by Sarah Bailey
I got up and went into my kitchen, flicking the kettle on for tea and sorting something out for lunch. Kicking back on my sofa, I put my feet up on the coffee table and switched the TV on. After ten minutes of watching a game show my mum had got me hooked on all those years ago, my phone went off. I checked it, finding the publisher had emailed me back stating she accepted my terms and would love to set up a meeting.
I dumped my plate in the dishwasher and went back to my desk. There were other projects I had to get on with, but there would be no harm in setting something up. It would mean good money and I wasn’t about to turn it down, having grown up with very little.
First, I’d do my research before replying. I looked closely at the publisher she worked for. My heart almost stopped in my chest.
Johnstone & Parrish.
I stared at the name, feeling sick to my stomach. Sitting back in my chair, I put my hand on my chest, rubbing it as pain blossomed. Seven years had done nothing to quell the feelings seeing that name brought on. I wished I could say I’d let it go and laid that day to rest. That it didn’t still haunt me whenever I saw anything to do with that fucking family. Anything to do with… him.
The boy who’d ruined my life by almost getting me charged with a murder I hadn’t committed. The boy who’d stolen my heart and hadn’t given it back. The boy who’d broken my heart into tiny pieces, eviscerating my very soul when he’d left me, despite promising he never would.
Aaron Jackson Parrish.
I hated him. I hated him so much. And yet… despite that hatred, despite the intervening years, the biggest fucking kicker of all… my heart still yearned for him. It still fucking beat for him. My blackened, cold heart which had never healed from the way he’d broken it. It still belonged to him.
I got up from my chair and paced my living room, dragging my hands through my hair. This commission would pay a lot. I’d read over what they were looking for. It was right up my alley. Something I could do with complete ease and it would be beautiful. It could do wonders for my career. I’d wanted to get to the next level for a while now. Like I had some sick need to prove I was better than where I’d come from. That I could make it on my own and be successful. More successful than anyone else who’d lived on that shitty council estate.
Whilst I knew Patrick Parrish was no longer directly involved in running Johnstone & Parrish as he’d stepped back from it, his son worked there. His fucking son. The person I’d sworn I never wanted to see again after what he did to me.
I had no clue what to do. It’s not like Aaron worked in the creative department, so I likely wouldn’t even see him unless he knew they’d reached out to me. I hated knowing he worked in editorial, just like his dad always envisioned for him.
I needed some advice on how to deal with this shit. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I sat down and dialled the one person who I’d become close to during university.
“All right, fuckface?” came the dulcet tones of my best friend, Meredith Pope.
“Well, hello to you too.”
“Have I ever greeted you any other way?”
I snorted. Meredith had been nothing but real with me. Her blunt approach to life was refreshing. She was one of those marmite people. Either you loved her or you found her too in your face. I was firmly in the former camp.
“Maybe when we first met.”
“True, but I was attempting to make a good impression then so you’d actually hang out with me. Anyway, to what do I owe this pleasure? You calling to say you’re finally going to accept my offer to set you up with Jonah?”
I rolled my eyes. Meredith had been trying to get me to go on a date with her older brother for years. I’d met Jonah a few times and he was nice enough, however, I didn’t date. Ever.
“That would be a large no, Mer.”
“If you’re going to start on about how you’re demi and that makes dating impossible you can save it. I’d rather not have that lecture again.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. Meredith knew all about my sexual orientation and how I used it as an excuse not to get close to anyone. The real reason had more to do with the fact my heart had never healed from the damage done to it when I’d been seventeen. I couldn’t imagine feeling the way I did for Aaron about anyone else. And therein lay my issue.
“It wasn’t a lecture.”
“Right, so you didn’t lament over it for three hours when we got drunk that night.”
“Shut up.”
I could tell she was smiling, even if I couldn’t see her.
“So you going to fess up as to why you called? Some of us have work to do.”
I didn’t rise to the bait as I probably worked harder than she ever did. Meredith and I had met in my first year of university. She walked over and plonked herself down next to me in the union bar and that was how our friendship started. She’d been studying to get a degree in production design for stage and screen and now regularly worked in the West End as a set designer amongst other things.
“I had an email from the creative department from Johnstone & Parrish. They want to commission me for some illustrative work on a fantasy book and no, I can’t tell you who it’s for since that’s confidential.”
“Oh. My. Fucking. God. That’s amazing! This could set you up.”
I stifled a sigh. As much as I wanted to go ahead and set up this meeting, the fact remained the company contained the one person who had destroyed me.
“That’s why I’m calling. I don’t know if I can.”
“Hold on, are you really telling me you’re considering turning down an opportunity to work on a book from the publishing house who has your favourite author on their books? Are you mental?”
I bit my lip. My favourite author happened to be the person they wanted me to do the illustrative work for. Something which excited me no end.
“It’s complicated.”
“Well un-fucking-complicate it, Rhys. You cannot turn this down. Wait… is it for her? Is the work for her new book?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
“FUCK! It is! You have to do this. No excuses, fuckface, you’re doing it.”
I took a deep breath. It was time I told Meredith the truth. I had alluded to there being more to the story than I’d let on. She never pushed me to tell her. Besides, she had her own shit when it came to men. It had been a particularly unpleasant time for her back when we were twenty and in our second year of university. Meredith had told me she wouldn’t have survived it without me. The two of us had become closer because of it. Honestly, if she ever saw Cole again, I might punch the guys lights out and I wasn’t a violent person.
“You know how I told you I don’t date because I’m demi?”
“Well yes, but I don’t see what this has to do with it.”
It has everything to do with it sadly.
“The person who broke my heart when we were seventeen and the reason I don’t date works for the editorial department.”
You could hear a penny drop with the silence ensuing from my revelation. The only person who knew what happened that day was my mum. And it’s only because she’d picked up the pieces in the wake of my heartbreak.
“I knew it! I fucking knew you had to have a better reason for why you don’t date. You sneaky little fuck, Rhys. That’s it, meet me at our place for cocktails later. You’re going to spill every damn detail of this sordid affair to me.”
“What? I don’t have time for that.”
“See you at eight.”
She hung up.
Typical.
The girl could be determined as hell when she wanted, but I loved her for it. Meredith was pushy and opinionated, such a contrast to me. Probably why I liked her so much. We bounced off each other. A bit like chalk and cheese. Meredith had been my rock for the past few years and I couldn’t do without her.
I guessed I was going out tonight, getting drunk and telling her about Aaron. There were thin
gs I couldn’t say. Like the real reason we’d ended. Even though Aaron had broken his promises to me, I’d kept mine. No one would ever find out from me about his involvement in Valentine Jenkin’s death. A death that had gone unsolved all this time.
Meredith would likely persuade me to go after this commission from Johnstone & Parrish. Would it really do me any harm to set up a meeting? I could always back out if I changed my mind.
So I set about responding to Diana Merry. Turning down a job like this because of something which happened seven years ago seemed stupid. This had nothing to do with him. He wouldn’t be at this meeting. There was no way he even knew Diana had contacted me. I was in no doubt Aaron wouldn’t have deliberately found a way to contact me after all this time. If he’d not tried when he’d turned eighteen, why the hell would he have decided to now when we were twenty-four?
Chapter Forty Eight
I felt the slap on my back before I heard her voice.
“All right, fuckface?”
Meredith plonked herself down next to me at the bar and put her hand up, signalling the bartender. I’d already been nursing a caipirinha for the past ten minutes.
“What time do you call this?”
She waved me away as the bartender joined us and she ordered a margarita. Meredith was notorious for being late to everything. When she said eight, she meant more like eight-thirty. I was lucky she’d only been ten minutes late today.
“So, did you pussy out of taking this job?”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes.
“Not exactly… I set up a meeting for next week, but that doesn’t mean I’ve said yes yet.”
“You have to say yes. It’s only E. R. fucking Davidson.”
“Shh, keep your voice down.”
The bartender, Dan, deposited a drink down in front of her. He was used to us by now. Meredith grabbed her purse and paid, giving him a wink.
“I never said it was her.”
“Whatever, I know it is. You are taking this job because you’d be a fool not to. Now tell me about this boy who broke your heart.”
I took another sip of my drink and stared down into it. Talking about that time in my life was never easy. Mum didn’t bring it up. She knew how much it hurt me.
“He didn’t just break my heart… he eviscerated it,” I said, my voice so low I wasn’t sure she heard it over the music playing in the background.
When I didn’t hear a peep out of her, I glanced to the side. Meredith looked at me with such a sad expression, I almost called her out for it. Except this time I knew it was genuine. She knew exactly what it was like to go through a heartbreak. She’d had to suffer it twice with the same person.
“Rhys…”
I let out a lengthy sigh. Aaron had destroyed me. The last year at school had been hell for me. Whilst I’d got good grades for my A-Levels, the rumours going around that I’d been responsible for Valentine’s death had run riot amongst the kids. I’d been completely ostracized. It didn’t matter since I never intended to see any of them again, but even Becky and those girls had given me a wide berth. I’d been glad when it was over and I went off to university. Meeting Meredith had been a lifesaver.
“It’s okay. Well, it’s not, but there’s nothing I can do to change what happened.”
She put her hand on mine, which was resting on the bar, giving it a squeeze. When it came down to it, Meredith was a good listener and gave pretty solid advice. She might push me, but it was out of love and wanting me to experience life. This girl had been through enough herself, but she’d pulled herself out of the black hole and decided not to allow someone to ruin the rest of her life for her. I admired her courage and strength.
“You don’t have to tell me.”
I smiled. Meredith was in for a shock.
“You might want to get another drink.”
“Why?”
“Mostly because the boy who broke my heart is none other than Patrick Parrish’s son.”
Meredith stared at me.
“Hold on, what? The Patrick Parrish, husband of Kellie Parrish, the world fucking famous director, Patrick the fucking owner of Johnstone & Parrish.”
I nodded before downing my drink. Putting my hand up, I waved Dan over and ordered two more drinks for me and Meredith. Dan rolled his eyes and set to it.
“Yeah, that Patrick, Mer.”
“Well, holy shit.”
The two of us lapsed into silence. Dan put our drinks down, eying us with a raised brow.
“You two aren’t normally miserable.”
I got my wallet out and paid him.
“Just one of those days I guess.”
“Well, make sure that one doesn’t get wasted. Last time you had to carry her out.”
He walked away before I could respond. Meredith was known for drinking too much and relying on me to take care of her. Since my place was around the corner, more often than not I ended up taking her there to sober up. Meredith and I had no qualms about sharing a bed. We’d become close enough for it to be a non-issue for me. I wouldn’t allow it with anyone else.
Meredith might not have her shit together all the time, but she was coping the best way she knew how.
“You know, it occurs to me I don’t even know their son’s name. Didn’t they raise him out of the spotlight?”
I almost snorted. Patrick and Kellie had left raising Aaron to other people.
“If you call dumping him with nannies as raising him.”
Meredith blinked and nudged me with her shoulder.
“And you know that for a fact?”
“He was my best friend for ten years.”
I couldn’t bring myself to say his name. I hadn’t spoken it out loud for years. Too painful for me to even see it written down.
“Okay, you have to spill now, Rhys. You had a whole other best friend before me who you were in love with. That’s huge. Besides, you know my sob story when it comes to men, isn’t it only fair I know yours?”
I sipped my drink. She had a point. Maybe telling her would be cathartic in some way. After all this time, I hadn’t spoken about what Aaron did to me. Opening up about it could do me some good.
“We met when we were seven after he saved me from a bully. We became best friends somehow, even though he had everything and I had nothing. I relied on him for everything… we knew each other inside out. He helped me gain confidence in myself… he saved me.”
My heart tightened painfully at the memories flashing before my eyes.
“Then ten years later, during the summer holidays before the last year of school, he kissed me out of the blue. And it was all kinds of fucked up. It’s like how I told you I struggled with my sexuality… well, that was because of him. He awakened something in me. It was kind of like a fairy tale love story, except this one doesn’t have a happy ending.”
It had the worst ending possible. Nothing good had come out of my relationship with Aaron.
“We had four weeks of bliss… we were so in love, you know, completely inseparable. I mean, we always had been, but it was different. Then everything went wrong and he broke up with me. His dad found out we were together and banned him from seeing me. And that’s it really… we’ve not seen each other since.”
There was so much more to the story than that, but I couldn’t tell her those things. No one could find out.
“What’s his name?”
My hand tightened around my glass.
“Aaron.”
Hearing it out loud from my own lips tore into my already shattered soul. How did he still have the power to hurt me all these years later?
“Shit, Rhys… and he’s why you won’t date?”
“He’s why I will never allow anyone else close to me like that. I can’t go through losing my best friend and the person I love all over again. Being demi doesn’t even factor into it. I don’t want to risk everything for love when it destroyed me.”
Meredi
th wrapped an arm around my shoulders and half hugged me.
“I get it. Fuck knows, I understand more than most what a broken heart can do to a person. I’m sorry I tried to set you up with my brother so many times. Won’t happen again.”
I almost rolled my eyes.
“Also, you can’t let Aaron stop you from following your dreams. You get to illustrate a fucking book for your favourite author. Don’t let anything ruin that.”
Meredith was right. This wasn’t about the past, it was about my future. I would not let myself get sucked back into the vortex of emotional turmoil that came with Aaron Jackson Parrish.
“Thanks, Mer.”
“Anytime. Now, let’s get fucked up and I’ll be your shoulder to cry on for life, yeah?”
I groaned but joined her in downing our drinks and signalling for more. This would probably get messy, but with Meredith, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Chapter Forty Nine
I checked myself in the mirror one last time, making sure I looked smart enough for this meeting. To say I was nervous would be an understatement. Not when it came to my ability to do the job the publisher was asking of me, but of the risk of seeing him.
I fiddled with the curls in my hair again, making sure they sat just right. Then I straightened my black shirt.
You look fine. You don’t have to worry. Even if you see him, you know you look good.
I glanced back at the blue hair sticking out from my covers and rolled my eyes. Meredith had come around last night. We’d got a takeaway in, watched a film, laughed and drank a lot of beer. Her way of giving me moral support for today. We’d talked a lot about how I’d approach it if I saw Aaron today. I had no idea how I would feel if it happened.