He’d thought being friends would be enough for him, but it wasn’t. He needed more from her, and he wanted her to need that as well.
“Please let me go,” she finally said, and he released her immediately. No matter what he wanted, she was in charge. He would go at whatever pace she set, take only what she was willing to give him.
“Abby—”
She placed her finger over his lips, and he kissed it softly. She lowered her hand. “Please, don’t say anything now. I need to think about all this. About what it means.”
“It only has to mean whatever you want it to.”
“That’s the thing,” she said softly, “I don’t know what I want anymore.”
Chapter 11
The minute Abby heard Lucas’ voice downstairs in the entry of their home, she fled down the back stairs and out the kitchen door to the stables.
As she swiftly saddled a horse, she kept replaying what had happened between them at the hotel, same as she had for the last two days. Every touch, every kiss, every breath tormented her.
She pulled the cinch a little too tight and murmured her apology to Freckles, her horse, before loosening it. She was being ridiculous right now. She knew that, but she didn’t care.
She had to get away—away from Lucas, from the memories, from the confusion. It was all too much.
She’d thought they could be friends, but she’d been wrong. There was too much history between them, too much chemistry for that to ever work.
Oh, that kiss… She closed her eyes tightly as she finished readying her mount. It would take her years to forget, if she even could.
Without wasting another moment, she climbed into the saddle and urged Freckles forward. Fresh air enveloped her, and the bands around her heart loosened. She knew she’d have to face Lucas to talk about what had happened, but she couldn’t do it today. Not now.
She rounded the house, inhaling deeply, before ending on a gasp. Lucas was on the porch, watching her. Their eyes met, and her stomach flipped over. Without thinking, she launched Freckles into a gallop.
Abby tried to look away, but her eyes stayed glued to Lucas as she rode past him, seeing the amusement in his eyes. Did he find this funny?
She frowned. He probably did.
But it didn’t matter. She and Freckles were going on a ride and didn’t plan to return for hours. Hopefully by then, Lucas would have concluded his business at the house.
Yes, she was avoiding him. She didn’t bother denying it. She needed time to organize her thoughts. Abby still had no idea what to do about that kiss.
She raced down the road, leaving Lucas and the house behind in a cloud of dust. After about a mile, she slowed Freckles’ pace, rubbing the horse’s neck briskly. “Thank you for rescuing me, girl.”
Abby’s muscles slowly relaxed, but she didn’t feel at peace. The kiss between her and Lucas bothered her. But the longer she thought about it, the more she realized it wasn’t because she regretted it. It was because it reminded her what she was missing in her life.
She’d kissed other men, and while pleasant, none of those short embraces compared, even for a second, to what it had been like in Lucas’ arms.
What was she going to do? She didn’t know if she could stay at the house, knowing Lucas could show up at any time. She scrubbed a hand over her face. This was all such a mess.
As she rode down the road in silence, contemplating her options, she heard a soft thundering, and realized someone was coming up behind her. It wasn’t often she passed others on the road, but it wasn’t unheard of.
She moved over to the side, allowing plenty of room for the rider to pass.
But as the sound grew closer, the horse’s strides slowed. Finally, she glanced over her shoulder, jumping when Lucas moved his horse next to hers.
Aghast, she shook her head. “What are you doing here? I thought you were meeting with Charlotte about the shop?”
He rested his reins over the saddle horn. “I was. But I also wanted to speak with you. You’ve been avoiding me.”
She shook her head automatically. “I have not.” The lie was ridiculous even to her own ears. Finally, she nodded slowly. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?” He waited for her eyes to meet his. “Do you regret what happened?”
It was a tough question, one she’d asked herself repeatedly. “I don’t. At least, I don’t blame you, or myself. Frankly, it was bound to happen eventually.” She offered him a weak smile, but he didn’t look satisfied.
He nodded slowly. “True, from the moment I saw you, I wanted that to happen. But more than anything, I want you to be all right. I don’t want to do anything you’ll regret.”
“Thank you,” she said softly. She could tell he meant it, and she trusted him. Lucas never lied. “I truly don’t regret it. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.”
His leg brushed against hers companionably. “Do you have to do anything?”
“I feel like I need to. This isn’t easy. It’s messy, confusing, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.”
“I meant what I said the other day. I want us to at least be friends, if at all possible. But if you decide you want nothing to do with me, I’ll accept that. This time, the choice is yours.”
She appreciated what he was saying, but that’s what made it even more difficult. This time, it was her choice. If she continued to see him, to become friends with him again, and her heart was crushed, it would be her fault. She’d have no one to blame but herself.
But more than anything, she didn’t want to live her life in fear. She was afraid of getting close to Lucas because she feared the pain that could follow. But what kind of life was that? She shook her head softly. “That almost makes it harder.”
He nodded knowingly. “I know. But it’s what you deserve.”
She let out a slow breath and stopped her horse. She dismounted, needing to think. Lucas followed her lead and dropped to the ground, petting his horse one last time before it started grazing with Freckles.
She walked a few feet before turning around and walking back, trampling the grass beneath her boots. “I can’t deny there’s still a spark between us, but sharing such intimacy isn’t something friends do.”
He rocked back on his heels. “No. At least I’d hope not.”
She held up her hands. “Exactly. So if we’re not friends, then what are we doing?”
“Courting?”
She shook her head firmly. “No. That’s not possible.”
He came to her then and took her hands in his. “Why not?”
“Why not?” She didn’t try to hide her astonishment. “Because of what happened in the past. Because of Rhys. Because of me, you, everything. It’s not that simple.”
“It could be. If Rhys knew this is what you wanted, he’d allow it.”
“It’s not about if he would allow it or not. I’m older now and in possession of my fortune. Rhys has no say, but I still don’t want him to worry. And if I explored a relationship with you, after all that has happened, he would worry.” She bit her lip. “Besides, I’m not sure it’s the best thing for me. Several men are already courting me, and I’m not comfortable telling them I’m unavailable.”
A flash entered his eyes, and he hid it quickly, but it was enough to see he was jealous. “I won’t stop others from courting you, but I want to see where this goes. I want to explore if there’s anything still between us.”
He didn’t push her, didn’t try to persuade her further. Just remained silent, allowing her to think over everything, while holding her hands. She tried to rationalize away her feelings for him, to tell herself it was only physical, that she could find that with someone else, but she couldn’t manage it.
The truth was, she’d never forgotten Lucas. She’d never stopped wanting him. That was why she’d run away when her family told her it was time to marry. She could’ve settled down with someone, been content, had a family, but it wasn’t what she wanted. Deep down, even though s
he told herself she’d moved on, all she wanted was Lucas.
But now that he was standing in front of her, offering her that dream, she was afraid to move forward. Afraid of being hurt.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before looking at him. “I would like to see what this is, to see if it’s anything more than an echo from the past.” He was about to say something, but she reached up and placed a finger over his lips. “But if we’re going to do this, Rhys can’t know. Then if things don’t work out, it won’t matter, and he won’t worry.”
“But if they do?”
“If we fall in love and decide to have a future together, we’ll tell him.”
His chest rose and fell a little quicker with each breath. “Are you sure?”
She nodded slowly, forcing herself to act sensibly. “I am. As long as we’re discreet, we can explore what’s here.”
At her words, he wrapped his arm around her waist and slowly pulled her close. “And what exactly does exploring entail?”
Goosebumps rose on her arms at his touch, at the soft words he spoke. “It includes talking, spending time with one another. Kissing,” she added, finally brave enough.
He looked pleased. “Ah. And where shall we start?” He wrapped his other arm around her and slowly moved his hands up and down her back.
She leaned into his touch, fighting back a moan at how good it felt. “That isn’t fair,” she said, her voice breathless.
He leaned forward, feathered a kiss at her neck, and whispered, “What isn’t?”
“This. What you’re doing. How you make me feel.”
“Oh, this is plenty fair. Because everything you feel is what’s inside me too.”
Her eyes closed slowly, his words echoing through her mind. It seemed like the years fell away and it was just the two of them again, in love. But she needed to remember that’s not what this was. They weren’t in love. It wasn’t eight years ago. It was now, and things were different.
He didn’t try to kiss her, just held her and occasionally nuzzled her neck, but it sent sparks throughout her body.
He pulled back then and looked into her eyes. “When can I see you again?”
It took her a moment to clear the haze he’d woven over her mind. She frowned slightly. “I’m not sure.”
“Next week, I’m hosting a hiring fair for the mine. It’s mainly business, but there’ll be food and some games. I’ve also invited the other women. Would you come?”
A smile bloomed on her lips. “Yes. I’d definitely like to come. Although, we won’t be alone.” She wondered how he would react to her statement, but he only smiled.
“I wouldn’t imagine otherwise. But, since we’re not going to be alone then, we better make the most of it now.” A devilish glint lit his eyes.
She bit her lip, playing along. “Whatever do you mean?”
He shrugged playfully. “Well, this seems like our last opportunity.”
“Opportunity for what?” Her voice sounded breathy.
He leaned forward slightly, his lips hovering above hers. “To show you how much I’m going to miss this.” His lips met hers then, and all joking fell away.
Their last kiss had been shocking, strong, and in a way, desperate. Now they had all the time in the world, and Lucas was drawing out every second.
He kissed her once, twice, then nipped her bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth. She gasped. She’d always loved it when he did that.
“I love the way you respond to me.” His whisper was guttural, as if it was taking everything in him to hold back.
“I love the way you kiss me,” she admitted.
He groaned, lifting his hands to cradle her head, before fitting his mouth to hers.
This was coming home. And as she fell into the web he wove around her, she couldn’t have been happier. For the first time in years, she felt hope.
Chapter 12
Lucas shook another man’s hand and nodded politely in greeting before glancing around the rest of the crowd. The job fair was in full swing in the field by the church, and at least two hundred men had shown up. It wouldn’t provide all the labor they’d need, but it was a good start.
Lucas excelled in instantly knowing whether someone was a good hire or not. It was another reason he’d been sent here ahead of the others.
The man in front of him held his gaze, and Lucas already knew this man would do well for their operation. He was thin, almost to the point of being gaunt, but there was a glint in his eyes that showed he was hungry, both for food and for success. His coat was thin, and it looked like the sleeves had been patched several times, but he didn’t seem self-conscious.
“You’re hired,” Lucas said, making the decision on the spot.
The man’s surprised expression quickly turned into a grin, and he shook Lucas’ hand harder. “You won’t regret it.”
“I know. You’ll do well here. Unlike other operations, you can make a name for yourself with us. Do well in the mine, and you can move up.”
The man paused, taking in Lucas’ words. “Thank you,” he said a little more reverently.
Lucas nodded. “Go on and enjoy yourself. There won’t be much time for such things once the work starts.”
The man didn’t have to be told twice, and he left with a final nod of thanks.
Lucas looked around again for what felt like the hundredth time, but he still didn’t see Abby. He knew she’d come, she always kept her word. Besides, the other women were supposed to be here as well, and they likely would drive together. She’d be here.
It was then the realization hit him.
He was nervous.
It surprised him. He hadn’t felt this way—giddy, nervous, excited—in eight years.
Just those feelings alone showed him he’d made the right choice. What he wanted with Abby was much deeper than friendship.
He glanced over his shoulder again just as the ladies parked their wagon, and his gaze searched her out. She’d been watching the crowd, but almost as if she felt him watching her, she turned to look at him. A slow smile came to her lips, but other than that, she didn’t acknowledge him.
He wanted to go to her then, to take her into his arms, but he couldn’t. She’d set firm boundaries, and he would respect them.
No matter how much he wanted otherwise.
He discreetly watched her as she mingled with the crowd, laughing with other men, greeting some of the women who’d shown up. It was overwhelming how much he wanted to be by her side, to hear what she had to say about the gathering, about the potential employees.
In truth, he wanted to spend every moment with her. Things had gotten complicated quickly. But again, he didn’t mind that. In fact, he wished things would speed up between them, no matter how much confusion it caused.
Another man hailed her from across the field, snagging Lucas’ attention as well. He maintained the conversation he was having with another potential worker, already knowing the man wouldn’t be a good fit. Only half listening, Lucas watched the interaction between Abby and the gentleman she spoke with.
Looking more closely, Lucas realized it was the gentleman he’d been standing next to at the quick courting soiree at the hotel. The one who’d said he was pursuing Abby.
New feelings rose within him, ones he wasn’t proud of but didn’t bother denying. He was jealous, and he didn’t like it one bit that she was speaking with another suitor.
He nodded at the potential worker he spoke with, cutting him off mid-sentence. “Thank you for your interest, we’ll be in touch to let you know if you have the job.”
The man realized he wouldn’t be hired, but instead of arguing, he nodded and accepted the decision gracefully. His reaction almost swayed Lucas, but with the mining activity in the area, the man would find another job quickly.
Lucas walked past another group of potential employees, no doubt waiting to speak with him, and made his way over to Abby.
They were acquaintances after all. It was perfectly
acceptable to greet her.
Abby glanced over her shoulder, her eyes widening at his approach, but he didn’t turn around. He walked up to the couple, nodding politely. “Good afternoon, Miss Winthrop, Sir. I hope you’re enjoying yourselves.”
The man grinned broadly and shook Lucas’ hand. “Good to see you again. I didn’t introduce myself when we met. I’m Connor Broderick.” He nodded toward the gathering. “This is a great way to recruit. It’s convinced me to do something similar when I expand my own operation.”
“We found it’s the best way to get good help quickly.” Lucas glanced around at the crowd. “This isn’t anywhere near enough manpower, but it’s a start.”
Lucas turned to Abby. “I hope it was an easy drive.”
“It was. No more ambushes.” She chuckled.
Connor shook his head, a frown appearing on his face. “I heard about that. Glad you’re all safe.” He glanced over Abby’s shoulder at the other women she’d arrived with. “It looks like they’re adjusting well. I heard one of them will open a shop soon.” He looked at Lucas. “Is that true?”
Lucas nodded. “Miss Hayer is opening a bakery.”
The man smiled broadly. “A bakery? An excellent addition to town. Don’t get me wrong, I like Sally’s just fine, but I have a feeling a bakery will do quite well.”
Lucas nodded. People in town were desperate for another place to dine, and he had no doubts Miss Hayer’s establishment would thrive.
“Charlotte is so excited,” Abby added. “She can’t stop talking about it.”
“All we need to do is find the right place,” Lucas agreed.
Connor tilted his head. “I might know of a place. It isn’t available yet, but I think it might be soon. I’ll need to check on it, but if you’d like, I could inform you once I know.”
Lucas’ brows rose. “I’d appreciate that. Thank you.”
The man nodded agreeably and then looked back to Abby, dismissing Lucas. The awkwardness grew, and Abby glanced at Lucas, silently nudging him along. His lips quirked. “I apologize if I interrupted something important.”
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