by Sarah Dessen
“No, thanks,” I said, and she nodded, moving on.
“Are you going to the Pavilion this evening?” Mrs. Delhomme asked me. “I hear there is a great band playing. Swing music, I believe. Sadly, my dancing days are behind me since my hip operation, but it might be fun for you.”
Hearing this, I glanced at my dad, but now he was leaning into a conversation with Nana, nodding.
“I actually heard there might be a movie?” I said, a bit louder than necessary. “A friend mentioned it.”
“Well, let’s find out.” She turned to the girl with the coffeepot. “Mila? Do you know anything about a movie here tonight?”
Mila smiled politely. “Absolutely. They do it on the beach. There’s popcorn and everything. It’s great.”
“Oh, good,” Mrs. Delhomme said. “You’ll have a wonderful time.”
“Did you say eight?” I asked Mila, making a show of checking my phone. “Because I don’t want to be late.”
“Go, go,” Mrs. Delhomme, who probably needed coffee but was still downing her wine, said to me. “Grace, I’m giving your granddaughter permission to be excused. She’s put up with our chatter all evening and wants to be with some people her own age.”
“Oh, not at all,” I told her. “I’m fine to stay.”
“No, you go,” Tracy said to me. When my dad looked at her, she said to him, “I mean, of course it’s up to you, I just feel like she’s been here all night with us . . .”
“Where is this movie, again?” he asked me.
“On the beach,” I said, pointing out the back doors. “It will be over at ten.”
“I’d go,” Tracy said, stifling a yawn, “but this jet lag is killing me. I’ll be lucky to make it home without falling asleep on the way.”
Bailey was good. I had to give her that.
My dad, however, was still thinking. Or pretending to, if only to torture me. Finally he said, “Okay, fine. But I want you home by midnight. And answer your phone if I call.”
“Will do,” I said, getting to my feet before he could give me any other addendums. “My reception isn’t great on the beach, though, just so you know.”
“Oh, it’s horrible everywhere on this side,” Mrs. Delhomme said to the table. “We’re working on a tower. If we can get the permits.”
A good time to make my escape. “Thank you so much for dinner,” I said to the Delhommes, then walked over and kissed Nana’s cheek before waving at Dad and Tracy and heading for the door. Outside in the hallway, I checked my phone. I had three messages from Bailey.
I’m here.
Where are you?
Remember to mention the bad reception!!!
I couldn’t handle the nagging, so I turned it off again. Then I went into the bathroom, which had neatly stacked real hand towels, as well as complimentary lotion and perfume dispensers (ALL PRODUCTS AVAILABLE AT CLUB GIFT SHOP!). Five minutes later, smelling like honeysuckle rose, I brushed my hair, put on some lipstick, and took a deep breath. I was going to do this, consequences be damned. Although if I chose to believe Bailey, there might not be any at all. But how often was she right?
Just as I went to push the door open, it swung back the other way. I stepped back just as Mila, she of the coffeepot and braids, came in, bumping right into me.
“Oh, sorry!” she said, jumping back as the door shut behind her with a quiet swish. “I totally wasn’t looking where I was going.”
“It’s fine,” I said, stepping to the side so she could get around me and to a stall. As she stepped inside one, I reached to push the door open again, but then I heard her voice.
“You’re friends with Blake and Hannah, right?”
“Um . . . yeah,” I said. “I am.”
“Then you should go to the party in North Lake tonight instead of the movie. It will just be all families there anyway.”
“Oh,” I said. “You think?”
The toilet flushed. A moment later, she emerged, walking to the sink. “Totally. Anyway, everyone’s going to this party either now or when they get off work. I can give you the address, if you want. I know that guy Hannah’s all into is going to be there.”
“Hannah has a boyfriend?” I asked.
“Well, they’re not there yet, but that’s her goal,” she said, turning off the faucet and picking up a hand towel. “He’s cool. And really cute. His name’s Roo.”
Hearing this, I felt like I’d been punched. I’d only been gone two days: How had this happened? “I know Roo,” I said quietly. “I didn’t realize they were talking.”
“Like I said, it’s early days.” She glanced at me through the mirror. “She and Rachel are going over there pretty soon. Maybe text them and grab a ride? You won’t regret missing the movie. I promise.”
“Maybe I’ll do that,” I said, inching slowly toward the door again. “Thanks for the heads-up.”
“Anytime,” she replied. “See you over there!”
Back out in the Club lobby, I suddenly felt tired, the weight of the whole day—arguing with my dad, the sail—hitting me. Did I really now want to go all the way to North Lake, risking serious punishment, just to see Roo with another girl? Sure, I’d always have Bailey, but if things went her way, she’d be caught up with Colin. Maybe it was just better to take this enforced separation as a sign.
“Saylor! Over here.”
I turned to see Blake just inside the doors of the Club, waving at me. On the other side of the glass door behind him was his car. Hannah was in the front seat, looking effortlessly gorgeous as usual, Rachel in the back. Great.
“Hey,” I said, walking over to him. “What’s going on?”
“You mean, other than assuming you’d bailed on me?” When I just looked at him, he added, “You didn’t answer any of my texts.”
Whoops. I pulled my phone out, powering up, then was immediately hit with a series of alerts. “Huh,” I said. “According to this, you’ll pick me up at eight just outside the lobby.”
“Really?” he said. “Imagine that.”
I smiled. “Sorry. Long day. So long, in fact, that I’m thinking maybe—”
“Nope,” he said flatly.
Stopped in mid-sentence, I paused before trying to speak again. “It’s just, we were out on the water today, I’m really—”
“Nope.”
“Nope what?”
“Nope,” he said, “you’re not going to bail on me right in front of my face. This ride, and party, is my apology. You accepted it. Therefore, you have to come.”
I looked out at the car again. Hannah had the mirror visor down and was checking her lipstick, while Rachel laughed at something in the back seat. “I don’t know,” I said. “I’m not sure it’s my thing.”
“It’s your side,” he said. “Come on.”
Sighing, I went, following him through the doors, which swung open automatically, and outside, where the valets were running around as cars came and went. When Rachel saw me, she squealed.
“Oh, good, you’re coming!” she yelled. “Let’s go!”
This enthusiasm was seconded by Hannah, who reached around for me once I was in the back seat and gave me a sloppy hug that smelled like beer. “So glad you’re here,” she said, her voice hot in my ear. “This is the night it all happens. I’m sure of it!”
She sounded so excited. But if she meant her getting with Roo, I wasn’t.
Blake slid behind the wheel, starting the engine, then beeped at the valets as we pulled around the circle in front of the Club. Just as we pulled out on the main road, I caught a quick glimpse of a white screen set up on the beach beyond the pool. This is probably a bad idea, I thought. But then we were accelerating, the wind picking up through the windows, and it was done.
“This neighborhood is like a maze,” Blake complained as we crept down yet another street, looking for house numbers. “And all the houses are so tiny.”
Hearing this, I felt a flare of annoyance. They weren’t that small, actually. I guess it just depended w
hat you were comparing them to.
“Roo says it’s a white house with a carport,” Hannah said, reading off her phone’s screen. “And that he’ll come out so we can see him if necessary.”
This was the fifth time she’d mentioned his name in the short trip over. And yes, I’d been counting.
“I swear, we’ve already been down this road,” Blake muttered as we turned onto another dark stretch. “Unless it’s at the very—”
“Roo!” Hannah yelled. Six. “There he is.”
It was indeed him, standing at the end of a cul-de-sac right by a wooden staircase, waving at us. He had on jeans and a white T-shirt that said NORTH LAKE TIGERS, and seeing him, I felt my stomach drop. He couldn’t really be into Hannah. Could he?
“Where should I park?” Blake yelled out his window.
“Anywhere up here’s fine,” he replied. “The driveway’s already packed.”
Blake pulled up next to a mailbox. He hadn’t even cut the engine before Hannah was out of the car, slamming her door behind her.
“So ready to blow off some steam,” she said to Roo, and I watched his face for signs he was equally enamored with her. He was smiling, but then he always smiled. “We brought beer.”
“Great,” he said as she gave him a hug. Don’t, don’t, I thought, surprising myself with how much I really did not want him to return this gesture, even as he gave her what seemed to be a quick, friendly squeeze in return. “I wish I could drink it. But I’m sure someone will be happy to.”
“Do you really have to work?” Hannah said, cocking her head to the side.
“Money won’t make itself,” he replied cheerfully as Blake got out of the car, followed by Rachel. I was dragging my feet, enjoying being hidden in the dark of the back seat, like as long as I stayed put, this whole scene wasn’t happening. Then Blake was popping the trunk, though, so Roo came over, lifting out the cases of beer there. Just as he was about to shut it again with a bang, he looked through the window and saw me. His eyes widened.
“Saylor?” he asked.
“Hi,” I said, opening my door and getting out. “How are—”
This was as far as I got, however, before it happened: Blake, who’d been just off to my side, came over and took my hand, easily sliding his palm against mine and intertwining our fingers. And for some stupid reason, I didn’t stop him. I just stood there, like on the boat earlier, watching it happen like I was helpless against it, too.
Roo noticed. It was clear in the way his eyes narrowed on our now-joined hands, quickly processing what this meant. Then, the beers in his arms, he turned back to Hannah. “Let’s go,” he said. “It’s this way.”
They started down a wooden staircase that led off the cul-de-sac, with Rachel right behind them. Down below, I could see people were crowded on the small porch, the steps, and the dock, their voices rising up to us. I suddenly remembered Blake was holding my hand.
“What are you doing?” I asked, finally coming to my senses and pulling it back. “This is an apology. Not a date.”
“Oh, come on,” he said. I just looked at him. “Fine. Kill me for trying. I had a chance, I took it.”
“Well, we’re not like that anymore,” I told him. “Understood?”
“Yeah, sure. You just wanted a ride. I get it.”
“That’s what you offered!”
“Because I was trying to get back with you!”
I stopped walking, halfway down the stairs. Roo, Rachel, and Hannah had already gotten to the porch, their arrival (or that of the beer) celebrated with a burst of applause. “Why?”
He just looked at me. “What do you mean?”
“Why?” I repeated. Like his “nope” earlier, I wasn’t backing down. “Why do you want to be with me?”
“I don’t know,” he replied, frustrated. “Why wouldn’t I want to be with you?”
“You can’t answer my question with a question. Try again.”
He sighed, leaning back against the rail behind him. “What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to explain why you want to hold my hand. Why you want to date me. Why this”—here, I ran a hand through the air between us, to him, me, then back to him again—“is appealing to you.”
“Well, right now, it’s not,” he said. I made a face. “What? Look, I’m an assertive person, okay? I go with the flow. And the flow treats me well. So what’s not to like?”
I could not even begin to understand this. Yes, I’d been a person who’d benefited also from the actions of others: because of my dad and his hard work, I lived in a nice house and basically wanted for nothing. But people weren’t things you just came across. They had to mean more.
“Colin liked Bailey. Bailey brought me along. And you dated me because I was there,” I said to Blake. “This isn’t a relationship, it’s a coincidence.”
“Who wants a relationship?” he asked.
Me, I thought, surprising myself. But not with someone who’s been given everything. How could you value something if you never fought for it?
But what had I fought for, before this summer? All the things I didn’t want to do, a battle of prevention: driving, thinking too much about my mom, keeping the world as I knew it small, safe, and organized. Then I’d come here, where I was thrown in with little notice and no manual, forced to figure it out on my own. North Lake had changed me. And I wasn’t sure I wanted to change back.
And then, of course, there was Roo. Who’d recognized me when I felt surrounded by strangers that first day. Who’d picked a dress that made me feel beautiful, made me laugh and think and, most of all, remember. He was right there in that house below us, nearby once again, and I should have been able to make this my moment to return the favor, find him and say everything I hadn’t that night of Club Prom. Shoulda done it, Bailey had said. And for every moment since, I’d known she was right.
“I don’t want to be part of your flow,” I said to Blake now. When he opened his mouth to reply, I continued, “And you shouldn’t want that either. Life is big and huge and scary. But you have to go and take your part of it. There’s a reason the saying is ‘Seize the day,’ not ‘Wait for it to come along at some point.’”
“Hold on, so you want me to seize you? I just did! I took your hand.”
“But I’m not the one for you!” I said, exasperated. “I’m just the one who’s right here.”
He was quiet for a second. “So . . . are you saying you don’t even want to walk in with me? You want, you know, me to wait out here until you go in?”
“No,” I said. “We walk in together, as friends. Because we are. Right?”
“I hope so,” he said quietly, and I could tell he meant it. Then he gestured for me to go ahead on the stairs, and I did, hearing him follow in the next beat behind me.
April’s house was right on the water, with a great view of the lake. As we approached, I could see her through the window, adjusting some twinkling lights in the kitchen. The party planner at work.
“It’s my BIRTHDAY!” Taylor, who was sitting on a cooler by the house’s front door, wearing a light-up crown with feathers that said PRINCESS—slightly crooked—and only one shoe, said when she saw us.
“I heard,” I told her, bending down to give her a hug. “Happy birthday.”
“Thank YOU!” She looked at Blake. “Who’s this?”
“Blake,” I said, stepping back so he could say hello. “He works over at the Club.”
“Blake from the Club,” she said cheerfully. “You want a beer?”
“Sure,” he replied. She slid off the cooler, opening it and taking out a can, which she handed him. Then she looked at me. “Saylor?”
We weren’t even in the party proper yet, still outside. But through the screen door ahead of me, I could see Vincent, messing with a speaker up on the fireplace mantel. Two girls dancing together, laughing. And in the kitchen, Hannah sitting on the counter, Roo right in front of her. She was saying something, gesturing widely, as he listened, a sm
ile on his face.
“Sure,” I said, keeping my eyes on them. “I’ll take one.”
“You don’t drink,” Blake said as Taylor handed me a dripping can as well.
“Not usually,” I said, popping the tab. “But it’s her birthday.”
“Hell YEAH it is!” Taylor yelled, hopping up and holding out her own beer to tap mine. “Let’s drink to THAT.”
She did, and I followed suit, even as I felt Blake’s eyes on me. While the beer was cold, it still tasted awful, making me wince as I swallowed it down. Still, with a last look at Roo and Hannah—or what I hoped would be—I forced another one. Then one more.
“We should dance,” I said to Taylor.
“Um, YEAH,” she replied, keeping up the streak of shouting every few words. “I have a playlist I made just for this moment. Seriously! Let me just—hey, Vincent! Don’t you dare pair your phone with that speaker. I’m not kidding!”
With that, she was opening the door to cross the floor to the fireplace, pulling her own phone from her pocket as she did so. Vincent, busted, slipped out the back door, leaving what I was pretty sure was, yep, heavy metal blasting behind him.
“Hey,” Blake said to me as we came inside. “I know I’m not your boyfriend, but watch it with the beer. It can hit you fast when you’re not used to it.”
“I’ll be fine,” I said, taking another sip. “I’m only having this one.”
And that was the plan. Just a few sips to loosen me up and take my mind off Roo and Hannah, as well as my dad. But as the alcohol began to hit, blurring the edges of this stressful day, and Taylor, after cursing Vincent loudly for a moment, put on a song with a whirly, pumping beat that Ryan, Bridget, and I loved, I was already thinking how another one would have to make me feel better. This would probably be the last party I’d attend on this side this summer. Or ever. I might as well make it one to remember.
“Isn’t this AWESOME?” Taylor shouted in my ear a little while later. We’d started dancing just by ourselves, then pulled in the other two girls who’d been moving solo as well as April, who was now doing the bump with vigor. The room suddenly felt packed with sweaty, moving bodies, the music barely audible, even though the speaker was right there.