"I wanted to bring the family together. But I knew Justin wouldn't come if I told him his parents would be here."
"We actually weren't that happy with the surprise visit, either," Grant put in. "I told you, Mom, that Justin wouldn't like it. Dad said the same thing, but you wouldn't listen."
"I'm getting old, and I'm tired of all the anger and unspoken words," Marie said passionately. "It has to stop. We have to talk to each other." She paused, her gaze moving back to Lizzie. "I'm surprised Justin told you about Sean. He never talks about him."
"Did he tell you that he blames us for not being there for Sean, for not seeing what was happening to his brother?" Katherine asked. "Did he even explain at all that we were both working and traveling, and it wasn't just about being selfish? We were working for the greater good."
"He did say that you were both involved in medicine and charities."
"Well, I guess it's something that he can admit that," Katherine said. "We loved both our boys, Lizzie. It broke my heart when Sean died. He was my child. Of course I had guilt. Of course I blamed myself. I just can't believe that I had to lose Justin, too."
"Lizzie doesn't need to be in the middle of this," Grant said wearily.
"I just want her to understand. She seems to be close to Justin."
"It doesn't matter," Grant said. "Justin is gone. Maybe we should go, too."
"No," Ben said. "You both need to stay for the ceremony. It's important to Marie that we do this with at least some of the family present."
"Yes, please stay," Marie said. "I know you and Katherine are hurting just as Justin is, and Ben and I have been caught in the middle. But we can't go on like this. We can't keep blaming each other, because it doesn't change anything. Will you stay for tomorrow's ceremony?"
Grant exchanged a look with his wife and then they both slowly nodded. "All right," he said. "We'll stay."
"Thank you," Marie said, then turned to Lizzie. "I am sorry I involved you. I think you and Justin were hitting it off, and now this secret has ruined that."
She shrugged. "He was always going to be leaving on Sunday. It just happened a few days earlier. For what it's worth, I think Justin wants to find a way to make peace, but he can't be the one who has to fight for it." Her gaze moved to his parents. "This is none of my business, but I'm going to say it anyway. Justin has needed both of you to show up for him. He's needed that his entire life. You should go after him now, and if you can't catch up to him, then after this weekend is over, go to San Francisco and stand in front of his door until he lets you in. Call him until he blocks your number. But don't give up on him. You say you love him—show him. He needs you to fight for him, to put him first in a way that you never did before." His parents looked at her with surprise in their eyes, but they didn't say a word. "That's all. Excuse me."
As she walked away, she let out a breath, hoping she hadn't made things worse, but that didn't seem possible. She had no idea if Justin would ever let his parents in even if they did stalk him, but she did know one thing for certain: he would never come back to them.
She knew one other thing, too. He would probably never come back to her, either.
Justin knew he should have left the inn, but he hadn't. He'd gone up on the roof and thought about his life and Lizzie and his grandparents, and even his parents, and then he'd seen the cars coming back from the beach, so he'd hightailed it back to his room. He didn't want to go downstairs and risk running into Lizzie or anyone in his family, so he'd stayed in his room, thinking he'd take off early in the morning, before anyone was up.
He tried to work, but he was constantly distracted by sounds. He'd hear footsteps and wonder if Lizzie was coming to his door. At one point, those footsteps seemed to stop right outside his door, and his heart had started beating hard and fast. But then they'd faded away. No knock tonight.
He'd gotten several texts from his grandmother, his father, and his mother, but he hadn't looked at any of them and had turned off his phone so he wouldn't be tempted to read what they had to say. But then that had seemed rather silly. What was he afraid of? And why was he hiding? They were the ones in the wrong. He'd turned his phone back on but left it facedown on the nightstand.
After forcing himself to read through pages of research data, his pulse finally began to slow down. At eleven, he turned off the light. He needed to sleep. He needed to get to tomorrow. And then he needed to leave.
Because he'd gotten so little sleep the night before, he actually felt tired, and he thought he might drift off. But as soon as he closed his eyes, he could see Lizzie's pretty face, and it woke him right back up.
He fought to get her out of his head. After tossing and turning for what seemed like hours, he started to feel a different kind of tension. He was cold. And there was an odd noise—click, click, click.
He struggled to open his eyes, but his lids felt so heavy.
Panic ran through him. It was the same panic he'd felt as a kid when he woke up alone, when he didn't know where anyone was. He'd cry out, but his parents wouldn't come. They were somewhere else. But then the light in his room would go on, and Sean would be there.
A light went on now.
But it wasn't coming from the lamp by his bed. It was the moon beaming through the curtains.
And that sound…it was the rocking chair. It was moving back and forth. There was someone there.
The ghost of room ten? Was he going crazy?
The person shifted, moving into the light. And his heart stopped.
He sat up to get a better look. It was Sean. His green eyes were smiling. His brown hair fell over his brow, the way it always had. And there was a reassuring gleam in his gaze as he rocked back and forth.
"You're here," he said, suddenly realizing how clear Sean was. He could see him for the first time in a very long time. "I've wanted to see you for so long. I wanted to know you were all right."
"I'm more concerned about you, Justin."
"What do you mean?"
"What are you doing? Why are you in here alone? Why are you hiding?"
"Because Mom and Dad showed up. They want me to forgive them, to forget how shitty they were as parents, how they let you down. They let us both down."
"I let them down, too. It wasn't their fault, Justin. I'm not dead because of them."
"Yes, you are, and it was their fault. They were more concerned about saving the world than saving you, and it wasn't even about the world. We both know that. They're adrenaline junkies. They live for the thrill, the excitement, and the danger. If they save people along the way, that's fine, but that's not why they do it."
"It's not that simple. They do care about the people they're trying to save. Maybe it gives them a rush to be heroes. But that's better than taking a drug to get a rush, right? How can I blame them without blaming myself?" Sean paused. "Don't you blame me, too, Justin?"
"Yes, I blame you. Why did you have to do everything to the extreme? Why did you have to keep wanting more?"
"I could ask you the same question. You're doing fantastically well, but you keep pushing, keep driving yourself hard, and at what cost? What are you going to miss out on?"
"We're talking about you. About why you're not here when you should be."
"It was an accident, Justin. I didn't want to die. I just didn't have enough sense to be more careful. I thought I was invincible. It was my fault what happened. It wasn't on Mom and Dad. Sure, they were gone a lot, and maybe if they'd been around, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be as free as I was. But it might not have mattered, because I liked pushing the envelope. You have to find a way to forgive them."
"I can't."
"Yes, you can. You know why I never gave you a sign before?"
"Why?"
"Because you weren't ready. You couldn't hear me. Your heart was frozen shut."
"I was in pain," he admitted. "I missed you so much, Sean. You were the only one who was there for me. You practically raised me."
"I think you
've forgotten that Mom and Dad were around at least some of the time."
"I don't remember that; I just remember you being there, and then you weren't."
"But I taught you well. You're doing good. You took my robot and turned it into an incredible company. I'm proud of you."
"I did it for you."
Sean shook his head. "If you want to do something for me, stop using me as an excuse."
"I don't use you as an excuse."
"Yes, you do. You're not a kid anymore. You need to talk to Mom and Dad. You need to look at them, see them for who they are. They're human. They made mistakes. But they aren't all bad. And they do love you."
"It's hard to let go of the anger," he admitted.
"It's getting easier, isn't it, since you met Lizzie? She's really something. Grandma did a good job setting you two up."
He frowned. "I don't want to talk about her."
"Because you hurt her tonight."
"She deserved it. She betrayed me."
"Now she's the villain, too?"
"You don't know what she did."
"I know she cares about you, and you care about her. Are you really that angry about what she did, or is it that you're looking for a reason to push her away?"
"I wasn't looking for her to betray me."
"But now you're using your anger to end what could be great."
"It was going to end anyway. It's just happening a day earlier than it would have."
Sean gave him a disappointed look. "You're so brave in other parts of your life. You take risks. You put yourself out there, but when it comes to love, you're a coward."
"I'm not a coward; I'm a realist. Love sucks. There's always disappointment and pain. Why go through that?"
"Because of all the good shit that comes with it. Don't live such a narrow life, Justin. Be better than me, than Mom, than Dad. We all had tunnel vision, and it cost us. You're going down the same road. But you can open your eyes and your heart. Do it before it's too late. The one thing in your life you've always wanted is love. If someone wants to give it to you, don't you think you should take it?"
"I can't have Lizzie and my job."
"You can find a way to have everything you want. If I know anything about you, Justin, I know that."
"I wish you were here—really here," he said, feeling the pain down deep in his soul. "There's so much I want to talk to you about. But you're just a dream."
"I'll always be with you, kid. But you don't need me. You just need to stop being angry and take a chance with your heart. If you don't want to let this woman go, then find a way to keep her. Or find someone else who makes you happy. But don't go through life alone. You deserve more than a ghost in a rocking chair."
His brother laughed, and the sound warmed him from the inside out. In fact, he felt so hot, the room began to spin. And when his vision cleared, he threw off the covers in confusion. He looked at the rocking chair. It wasn't moving. And there was no one there. Sean was gone. It had just been a dream, but it had been a good dream.
His lids felt heavy, and he slid back down on the bed, closing his eyes once more. Sean's image floated through his head. "I heard you," he murmured, feeling a remarkable sense of calm as he slipped into oblivion.
Chapter Twenty
Justin wasn't gone. Lizzie's heart beat faster as he came down the stairs and into the lobby just after ten on Saturday morning. He was dressed in dark jeans and a blue polo shirt, and he looked as handsome as always, but he also looked tired, like he'd had a long night.
As his gaze met hers, she mentally steeled herself for another round of attack, because he didn't look happy to see her.
"I thought you'd left," she said, as he paused in front of the desk.
"I was going to, but I didn't."
She stared back at him, not knowing what to say.
"Did you come by my room last night?" he asked.
"I did," she admitted. "I saw your grandparents' car in the lot, and I figured you might still be in your room, but the light was out, so I left."
"Because the light was out, or…"
"Because I wasn't sure you'd want to see me. You were really angry with me. I am sorry I didn't tell you that your parents might show up, Justin. I should have."
"But you'd made a promise to my grandmother. You already explained."
"The promise wasn't really what stopped me."
Surprise flickered in his eyes. "Then what stopped you?"
"Fear. I thought you'd leave the second you found out, and I didn't want you to go. I had another day before they'd show up. I thought we could have one more night together. It was selfish."
"You should have said something, Lizzie. You didn't like it when Keira blindsided you, and that was nothing compared to this. How do you think I felt being confronted by the two people who hurt me the most?"
She sucked in a quick breath, his words cutting her to the quick. "Really bad. But if I had told you, you would have left, right?"
"Probably right away. But that should have been my choice. You took that away."
She realized that was a big part of his issue with her. She'd taken away his control, and after the way he'd grown up, he needed to be able to control his life as much as he needed to breathe.
"You're right. I should have been honest." She paused. "Why didn't you leave last night?"
"Because my grandparents asked me to be here for them, and I made a promise, so I'm going to keep it. I'll stay through the ceremony and leave tonight."
She was more than a little surprised. "They'll be happy to hear that. They were very upset last night."
"Good. They deserve to be upset. But I don't want to ruin their anniversary or their big day."
"That's generous of you." She was happy that he'd managed to work through his anger with his grandparents, even if he couldn't do the same with her. Marie and Benjamin needed to have him at their vow renewal.
"Is it too late for breakfast?" he asked.
"No. There's a buffet out this morning. Probably way more food than we need."
He shrugged, then started to turn toward the dining room.
"Justin, wait. I have to apologize for something else," she said.
He gave her a wary look. "What did you do now?"
"Last night after you left, I spoke to your parents, and I kind of told them off."
"What did you say?"
"They started explaining to me how they weren't to blame and how you won't forgive them or talk to them, and I said that it was on them to make things right. That they needed to show you that they want you in their lives. It wasn't on you to fight for them; it was on them to fight for you. I suggested that they stalk you, text you, and stand outside your apartment in San Francisco until you opened the door."
He looked at her in astonishment. "What did they say?"
"Nothing." She licked her lips. "But they're in the dining room right now, and they told me they weren't leaving until they spoke to you. I know that I butted into your personal business again. I just couldn't stand hearing them excuse themselves, acting like they had done everything they could when in reality they've done next to nothing to heal their family. Anyway, now you know."
He gave her a long, thoughtful look. "I can't believe you said that to them."
"You know I talk too much," she said with a shrug. "And I meddle. And I'm pushy. All the things you pointed out last night."
For a split second, his gaze softened. "I was probably harsher than I needed to be."
"But you weren't wrong." As his gaze moved toward the doorway to the dining room, she said, "Are you going to give them a chance?"
He glanced back at her. "It seems almost unimaginable that I'm actually considering that. Do you think they deserve a second chance?"
"Only you can decide that."
"I don't really know why they've decided they want to change things now. It's too late."
"Is it?" she challenged.
"I don't need them in my life now."<
br />
"Maybe they need you."
"They never did before," he snapped back.
"I'm going to shut up now," she said.
For some reason, her words brought a reluctant smile to his face. "I doubt that will last long."
For a split second, she felt like they were back on solid ground again, but then his expression hardened, and the very first Justin she'd met—the cold, angry stranger—was facing her. She just didn't know if he'd put on the mask for her or because he was getting ready to speak to his parents.
"If you'd rather have breakfast in your room…" she began.
"No. I'm done running. I'm done hiding. They want to talk, we'll talk."
As he walked away, she let out a breath, thinking that conversation could go either way. But she wasn't going to get in the middle of it. She left the desk and moved into her office. Justin was taking care of his problems, and she needed to deal with hers. It was time for her to stop running away, too. She had to face the debt and figure out a plan.
She sat down, picked up her phone, and punched in a number before she could change her mind. When the woman answered, she said, "Hello, Paula, it's Lizzie Cole. I'd like to talk to you about your offer."
His parents were sitting in the dining room. They were completely alone. Apparently, the breakfast rush was over. His mother had a half-eaten grapefruit in front of her and was sipping her coffee. His father was finishing up the last of his French toast. The familiarity of the scene hit him like a truck, bringing all kinds of unwanted memories and emotions. In his dream, Sean had told him it was time to face his parents, to really look at them, and he was finally doing that.
They were older, he realized. His dad was thinner. His mom looked tired. They weren't talking. They just seemed sad.
That was different. When he was a kid and he'd come upon them having a meal, they'd been talking a mile a minute, each one fighting for airtime. Their passion for their conversation had been palpable, and he'd always felt outside of whatever they were discussing. They'd had their lives, and he'd had his, but it hadn't felt like they were living in the same world or even the same family.
Can't Fight The Moonlight (Whisper Lake Book 3) Page 22