by Aimee Carter
My mother. Her illness was the last thing I wanted to talk about. It seemed wrong to spread it around, like I was somehow spreading her around as well. And selfishly I wanted to keep her to myself for these last few days, weeks, months—however much time I had left with her, I wanted it to be just her and me. She wasn’t a freak show they could stare at or some piece of gossip they could whisper back and forth, and I wouldn’t let them do that to her. I wouldn’t let them taint her memory like that.
James leaned against my car, and I saw a flicker of sympathy in his eyes. I hated being pitied. “How long does she have?”
I swallowed. For someone with zero social skills, he could read me like a damn book. Or maybe I really was that obvious. “The doctors gave her six months to live when I was a freshman.” I clutched my car keys so hard that the metal cut into my skin. The pain was a welcome distraction, but it wasn’t enough to make the lump in my throat disappear. “She’s been hanging on for a really long time.”
“And now she’s ready.”
I nodded numbly. My hands were shaking.
“Are you?”
The air around us seemed unnaturally heavy for September. When I focused on James again, racking my brain for something to say that would make him leave before I started crying, I realized that nearly all of the other cars had left.
James reached around me and opened the door. “Are you all right to drive home?”
Was I? “Yeah.”
He waited as I climbed into the car, and he gently closed the door behind me. I rolled my window down as soon as I started the engine.
“Do you want a ride?”
He smiled, tilting his head as if I’d said something remarkable. “I’ve walked home every single day of high school so far, in the rain, snow, sleet, hail, doesn’t matter. You’re the first person to ever offer to drive me home.”
I blushed. “It’s not a big deal. Offer stands, if you want.”
James stared at me for a moment, as if he were making some sort of decision about me. “No, it’s all right, I’ll walk. Thanks though.”
I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or to feel guilty for wanting to feel relieved. “See you tomorrow then.”
He nodded, and I put the car into reverse. Right before I took my foot off the brake, James was next to the window again.
“Hey, Kate? Maybe she’ll hang on a little longer.”
I said nothing, not trusting myself to keep my composure. He watched as I backed out of the space, and when I turned onto the main road, I caught a glimpse of him walking through the parking lot. He’d put his massive headphones on again.
Halfway home, I had to pull over and give myself time to cry.
Mom spent most of that night hunched over a basin retching, and I spent most of it holding her hair back. By the time morning came and Sofia, the day nurse, showed up, my mother barely had enough energy to call in, excusing me from my classes, and we both slept the day away.
After another round of chilling nightmares, I woke up shortly after four, my heart pounding and my blood cold in my veins. I could still feel the water fill my lungs as I struggled to take a breath, could still see the dark swirls of blood that surrounded me as the current pulled me under, and the more I struggled, the deeper I sank. It took me several minutes to calm myself down, and once I could breathe steadily again, I dabbed a bit of concealer underneath my eyes to hide the dark circles. The last thing I wanted was my mother to worry about me as well.
When I went to check on her, Sofia sat in a chair outside her door, humming softly to herself as she knit what looked like half a puce sweater. She looked so cheerful that you would’ve never known my mother was dying on the other side of the door.
“Is she awake?” I said, and Sofia shook her head. “Did you attach her medication to her IV?”
“Of course, dear,” she said kindly, and I slumped my shoulders. “Are you going to the party tonight?”
“How do you know about that?”
“Your mother mentioned it,” she said. “Is that what you’re wearing?”
I looked down at my pajamas. “I’m not going.” It was an hour with my mother that I would never get back, and we didn’t have many of those left together. Sofia clucked disapprovingly, and I gave her a dirty look. “Wouldn’t you do the same if she was your mother? I’d rather spend tonight with her.”
“Is that what she would want you to do?” said Sofia as she set down her knitting. “For you to put your life on hold while you wait for her to die? Do you think that’s what would make her happy?”
I looked away. “She’s sick.”
“She was sick yesterday, and she’ll still be sick tomorrow,” said Sofia gently. I felt her warm hand in mine, and I pulled away, crossing my arms tightly over my chest. “She’d want you to have a night to yourself.”
“You don’t know that,” I snapped, my voice quavering with emotion that refused to stay buried. “You don’t know her, so stop acting like you do.”
Sofia stood and carefully arranged her knitting on the chair. “I do know that all she talks about is you.” She gave me a sad smile I couldn’t bear to see, so I looked at the carpet instead. “She wants nothing more than to know that you’ll be happy and okay without her. Don’t you think an hour or two of your time might be worth giving her a little peace and reassurance?”
I gritted my teeth. “Of course, but—”
“But nothing.” She squared her shoulders, and even though she was my height, she suddenly looked much taller. “She wants you to be happy, and you can give her that much by going out tonight and making friends. I’ll stay and make sure she’s taken care of, and I won’t take no for an answer.”
I said nothing, glaring at Sofia as my face burned with anger and frustration. She stared back, not giving an inch, and finally I had to look away. She didn’t know how precious each minute was to me, and there was no way to make her understand, but she was right about my mother. If it would make her happy, I would do it.
“Fine.” I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. “But if something happens to her while I’m gone—”
“It won’t,” said Sofia, the warmth back in her voice. “I promise it won’t. She may not even notice you’re gone, and when you get back, you’ll have a story to tell, won’t you?”
If Ava had her way, I was sure I would.
CHAPTER 3
THE RIVER
My last hope was Ava forgetting to pick me up, but when I reluctantly dragged myself to the porch five minutes after seven, I saw a massive Range Rover parked in the driveway, making my car look like a toy in comparison. My mother had still been sleeping when I’d gone to check on her, and instead of letting me wake her up to say goodbye, Sofia shooed me away. By the time I left, I wasn’t a happy camper.
“Kate!” squealed Ava as I opened the passenger door, oblivious to my bad mood. “I’m so glad you’re coming. You’re not contagious, are you?”
With effort, I climbed in and fastened my seat belt. “I’m not sick.”
“Whew,” said Ava. “You’re so lucky your mother lets you skip.”
My hands tightened into fists, and I said nothing. Lucky wasn’t exactly the word for it.
“You’re going to love it tonight,” said Ava, not bothering to glance in the mirror as she backed out of the driveway. “Everyone’s coming, so you’ll have a ton of people to meet.”
“Is James coming?” I braced myself as Ava slammed on the gas, and the Range Rover lurched forward, taking my stomach with it.
For a split second, Ava looked so disgusted by the thought of James showing up that I almost took my question back, but the look was gone as soon as it’d come. “James isn’t invited.”
“Oh.” I let it drop. I hadn’t been expecting James to come anyhow—he and Ava didn’t exactly run in the same circles, after all. “Is Dylan?”
“Of course.” Her cheery voice sounded as fake as her nails, and when I looked at her through the dim light of the car, I saw a flash of
something in her eyes. Anger, maybe, or jealousy.
“I’m not after him,” I said, in case she hadn’t gotten the message yet. “I meant it when I said I don’t date.”
“I know.” But the way she refused to look at me spoke volumes, and I sighed. I shouldn’t have cared, but in New York I’d seen plenty of boys taking advantage of their girlfriends while eyeing someone else in the background. It never ended well. No matter how much Ava might’ve hated me, she didn’t deserve that.
“Why are you with him anyway?”
For a moment, she looked startled. “Because he’s Dylan,” she said, as if it were obvious. “He’s cute, he’s smart and he’s captain of the football team. Why wouldn’t I want to be with him?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I said. “Because he’s a pig who probably only dates you because you’re gorgeous and almost certainly a cheerleader?”
She sniffed. “I’m captain of the squad and captain of the swim team.”
“Exactly.”
Ava spun the wheel, and the tires squealed against the pavement as the car turned sharply. The image of a cow in the middle of the road flashed through my mind, and I squeezed my eyes shut and silently prayed.
“We’ve been together for ages,” said Ava. “I’m not going to dump him because some girl who thinks she’s better than us comes along and tells me I’m being stupid.”
“I don’t think I’m better than you,” I said tightly. “I just didn’t move here to make friends.”
She was silent as we drove through the darkness. At first I thought she wasn’t going to say anything, but when she did a minute later, her voice was so small I had to strain to hear her. “Daddy said your mom’s really sick.”
“Yeah, well, Daddy’s right.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t know what I’d do without my mom.”
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Me neither.”
This time when she turned the corner, I didn’t feel as if we were suddenly flying through the air. “Kate?”
“Mm?”
“I really love Dylan. Even if he’s only with me because I’m a cheerleader.”
“Maybe he’s not,” I said, leaning my head against the window. “Maybe he’s different.”
She sighed. “Maybe.”
Ava parked her gas-guzzling monster on the side of a dark road. Trees rose above us, and the moon cast shadows on the ground, but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out where we were. There wasn’t another car or house in sight.
“Where are we?” I said as she led me into the forest.
“The bonfire’s in the woods,” said Ava as she nimbly avoided the low-hanging branches. I wasn’t as lucky. “It’s not that far.”
Muttering a string of profanities under my breath, I followed her. This effectively destroyed my intentions of leaving early, and I’d be stuck here until Ava left, unless I caught a ride with one of my many suitors.
I made a face at the thought. I would have rather walked.
“It’s right on the other side of the hedge,” said Ava, and I stopped. The hedge?
“You mean the hedge around that huge property?”
“You know about it?” Ava turned to look at me.
“My mom told me.”
“Oh—well, it’s where we have our parties. Daddy knows the owner, and he’s totally cool with it.”
Something about the way she said it made my stomach twist into knots as I remembered the figure I thought I’d seen in the rearview mirror, but there wasn’t much I could do. Maybe she was telling the truth. She had no reason to lie to me, did she? Besides, as far as I knew, the only way past those hedges was the front gate, but we weren’t anywhere near the road anymore.
“How are we supposed to get in?”
She continued walking, and left with no choice, I followed. “There’s a stream up ahead. There’s an opening in the hedge we can climb through, and the party’s just on the other side.”
I paled, my nightmares of drowning coming back to me. “I don’t have to swim, do I?”
“No, why?” She must’ve caught something in my voice, because she stopped again to look at me.
“I can’t swim. I never learned how.” It was the truth, but I also didn’t want to tell her about my nightmares. It was bad enough I had to relive them at night; if I told Ava, I was sure she would only use them as ammunition against me.
She laughed lightly, and I could’ve sworn her tone grew more cheerful. “Oh, don’t worry, no swimming required. There are rocks you can step on and stuff that makes it easy to get in.”
I could see the hedge now. My hands were sweaty and my breath was coming in short gasps, and I didn’t think it had anything to do with our brisk pace.
“It’s right up there.” Ava pointed to a spot about twenty feet ahead of us. The sound of rushing water floated in the night air toward us, and it took every bit of willpower I had to keep following her.
When we reached the stream, my mouth dropped open. It wasn’t a stream—it was a damn river. The current didn’t look very powerful, but it was strong enough to carry me away if I fell. And without much light to work with, it was almost impossible to see the stones Ava referred to. She’d been telling the truth about the opening in the hedge though: it was small, as if the river narrowed just enough for the hedge to form over it. We’d have to walk on rocks and duck to get underneath, but it was doable without actually going swimming.
“Follow me,” said Ava in a hushed voice. Holding her hands out for balance, she stepped into the river, searching until she found a wide stone. “Path’s here—are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I muttered through gritted teeth. I was careful to place my feet exactly where she’d walked and hold my arms out like she did, but every step made me feel as if I were going to fall into the dark water below.
She ducked underneath the hedge, and I could no longer see where she was going. My stomach tightened as panic set in, and I placed a shaking hand against the hedge and bent down, taking each step one at a time.
Miraculously, I arrived on the other side dry. The stones ended immediately, and I had to jump to reach solid land, but I’d done it—I was safe. I let out a sigh of relief. If Ava thought she was getting me through that hole again, she was out of her mind.
Looking up, the first thing I saw was Ava unzipping her skirt, her top already discarded. Underneath she wore a bikini, the colors muted in the dark.
“What’re you doing?”
She ignored me. Instead of pressing the issue, I took a moment to look around. We were in a wooded area, and had I not known any better, I’d have thought we were still on the other side of the hedge. It looked exactly the same.
“Sorry, Kate,” said Ava. She pulled a trash bag out of her pocket and placed her folded clothes inside.
“Sorry? Why are you sorry?”
“For leaving.” She tossed the bag over her shoulder and flashed me a wide smile. “Don’t take it personally. If Dylan didn’t like you so much, we might even be friends. But I’m sure you can understand why this has to happen.”
“Why what has to happen?”
“This.” She stepped into the water and shivered. Apparently it was as cold as it looked. “Consider this a warning, Kate. Don’t touch my boyfriend. Next time it’ll be much, much worse.”
And with that she dove headfirst into the river.
Two things happened at once: first, I realized what was going on. She was leaving me here, knowing full well I was afraid of the water. There was no bonfire—she’d done this on purpose.
The second thing happened when Ava hit the river. Instead of watching her swim away, I heard a sickening crack as she hit her head on a rock, and the next thing I knew, Ava floated limply as she was carried away by the current.
I winced. The water carried her nearly twenty feet as I watched, but Ava didn’t move. The blow must have knocked her senseless.
Good.
No, not good, the moral part of my brain insist
ed. Not good at all. If she was really unconscious and not just dazed, then she would drown if the current didn’t push her onto the bank of the river.
I mentally groaned. Let her suffer—it wasn’t a very wide river. She’d come to her senses and find the edge eventually.
But that do-gooder voice in my head pointed out that if something happened to her, I’d be responsible. And even if she had tried to pull a cruel prank on me, I couldn’t bear the thought of something awful happening to another person in my life. I’d had enough tragedy for one lifetime.
My body moved before my mind was made up. I might not have been very good at swimming, but I could run. Kicking off my heels, I closed half the distance between us before I’d even realized what I was doing. The current was strong, but it wasn’t as fast as I’d first thought. I caught up to Ava quickly, skidding to a stop on the muddy bank, but then I had a whole different problem to deal with—the water.
Images from my nightmares flashed through my mind, but I pushed them aside. Ava was in the center of the river and facedown, which meant I didn’t have time to wait for her to come closer. There were only two options: let her drown or jump into the river after her. Not much of a choice.
Cringing, I entered the ice-cold water and splashed toward her, leaping sluggishly to keep up. My foot caught a rock and I fell in, drenching myself, and before I knew it, the current had me, too.
Panic rose up inside of me as soon as my head was submerged. But I was conscious, and even though I couldn’t swim, the water wasn’t deep. Unlike my nightmare, I managed to find my footing and push myself toward the surface. I struggled to reach Ava, and once I did, I grabbed her arm and yanked her toward me. My heart beat painfully fast, but I kept breathing as steadily as I could. I was going to kill Ava once she was awake, and if there was any justice in the world, she’d need stitches and permanently scar that pretty little face of hers.
I pulled Ava toward the shore and out of the freezing water, relieved to be on dry land. Even though she’d only been in for half a minute, her skin was beginning to turn blue, and I turned her on her side, hoping that would help if she’d swallowed any water.