“So,” Martinez said, “we still on for McCormack’s?”
“I’m not really feeling it tonight,” I said.
“No?” Watts said. “You were all for it an hour ago.”
“That was an hour ago,” I said, taking a sip of water.
“I might catch up with you later.”
Martinez looked disappointed, but he nodded, heading out with the rest.
She sat next to me, in full view of Peter, and the satisfaction I felt was almost too much to hide.
“Thank you for dinner, Naomi,” Peter said. “See you next week.”
She nodded. “See you. Happy Thanksgiving.”
Peter left, and I glared at the door even when it closed behind him.
“Still mad?” Naomi asked.
“I don’t like that prick.”
“You’re not supposed to. He’s a politician.” Naomi smiled, but I didn’t think anything about Peter was funny. She touched my hand. “Why don’t we go out? Have a good time and blow off some steam?”
I stood, my head immediately spinning, my heart banging against my chest. “Blow off steam? Dead rabbits in your yard spelling that shit isn’t steam, Naomi. Something is very wrong.”
“I promise, it’s fine.”
I sighed. “I should probably head home.”
“Zeke, it’s Thanksgiving.”
“I know. It’s just … awkward.”
“I thought you were going to teach me how to two-step?”
One corner of my mouth turned up, but it quickly faded. “I dunno, Naomi. I’m not feeling the best, and I’m trying to process.”
“Process what?” When I didn’t answer, she prompted again. “If you want to be with me or not?”
I couldn’t say anything. All I could hear was the thump of my heart and the ringing in my ears.
“Wow. Okay then. You’re right, this is awkward as fuck.”
“Naomi,” I said, reaching out for her and pulling her to stand. “You know my story. Even with Brad and Jenn treating me like their son, there was something missing. I spoke with them yesterday, and Jenn said I was different. I feel different. It’s more than just being with you. I feel like I’m finally part of a family. Our family. You and me.” The look on her face warned me away. “I get it. We’re in this weird place where we’re together, but there’s an invisible line you don’t want to cross. That’s what I’m processing. I just needed you to know that.”
“That it’s not you holding us up?”
I shrugged one shoulder.
She looked down. “Wow.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “I’m such a dick. Stay. Please?”
I had to get to bed and sleep whatever it was off. I had too much work coming up to get sick. I kissed her forehead, letting my lips linger on her skin. “Can I call you tomorrow?” I said softly.
Naomi nodded.
chapter twenty-six
next level
Zeke
I
t nearly killed me, but I walked away from her. I let the engine of my truck run for a minute or so then backed out, my foot planting the gas pedal to the floorboard. The tires squealed so the whole world would know my frustration. It might’ve been a stupid kid thing to do, but it felt good in the moment.
I stared at my phone more than the road, wishing she’d call, text, beg me to come back. She didn’t, but of course not. I knew better.
Just as the lock clicked as I pushed through the door, my phone buzzed, and it flipped in my hands a few times before I caught it and answered. “Hello?”
“Hey,” Jenn said in full mom-voice mode. Her tone was soft; just the one word dripped with love and patience.
“How’d you know I needed to hear your voice?” I said, sitting on the bed just as the door slammed shut.
“I didn’t. Just wanted to hear yours. What’s up?”
“The girl. Naomi.”
“Oh?”
I fell onto the bed, flat on my back, staring up at the ceiling. The room had become a prison, Naomi’s house my escape. It was more than just weird that I’d retreated here. “It’s hard to explain, and her job is sort of secret, so there’s not a lot I can explain.”
“That’s … odd. What does she do?”
I chuckled. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know, or won’t say?”
“Yes.”
Jenn laughed out loud, but quieted down quickly. “Zeke. You like this girl?”
I sighed, picking at my jeans. “Yeah.”
“Tell me.”
“I can’t, Jenn. It’s … complicated.”
She took a breath, preparing to mother me. “You know, when you and Becca split up, I worried about you. You were lost. She was a sort of lifeline for you, but I couldn’t figure out to what. You have a big family who loves you. You have a safe place to land, a job you love, and a crew of brothers who love you back. All of my children come to me searching for something, but you’re the only one I couldn’t help figure it out.” She paused. “What do you think it is?”
I thought a minute, remembering loving and then missing Becca, and now the way I felt about Naomi. “This is different.”
“How?”
“Becca … she was what I wanted. Naomi … she’s what I need.”
“How so?”
“She doesn’t put up with my shit, but she’s tough. She’s not going to run.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Everyone runs.”
“Not everyone,” Jenn reminded me without hesitation. “But you’ve always been a runner.”
I rubbed my face with my hand. “You’re right. I left her alone tonight, on Thanksgiving. Who does that?”
“Someone trying to see how far he can push until she leaves you too? And maybe even so you could say you knew she would all along.”
“No.” I sighed. “Yes.”
Jenn had a way of pulling the truth out of me that was buried so deep inside that I didn’t know it was even there until she dangled it in plain sight. “Are you serious about her, son?”
“Yes,” I said immediately. “This job, though … it’s going to be a challenge not knowing if she’s safe or not. Where she is. Who she’s with. She can take care of herself and has been long before I came along. I don’t know. Maybe it’s a guy thing.”
“Or a Zeke thing,” Jenn said. “You didn’t choose your career because you enjoy sitting on the sidelines.”
“I’ve told her that.”
“You can make it work if you really want it.”
“I do.”
“Then sleep on it. Get some rest, call her, and tell her what’s going on in that head of yours before you lose her.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Love you,” she said, hanging up.
I undressed down to my boxers, then reached over to switch off the lamp, pulling the covers over me. My head was still pounding, and my chest felt tight. Jenn’s voice had relaxed me a little, but I knew until I smoothed things over with Naomi nothing would feel right.
chapter twenty-seven
sunrise
Naomi
T
rex and I talked until sunrise. The rabbit carcasses were an intimidation tactic by Darby’s abusive ex, and he’d been working overtime to make sure she was safe without her stressing over the knowledge.
“I still think you should tell her,” I said. “These things always come out.”
“I know. I should. She’s so far along,” he said, worry in his voice. “I’ll tell her after she delivers.”
“She won’t think that’s good enough, Trex. I promise.”
“But she’ll understand.”
“Will she?”
“Yes.” He sat in silence for a long time after that, and then we began reminiscing about things that always helped distract us: our old deployments, Kitsch and his mental health, old times… We moved on to the shit coffee we were drinking and
whatever else helped keep us awake while we watched over Darby.
I glanced up to Zeke’s window. The lights were out. He was probably sleeping, having no clue I was just below wishing I was up there with him.
“Okay. I’m out.”
Trex and I touched our coffee cups together.
“Thanks, Nomes.”
“Yep.”
I started up the FJ, letting it warm up for less than a minute before pulling out of the parking lot.
Just as I drove into the street, my phone rang.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Is that you pulling out of the parking lot?” Zeke asked, his voice raspy.
“Uh, no?” I lied.
“It’s not your green FJ turning onto the road right this minute?”
“Nope.”
“Come back,” he begged.
“Nope,” I repeated.
“Fine, then I’m coming over.”
“You sound exhausted.”
“I can’t sleep. I need to see you.”
A lump formed in my throat. “Okay, fine. Come over,” I said, hanging up.
I raced home, making sure to beat Zeke there in plenty of time to park, wash my face and change into pajamas. He didn’t even knock when he came in, walking through my front door as a silent symbol of what he wanted, giving me hope.
The bolt lock clicked, and he padded down the hall to my bedroom, hovering in the doorway, backlit by the hall light.
“Are you awake?” he whispered.
I pushed myself up on my elbows. Zeke was wearing a wrinkled T-shirt and his favorite gray pants, his hands in the cotton pockets.
“No.”
“You weren’t at the hotel for me?”
“No.”
He thought about that. “You can’t tell me, can you?”
I shook my head.
He nodded. “Can I come to bed?”
“Yes.”
I turned onto my side, keeping my back to him as he crawled in bed next to me, wrapping his arms around my middle and pulling me against him. He buried his face in my hair, and I held his arms against my middle.
Zeke’s skin felt clammy.
“Are you feeling any better?” I asked.
“Not really. Didn’t get much sleep.”
“Think it’s a virus?”
“I don’t know,” he said, dismissive.
“Just … hang in there with me, okay?” I asked. “Don’t give up yet.”
“This is hard for me. I am desperate for this to work, but I also don’t think I can survive another broken heart.”
“I don’t want to break anything.”
“How do Harbinger and his wife do it? She’s just okay not knowing?”
“She understands that it’s better not to know.”
“I will never understand that. I know you can take care of yourself. I know I shouldn’t worry. But knowing weird shit is going down and I’m not allowed to know what it is…”
“You don’t need to protect me, so you don’t need to prepare, Zeke. If you can accept that, I think we’ll be okay.”
“I save people and things for a living. How am I supposed to change my mindset for the woman I love?”
I turned to face him. “You love me?”
He touched my cheek. “So much it scares the shit outta me.”
I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against his. When we finally pulled away, he watched me, his eyes blinking slowly until he couldn’t open them again. He fell into a deep sleep within minutes, and soon after, I was somewhere in oblivion with him.
chapter twenty-eight
fade
Naomi
M
uch to Peter’s dissatisfaction, I skipped the workouts at the Complex to join Zeke later. We’d gotten memberships at the same gym where Trex had gotten his, and it was an added bonus to see him outside of work.
Now that fire season was over and he wasn’t hiking up mountains with little sustenance for days, Zeke had begun to bulk up, and he seemed to feel better in his own skin, despite still feeling dizzy and nauseous at times. But even when I tried to scale back, Zeke tore himself up every workout, filling out and cutting down in record time.
I watched him eat multiple times a day—mostly protein—while he chatted happily about his family back home or places he wanted to walk hand in hand with me. So many plans, it was hard to keep up, but it didn’t matter. Zeke was all about the future, and I loved that he effortlessly included me in it all.
“Babe?” I said, hopping down mid-chin lift to check on Zeke.
He was bent over next to the gym trash can, holding up his finger when I got to close.
“Lunch isn’t setting well with me.”
“I don’t think any meal has set well with you for a week.”
He grabbed his knees, he’s breathing becoming labored.
“Why do you go at it so damn hard? Listen to your body,” I said.
“That would set a precedence. Then I’d have to start listening to Jenn, and you, and my sisters…”
I smiled, crossing my arms. “Very funny. It’s been a month. Time to make an appointment.”
“I ate two steaks and six eggs on ab day, honey, I think I deserve this.” He stood, his lips the same color as his face.
“You’re pale,” I said, frowning. “Sit.”
“Babe…”
“Sit,” I demanded, pointing at the floor. I crossed my legs under me, watching him. He seemed dazed as he rubbed his shoulder. “You’re overdoing it.” Before he could argue, I continued, “Why?”
“Ask any of my guys. It’s just what I do in off-season.”
I stared at him for a while, trying to decide if he was leaving anything out. “You workout until you puke?”
“No, that’s new,” he said with a smile.
“You’re not funny.”
“I’m a little funny,” he said, the color coming back to his face. He bent over and kissed my forehead. “Let’s eat. I’m starving. Then we’ve got some Christmas shopping to do. You’re going to finally understand exactly how big my family is very soon.”
I arched an eyebrow, watching him walk a few steps, and then he turned when he realized I wasn’t following.
He lifted his arms. “C’mon, babe. I’m fine, and I’m not going without you.”
“Make an appointment.”
He shrugged. “Fine,” he said, nonchalantly scooping me into his arms.
I kicked, not trying hard at all to free myself.
He pulled me toward him, waiting patiently for me to stop flailing, and then he kissed me. “You ‘bout done?” he asked.
I kissed him again then shook my head.
“Food. Christmas presents. Bed. In that order,” he said, nuzzling my neck as he carried me to his truck.
I watched him eat his first dinner of the night at a local diner, knowing he’d eat a full meal before bed too. Then, I held onto his arm while he pushed a basket through a department store and carefully chose gifts for Jenn, Brad, and each one of his siblings. I bought something small and easily shippable for my parents, Spenser, and Kansas, and then a little something for Trex, Sloan, Martinez, Kitsch and Harbinger. By the time we finished, though, I was also pushing a basket.
“This is the easy part,” Zeke said, sliding each gift across the scanner. “What sucks is wrapping them.”
“We still have like ten days before Christmas. I can wrap them,” I said with a shrug. “I don’t mind.”
“You don’t hate wrapping presents?”
I shook my head.
“What are you doing next Thursday? Because my schedule is wide open that day to marry you.”
I threw a box with one of the dozens of toys he’d bought at him. “If that’s all it takes, I shouldn’t try so hard.”
He rolled his eyes. “You’re not a try hard. Not even close.”
I lifted one shoulder, trying to feign emba
rrassment when I was really bursting with pride. In truth, we were effortless. Once we got the few kinks ironed out, it just seemed right.
“That’s the last of it,” he said, placing a sack on top of the rest already in the basket.
He paid, and we pushed the carts to the parking lot, racing, of course.
“You sure you want to wrap all these?” he asked, stuffing them in the back seat of his truck.
“You sure you want to marry me on Thursday?” I teased.
“In a heartbeat,” he said without hesitation, white puffs coming from his mouth in rhythm with his labored breath.
“Quit it, you’re making me blush.”
His nose was beginning to get red from the cold, a contrast from his white teeth when he smiled. “You’d make it my best Christmas ever. I was a foster kid, you know. Do it for charity.”
I rolled my eyes. “You get no sympathy from me. You ended up with the best parents ever.”
He slipped into the driver’s seat next to me, our doors slamming at the same time. He started the engine, then held my hand between his, kissing it before rubbing my fingers between his to keep them warm.
“You’ll hear zero complaints from me about where I ended up. I go to sleep next to you every night and wake up next to you every morning. There is nothing better than that.”
***
My cheek was warm against Zeke’s chest when I woke. The presents were wrapped and shipped, the rest under the tree for Zeke and me. The snow tapped against the window, and the heater kicked on. The Christmas lights blinked all the way into the hall, on for a second, off for two, then on for two, off one.
“Merry Christmas, baby,” I whispered, gently squeezing his middle.
For a few minutes, everything was quiet. For a moment in time, I was in bed on Christmas morning with a man who loved me, it was snowing, and the hallway darkened and then lit up again from the blinking lights on the fir tree in the living room.
And then his phone rang.
Zeke didn’t move.
“Babe,” I said softly. “Your mom is calling you.”
Zeke stayed still. I nudged him. He still didn’t move.
The Edge of Us (Crash and Burn Book 2) Page 21