by Vera Hollins
“He could have hurt you, Sar. I don’t want you to do this for me. It makes me feel even worse, especially because you didn’t even talk to me about it first.”
Oh. Now that she’d put it this way, she was right. It wasn’t fair of me to do it without her knowledge.
“I’m sorry. I just wanted to help...”
“I know, but I already feel bad enough because I’m his target and I’m not able to do anything about it. I don’t need you to jump into something dangerous and try to fix it when it doesn’t have anything to do with you. Besides, what if he bullies me even more now just because you interfered? What if he starts bullying you again?”
Fear snaked through me. I wasn’t worried for me as much as I was worried for her. What if he really bullied her more? What if I’d made things worse?
“I’m so sorry, Jess. I didn’t even think that I could make a bigger problem. I don’t want that. I just wanted to help you.”
Jessica sighed and offered me a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “It’s okay. I understand. You only wanted to help me, but please, don’t do it again.”
I felt horrible. I didn’t want to make her feel like this. “I won’t. I won’t do anything before talking with you about it.”
Her hand covered mine on the table, and she squeezed it. “Thank you for wanting to help me. Really, you’re such a good friend. To think that you went to confront Blake... That’s amazing.”
I turned red. I wanted to tell her so many things, but as always, I struggled with expressing my emotions the right way. “It’s nothing. You don’t have to mention it.”
“And don’t worry about me. I’m okay. I mean, it’s horrible, and I’m still a little bit down, but it can’t last forever, right?”
I never got the chance to reply to her because a female voice behind me said, “Hey, Sarah?”
I turned around and met Becca’s gaze. She was a member of the writing club and a cheerleader. “Yes?”
“I’m just here to tell you that Ms. Holt wants to see you.”
Ms. Holt? “Why?”
“She wants to talk with you about what happened in Spanish. Something about you being pushed to the floor.”
Why would she talk with me about it? “Okay. Where is she?”
“In her classroom.”
“Okay. Tell her I’ll see her before the last period.”
“Actually, she wants to see you right now.”
I looked at Jess, who wore a puzzled look, and then back at Becca. “Okay. Then I’ll go now.”
Her gaze flickered to Jessica. She looked like she wanted to say something more, but she didn’t. She nodded and walked away.
“I wonder what that could be about. Maybe she wants to check if you’re okay?” Jess asked.
“I don’t know.”
I took a bite of the potato, trying to eat something, but it was tasteless, and I couldn’t stomach it. I had to eat something as soon as I got the chance, though. Sometimes, I felt weak when I was starving, and collapsing in school was the last thing I needed.
“Do you want me to go with you?”
I glanced at her half-finished sandwich. I didn’t want to interrupt her in the middle of her lunch.
“No. That’s okay. I’ll go quickly and see what she wants.” I picked my tray and got up, but then I halted, looking at her pale and exhausted face. “Are you going to be okay by yourself here?”
She nodded, dropping her eyes. “Of course,” she muttered. “I’m cool.”
“I’ll come back quickly. Okay?”
“Okay,” she said and took another bite.
I glanced at Hayden on my way out, who was already following me with his gaze. I chanced a smile, hoping he would return it. I counted seconds as he just looked at me, flurried, until he finally smiled back and winked at me.
He smiled back and winked at me!
Relax, Sarah. Relax.
I tossed the food into the trash and left the tray on the counter, feeling happy. I felt like I was floating as I walked down the vacant hallway, replaying his smile and wink. My heart was pounding, reminding me with joy that Hayden and I weren’t enemies today. Today, I got to see a completely different side of him—I saw how it could be when there was no hate, reproach, or hurt.
I passed next to the girls’ locker room when someone clamped their hand over my mouth and pulled me backward, their arms closing around me in a vise-like grip.
“Mhm!” My scream came out muffled. I twisted and wriggled to set myself free.
“Stop fighting, stupid bitch,” Christine hissed in my ear.
My eyes widened. Maya appeared in front of me and helped her restrain me. They dragged me into the locker room, and the door closed behind us with a bang. They pushed me to the floor, and I landed on my knees, pain flashing through me. I looked around me in frenzy, spotting Becca and Mary near the door. Their malevolent looks made my blood run cold. No.
This was a setup.
Panic set in. “What are you doing? What is this?”
Christine stepped closer to me, her face contorted with hate. I scurried up to my feet, backing away from her.
“I warned you, stupid slut. I warned you to stay away from Hayden,” she snarled. “But you just couldn’t listen.” I was breathing too fast, paralyzed under the promise of hurt in her eyes. She tsked and smiled. “Now, you’ll pay for it.”
Chapter 21
I PRESSED MYSELF INTO the lockers behind me. Mary locked the door, creating a sound that resonated deep in me, inducing more panic. All four of them looked ready to rough me up. I couldn’t believe they would go to this extreme because I started to get along with Hayden.
“Don’t do this. This is so wrong,” I pleaded with Christine.
“Oh, I’ll do this. I’ll do it and enjoy every second of it.”
Maya, Becca, and Mary advanced on me, and my fear escalated. I tried to conjure up what few Krav Maga moves I remembered from that one class, but they seemed useless against the four of them.
I dashed to the door, hoping to be quick enough to elude them and unlock it, but Maya and Mary were faster. They blocked my way and shoved me back.
“Let me out!”
I tried to pass them, but they pushed me again, and the force of the impact sent me to the floor. I cast an imploring look at Christine, hating feeling so vulnerable. I tried to think of some solution, but there was none. I was outnumbered, and the door was locked so no one could help me. There was nothing here I could use as a protection. I was trapped without any way to save myself, and it terrified me not knowing what they would do to me.
“HELP—” I screamed as I got to my feet, desperately hoping for someone to hear me, but they moved so quickly I didn’t even manage to finish it before Maya clamped her hand over my mouth. She and Becca restrained me, holding my arms. Their grip was too strong!
I started kicking, managing to throw Maya and Becca off balance, but they shoved me down to my knees before I could set myself free and tightened their grip, Maya’s hand on my mouth preventing me from screaming. I couldn’t do anything.
Christine stopped above me. “Stop resisting, slut.”
Christine, don’t do this! This is insane! Please!
“You should burn her hair. Teach her a lesson,” Mary told her, taking out her lighter.
Oh God.
Christine cocked her head to the side. She was actually considering it. “You think?”
I broke out in cold sweat as Mary lit her lighter. “Yeah. Just enough so she would learn to be an obedient bitch.”
Christine formed a crooked grin. “You’re right. Give me the lighter.” Mary handed it to her. No. “Raise her hair.”
No. No. No.
I tried to resist as Mary stopped behind me and grabbed my hair, but it was futile.
No. Don’t do this. Please, don’t.
Dread clutched me at what I found in the depths of Christine’s eyes. “This is what you get when you mess with someone else’s guy.”
/> Maya came behind me and grabbed my hair, raising it in the air. My heart was about to burst.
I thrashed my head from side to side to get Maya’s hand off my mouth, but she just clamped it down harder. My eyes overflowed with tears. I couldn’t save myself.
“Time to say goodbye to your long hair,” Christine said and stepped behind me.
No!
I twisted and twisted, my chest constricting with panic... I smelled burning. NO!
I started screaming. She’d just set my hair on fire!
No...
I froze with fear. The smell became stronger. The fire would reach my skin...
It would reach my skin! Stop!
“Look at her. The poor baby is crying,” Maya said, chuckling, but her cruel laugh sounded like a buzz in my ears.
“Maybe we should put it out. That’s enough,” Becca said.
“No,” Mary said. “Just a little bit more.”
Christine didn’t stop, and a loud buzz intensified, rising in pressure that felt like it would explode any second.
The flame came dangerously close to my scalp, and panicked thoughts twirled around, her vicious chuckle reaching the darkest corners of me... Christine was going to set me on fire!
I thrashed and kicked, my screams never leaving my throat...
“Okay, that’s a lot. Put it out!” Becca shouted.
A moment later that seemed like an eternity, they put out the fire before it reached my scalp. I sagged against Maya and Becca, immense relief spreading through my whole being... Until I realized that they weren’t finished with me.
“You deserve the worst,” Christine said.
They pushed me to the ground, and Christine kicked my back and legs a few times. Their chuckles and taunting continued, but I couldn’t even process what they were saying as the sharp pain exploded again and again in several parts of my body. Stop! I curled into a ball, blind from pain. Stop! I cried out, unable to form any words in my throat... Stop...
“I think she’s learned her lesson,” Mary said.
Finally, the kicks stopped, and they left, leaving me bruised and weak on the floor. I was a mess. I wasn’t able to move, staring at one spot on the floor through my tears. My whole body was cold as I came to a full realization of what had just happened to me.
They burned my hair.
This was surreal. It was savage. Doing something like this to someone... That wasn’t normal.
I managed to get up and dragged myself to the door, my legs wobbly. I felt like I was going to vomit any second. A horrible smell of my burned hair trailed behind me. My mind was foggy, and I felt so tired...
I got outside and made a few steps down the empty hallway with no particular direction. The door opened behind me, and I turned around to see Blake come out of the gym in his basketball uniform. He was drenched in sweat, his hair a wet mess. His face carried a lonesome, tormented expression as he walked with his gaze on the floor.
New tears spilled from my eyes. My legs threatened to give out on me any second, and the pressure in me finally came to the point of bursting. I couldn’t even move.
The squeaking sound coming from his Air Jordans stopped when he raised his head and noticed me standing in the hallways. He took me in with surprise.
“What the fuck?” he mouthed and dashed toward me. My vision blackened, and when I opened my eyes, he was already in front of me. He grabbed my shoulders. “What the fuck happened to you?”
I fought to hold his gaze as darkness crawled to the edges of my vision. “Christine... Maya... They...”
And then everything became black and silent.
I OPENED MY EYES AND blinked a few times. My mind was foggy. What had happened?
“Sar! You woke up!”
I looked at Jess, who was sitting next to me. I frowned when I recognized the nurse’s office.
“Jess? What is going on?”
I was disoriented, trying to remember how I got here. I raised myself up and winced when a throbbing pain coursed through my body. All the memories rushed back to me. Christine and Maya... The locker room... My hair...
My hair!
I raised my hands and tapped all over my head, until the truth sank in. My hair was longer at the front but only three inches long at the back, with extremely fried ends. I whimpered.
They really did that.
Jess observed me with sympathy and concern, but this did nothing to close the gaping hole in my heart. “I heard Blake say to Hayden that he found you near the gym and you fainted in his arms. I was beside myself when I went to my next period and saw him carrying you through the school... Sar, what happened?”
Hayden... Where was he?
I closed my eyes tightly, pain crushing everything in me. “I...” My heart clenched. I couldn’t form the words. I pressed my hand against my chest.
“Does anything hurt you?”
“Just my heart,” I whispered.
How could they be so cruel? How?
I cried out and embraced myself with my shaking arms.
“Sar.”
She jumped from her seat and hugged me around my shoulders. I inhaled her sweet flowery scent, finding some comfort in her hug. I needed this. I needed this warmth and support. I needed to forget I lived in a world filled with merciless people. I needed to forget that whatever I did or wherever I went I would be bullied.
I would always be bullied.
“I don’t understand. You went to see Ms. Holt and—”
“Ms. Holt never asked to see me.”
She pulled away. “No? But that girl, Becca, said—”
“That was just a bait to lure me out. They were waiting for me in the girls’ locker room. I was near the gym when Christine and Maya grabbed me and dragged me inside.” Jessica gasped, turning pale. “It was all because they don’t want me near Hayden.” I whimpered. “They... They restrained me and then Christine’s friend gave Christine her lighter to set my hair on fire and...”
Jessica’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry about your hair... The flame didn’t catch your skin?”
I shook my head. “They put it out before it reached my scalp. As if that wasn’t enough, they pushed me to the floor and Christine kicked me. I couldn’t defend myself. I couldn’t even move. The last thing I remember is seeing Blake...”
I thought about Hayden, and I felt a prick of disappointment because he wasn’t here.
“You mentioned Hayden. Was he here?”
“Uh, yes...”
“When did he leave?”
She was hesitating, the silence dragging between us making me tenser. “Look, I don’t want to worry you, but I think Hayden and Blake will do something to Christine and Maya.”
My heart accelerated. “What do you mean?”
“Blake called Hayden to come here and told him you mentioned Christine and Maya. Hayden flipped and rushed out of here saying he was going to make them pay. I think he went to search for them.”
“What?”
“Blake followed him, so... What are you doing?”
I was already on my feet, swaying because I felt too weak, partially because I’d skipped lunch. I needed to find Hayden and stop whatever he was planning to do.
“I must stop him.”
“I don’t think you should do that... I mean, you need to rest and—”
“I don’t want him to do anything drastic. I have to find him.”
I glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that the last period finished several minutes ago, which meant I was out cold for around an hour and a half... No. That was plenty of time for Hayden to do something. I could only hope that he hadn’t been able to get to them.
I trudged through the room, ignoring the rising nausea. My empty stomach growled.
“But Sar, you don’t look well at all. Maybe he won’t do anything.”
I almost bumped into the nurse when I opened the door. She frowned at me. “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be lying down!�
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“I-I’m sorry, but I have to go—”
“Go? No, you can’t go. You need to rest. You’ve been assaulted. I’ve already talked to the principal, and he’ll come to talk with you. Also, I called your mother, but she told me she was at work and unable to come.”
She was talking, but all I heard was noise in my head. I had a feeling something bad was about to happen.
“Look. I need to go.”
I rushed down the hallway. She called after me, but I couldn’t bring myself to care about her.
Jessica fell into step beside me as the students in the hallway turned their heads at me one by one. They looked at me like I was an abomination, whispering in surprise or confusion. I had no idea what I looked like, but I didn’t want to know. It would be terrifying to see, and I would just be reminded of that moment I desperately wanted to forget.
“Hey, you have to see this, man! Black and others are in the backyard. They’re holding some chicks and burning their stuff,” one guy said to his friend.
What?
“Seriously? Where?” his friend asked.
“Follow me,” the guy answered, and they darted out of the hallway.
I ran after them before I was even aware I’d moved.
“Sarah?” Jess shouted after me. “Sarah, wait!”
The pain battered my body as I ran, but I didn’t care. What is he doing?!
“Sarah, you’re hurt! Slow down!”
“I can’t let him do this!”
My vision blurred for a brief moment, and I lost my footing. I recovered quickly and continued running, battling with all the emotions that surged in me. We passed by many astounded faces, and I pushed aside my humiliation, trying not to think about how this might be looking to them. I shivered when we got outside without my jacket, but my adrenaline carried me on.
They were at the same place they were when I disobeyed Hayden and went to visit Kayden’s grave for his first death anniversary, when he burned my things for everyone to see.
I got around the corner and stopped in horror. A plume of smoke licked up into the sky, the furious, cracking flames swirling in the middle of the backyard creating a gut-churning sight. Many students surrounded the fire, their eyes fixed on the scene that unfolded in front of them, and some of them even recorded it.