by Nova Rain
“Marrying someone to provide a decent future for your child is admirable,” I praised, running my hand through my hair. “It shows a lot of guts. How old were you when you had him?”
“Nineteen,” she spoke in an almost inaudible voice. “I was a total idiot. My mother left us when I was four. My father was a NASCAR driver, back in the nineties. I used to love everything and everyone about the sport. I made the mistake of sleeping with one of his mechanics. Of course…” she smiled in bitterness. “When I told him I was pregnant, that was all she wrote. He quit his job and moved upstate.”
“Does Timmy know you’re his mother?” I addressed in a tender tone, resisting the urge to hug her.
“I told him five months ago,” Monica claimed, wiping the tears off her face. “He’s six now; I figured he was old enough to understand what it means. My dear old husband and his brother yelled at me, but I didn’t give a crap. My boy had to know the truth about me.”
“You did the right thing.” I commented with a nod. “But I still don’t understand why you tried to steal my car. I mean, obviously, your husband’s a millionaire. Why didn’t you just ask him to buy you an M3?”
“Buy me…” she snorted in derision, pursing her lips. “Our marriage is fake, Sean. I’m not his wife; I’m sort of his employee. Robert writes me a check for two grand at the end of each month, and that’s it. He’s gay; he’s also a Republican. Married men stand a better chance at getting elected. According to our prenup, I have to stay married to him until he wins a seat in the Senate, whenever that might be.”
“You really are a prisoner,” I agreed with her earlier statement, my tone firm. “So, you tried to steal my car because you needed the money?”
“No, it’s a lot more complicated than that,” Monica pointed out. “Believe it or not, there’s rank in street racers. I’m low-ranking. I was able to rack up a few wins in the beginning, but my modified Fiat Punto couldn’t get me far. Besides, I always had to worry if it’d break down mid-race. I needed a fast car, and yours fit the bill.”
“Does the Congressman even know you’re a street racer?” I wondered, my face twisting into an expression of curiosity.
“He does,” her response came fast. “I told him he couldn’t expect me to sit around all day doing nothing, and I couldn’t do a desk job, because I haven’t gone to college. He showed some understanding, which was weird if you ask me. Robert doesn’t care about other people’s needs. And he did have a couple of conditions. One: I don’t get to bring any of the cars I drive back home. I have to rent a garage on the edge of town for that. Two: I only do my racing at night and in bad neighborhoods, like in the South Bronx. He doesn’t want me to run into any of his rich friends or his contributors.”
“When is he coming back?” I interrupted, raising my tone.
“I don’t have a clue,” she shrugged. “He’s going to a party.”
“Can we please go for a walk?” I requested, offering my hand. “I’ve never been to this beach. I could use some fresh air.”
“Sean, what are you talking about?” Monica squinted up at me. “It’s freezing out there.”
“Yeah, but the air is just too thick in here,” I countered, my voice coming out mellower. “Come on.”
“Okay,” she whispered, blinking slowly, “just not holding hands. I…”
“I understand.” I interrupted once more, starting off towards the door. As I went back downstairs, I couldn’t help but imagine the last six years of her life. Doomed in a world of solitude, she had to live away from the precious thing she had in this world. She had to secure a better future for him. In essence, Monica was seeking a way out of this misery. Now, street racing made perfect sense. Raised by a professional racer, without a mother to guide her, she was bound to wind up doing the same thing.
I felt the same, intense cold on my face as we strode out of the mansion. The breeze had grown in intensity, sending chills up and down my body. Palm tree needles were swirling in the wind, flying high above the ground. I watched them dance in the night, at the same time wondering how I would find the courage to share my thoughts with her. We didn't have a future together. Or, perhaps I should say, we could not have a future together. Monica was trapped in this situation. To make matters worse, she had no idea when she would be released from that prison.
Waves surging towards the beach filled my view, the moment I stepped on the sand. The brilliant moonlight was painting the sea a bright shade of silver as the waves piled on top of one another. In a way, this glorious landscape resembled my heart. It was rough, full of uncertainty and most of all, disappointment. I had imagined the two of us strolling on a beautiful beach like that, but that fantasy was much better than this horrible reality. I was romantic with Monica. I wasn’t intending on telling her why we had to stop seeing each other.
“I’m cold,” she protested, rubbing her arms. “Did we have to come out here?”
I turned to face her. “Yeah; I didn’t want to do this in that room.”
“You want to say ‘goodbye’ to me, don’t you?” Her voice wobbled, the moonlight reflecting off her hazel eyes.
“No,” I shook my head lightly. “You’re an extraordinary woman, Monica. I’ve never met anyone as passionate as you are. I’d love to have that kind of flare in my life, but not at the expense of a child. Think about the scandal if the press finds out about you and me. Davidson will divorce you, and your boy will end up in the system.”
“I know,” she sighed, shifting her attention to the sea.
“We’ll always have that track day,” I whispered, leaning over towards her. “And what followed after that. I know I’ll remember the girl who tried to steal my car. She’s got one hell of a left hook.”
She let off a short giggle, returning her gaze to me. “I never apologized to you for that.”
“That won’t be necessary.” I assured, my hands surrounding her cheeks. “You can be my racing buddy anytime, Monica. And if you ever need help, just give me a call. God…” I exhaled, sliding my thumbs over her smooth skin. “I’m going to miss your wild spirit.”
“I’ll miss you, too,” she sniffled, more tears spilling from her eyes. I curved my arm around her shoulder and held her close, before laying a soft kiss on her cheek. There was nothing I wanted more than a proper kiss: to taste those cherry lips, just one last time. However, that could lead to other things, and I didn’t wish to take that chance. Monica had an entire mansion to herself. We would have all the privacy in the world. I selected to keep her in my embrace, feel her body heat, and sniff her hair… it was safer for me, for her, and the boy she had brought into this world.
Chapter Twelve
Monica
Sean’s words were echoing in my head long after he had left Sands Point. They were serving as a reminder of what I could have had, only if…
It was a long list of “ifs.” Fooling around with my dad’s mechanic, having Timmy, and marrying Davidson were the main ones. Still, life isn’t made up of hypotheses. It’s made up of facts; and the fact was that I couldn’t have Sean. I couldn’t repeat that amazing day we had at the track and his house. All I could do was remember it in the hope that someday, I would find someone like him.
Was that wishful thinking? Yeah. At least, that’s what my experience had taught me. Meeting him was a stroke of luck. I wasn’t socializing with his kind of people. Words like “educated,” “well-behaved,” and “smart” didn’t exist in the world of street racers. Street smart? Yes. Those guys knew all the tricks. They could hustle someone out of their own money in a heartbeat. They could steal anything from right under the owner’s nose, but that didn’t mean they were intelligent. I doubted they could even tell what gasoline consisted of.
Despite the circumstances, I had to adjust to reality, a reality without Sean in my life. In the days that followed, I came to realize just how hard that would be. I lost my appetite for pretty much everything, racing included. Friends called me up, asking me if I was up for it
, and my response was almost always identical:
“I’m just not in the mood.”
They tried to convince me to race by mentioning the money I would make, in case I won. Before I met Sean, I would have jumped on opportunities to make five, six, or even ten grand. Now though, I didn’t have the will or the desire to risk my life for a few bucks. Was it his attitude towards the whole thing that had affected me? Was it that day we had spent at that racetrack together? Did I miss him too much? Perhaps it was all of the above. Regardless of that, I stayed in, reminiscing about the wonderful man I’d had to give up. I didn’t have many memories of him, but they were all very vivid in my mind.
First of all, there was his voice: deep, refined, and so masculine that he could get me wet with just a couple of sentences. On that night in his house, I’d snuggled up against him over and over again, because I wanted to feel his body heat and listen to him as well. Within minutes, I was all over him, aching for his touch, as if we hadn’t just had sex.
His second quality would be his gaze. The warmth in those dark-green eyes was beyond anything I could have ever dreamed. One look was enough to soothe me. It was silly of me, but I only began to notice that warmth after he suggested a day out on a racetrack. Still, that was natural. It wasn’t easy for me to accept that a man actually wanted to offer me a good time out of the goodness of his heart.
And that was his best quality: the goodness in his heart. He could’ve had me arrested, he could’ve let me go back out there and race until I got mangled or killed, and yet, Sean chose to do neither. Instead, he gave me some precious advice, showed me a different way to enjoy myself, and honored me with a fling. That’s what it was to me; an honor. He could have had someone a lot better, but he chose to take a chance with a wild street racer, who had a thing for torn jeans and leather.
Six days later, Kate and Jessica had had enough of my attitude. Our phone call didn’t last more than twenty seconds. They didn’t even ask whether I would be alone or not. Understanding that I couldn’t avoid them anymore, I didn’t object to them stopping by the house. Besides, I had missed them, and I knew in my heart that they had missed me, too.
Leaving the living room lights off, I lit two candles and put them on the table in front of the couch, and left the keys in the door. Rain was lashing down on Sands Point, the rapid sound of raindrops hitting the glass in my windows offering me a sense of relaxation. A boom of thunder shook the neighborhood, the fork of lightning tearing through the pitch-black sky. A lightning flash later, I spotted Kate and Jessica’s familiar figures running along the pathway. The candle flames flickered as they let themselves in while another clap of thunder rocked the entire mansion.
“Jesus!” Jessica exclaimed, shaking water from her head. “You sounded upset on the phone, but this is worse than I imagined. What’s with the candles? Are you trying to kill us here?”
“Shut up, Jess. Our girl’s feeling blue,” Kate groaned, the click-clacking of her heels echoing through the living room. “What’s up, Mon? Why did you disappear on us?”
“I’m sorry, guys,” I muttered, gazing out at the ocean. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“Where’s Robert?” Jessica posed the question, seating herself in the armchair on my left.
“Washington: where else?” I said, assuming a languid tone, spotting Kate’s shadow on the checkered floor. “I, um…” I paused and drew in a sharp breath. “I got a surprise visit from Sean last week.”
“Oh, God…” Jessica said, clasping her hands behind her head, elbows pointing forward. “He didn’t…”
“Run into Robert?” I finished her sentence. “No. He’d just left.”
“Am I the only one who saw this coming?” Kate pointed at herself. “Mon, you said it yourself. You ditched Sean. What did you expect him to do? Send you a ‘thank you’ card?”
“Well, I wasn’t expecting to find him on my back porch, that’s for sure,” I continued, my voice dropping in volume. “Up until that point, I thought nothing could upset him. Boy, he was mad. I had to tell him everything.”
“How did he take it?” Jessica asked with a touch of urgency in her voice.
“Let me answer that,” Kate interjected. “He kept his cool. He hugged her, kissed her, and said ‘goodbye.’ Am I right?”
“Nice try,” I uttered, a bitter smile forming on my face. “He did stay calm. We went for a walk on the beach. He told me I could still go racing with him, and to call him if things went south. He hugged me, kissed me on the cheek, and took off.”
“Now that’s what I call a real man,” Kate praised, admiration written all over her face. “He knows he can’t date you anymore, but he doesn’t walk out of your life. God, I wish I’d met him first.”
“I like his attitude, too,” Jessica voiced her opinion. “It shows honesty; honor. I wouldn’t want to be you, sweetheart. I’d hate to give up that catch.”
“I miss him,” I confessed, propping my elbows on my thighs. “I miss every single thing about him.”
“Well, that’s what we’re here for,” Kate replied putting some force in her voice. “Go get dressed. You need to get drunk.”
“I need more Sean,” I stated, throwing a sideways glance at her.
“You need to get your head out of your ass,” Jessica scolded, her voice stiff. “More Sean? Really? What happens if—or maybe when—Robert finds out?”
“You don’t have to remind me, Jessica,” I stated, maintaining the calmness in my tone. “I’m in this situation, not you.”
“Didn’t you say that racetrack was open to the general public on Tuesdays?” Kate inquired, her eyes sparkling with excitement.
I snorted in frustration, guessing her idea. “You girls should go. Seriously, it’s a great experience. I’m not going back there.”
“Really, Kate?” Jessica glared at our friend. “Monica ended things with him, and you want to take her to the one place she could run into him again? What the hell are you thinking?”
“Yes, I do want to take her there!” Kate admitted, the volume in her voice shooting up. “I’m thinking she should be with the guy who made her talk him up all the time. She was happy with him.”
“Well, she won’t be so happy if she loses…”
“Girls, knock it off, will you?” I interrupted, glancing at Jessica first and then Kate. “I know where this is going. And I know you both want what’s best for me. I tell you what. Let’s head up there. I won’t do any racing. I’ll be up in the box, watching you two. How about that?”
“You just said it was a great experience, and you don’t want to drive? At all?” Surprise sent Kate’s voice up an octave.
“I’ll run into him if I do,” I explained. “The box is almost two stories high. He won’t even know I’m there.”
“Good call,” Jessica gave a nod of praise, rising from her seat. “Mon, I’d love to spend the night here, but I’ve got a date at ten.”
“Get out of here,” I spoke, offering her a faint smile. I enjoyed our sleepovers, but I could predict how this one was going to go. Neither of them would shut up. They’d continue arguing about the same thing. “Be careful out there.”
“Goodnight,” Kate murmured, a pitiful look in her eyes as she rubbed my forearm.
Thanks for understanding my pain.
I held those words in, my gaze following my friends across the living room. Jessica was the angel, whereas Kate was the devil, pushing me towards sin: an incredibly hot, delicious sin. As I found myself alone in the dark, I realized something. They were both right and wrong at the same time. Jessica advised me to stay away from him, so that my so-called marriage wouldn’t fall apart. She thought I shouldn’t get out of this world of solitude. On the other hand, Kate suggested I pursue Sean, because he made me happy, even though my son could end up in foster care. There was just one word for my situation: impossible. Whatever I chose to do, I would have to live with the consequences.
Chapter Thirteen
Moni
ca
The next day, I woke up with an aching head and a heart drowning in indecision. I did want to join my friends that afternoon. It had been weeks since the last time we had done anything together. If I headed to that racetrack though, the possibility of me seeing Sean was rather high. I might have told them that I’d stay in the box, but, to get there, I had to walk past the pit lane and enter the building. Unless I flew over that area, I would run into him. Still, standing Kate and Jessica up would invite a whole lot of trouble. In my emotional state, I just couldn’t handle it. They wouldn’t hesitate to show up at my house and yell at me. Kate would be more lenient, but that wasn’t the point. Not going to Beaumont equaled a huge fight with them. I had already lost the best boyfriend I’d ever had. I didn’t want to ruin my relationships with my friends, too.
Since I wouldn’t be doing any driving that day, I left my car at an underground parking lot near the track and continued on foot. Lifting my blue hood over my head, I crossed McLean Avenue. Cedar tree branches were hanging over the spectator stands. In an instant, I recalled their exact location. They were at the height of the first corner. With that memory, came Sean’s terrified expression. I smiled to myself, but it didn’t take long for that smile to disappear. Dr. Righteous, as Jessica liked to call him, had turned my world around. Nothing would be the same without him. I was actually glad I wasn’t going to race anyone on that cloudy, grim day.
Strolling through the gate, I flashed my driver’s license at the reception house window, my gaze on the start straight. A light-green Lamborghini was in the middle of the road, flying past the start line.