When We Began

by Elena Aitken

  Amber laughed and opened the door to the dressing room to reveal her outfit. Tight black jeans with a bright-red button-down blouse. She’d jumped at the chance to do some shopping with the girls. She obviously was planning on staying in Timber Creek for a while and considering the majority of her wardrobe had been purchased for her past life in San Francisco, she was in desperate need for some new items.

  Besides, it wouldn’t hurt to have a date outfit or two. The smile that crossed her face when she thought of Logan and their kiss a few days earlier didn’t go unnoticed.

  “I like it.” Cam popped out of her own changing room. “And you clearly do. Look at that smile.”

  “I don’t think it’s the clothes that are making her smile,” Drew commented. “Because if some skinny jeans and a new top could put that kind of smile on your face, I would have bought some months ago.”

  Amber shot her friend a look, but Drew shrugged. She hadn’t confided in Drew about the kiss, but she had mentioned that she’d gone out to the ranch to see Logan. Her friend wasn’t stupid.

  “I love the top,” Christy said. “And the smile,” she added. “You must really like the outfit. Or…maybe you want to tell us why you’re smiling so wide?”

  Amber looked between her friends, all of whom were grinning as if they knew a secret she didn’t.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “No reason.” Drew winked. She stood from her bench and crossed the floor toward Amber. “But maybe if you’re going to buy this as a date outfit, you should try…” She reached out and deftly unbuttoned the top button of her blouse, revealing a bit more cleavage. “There.” She dusted her hands together and did a little dance back to her seat. “Now you’re ready for a date.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Amber tried to play dumb, but clearly there was no hiding anything from her friends.

  “You might as well just spill it,” Christy said. “Otherwise we’re going to make up our own story and you know how that can go.”

  “That could be fun,” Cam jumped in. “Let’s see…” She tapped a finger on her chin and grinned. “I think that maybe Amber and Logan are having a secret—”

  “Okay, okay.” She laughed. There was no doubt her friends would make up a story far more interesting than she was about to tell them. Besides, there was no reason she shouldn’t just come out with the truth. “Logan and I…well, we’re…I actually don’t know what we’re doing.”

  “Are you dating?” Drew asked.

  Amber shook her head. “I don’t think I could say that.”

  “Has he asked you out?”

  She shook her head again.

  “Have you kissed?” It was Christy who asked, but they all turned to stare at her for a moment, until everyone’s head swung toward Amber when she didn’t answer right away.

  “Well?” Christy prompted. “Have you?”

  Amber nodded.

  She’d done nothing but relive the kiss in her head since it had happened two days earlier. It wasn’t that Amber didn’t have any experience with men. She just didn’t have a lot. And the experience she did have was far from romantic. The few men she’d dated had never been anything serious. Just a minor distraction, and she certainly hadn’t felt anything real for them. Everything about the kiss with Logan had been different. So, very different.

  “You did?” Drew jumped to her feet. “How could you not tell me?”

  “I just…I don’t…I don’t really know.” But she did know. Amber had wanted to keep it to herself. Just for a little bit. Just long enough to savor the memory, because despite how amazing the kiss had been, she had no idea what it meant. What if after she said something to her friends, there was nothing left to say? What if the kiss was all there ever was or was going to be between her and Logan? At least if she didn’t say anything, she could keep the moment for herself.

  “You don’t know if you kissed him?” Cam jumped in. “Or you don’t know if…well, I don’t know what you might not know. Ya know?”

  Christy laughed. “I think we do know.” She turned to Amber. “Do you know?”

  It was all so ridiculous, Amber covered her hands and laughed along with her. “I wish I did,” she said after a minute. “But yes, I did kiss him. Or maybe he kissed me.” She shook her head and finally settled on, “We kissed.”

  There was a schoolgirl squeal but Amber wasn’t sure who it came from before Drew grabbed her hands and led her to the bench she’d been sitting on. “Tell me everything. I mean, us. Tell us everything.”

  “There’s not much to tell.” She shrugged because it was the truth. After their kiss, they’d been interrupted by another car driving into the parking lot, Logan’s next client, and Amber had made her leave. There hadn’t been any promises to see each other again, and as far as Amber knew, Logan didn’t even have her phone number. The kiss had been amazing, but… “I’m not putting any pressure on it,” she said more to satisfy herself than her eagerly awaiting friends. “We’ll see what happens.”

  “Well, I think it’s fantastic,” Christy declared. “It’s about time you settled down and found someone.” She stopped and shook her head. “No. It’s way past time. You deserve to have a good man in your life.”

  “You’re getting totally ahead of yourself.” Amber jumped up. “Remember a second ago when I said I’m not putting any pressure on it?”

  Christy waved her hand, ignoring her protests. “Besides, maybe you can bring him as a date to Cam’s wedding.”

  The second the words were out, a hand flew up to her mouth and her eyes widened before she turned to stare at Cam. Drew and Amber also turned, open-mouthed, to their friend.

  “Cam’s wedding?” Amber asked Cam directly.

  Cam nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all sooner, but it was kind of a last-minute decision and I wasn’t sure…well…we’re getting married on December 24.” She looked at Drew as she spoke, obviously worried how she’d handle the news.

  She needn’t have worried, though, because Drew smiled and even to Amber’s surprise, looked genuinely happy. “I think a Christmas wedding sounds perfect,” she said.

  “You do?”

  Drew nodded, but they all noticed the tear that came to her eye. “I can’t expect you to put your life on hold because of me.” She wiped at the tear before it could fall. “And I’m so happy for you and Evan. I think it’s a perfect idea. Really.”

  Cam crossed the little changing room and pulled Drew into a hug. “Thank you,” she whispered to her friend.

  They embraced for a moment longer before Drew pulled away and looked straight at Amber. “Besides,” she said. “I’m looking forward to seeing Amber with a date.”

  Growing up in the mountains, Logan had always loved the snow. There was something refreshing about a crisp, fresh blanket of the white stuff that never failed to leave everything looking new and bright.

  It was a little different now that he had to shovel mountains of it away from the barn, but despite the extra work the snow brought, he still couldn’t bring himself to curse it like so many others did. Besides, he liked the physical exertion. It was a good outlet for his stress and it gave him time to think.

  Not that he’d come up with any answers in the four hours since dawn that he’d been out working. If anything, he was more frustrated than ever. No matter how many times he ran it around his head, Logan couldn’t think of any solution to keeping Taking the Reins open if Ruby sold the ranch.

  “Hey there.” A familiar gruff voice caught his attention. Logan turned, wiped the sweat off his brow, and leaned on the shovel as Joseph Monroe made his way across the newly shoveled pathway toward him. “Thought you could use some help after the snowfall we had last night.”

  The gesture was genuine and despite the fact that Logan would never ask an elderly man to help him shovel so much heavy snow, he very much appreciated the offer.

  “I think I have most of the heavy lifting done.” He leaned the sho
vel up against the side of the barn. “But I could use some help getting the horses fresh water.”

  Joseph nodded. “I’ll get right to it.”

  “And maybe, they’d enjoy a little attention and a brush out,” Logan added with a grin. He knew the real reason the old man had shown up at Blackstar. He definitely liked to help out, but more than that, he enjoyed spending time with the horses. And Logan was happy to oblige.

  As they worked, they made small talk, commenting on the weather and how the forecasts were predicting more snow than usual this season. Logan listened while Joseph chattered with the horses and brushed down their coats. It never failed to amaze him how a man who appeared so gruff on the outside could be so soft and gentle when he was with the horses.

  There was no doubt that people would disagree with him, but Logan could see the magical effect horses could have on people. It truly was amazing.

  “It’s nice to see you here again, Joseph.” Logan handed the man an apple to feed to the horse. “It’s been awhile. I thought maybe you’d forgotten about us out here. You know I like to have you out here.”

  “I know,” he grunted. “Been busy,” he said before he turned to the horse and said, “I wouldn’t forget about you.”

  Logan tried to hide his chuckle but wasn’t very successful.

  “And you, obviously,” Joseph added. “Truth is, it’s hard to get out here in the cold. These old joints don’t like the weather much. Everything gets creaky and sore.”

  “Well, I sure do appreciate your help when you can get out here. I’m glad it’s nothing else keeping you away.” He knew he shouldn’t say anything, and he was probably stepping over a line, but Logan couldn’t help but ask, “Your daughter isn’t giving you a hard time about coming to the ranch anymore, is she?”

  His hand still on the horse, Joseph turned and grunted again. “Not anymore. Said it was a good thing, actually. You talk to her?”

  Logan couldn’t lie, but he also didn’t want to overstep what he should share about his relationship—or whatever it was—with the other man’s daughter. “I did,” he said after a moment. “It turns out we have some friends in common.” It was as much of an explanation as Logan wanted to give, but Joseph didn’t seem to mind.

  The older man nodded and rubbed Peanut’s nose.

  “I hope you’ve been keeping busy, though.” Logan changed the subject. He’d always liked the old man, despite his gruff demeanor. Maybe because of it. But now that he’d gotten to know Amber and liked her—a lot—he felt a different connection to her father. He didn’t want to get carried away, but if things kept going so well with Amber, well…no.

  He was not going to get ahead of himself.

  “I have,” Joseph said. “Been making pens and even got a few stores that asked to stock them.”

  “Pens? No kidding?”

  “All hand turned wood,” Joseph said proudly. “Put the finishing on myself. Turned out pretty nice, too.”

  “I bet they do. Where can I get one?”

  “Timber Trade stocks them, and one of those fancy tourist shops in Seattle.”

  Logan was suitably impressed. “Is that right?”

  “No reason to lie.”

  He didn’t bother to hide his chuckle this time. “I had no idea you were so handy, Mr. Monroe.” He shook his head and grinned. “Amber’s never mentioned anything about it.”

  “Amber?” The man’s hand stilled on Peanut’s nose and he turned to look at Logan. “How did you say you knew Amber again?”

  “We went to school together,” Logan answered cautiously. “She was a few years ahead of me, but we have some friends in common. It’s been nice to get to know her better now that she’s back in town.”

  Joseph made a grunting noise. “At least someone is.”

  Logan tipped his head and considered asking him what he meant by that comment, but ultimately, he was saved from saying anything further at all by another voice bellowing into the barn. “Logan, you in there?”

  “Is it noon already?” Logan asked the rhetorical question out loud. Because if Brent Baker was there for their meeting, then it was definitely noon. He turned to Joseph. “You good here? I have a meeting for a few minutes.”

  Joseph nodded but Logan heard him grumble something about young people always losing track of time as he walked away to meet Brent Baker at the barn doors.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t called you in a while.” Even though Amber knew she was alone, she still glanced around and surveyed Riverside Park, where she’d retreated to make her phone call. After the snowfall the night before, the park was largely deserted besides a few hardcore joggers making use of the freshly plowed trail. Amber stuck to the edge of the path and walked slowly as she made her call to Cody.

  Cody had been her sponsor ever since she went to her first addictions meeting back in San Francisco. The doctor in the hospital had recommended it, and even though she’d insisted she didn’t need a support group of any kind, the partners at the firm had insisted. Not that it mattered. They obviously had no plans to promote her after the incident anyway.

  Or keep her at all.

  At any rate, she’d gone to the meeting and met Cody. He was about five years older than her and had been clean for two. He didn’t pressure her and he wasn’t too pushy, but he did seem to understand what she was going through, even if she didn’t, and somehow she’d relented and accepted his offer to be her sponsor.

  She’d gone to at least five meetings after that before returning to Timber Creek and, as far as Cody knew, vanishing without a trace. The fact that she hadn’t returned any of his phone calls and only very infrequently responded to his text messages hadn’t deterred him at all.

  Cody clearly took his responsibility as a sponsor seriously and Amber did feel bad that she’d brushed him off. But she hadn’t been ready to talk to him.

  Until today.

  “I’m glad you called,” he said. “Are you okay?” He got straight to the point.

  She nodded. “I am.”

  “You haven’t used?”

  “No. Only the occasional drink, but nothing stronger than wine.”

  “And you feel okay?”

  She took a deep breath and answered him. “I feel great.” It was an honest answer. Amber couldn’t remember the last time she felt so in control of her life. Sure, there were parts that weren’t perfect and there were definitely areas she still needed to work on, but all in all, she felt good.

  “I’m really glad to hear it, Amber.” She really could hear the relief in his voice. “I was worried.”

  “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

  “Well, when you don’t come to meetings or answer phone calls, it’s kind of hard not to.”

  Guilt washed over her. “I really am sorry, Cody.” She meant it. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell you where I was going. I was just…”

  She couldn’t finish the thought because it seemed wrong to say it out loud.

  “You were afraid?” He guessed. “That I would tell you to come to a meeting? Or give you a hard time for disappearing? Kind of like I’m doing now?”

  “No.” It was an honest answer. “I was afraid that I would chicken out.” She gazed out at the river that still hadn’t frozen. Steam came from the water, which, for the time being, was still warmer than the air surrounding it. She’d always thought the river was at its most beautiful right before it froze. It was almost magical. One day it would be open, with the water rushing past and the next day, a crust of ice would seal it shut, and you couldn’t seem to predict when it would happen. No matter how much you tried.

  “What would you chicken out of? Did you go back to work?”

  She almost laughed. “As if they’d have me. No.” She shook her head. “I came home. And I think maybe if I’d told you that’s where I was going, I wouldn’t have come.”

  “And once you got there?”

  She could almost see him on the other end of the phone. He probably had a pen in h
is hand that he was tapping thoughtfully against his teeth while he waited for her answer. Cody had been in finance. He’d gotten his shot on the trading floor before he turned twenty-five and the frenetic pace caused him to turn to Adderall early on in his career.

  He’d burnt out less than ten years later and did a stint in rehab after his family found out about his drug habit. Amber never could imagine him as a day trader, or really, anything that involved a fast pace of life. Cody was about the chillest person she’d ever met. He did yoga daily, cycled to his job as a music teacher, and spent his evenings volunteering.

  “It’s been okay.”

  “Just okay?”

  “I haven’t been tempted to go back if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “It is,” he said. “And I’m glad to hear it. But why is it just okay?”

  “It’s different.” There was a reason she’d called Cody, but even though she knew it was past time to check in with him, she was still reluctant to face the truth and she knew exactly what Cody would say about that.

  “I’m sure it’s different,” he said kindly. “The last time you were there, you were different. How do your family and friends feel about the change in you?”

  “They don’t know.” She shook her head and rubbed her hand over the cool skin on her face. “I haven’t told them. I don’t know if I can.”

  “You know what I’m going to say.”

  She did. Maybe that was the real reason she’d called him.

  “You’re going to tell me that they’ll love me no matter what’s happened, and secrets breed lies, and lies breed distrust, and you can’t have any real relationship based on distrust.”

  He chuckled. “You have been listening.”

  “Just because I don’t follow your advice doesn’t mean I haven’t been listening.” She smiled.

  “Are you ready to tell them now? It’s been awhile.”

  “I know.” From the beginning, Cody had encouraged her to tell the truth. Although the addictions recovery group they were part of didn’t have any particular rules or steps, there were still guidelines and being honest with your loved ones was a big one. Cody had subtly and at times, not so subtly, tried to encourage her to do just that.