her back, she’d never been alone.
Something to remember on the nights she felt overwhelming loneliness. Though it would never be the same as having Viper by her side, she didn’t have to spend the rest of her life alone. She had family who not only loved her, but wanted her in their lives every single day.
“Have you given any thought to our offer?” Copper asked as he held out an arm for Shell.
She gave Cassie one last squeeze and a kiss on the cheek before going to sit next to her man. Copper pulled Shell close, pressing a kiss to her temple and whispering something in her ear that had her nodding. Most likely he inquired as to how she was feeling. The man was in full papa bear mode and his child hadn’t been born yet. Heaven help the first boy who showed any interest in Beth. The poor guy would be threatened within an inch of his life if he so much as indulged in an impure thought about Copper’s baby girl.
Surprisingly enough, watching them huddle close didn’t cause the pang of sadness she’d been expecting. All she experienced watching their loving connection was joy on their behalf.
Had she given thought to Copper’s offer?
No. If she was being honest, she hadn’t. Her mind had been too lost in the past, reliving her life with Viper. But as she sat there, it all became crystal clear. Why not move in and help take care of the children she viewed as her grandkids? Why not spend her life with her family? What was there to hold her back? Yes, she would have to sell the house she and Viper made countless memories in, but it was just a house. All those memories lived in her head and her heart, not in the walls and paint of a building. Without a doubt, Viper would suffer if he thought her lonely or sad, and he deserved an afterlife full of peace and happiness. He deserved to look down upon her with love and pride because she was thriving and enjoying the years she had left.
“I have,” she said with a light heart. “I have thought about it.”
Shell perked up. “Really? Oh, God, now I’m freaking out. Okay, what are you thinking? Do you have questions? Do you want to see the mother-in-law suite? Wait, have I showed it to you before?” Her brow scrunched. “I can’t remember. What do you want to ask us?”
“She probably wants to ask you to shut up so she can talk,” Copper said with laughter in his voice. When Shell’s elbow connected with his ribs, he let out a grunt then snickered.
“Sorry,” she sent a sheepish look Cassie’s way as she leaned against her husband. “I got a little excited there. What were you going to say?”
“Well, first, thank you. For the incredible offer.”
“Oh, you’re going to say no.” The absolute heartbreak in Shell’s voice would have swayed Cassie if she wasn’t already in.
“Woman,” Copper’s said, exasperated. He covered Shell’s mouth with his giant hand. “Okay, I’ve muzzled her. Feel free to speak now.”
“Hey!” Shell yelled, muffled by Copper’s hand.
“As I was saying—”
Shell rolled her eyes and her hand in a get-on-with-it gesture.
“Thank you. At first, I worried the offer was made out of pity, but Copper assured me it wasn’t. So if that’s the case, and you really want me to become a permanent daily fixture in your lives, I’d love to move into your home and help you raise your precious babies. Nothing would bring me greater joy.”
“Yes!” Shell squealed and cla
pped her hands as she did a little in-seat wiggle.
“Christ, woman.” Copper stuck a finger in his ear and made a production of pretending he could no longer hear. “You’re screwed if you deafen me. Won’t be able to hear the baby crying in the middle of the night.”
As Cassie chuckled, Shell gave her ol’ man a sweet as pie smile. “Don’t worry dear, I’ll just smack you awake. I’ve got no problem with that.”
“What the hell’s going on over there?” Screw shouted from his booth. “Sounds like something I want to be a part of.”
“Cassie agreed to move in with us!” Her volume didn’t dip in the least despite Copper’s wince.
“Oh, my God, she said yes?” Jazz walked out of her office, leading Makenna whose eyes popped when she took in the sight of four very large, very tattooed, very gruff bikers. Well, three gruff ones and Thunder, who was just a tad too well kept to be considered gruff.
“She did,” Copper snuck in before Shell could shriek yet again. Her frown made him laugh which had her whispering something in his ear. Must have been something good because his gaze darkened and his nostrils flared.
“That’s awesome. I think it’s a great idea for all of you.” As she spoke, Jazz meandered over to her men’s table, leaving Makenna standing by the counter. Poor girl couldn’t have looked more like a fish outta water if she had gills. Just as Cassie was about to call her over, Jazz stopped by her men’s booth. “Hey, everybody, want you to meet the newest member of our little diner family. This is Makenna. Makenna this is just a small portion of our crazy biker family.”
“Uh, hey,” she said, barely above a whisper as she lifted a hand. Her gaze scanned the room quickly passing by each of the men as though she was afraid to linger too long in her perusal. She stood straight as an arrow, ready to snap if someone nudged her.
Unlike the newcomer, no one else in the room had an ounce of reservation when it came to being chatty. And most of the men were pros at talking to the opposite sex. A chorus of “Hey, Makenna’s,” went up followed by a barrage of questions.