Copyright
Copyright © 2011 by Crazy Monkey, Inc.
Illustrations copyright © 2011 by Ross MacDonald
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Grand Central Publishing
Hachette Book Group
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New York, NY 10017
Visit our website at www.HachetteBookGroup.com
www.twitter.com/grandcentralpub.
First eBook Edition: October 2011
Grand Central Publishing is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The Grand Central Publishing name and logo is a trademark of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.
ISBN: 978-0-446-58503-3
Table of Contents
Front Cover Image
Welcome
Dedication
Acknowledgments
A Note from the Author
Writing This Book
CoverGirl
How to Be a Supermodel
Stuff
Personally Speaking
The Secret of Life
The Secret of Life—Part Two
Thunderclap: A Short Short Story
Journal Entries
Important Words
Family
What Would Jesus Do?
Haiku
Stretching
Meditation
Guided Meditation
Random Things That Might Help You But Probably Won’t
American Idol, Or “If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say, Don’t Say Anything at All”
Common Courtesy
Sauna
Answers to Frequently Asked Questions
Labels
For the Children—Part One
For the Children—Part Two
Talking Hard
Pros and Cons
Additional Thank-Yous
Babies, Animals, and Baby Animals
My Bucket List
I Am Not Lazy
Aspirations: A Short Short Story
Social Skills
Dinner with a Psychic
Ideas
For the Teenagers
For the Adults Who Don’t Understand the For the Teenagers Chapter and Really Want To
The Longest Chapter
Tweet Chapter
Deep Thinkers and Not So Deep Thinkers
Chapter for the Audiobook Listeners
Honesty
Don’t Worry, Be Happy
Magic
Girl Power
Boredom
Ellen’s Guide to Gift Giving
Pondering
Adults Only Chapter
Gambling Tips
Timeline of a Celebrity’s Day
Sleep
Letter to Mall Security
How to Become a Billionaire
5 Extremely Easy Ways to Make a Lot of Money
Inside My Head
Romance: A Short Short Story
Dreams
Seriously… I’m Kidding
Last Chapter
About the Author
Also by Ellen DeGeneres
Copyright
Seriously... I'm Kidding Page 13