by Reilly, Cora
“Where’s Sofia?” I asked.
“She’s with Valentina and the kids in a safe house close by. They’ll come over soon,” Dante explained from behind me.
I nodded.
“I need to shower,” I said and regretted my words when I saw the look my family exchanged. I quickly moved away and headed upstairs into my room, starting to tear at my dress, but the thing clung to me. Angry, desperate tears gathered in my eyes.
“Sam!” I called, and in a blink he was there. “Can you ... can you help me with the dress?”
He nodded and pushed my hair to the side to reach the zipper. He froze, releasing a shuddering breath. I knew what he saw: the bite mark on the nape of my neck. He leaned forward, burying his face in my hair. I allowed him a moment to gather himself even as my own heart broke and broke and broke. “I will kill him.”
A threat. A promise. Not my salvation as he hoped it could be.
He pulled down the zipper. I stumbled into the bathroom, not looking at him, and closed the door. The warm water didn’t wash away my shame and guilt. How could I remain among the people I had betrayed? How could I look into their faces knowing they had suffered more than I had?
I closed my eyes. They were happy to have me back. I had to focus on that. But why, why wasn’t I happy? I stepped out of the shower, dried myself, then wrapped a towel around my body. I stepped back out to grab clothes.
Samuel perched on the edge of my bed, his expression tight. His eyes flitted to my throat then to my thighs. My gaze followed his and I saw the hand-shaped bruises on my inner thighs where Remo had held me in place when he’d buried his face in my lap.
I felt the color drain from my face, grabbed some clothes, and returned to the bathroom. Shaking, I quickly dressed in a soft dress and tights. With a deep breath, I emerged and approached Samuel hesitantly. He was staring down at his hand on the bed, tightly curled into a fist.
I sat beside him, curling my legs under my body. Samuel raised his eyes and the look in them was like a wrecking ball of guilt. His gaze darted to my throat again, to Remo’s marks, and utter despair filled his face.
“Oh, Fina,” he said in a broken murmur. “I won’t ever forgive myself. I failed you. I should have protected you. These last two months I almost went crazy. I can’t stop thinking that I had to sit back while you went through hell. That I’m the reason why you suffered worse.” He swallowed. “When Remo sent us those sheets ...” His voice broke.
I threw myself at Samuel, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my nose against his neck. “Don’t. Please don’t blame yourself. You did nothing wrong.”
I did. I wronged you all.
His arms came around me, and he shuddered. “You were supposed to be protected, to be safe from the horrors of our life. I never wanted you to find out how cruel the mafia could be. No one will ever touch you again, Fina. I won’t leave your side. And one day Dad and I will get our hands on Remo, and then we’ll show him that we can be as cruel and merciless as the Camorra. He will be begging for mercy.”
“It’s over,” I whispered. “It’s over, Sam. Let’s not talk about it ever again. Please.” I knew Remo better than he did, and nothing they could do would make Remo beg for mercy.
He nodded against me, and we stayed like that for a while. “When I heard your screams in the basement, I thought I’d go insane,” he said darkly.
I pressed my face into the crook of his neck, not able to look at him when I delivered the truth. “Remo didn’t torture me. He wanted you to believe he did. He wanted me to make you believe you hurt me so you’d suffer. I ... I ... only wanted to save you.”
Samuel cupped my head and pulled back, his eyes softer than before. “It was my job to save you and I couldn’t. Even if those screams weren’t real, I can see what he did to you ...” Samuel swallowed, his eyes lowering to the bite marks once more. “You were meant to be treated like a princess, cared for and cherished ... not ... not ...” He shook his head and buried his face in his palms. “I can’t get the image of those sheets out of my head, can’t forget Mom’s sobs or the way she fell to her knees in front of Dante and begged him to save you, or how Danilo destroyed Dad’s entire office. I can’t forget Dad crying. He’s never cried, Fina. Dad and I have done and seen so much, but we both fucking cried like fucking babies that day. I swear by my honor, by everything I love, that I won’t rest until I’ve rammed my fucking knife into Remo Falcone.”
I kissed the top of his head and held him because despite being the one who had been kidnapped, Remo hadn’t broken me, and I realized it had never been his intention. He’d done worse.
“Sam,” I said, gathering my courage because I needed to save him, needed to save them all with the truth even if it ruined me. “I didn’t suffer like you all think. Remo didn’t rape me, he didn’t torture me.”
Samuel pulled back and I braced myself for the inevitable, for the disgust and hatred, resigned myself to it, but his eyes held pity and sadness.
He stroked my throat then touched the faded cut on my forearm. Something dark swirled in the depth of his blue eyes when they locked on mine. “You were innocent. You’ve never been alone with a man and then you were at the mercy of a monster like Remo Falcone. You had nothing to protect yourself. You did what you had to, to survive. The brain is a powerful tool. It can survive the cruelest horrors by creating alternative realities.”
I shook my head. He didn’t understand. “Sam,” I tried again. “I wasn’t raped.”
Sam swallowed and kissed my forehead as if I was a small kid. “You’ll realize it eventually, Fina. Once you’ve healed, once the brainwashing ceases, you’ll see the truth. I’ll be there for you when that happens. I won’t ever leave your side again.”
And I realized then that he’d never believe the truth because he couldn’t. The sister he knew and loved wouldn’t have slept with Remo, and if I wanted to return to him, to my family, I needed to become her again.
I wasn’t sure if she was still inside of me somewhere or if Remo had ripped her from me, just like he did my innocence, and kept her for himself.
CHAPTER 21
SERAFINA
After covering the bite marks with concealer, I left my room with Samuel at my side. Mom was in the dining room, setting plates up for dinner. Usually the maids did it, but I got the impression she needed to keep busy. She’d lost weight. She had always been tall and thin, but now she was willowy.
Samuel’s words flashed through my mind, that she’d fallen to her knees and begged Dante to save me. My mother was a proud woman. I don’t think she’d ever begged for anything in her life nor knelt. But kneeling for the ones we loved ... that was something she and I would always do. I walked over to her. She smiled but her eyes held questions and fears.
“Can I help you?”
Her eyes flitted down to my throat. “No, Fina. Just rest.”
I didn’t feel like resting. “Where are the others?”
“Your father and uncle are talking to Danilo in the office. Sofia will be here soon. She’ll be so happy to see you again.”
I smiled but my thoughts strayed to Danilo. My fiancé. My gaze fell to the engagement ring around my finger, and I shivered, remembering the look in Remo’s eyes when he’d slipped it on.
“I need to talk to Danilo,” I said quietly.
Mom put the plates down, searching my face. She didn’t ask why. Maybe she knew and could see it on my face. “Do that, sweetheart.”
I nodded and turned to head for Dad’s office. Samuel followed at my heel. “You’re not going to marry him, are you?”
I stopped in the hallway and peered up at my twin. There was no judgment in his voice, but there was relief. “I can’t.”
He touched my shoulder. “I’m here for you.”
“Won’t you have to go to Chicago to work with Dante?”
He shook his head, mouth thinning. “We decided against sending me away. Dad needs me here. We need to protect our territory.”
“I want to talk to Danilo alone, Sam.”
He frowned, protectiveness flashing in his eyes.
“Sam,” I said firmly. “I can handle it.”
I’d handled Remo for months. Nothing could scare me anymore. Maybe the same thought crossed Samuel’s mind because he nodded with a grimace.
“I’ll wait in the hallway,” he said, leaning against the wall beside the wooden door.
I knocked twice then walked in, not waiting for a reply.
My breath caught in my throat at the mess. Someone had thrown two book cases over. Ripped books and broken glasses. Dad’s beloved collection of whisky tumblers scattered the floor. The leather sofa was slashed, filling poking out everywhere.
Danilo had done this and nobody bothered to clean up afterward.
My eyes found my fiancé. He was controlled, so much like Dante that he probably couldn’t stand being compared to him anymore. I couldn’t imagine him doing this. His brown eyes latched onto mine, full of regret and anger.
“Dove?” Dad asked.
I cleared my throat, realizing he and Dante were staring at me as well.
“I’m sorry for disturbing you,” I said. “But I need to have a word with Danilo.”
Dad hesitated, his eyes flitting between my fiancé and me. Dante put a hand on his shoulder and eventually they both left. Danilo faced the window, his hands pressed into the wall on both sides.
The door closed with a soft click, and silence reigned in the room.
Danilo’s shoulders heaved. He was tall and muscular, but not quite like Remo.
“I ...” I began but then didn’t know how to go on, how to explain that I was lost to him.
Danilo turned around slowly, a haunted expression on his face. He smiled but it was strained, tired, and behind it lurked something dark and broken. “Serafina,” he murmured. He took a step closer but stopped when I tensed. “I still want to marry you. If you want me.”
I regarded Danilo’s handsome face. He knew to hide his violence better than Remo. He was elegantly handsome, not brutally attractive like Remo. Remo. Always Remo. I own you.
“I’m not the girl you were promised anymore,” I whispered. “I’m ... lost.”
He shook his head and came closer, but still not close enough to touch. “He will pay. In these last two months, I’ve spent every waking moment thinking about you, going crazy with worry and rage. Your family and I ... we wanted to get you back ... We failed ...”
“It’s okay,” I said softly.
“And I don’t care that he ... that you aren’t ...” His face twisted with guilt and fury. “I still want to marry you, and you don’t have to be scared, Serafina. I won’t touch you until you’ve healed, until you want me to, I swear.”
I moved toward Danilo. We could have been happy. He would have been kind to me, as good a husband as a Made Man could be. I didn’t kid myself into thinking he wasn’t a monster, but he was a restrained one. I touched my palms to his chest and looked into his eyes. Something in them had changed from our last encounter two months ago. They were harsher, darker. My captivity had left its mark on him too.
“I can’t. I’m sorry,” I whispered. “You deserve someone else. Please find someone who deserves you.”
He regarded me, his jaw flexing. “From the moment I saw you the first time, I only wanted you.”
I lowered my eyes because from the moment Remo had laid eyes upon me, I had been his.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated.
He nodded slowly. I dropped my hands from his chest and stepped back. “Falcone got what he wanted, didn’t he?” he said hoarsely. “But your family and I will bring him down. We will destroy him.”
I shivered. I slid my engagement ring off my finger and handed it to Danilo. “Don’t waste your time on revenge, Danilo. Move on. Find someone else. Be happy.”
He shook his head, obviously fighting for control. “Revenge is all I want, and I won’t stop until I get it. Remo will curse the day he took you from me.”
Remo already did, but not for the reason Danilo wanted him to.
He left without another word. Swallowing hard, I leaned against the windowsill. This was it. I was no longer engaged ... I was nothing. I was ... ruined. In our circles, I was ruined. If I’d married Danilo, things might have been different, but now ...
There was a soft knock and Mom entered, looking worried. I gave her a small smile, wanting to banish the hard line between her brows. “Danilo told me you don’t want to marry him.”
As if it was as easy as that. Wanting had little to do with it. I couldn’t because deep down I knew I needed to loosen Remo’s hold on my stupid heart before I could ever consider moving on.
I knew the rules of our world, even now they still bound me, bound my family. We had promised the Mancinis Dante’s niece, and now they wouldn’t get what they wanted, what they expected as the ruling family of Indianapolis. Maybe Danilo had accepted my decision but his father was still alive, sick and bedridden, but alive. He pulled the strings in the background. The Mancinis wouldn’t settle for just anyone as my replacement.
“I can’t,” I said quietly. “I can’t ever marry, Mom. Don’t make me.”
Mom rushed toward me and embraced me. “We won’t. Not me, not your father, not Dante. We all failed you horribly. You don’t ever have to marry, sweetheart, you can live with your father and me for as long as you wish.”
“Thank you, Mom,” I said, and even as I said it I knew it wasn’t what I wanted.
She pulled back, frowning. “Your uncle would like a word with you. I told him it’s still too soon, but he insists it’s necessary. Still, if you aren’t ready, I will stand up to him.”
Dread filled me but I shook my head. “It’s fine. I’ll talk to him.”
She gave a terse nod. “I’ll get him. He needs to return to Chicago tomorrow morning. He’s been gone for too long these last two months.”
She kissed my cheek before she left.
Dante stepped in a moment later, tall and controlled as always. He closed the door then paused, his cool blue eyes flickering to my throat where Remo’s marks had been—no longer visible, covered by layers of concealer, just like my traitorous feelings for him were covered up by stacks of lies. I flushed and touched my skin in shame.
“Don’t,” he said firmly.
I frowned. He moved toward me slowly, cautiously, as if he thought I might bolt. I lowered my hand from my throat when he came to a stop in front of me. “Don’t be ashamed for something forced upon you,” Dante said quietly, but his voice was off. It had a note to it I had never heard before. I searched my uncle’s eyes, but it was difficult to read him. He exuded control and power. But there was a flicker of regret and sadness in his gaze. “I don’t want to open up painful wounds, Serafina, but as the Boss of the Outfit, I need to know everything you know about the Camorra so I can bring them down and kill Remo Falcone.”
I swallowed, looking away. This war would become so much bloodier and crueler soon. As if that would undo my kidnapping. As if Remo’s death could change anything. But my family and Danilo needed to make amends for their guilt. Nothing I could say would change that.
“I don’t think I know anything that will help you.”
“Every small detail helps. Habits. The dynamic between the brothers. Remo’s weaknesses. The layout of the mansion.”
Remo’s weakness. His brothers. Remo’s biggest weakness may be his only one.
“Remo doesn’t trust anyone but his brothers and Fabiano. He would die for them,” I whispered.
For some reason I felt almost guilty for revealing that to my uncle, as if I owed Remo loyalty, as if I owed him anything at all. He had kidnapped me and then let me go. I wasn’t sure what made me hate him more.
“Apart from the family, only Fabiano and Leona are allowed inside the mansion, and occasionally cleaners. Remo keeps a knife and a gun close at all times. He’s a light s
leeper ...” I froze, falling silent.
My skin burned at what I’d just revealed, but Dante only regarded me calmly. No judgment or anger. I still had to lower my gaze from his because his understanding made me feel even worse. He didn’t know I’d come freely into Remo’s bed, enjoyed not only the sex but also the tenderness afterwards. It was a side of Remo no one knew and that he had showed it to me meant more to me than it should.
Could I reclaim what was lost? I began shaking, overwhelmed with the situation, with my feelings.
“Serafina,” Dante said firmly, touching my shoulder. I raised my eyes to his and shook even worse, overcome with the need to spill everything but not brave enough. I pressed myself against my uncle, and he touched the back of my head in comfort.
“What am I going to do? How will I belong again? Everyone will look at me with disgust.”
Dante’s body coiled tighter. “If anyone does, you’ll let me know, and I’ll deal with them.”
I nodded.
“And you never stopped belonging. You are part of the Outfit, part of this family, nothing changed.”
Everything did. Worst of all, I had.
When we finally emerged, Samuel took his place as my shadow again. We were on our way into the dining room when the front door opened. One of our bodyguards stepped in, and then Sofia shot inside. Her wide eyes landed on me, and she stormed off in my direction. She collided with me, and I would have fallen backward if Samuel hadn’t steadied me.
“You’re back!” Sofia hugged my middle tightly, and I rested my chin on top of her head, smiling. When I pulled back, her eyes were alight with happiness despite the tears in them. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too, ladybug.”
I wondered how much she knew, how much my parents and Samuel had divulged or had been unable to hide from her.
Valentina entered with her two kids, Anna and Leonas. Anna was around Sofia’s age, and they loved each other dearly. They were not just cousins but best friends despite the distance between them. Leonas was almost eight and the spitting image of Dante, except for the eyes. Anna and Leonas gave their mother a questioning look, and she nodded before they came toward me as well. I hugged them, though it proved difficult because Sofia continued to cling to my arm. Anna and Sofia sometimes were mistaken for sisters because their hair color was similar.