by Stone, Piper
I shuddered in Hawk’s arms, nestling as close to his chest as possible, even pulling his massive arms further around me.
“Are you all right?” he asked as he rubbed his thumb up and down my arm, creating another round of goosebumps.
“As okay as I can be.”
“I understand.”
We sat in the cooling water for a few minutes, remaining quiet. “Josh wants me back.” The statement slipped past my lips. Maybe I no longer wanted secrets between us.
“What?” Hawk seemed genuinely surprised, but I could still hear a twinge of anger.
“The last time he called, he begged me to come back.” When his fingers dug into my skin, I snorted. Even in the single word, I heard the hint of jealousy. Maybe I was looking for affirmation from a man who said very little. “As if I give a damn. Do you think he has anything to do with this?”
“Hell if I know. You said they don’t know where you are.”
“No, not exactly.”
Exhaling, he shifted me just enough he was able to look into my eyes. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“They used to have a place in Montana. I don’t remember where, but I overheard them talking about it. That’s honestly one reason I thought about coming here.”
“I thought you threw a dart to figure out where you wanted to live.”
“I did, but that was several times until the point landed on some place I could tolerate the concept of fleeing to. There was very little time to act or decide. I had to get away.”
To say his expression was one of admonishment was an understatement.
“What else haven’t you told me?” he asked, the glisten in his eyes full of command.
“Nothing. I just...” I hated lying to him, but I knew his temper. Hawk would go after anyone who’d threatened me.
Another heavy sigh. He resumed caressing my arm, but every muscle was tenser than before. “You know what I can’t figure out?”
“What?”
“How the assholes found you. I could have tipped them off when I visited the bar where you work, but only Joe and that little blonde-haired bartender heard anything I had to say.”
“Blonde-haired?”
“Yeah, not sure I got her name.”
“Tina.” Except she shouldn’t have been bartending. The thought dug into my mind, eating at my already frazzled nerves. “I don’t know how they found out. Rusty and his... crew certainly said nothing other than issuing threats regarding my future.”
“What did they say exactly, Kelly? Don’t leave anything out.”
“Nothing that made any sense. I overheard one of them saying something about the payout for kidnapping me would be hefty. Why? No one would pay any ransom. I honestly don’t understand. Why is this happening to me? Does it have something to do with Josh and his family?” My thoughts shifted to the odd comments Josh had made. While they still didn’t make any sense, there was a pattern to the statements.
“Maybe that’s something you need to ask yourself.”
Hawk wasn’t buying anything I was telling him. I honestly couldn’t fault him. I wouldn’t believe my shit of a story either. I took a deep breath, pushing back tears. I wasn’t going to lose it. Not now. “Please believe me. I don’t know what’s going on. Okay?”
“Then this is just another piece of the puzzle,” he said casually, almost studiously. I could feel his brain whirling, trying to figure this out.
I swiveled until I faced him, wrapping my legs around his hips. “I want to know that you believe me.”
He cocked that sexy head of his, those piercing blue eyes locking onto mine and all I could concentrate on was the way his long eyelashes framed his chiseled face. “I know you’re not telling me something vital about this, Kelly. Not only does that disappoint me, but if there is no trust between us, I’m not entirely certain how we can go on with this relationship.”
“You don’t trust me?” I demanded.
Hawk allowed his gaze to slide from my face, his brow furrowed.
He didn’t trust me.
The man had just fucked me with more passion than ever before and he couldn’t trust me. I was sick. I was angry. I was...
Liar. Liar. Liar.
The little voice inside my head created a wave of pain behind my eyes.
As I’d always done before when faced with a challenge, I bristled then began to shut down. I shifted backward so fast that another two gallons of water sloshed, dumping all over the floor. “How dare you. I was kidnapped, smacked around, and emotionally abused and you’re accusing me of lying to you?”
He stuck out his chiseled jaw, his mouth twisting in a combination of anger and obvious frustration.
But he remained quiet.
Of all times, he remained silent like a stick in the mud, determined that he was right as usual.
I did the unthinkable, my mind reeling the very second the hard slap cracked against his gorgeous face. The shock of my action pulled a bedraggled groan from my throat, every nerve ending on fire.
His only reaction? His eyes opening wide, a hint of shock laced in them.
Incensed more with myself, I couldn’t have crawled out of the tub any faster, struggling to yank the towel off the rack before racing out of the room. I slammed the bedroom door with enough force pictures rattled on the wall. Thank God there was a lock even though my hands fumbled to engage the tarnished piece of brass. When the deed was done, I tripped over something in the floor in my effort to find a light. Any kind of light.
“Fuck. Goddamn it!”
I wanted nothing more than to scream a series of expletives, even a few with Hawk’s name attached to the end. After finding the single lamp on the nightstand, I tugged the towel tightly around me, glaring at the door.
Daring him to come in.
To pick a fight.
To comfort me.
To punish me.
A laugh bubbled to the surface. Why was I thinking of anything regarding discipline to any degree? I didn’t owe him anything.
But you do.
“Nope,” I hissed. This was my life. He had no right to interfere.
He thinks he does because he rescued you.
I pinched my eyes closed, furious with myself and that damn inner voice—the one of reasoning. He deserved to know the absolute truth about what I’d found in California. That had to be the very reason I was being targeted. My guess was that the evidence I’d brought with me was no longer in existence, my hiding place not the most inventive in my life.
I paced the room, forced to tug the towel every few seconds. I was freezing, angry with myself, and nervous that Josh and his dad were going to follow through on their threat to have me arrested. Given everything that had recently occurred, no judge in the world would buy my story. They’d think I concocted my abduction for some crazy reason like blackmail.
Hell. I was making this up as I went along.
I realized after a few seconds that I was waiting for the big man’s arrival, knocking on the door and commanding me to allow him in.
Everything was deathly quiet, not even the sound of Buck whining.
Hawk was going to allow me to wallow in my own self-pity.
Damn the man!
Oh!
Another five minutes passed. Then another.
I was ready to throw open the door and give him a piece of my mind, but I didn’t have to bother. Hawk kicked down the door, his chest heaving. I’d never seen him so broad-shouldered, his jaw clenched and his expression stern and unwavering. He was larger than life, taking my breath away.
With only two long strides, he had me in his arms, ripping away the towel and plopping down on the bed. “While I know you’ve been through a terrible ordeal, you aren’t going to speak to me that way and you aren’t going to challenge me.” Hawk yanked me over his lap, his hand immediately peppering down from one side of my bottom to the other.
I squealed like a child, wiggling and flailing, but the simple truth was tough to shov
e aside. I deserved his firm hand and even more, I took comfort in the level of care. The attention.
And the love.
“You’re going to learn to trust me, Kelly. I will never hurt you, but I can’t have you lying to me.” He smacked his palm down several times, every strike harder than the one before.
Within seconds, tears had returned to my eyes, trickling past my lashes, but they weren’t tears of pain.
Frustration.
Uncertainty.
Everything boiled from deep within; all the raging fear and self-loathing, the anger for what had occurred in the past and the fear of the unknown. I sobbed like a big baby, moaning and wailing as the spanking continued. The pain was excruciating, building up from a slow burn to a heated fervor, sliding down both legs and consuming my bruised buttocks.
“Please. Stop. I do trust you. I...”
“Don’t lie to me. If you trusted me then you wouldn’t lie to me.” He huffed several times, smacking my upper thighs several times before moving back to my bottom, caressing for a few seconds as he leaned over. “I love you, Kelly, but I won’t tolerate your behavior. Not for any reason at any time. Are we clear on that?”
“Yes!”
He slid two fingers into my asshole, flexing them open.
“Yes, sir!”
The spanking resumed, picking up in intensity, his hand so damn methodical that I envisioned a metronome. I continued to remind myself that I deserved the punishment, the harshness of this particular round, but I was falling apart, no longer able to believe in myself. I stopped flailing, merely curling my hands under me as he issued several more, all of them coming in rapid succession.
I finally stopped crying, realizing that he was absolving me from the ridiculousness of my behavior. When I felt the brush of his knuckles moving up and down my spine, a shiver began at the very tips of my curled toes, sliding all the way up into my arms. The touch was warm and comforting.
“You’ve had enough. Time for bed.” Hawk pulled me into his lap, wiping away my tears as he held me.
The intimacy of this moment was all about trust. Trust of the man holding me. Trust of the moment and the knowledge he’d known what I needed. Trust of myself. The series of emotions was overwhelming, draining what was left of my energy. My eyelids were heavy, my entire body like a lead weight in his arms.
“I told you this before and I mean it. We are going to figure this out and whoever is responsible will pay for their sins.” The words were cathartic yet his tone callous, relentless.
Somehow, I knew his brutality and need for revenge would prevail.
With me still in his arms, he pulled down the covers, lifting me every so gently and sliding me into bed. He sat on the edge, pulling strands of my damp hair from my face, peering down at me with such worry crisscrossing his brow.
I stared up at him, memorizing every detail of his features. I wanted to fall asleep thinking of this man, not the assholes who’d attempted to rip my sanity to shreds.
Leaning down, he kissed my lips, the touch light and so soft. I couldn’t imagine how a rugged man like Hawk was able to be so gentle in nature.
“We’ll talk more in the morning. Gage should have additional information. He’s another good guy, one you can trust.” He snapped off the light but even in the darkness, I could tell his shoulders were slumped.
“Trust is very difficult for me. You’ve known that all along, Hawk, but you’re riddled with guilt and worry that’s so significant it’s eating you alive. Why?”
He hesitated, exhaling.
I bit back any additional words, waiting and hoping that he would say something, give me an indication of what burden he bore in such a horrific manner.
But that wasn’t to be.
He took solid steps toward the door.
I shifted to the other side, huffing as I yanked up the covers. Trust. He wanted me to trust him, yet he wouldn’t open up to me. I wasn’t entirely certain how to handle that in any regard. I heard the creaking of the door hinges and thought he’d left.
“Chantal was my wife. I met her before being deployed to Afghanistan. She was all fire and brimstone, just like you are. We had a whirlwind romance, wild and passionate. I fell madly in love with her. She was from France, here on an education visa, teaching classes at the university. She was so young and vibrant that the students adored her. We were very happy, at least at first.”
I head the crack in his voice and clawed the sheets.
“We were married in a quiet little ceremony. None of her family could come from France. In fact, they tried to talk her out of marrying me, but she professed her love. Her father was a very arrogant man, stating I wasn’t good enough for his baby. The words stuck with me. When I was deployed, we talked as often as I was allowed. She was very sad, but I knew she’d wait. Then her calls became less frequent, her mood entirely different. I knew something was wrong, but there was little I could do.” Hawk let out a series of deep sighs.
I almost interrupted him, peppering him with questions, but I remained quiet.
“Anyway, when I was captured, the only thing that kept me going was thoughts about Chantal. Her laugh. Her love of nature. The way she read poetry out loud, which normally drove me crazy. When I escaped and finally made it to a base, I called. The number had been disconnected. I finally tracked her down. She had excuses for the phone and I bought them. She had excuses for why she hadn’t come to see me. I didn’t care. I was home.”
The hesitation was heart-pounding.
“When I was finally released and sent home, I learned she’d fallen in love with a professor from the university. She was living with him. The little house we shared was still there, all my shit exactly as I’d left it, but the place was so cold, as if she’d never lived there. I was going through the nasty discharge with the army at the same time and I wasn’t in a good place. Trust me. I purchased the cabin then packed up the majority of our combined shit, shoving the contents into a storage unit.”
Rolling over, I held back the tears, wanting nothing more than to hold the man I did indeed love with all my heart.
“Reflection was good for me on the mountain. I think I would have adjusted eventually except for one thing.” Hawk turned around, his chest heaving. “My son. He’d been born while I was deployed. I had no idea. She never mentioned she was pregnant. After I returned, she refused to allow me to see him. When I pressed the matter, she ran back to France and to her family, coerced no doubt by her father.” He snorted, rubbing his face. “I never even learned his name. I didn’t exist as far as they were concerned.”
I saw blood in my eyes, the need to rip hers out. How could a woman do this kind of a horrible thing? I could no longer hold back the tears.
“I did try to get my boy back, but she’d even cleaned out my bank account, not that she needed money. Anyway, her father had influences and enough cash to shut down every inquiry or attempt. What my attorney said I went through with the discharge was sordid enough that my chances were slim at getting him back. No, I should have kept fighting, but I was a broken man. If you wonder why I can’t trust easily. Now you know.”
With that, he closed the door.
As if shutting out everything that we’d had.
Forever.
Chapter Thirteen
Kelly
Horses.
Majestic.
Beautiful.
Trusting.
I stood by the corral fence, watching as they romped together, their whinnying cries still unable to ease the pain in my heart. I was angry for Hawk on several levels, but there was little I could do for him to ease the anguish or to enable him to trust me. However, I’d made the decision to tell him about the evidence itself. We would go to my place and see if by chance the jump drive I’d used was still hidden. He’d already told me someone had broken in, destroying what little I had. Oddly enough, I couldn’t care less about things. They meant nothing.
But the evidence was important, more so now than ev
er.
I felt his presence behind me seconds before I inhaled the amazing aroma of coffee. When his arm reached around me, the steaming cup placed just in front of my face, I swallowed hard. Our fingers touched when I reached for the coffee, my heart racing even though I couldn’t look him in the eyes.
“Cole loves his horses,” Hawk said as he moved by my side, leaning over the railing.
I dared study him from the side, the angular jaw even more clenched on this beautiful, crisp day. “I can see why. I’ve always wanted a horse.”
“Maybe we can go riding at some point.” He issued the words with such sadness in his voice.
“I’d love that, but you’ll have to teach me.” I took a sip of coffee, trying to find the courage to open up about the Landosas even more.
“Then it’s done.”
“Hawk, I—” The sound of an approaching vehicle cut me short. We both turned, watching a Jeep pull up. A sheriff’s Jeep to be exact. I bristled, moving instantly to hide behind Hawk.
“Don’t worry. Just Gage.”
The Jeep pulled beside Hawk’s truck. When the man stepped out, he gave us a warm smile. “You’re both up early.”
“A lot on our minds,” Hawk answered.
Gage removed his sunglasses, glancing up and down at both of us. I was back to wearing barely functional clothing, the sweatpants and flannel shirt belonging to Cole.
“What are you doing here?” Hawk asked, his tone more suspicious than I would have believed.
“I think we all need to talk.” Gage nodded toward the house. “Inside.”
In his hands was a folder. The sight alone created a wave of anxiety, almost suffocating.
Hawk took my hand into his, squeezing. “Sure. Let’s do that.”
There were no niceties of talk about the weather or some sports game. All three of us remained quiet as Hawk moved into the living room.