by Alex Wolf
“He’s the best…” I shake my head and a million feelings sock me in the chest all at once. Not now. Not here. The past plays through my mind, of how Dad was before, and now after.
Deacon takes my hand in his from across the table. “You know you can talk to me. I’m not just saying that to be nice. I want to know you and your family.”
I let out a breathy exhale. “I’m worried he’s showing signs of early onset dementia.”
Deacon leans in. “What kind of signs?”
“Little things, like mood swings, short-term memory loss, some days he can almost take care of himself and some days he’s almost helpless.” I wipe at the corner of my eye.
“Hey, hey, it’s fine.” His hand covers mine. “Maybe we should talk about something else on our first date. Save the heavy tears for date two.” Deacon grins.
I laugh and nod. “Please. That would be great.”
“I want to know everything, but you look so beautiful and it’s so nice out here. I didn’t mean to dig all that up right out the gate.” He leans back in his chair and folds his hands behind his head. “Ask anything about me. I’m an open book.”
“Favorite movie?”
“Die Hard. Next.”
I snicker.
“What? Who doesn’t love Die Hard? It’s the greatest Christmas movie of all time.”
“Uhh, it’s so not a Christmas movie.”
Deacon’s eyebrows shoot up. “It so is. Not even just a Christmas movie, the greatest, like I said. Next.”
I can’t stop laughing then I stop and just look into his eyes and smile.
“What is it?”
“Nothing, you just… you’ll get along great with Dad.”
“I should hope so. He has excellent taste in cinema and quarterbacks.”
How did he take me from the brink of tears to smiling and laughing like a fool within ten seconds?
We drink, eat, and laugh.
The night goes by far too fast and before I know it, he’s walking me to my door. I don’t know why I feel so nervous right now. Our first date is perfect, and I never want it to end. It’s light years beyond any other date I’ve ever been on, like something from a movie or a book.
“I really enjoyed tonight.” His lips brush up against mine as he backs me up against the door. It’s not a normal kiss from him, but it still knocks the breath out of me. His mouth moves slowly over mine. No tongue.
My knees go weak at how sensual it is. It’s a gentle and dominant kiss at the same time. A kiss that says you’re mine. It’s a kiss that says he cares about me, wants more than just sex in a closet.
Whatever he’s doing, it’s working because I already feel the familiar throb between my legs, and tingles skittering over my skin.
I’m ready for it. I want him so damn bad right now, and it’s not just to get off. I want to feel the connection between us. Something tells me sex with him right now would be on an entirely different plane of existence. Mentally, I’m begging his thick frame to crash into me, pin me up against something.
He pulls back, and I let out a sigh before I can stop it. I can’t tell if I’m annoyed or dazed or both, but I instantly miss him pressed up against me.
I gesture toward the apartment. “You know…he’s asleep. I could show you my room. You didn’t get to see it before.”
Deacon lets out a slight groan. “God, don’t do this to me right now.” His hand shoots out in front of me, palm up. “Sorry, that came out wrong.”
I stand there and stare, unable to form words.
Is he really about to turn down sex again? What world am I living in?
Deacon reaches up and tugs at his hair.
He looks so freaking hot in his suit, warring with himself to the point he might pull his hair out. Flames roar through my body and lick down to my fingers and toes at the sight of this gorgeous man who wants me so bad he has to fight it. I want to jump up and wrap my legs around him, refuse to let go until he comes inside.
“I can’t believe these words are about to leave my lips, but no.”
My eyes widen. “No?”
He places both palms on my cheeks and plants another soft kiss on my lips and I’m not sure how much more I can take.
When he leans back, his eyes plead with me. “Please. All I want is the perfect ending to tonight. I want to watch you go through that door, and I want to miss you like crazy the second it shuts. Then, I want to walk to my car, drive home, and replay the moment over and over in my head until it’s seared into my brain. The perfect moment from our perfect first date, so I can tell the story fifty years from now and remember every single vivid detail. The way a first date should be.” He reaches out and pulls me in close to him. His hands slide down my dress and cup my rear. “But, so you don’t think I’ve turned into a total pussy, I will collect on this offer in the future.” He kisses my neck. “Again.” He squeezes my ass. “And again.” Deacon kisses me once more, hard enough to bruise my lips, and I can tell he’s fighting everything in his body to not haul me into the apartment and do unspeakable things.
Holy mother.
When we separate, I give him exactly what he asked for. I turn back and flash him one last smile and an awkward wave before I close the door.
What he doesn’t know, is I’m doing the exact same thing he is right now. Taking in the moment, so I can remember it clear as day in the future. It’s almost impossible to focus because he looks so damn—just happy, like a young boy after he just gave a girl a flower for the first time. I have to be grinning like a damn idiot. The night was perfect. Absolutely perfect.
Once I close the door, I turn and my back hammers against it and I gasp for air. I press the pad of my fingertips to my swollen lips and whisper, “Wow.”
Deacon
Quinn has no idea how difficult it was to not throw her over my shoulder and haul her to her bedroom.
I think my dick is still pissed at me about it.
I wanted to so damn bad, but I just couldn’t. I promised myself I would do this thing right and treat her with the respect she deserves. I really liked her dad too, and I made a promise to him. There’s no way in hell I was going to go into their apartment and fuck her while he was asleep in the next room.
Even though Quinn said it was fine, I would never disrespect him like that. Not going to happen. Her dad was a pleasant surprise. I didn’t think it was possible, but now, I admire her even more; the way she takes care of him, goes to law school, and works a full-time job.
She is a total badass and I feel like the ultimate slacker.
I can see now why she was so averse to dating someone, especially me. Look at everything she has going on in her life.
I’m going to have to do better if I want to stay in a relationship with her.
A relationship.
I’m in one now, and it feels awkward and awesome at the same time. I don’t think I’ve ever really been serious with another woman. Sure, I’ve “dated” or whatever, but it was just hooking up more than once. It’s never felt real, until Quinn.
When I pull up the driveway, I can’t shake the excitement. I’m practically bouncing on the balls of my feet, ready to hit somebody. It’s better than walking through the tunnel at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena or after winning the Big Ten championship my senior year. And that shit was insane. I never thought I’d feel an adrenaline rush like it again.
After a long shower, I crawl into bed and try to watch something on TV. Nothing holds my interest. I must flip through the channels for like forty-five minutes.
I keep glancing over and staring at my phone. I feel like such a pussy because I want to call a friend and tell them all about my date. Dex is about the only one that’d understand, but I still don’t know if he’d get it. Really, there’s only one person I want to talk to right now.
Fuck it. I’m calling her.
Quinn answers on a yawn after the third ring. “Deacon?”
“Shit, did I wake you up?”
“No. It’s fine. I was ju
st getting into bed.”
“You don’t have to lie. You go to bed early as fuck, don’t you?”
“10:42 p.m.”
“Huh?”
“Nothing, I was just seeing how long you could go without using profanity. I know you were doing it for our date.”
I look at my clock on the nightstand and it’s 10:42. I can’t do anything but smile and plead ignorance. “I was?”
“Okay, I’ll be honest if you will. I was asleep. But it’s okay. It’s nice to hear your voice.”
“Okay, well, when I got home I shouted ‘fuck’ roughly forty-eight times to make up for any f-bombs I would’ve normally dropped between the hours of seven and nine.”
A laugh comes through the receiver. I’ve never made her laugh this much in the past. She’s warming up to me, a lot.
“Okay, I’m up. What’s going on?”
I contemplate making something up, but I just told her we were being honest. “I just promised not to lie, so here it goes. I need to say something, and I don’t really have anyone else I can talk to about it. Nobody who won’t give me shit, anyway.”
“What’s up?”
“Well, you’re pretty much my best friend, outside of my brothers, and I…”
“Spit it out, Collins.”
“Okay. Well, I had an amazing first date with the perfect girl tonight, and I just wanted to tell someone.”
She sniffles.
“Fuck, are you crying?”
“No! Don’t be ridiculous.” She sniffles again. “No…it’s just, allergies. And God, you can be really sweet when you want to be. Do you know that?”
“I’m like that candy that’s really sour at first then sweet when you get to the middle.”
She laughs. “Yes! Perfect analogy. And Deacon…”
“Yeah?”
“I had a really great time too.”
“You did?”
“Yeah, see there’s this guy…I never really knew what to make of him. We’ve been sleeping together for months, but I never took him seriously until now.”
“Well, he sounds amazing. You should see him again.”
“You really think I should? I’m kinda into him.”
“Absolutely, I bet his dick is huge.”
Quinn bursts into a laugh. “I don’t know about the last part. He’s pretty average. But maybe I will. He knows how to use his tongue, after all.”
I can’t stop grinning. “Hey, Quinn?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for listening. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Deacon.”
I end the call and feel like I might float up to the ceiling.
Fuck, life is good.
Quinn
I unroll my yoga mat next to Heather’s.
She nudges me with her elbow. “So, how was it?” She bends down and slips off her shoes.
I take a quick sip from my water bottle before class starts. “Perfect.”
“Oh wow, look at you, cheesing like a fool. Must’ve been damn good.” She waggles her eyebrows.
I shake my head at her. “Wasn’t like that. He reserved a private rooftop. We had dinner and champagne. The conversation was amazing, then he drove me home and kissed me goodnight.”
She stops unrolling her mat and stares at me. “That’s it? No foreplay? You have already banged this guy, right?”
“I’m serious.” I swat at her. “It was nice, perfect even. He called me when he got home because he couldn’t stop thinking about me.”
“He gonna come over tonight to wash and braid your hair too?” She cackles but clears her throat when the instructor shows up.
I scowl at her and face forward.
“Good morning, class.”
“Good morning,” everyone says in unison.
“Let’s get into position. We’ll start with upward facing dog.”
“Should be a first for you.” Heather makes sure to say it when the instructor isn’t watching and shoots out her tongue.
I pretend to scratch my nose and use my middle finger.
After turning my attention back to yoga, I focus on my breathing and relax. I stick to the beginner’s class since I rarely have time to come, and feel like a newbie every time.
“Chin up, Quinn,” the instructor says.
I do as she says and my muscles strain in the best way possible.
“Hold your position. Good. Now let’s get in to downward dog.”
The next thirty minutes fly by without Heather yapping in my ear. She’s my best friend and I love her dearly, but it’s nice to keep some of my feelings about Deacon private. I like having him all to myself.
Heather leaves to get ready for work. They’re doing the monthly inventory tonight, but I’m not ready to go home yet. I don’t get many free evenings. After I change, I head off down the street with my gym bag.
I duck inside one of my favorite coffee shops and splurge on a white mocha latte with a dash of cinnamon. I pay and grab my drink, then walk through the small park on the way to the apartment, watching the kids play. They’re so carefree, without a worry in the world. No crazy course schedule or workload. No bills. No sick parent to take care of.
It’s nice to watch them, and I find myself wondering when I went from that to my current state. It didn’t happen overnight. Adulthood doesn’t smack you in the face, it creeps up on you slowly until one day you no longer recognize yourself.
I scroll through my phone and think about sending Deacon a text, but I remember he has Decker’s bachelor party today. Wow, finally a free night and Deacon’s busy. I could never ask him to skip the party, though. That would be ridiculous and irrational and something I’d never do. But, I can secretly wish he was here, spending time with me. Nothing wrong with that.
Tate flew to Dallas for the weekend to hang out with her friends back home for her bachelorette party. She invited me to go but there was no way I could leave Dad. Who am I kidding? I couldn’t afford the flight, even if I’d wanted to go. It was sweet of her to offer, though.
Before I realize, it gets late and I need to head home and make dinner. I try to stick to a routine with Dad as much as I can. As I walk up the sidewalk toward our building, I freeze in my tracks. There’s an ambulance out front, and blue and red lights swirl and reflect off the buildings. EMTs wheel someone out the door on a gurney. My coffee hits the sidewalk and explodes into the air. I take off in a dead sprint.
Please, don’t let it be him. Please, don’t let it be him.
It’s him.
Olly, the landlord, meets me at the ambulance. “He had a fall and bumped his head. Ronnie heard him yell for help. He’s going to be okay, Quinn. Don’t worry.”
My head spins so fast I feel dizzy. It’s too much to take in all at once. He’ll be okay. He has to be.
They won’t let me in the ambulance with him. There’s no room and they’re trying to hurry in case he had another stroke.
The EMT guy shouts, “University of Chicago Medical Center.”
I rush to my car so I can follow.
Deacon
Decker rolls his eyes and knocks back another shot at the strip club. “You assholes plan this for me or yourselves?” He lets out a derisive snort.
I hold both hands up. “Don’t look at me. This was the other two.” I point a finger and wave it between Dexter and Donavan. All I want is to hang out with Quinn right now, but I’m stuck here. There’s no way I could get out of it and time is dragging ass.
A brunette with giant fake tits takes to the pole. Her ass cheeks clap against a dental-floss thong as our idiot brothers throw wads of dollar bills at her. They both have unlit cigars hanging from their mouths and laugh it up. I can’t help but think only a few months ago I’d have been right there with them. That was the old Deacon, though.
Part of me smiles at the sight. At least Decker and Donavan are in the same room together. Shit has been tense between them ever since Donavan called Weston and told him about Tecker. They need to kiss and make up.
I’ve never seen my brothers pissed at each other for longer than a day or two.
“I’d have been happy with a night of poker.” Decker downs another drink. “Fuck, imagine all the germs in this shit hole.”
I nod. “I hear you.”
Decker rolls his eyes. I know he doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t know about Quinn and me. I haven’t told anyone but Dex. I don’t want to make shit weird for her at work and Dex won’t say anything. There’s no way she’d be fired. I’d make sure of that, but she doesn’t need the added anxiety. She has enough to worry about as it is.
“You seeing this shit?” Dex howls and points at the stage. The stripper is picking up dollar bills with the ol’ downstairs.
“Fuck.” I look away.
This is not my damn scene at all. In fact, it’s a little repulsive. I can’t believe I used to enjoy this kind of shit.
I would rather be anywhere in the world but here. What I’d love most, is to take Quinn to dinner, or just hang out and watch a movie.
I know I sound like a pussy, but I don’t give a single fuck. I wonder if Decker would kill me if I left early? I glance at my phone to see if Quinn has texted.
“What’s with you? You seem distracted. Somewhere else you’d rather be?”
“Who me?”
“Yeah, you, dipshit. What’s her name?”
“Who?”
“Whoever’s call you’re expecting on your phone. You can’t stop staring at it.”
Before I can answer, my phone rings and Quinn’s name flashes on the screen.
“Don’t think I don’t know it was you who messed with all the shit in my…”
His words trail off and everything else fades away when I swipe the screen. “Gotta take this.” I cover the receiver until I’m outside. “Hey.”
“Deacon.” My name filters through the speaker on a sob.
My hand grips the phone so tight my knuckles turn white and my stomach twists. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s my dad… he umm, fell. I’m on my way to the hospital and I didn’t know who else to call. I couldn’t ride with him. They wouldn’t let—”