by Carrie Elks
Had he run all the way from football practice?
Before she could call out to him, the roar of an engine cut through the quiet of the neighborhood, Cam’s blue Audi swinging around the corner like it was on rails.
Michael glanced at the car and ran faster, right as Cam climbed out and lifted what looked like Michael’s duffle. Mia’s brows knitted together as she watched him swallow hard and walk toward the house.
What the hell was going on?
“Cam?”
“Mom!” Michael shouted, his breath coming in harsh pants. “Get inside.”
“What?” She shook her head, trying to understand.
“Don’t talk to him,” he yelled, his eyes wide and crazy.
“Cam!” Josh called out, his face brightening as he spotted the football player half-running across the road. He barreled down the steps, throwing himself at Cam’s stomach. “I got an ‘A’ on my project. How cool is that? It’s all thanks to you.”
Michael stopped in front of Cam and Josh, his eyes narrowing as he continued to pant. “Get your goddamned dirty hands off my brother,” he growled.
“Michael!” Mia called out, running down the steps. “What’s come over you? Don’t swear.”
“He doesn’t care about your project,” Michael continued, pulling at Josh’s shoulder. Josh released his hold on Cam, and looked up at Mia, a hurt expression on his face. “He’s using you, Josh. To get to Mom.”
“He isn’t.” Josh’s lip trembled. “You’re my friend, aren’t you, Cam?”
Cam ruffled his head. “Sure I am, buddy.”
“Don’t make me hit you again,” Michael said, his voice thick. “Take your hands off my brother. Now.”
“Sweetie, can you go inside?” Mia said, looking down at her youngest son. His eyes were tearing up, like he was about to let out a sob. “Go and get some potatoes out from the cupboard. I need to peel them.”
“But what about Cam? Why’s Michael being so mean?”
It felt like déjà vu. The first day she’d met Cam all over again. Another argument on the doorstep, another attempt to keep the peace. But this time she had no idea what was going on. “Just go in, okay? I’ll come in in a moment.”
“Okay.” Josh nodded. “I’ll go.”
When the door closed behind him, she turned to look at Cam and Michael. Her son was staring at the older man, his gaze full of venom. “What the hell is going on here?” she asked through gritted teeth. “Why did you make Josh cry?”
“Maybe you should ask ‘Doctor Love’,” Michael spat out.
Her chest tightened as she lifted her gaze to Cam’s. His eyes were soft as they caught hers. “He knows.”
“I know you’re an asshole who takes advantage of married women,” Michael spat out. “That’s what I know.”
She wanted the ground to swallow her up. Instead, she took a deep breath and reached for Michael’s arm. “Honey, he didn’t take advantage.”
“So you fucked him willingly?”
Her jaw set tight. “Don’t talk to me like that. And don’t let me hear you use that word again. It’s disgusting.”
Michael rolled his eyes. “Not as disgusting as him.”
“Whatever you think happened between the two of us, you’re wrong. Now can we go inside and talk about this like adults? Because right now we’re giving the whole street a performance they’ll talk about for weeks.”
“That asshole’s not coming in my house.” Michael glanced at Cam, shaking his head. “Not now and not ever.”
“It isn’t your house,” Mia reminded him.
“Oh I know that. You dragged me away from my house. The one in Kansas City. I get no damn choices over my own life. Because it’s all about you and dad, isn’t it? You messed up each others’ lives and now you’re messing up mine.”
“Michael…” Cam’s voice was soft. “We don’t want to mess up your life.”
“Do you love him?” Michael asked her, his nostrils flaring.
“Sweetie, I…”
“Because he loves you. Or so he says. But we both know he’s full of shit.”
He loved her? Mia’s hands started to shake. When she looked at Cam she could see it. The softness, the light shining out of him. A tiny gasp left her lips.
He loved her. Oh god, she loved him, too.
“That isn’t any of your business,” she told Michael. There was no way she was going to declare her feelings here and now.
“But you love me, right?” His lip trembled.
“Of course I do.” She stroked his hair, but he recoiled from her. “So much.”
“If you love me, you’ll stop seeing him. Right now. Tell him it’s over.”
His words felt like a mack truck hitting her head on. She turned to her son. He was staring at her with a question in his eyes. Did she love him enough to make Cam leave?
Or was she going to turn out like Niall, and put her love life before her children? There was no question about her choice, but it hurt so damn much. She inhaled raggedly, looking at both the boy and the man she loved.
“Cam…” She tried to find the words, but her brain was a mess of emotions.
“It’s okay,” Cam said, his voice cracking. “I’m leaving.”
That’s when the tears started rolling down her face.
“It can’t be over,” Joanna said, her voice low. “There has to be a way to make this work. Maybe give Michael some time. He’ll get used to having Cam around. You can’t sacrifice your happiness for your children.”
Mia squeezed her eyes closed. “Of course I can. That’s what moms do. And what’s the alternative? Be with Cam and break Michael’s trust in me forever? He already had one parent desert him, I can’t do the same.”
She leaned back on the bed, feeling light headed. The evening had been fraught, and more than once she’d thought she was going to throw up. Josh had been so upset when she’d walked back into the house, wanting to know why Michael was so angry and hated Cam. He’d cried as she explained it was an adult thing, but they all still loved Josh and that’s what mattered.
By the time he went to bed, he’d perked up a little. Hopefully by the morning he’d be back to his usual chirpy self.
Which was more than she could say for Michael. He barely spoke all evening. Didn’t eat his dinner, or hang around in the kitchen to do his homework. Instead, he’d disappeared to his room and told her to go away when she knocked.
Time. He needed time. Maybe that would help him get over this.
As for her? Everything inside of her felt broken. If you shook her, she’d rattle. The little shards of her heart that Cam had helped her glue back together had been crushed all over again.
“What about if you two cool it for now? Try again in a few months. Michael’s at such a difficult age.” Joanna was grasping at straws. “I mean, what if he does this to every guy you date? You’ll be a lonely old woman.”
“I don’t think I’m going to date again.” Mia’s voice was monotone. She couldn’t imagine ever wanting to be with anybody but Cam. He was the first man to make her feel alive. To make her feel like she could take on the world with him by her side.
The only man she cared about.
“Jo…” her voice cracked, a sob escaping her lips. Hot tears rolled down her face. “I’ve messed everything up. I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh sweetie. Just breathe. It’s okay,” Joanna crooned. “You haven’t messed anything up. This isn’t your fault. You’re allowed to fall in love. It’s what makes the world go around. One day, Michael will regret hurting you like this.”
Mia could taste the salt of her tears on her lips. “I never should’ve sent those flowers.”
“And Cam shouldn’t have let Michael in his house while they were there, but neither of you expected this to happen. I thought the flowers were a cute touch, for what it’s worth.” Joanna sighed. “I still don’t think you should give up.”
“What do you think I should do?” Mia asked, desper
ate for hope.
“You should ask him to wait for you.”
“No. I can’t do that.” Mia shook her head even though her cousin couldn’t see her. “I can’t leave him hanging when there’s a chance Michael won’t change his mind. It’s not fair on him.”
She could hear Joanna’s soft breathing echoing down the phone. “So you’re done?”
“I don’t know.” Mia pressed her hand to her brow, blinking back the tears. There was no other way. Not unless she wanted to alienate Michael forever. Her head was pounding like somebody was hitting it with a sledgehammer. “But I can’t hurt Michael any more than he’s been hurt. I don’t see us coming back from this.”
“Oh honey.”
“I know. I know.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Cam pulled into the school parking lot and switched off the ignition, sighing loudly as he slumped in the driver’s seat. His head was pounding, and his eyes felt as dry as the Sahara, thanks to a night of sleeplessness. Instead he’d tossed and turned, thinking about the anger in Michael’s eyes, and the horror in Mia’s.
This was all his fault, and he had no idea how to make it better.
At midnight he’d tried calling her, but her phone was off. So he typed and deleted about a hundred different messages, before sending a simple ‘I’m sorry.’
And now he had to go in and coach the varsity team, and pretend that everything was okay. At least it wasn’t JV – so Michael wouldn’t be there. But he’d have to face him eventually.
Face the fact that the kid hated his guts.
It was stupid how much that hurt. But it was nowhere near as powerful as the excrutiating pain in his chest every time he thought of her.
Yesterday, when they were standing outside her house, she was going to tell him it was over. He could see it in her eyes. And yeah, he’d handled it for her by walking away, but her rejection still felt like a knife to the heart. She was right to choose her son. He wouldn’t have expected anything else from her.
So why was it so damn hard to breathe?
“Hey, can we have a word in my office?” Coach Hawkins asked when Cam made his way to the gym. “Something weird is going on and I’m hoping you can shed some light on it.”
“Sure.” Cam nodded, following the coach into the closet that masqueraded as his office. It was just large enough for a small desk with enough of a gap for the coach to squeeze around so he could sit in his chair. Cam took a seat opposite. The only light in here was from the strip hanging on the ceiling. The windowless space felt like it was lacking oxygen. It also smelled bad, like teenagers who hadn’t remembered to shower.
The coach steepled his hands together, looking at Cam over his fingertips. “Michael Devlin came to see me today.”
Cam took a deep breath. “What did he say?” He could guess. But he wanted to hear it from somebody else.
“He quit the team.”
Cam blinked. “What? He can’t do that. You just promoted him.”
“That’s what I told him. But he was clear. He won’t play football at Columbus as long as you’re a coach. So my question is, what’s going on?”
“I made him angry. A personal thing.” Cam wasn’t sure how much Michael had shared. And he didn’t want to make the kid’s life any harder by spilling his guts to Coach Hawkins. “I’ll talk to him. He’ll change his mind.”
Coach’s eyes flashed. “There’s no such thing as a personal thing. This is a school, and you’re a coach. It’s my job to protect the kids, so I’ll ask you again. What happened between you and Michael?”
Cam closed his eyes for a brief moment. The mess kept getting bigger. “I was in a relationship with his mom. Michael found out and got angry.” He opened his eyes and glanced at the coach. “I’d appreciate it if this didn’t go any further.”
Coach Hawkins sighed. “Was? That means it’s over?”
Hearing it out loud made Cam’s gut ache. “Pretty much, yes.” He blew out a mouthful of air. “Let me speak to Michael, see if I can get him back on the team. He has too much talent not to play.”
“No. I don’t think that’s wise. Michael was pretty adamant. And I don’t like angst in my football team. The two of you working together isn’t a good idea.”
Cam shook his head. “You’re right.” There was no way he wanted to make this worse. Not for Michael or Mia, or even himself.
“So you’ll stop coaching JV.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah,” Cam agreed. “I will.” He glanced at the ground. “I should stop coaching Varsity, too. It’s only a matter of time before Michael’s ready to start training with the main team. And he won’t do it if I’m here.”
Coach gave him a sad smile. “I think that might be for the best. For Michael’s sake. I’ll be sad to see you go.”
Another rejection. Sure, it was gentle, but he still added it to the pile. The Bobcats, Michael, and now the school football team.
And Mia. The one that hurt more than the others combined together.
“I should go.” Cam stood, glancing back at the coach. “Will you tell them I’ve left?”
“Yeah.”
“I have a meeting about a coaching job in L.A. this week. Maybe use that in way of explanation.”
The coach nodded. “I’ll make it vague.” He stood and shook Cam’s outstretched hand. “Thank you for all your hard work. On behalf of the whole team. We have the best defense we’ve had in years thanks to you.”
Cam gave him a nod and got the hell out of there, not stopping until he made it to his car.
There was only one thing for it. He needed some brotherly advice.
His three brothers looked at him with open mouths. “Mia Devlin?” Logan finally said. “Why didn’t I know about this?”
Cam had called his twin from the car, and told him he needed to talk. Logan must have taken that as the apocalypse coming, because before he knew it, all three of his brothers were assembled in Gray’s kitchen, waiting for him to drive over and throw his heart on the goddamn floor. Becca would probably be here too, if she wasn’t stuck at work.
Thank god she was. Right now she was such a big reminder of Mia it hurt.
“I guess I wasn’t sure where it was going. And once I was, I needed to keep my mouth shut because we had the whole issue of telling her boys.” He shook his head. “But I messed that up, too, didn’t I? Like everything I touch turns to shit.”
“Yeah, like your nine years of playing NFL football. That’s been terrible.” Tanner let out a snort. “Catastrophize much?”
“I don’t remember you laughing when Van ended things with you,” Logan murmured. “Give the guy a break. We all know what heartbreak feels like.”
Their nickname had never felt so apt.
“So what are you gonna do?” Gray asked, leaning forward on the breakfast bar.
“I’m going to L.A. and hope to God I get the job.” Cam looked down at the counter, his eyes tracing patterns in the stone. “Because I can’t stay around here and not be with her.”
“You’re leaving? But you just got here.” Tanner frowned. “Dude, don’t make any rash decisions.”
“I hate to say it, but Tanner’s right.” Logan shrugged.
“Bingo!” Tanner clapped his hands together. “I knew I’d be right eventually.”
“A stopped clock is right twice a day,” Gray murmured, shaking his head at his brothers. He looked up at Cam, his eyes full of sympathy. “Did you know I flew to L.A. when Maddie and I broke up?”
“Is that when she hit that guy who released the video?” Cam could remember seeing it all over social media. Gray had confronted the guy who’d spread an indecent video of Maddie when she’d been at college, and Maddie had ended up with her fist in the guy’s face. The internet had gone crazy for her.
“Yeah, that’s right. But when I flew there, I did it because I was fighting for her. Not because I was running away.”
“I’m not running away,” Cam said, his voice vehement. “I’
m going because if I stay it’s only going to get worse. Not just for me – I could hang around if that was the case – but for Michael and Mia. If I go, Michael will play football, and maybe he and Mia’s relationship will be okay. If I stay, I’m a permanent reminder. I can’t do that to them.”
“When do you fly out?” Logan asked, his brows knitted together.
“On Friday. I’ll be there for a few days. I’m thinking of heading back to Boston after. If I get the job I’ll need to clear out the house, maybe put it on the market. I guess I’ll need to learn about L.A. real estate.”
“So that’s it? You’re done?”
“It’s not like that. If it wasn’t for her kids, I’d fight for her every step of the way. But it’s a no-win situation. If she chose me, I wouldn’t respect her. And if she chose them…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “Of course she’ll choose them. Which she should. So either I hang around here like a has-been football star, or I try to work out what the hell to do next.”
“But you love her,” Tanner said, running the pad of his thumb along his jaw. “You can’t leave her if you feel that way.”
“What should I do then?” He wanted to feel some hope. But everything was too dark for that.
Tanner shifted his eyes. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “But there has to be an answer.”
“Are you going to tell her you’re going?” Logan asked him.
“Of course I am.” He needed to see her one last time. Maybe then his heart wouldn’t ache so much. “I’m not an asshole.”
Tanner coughed into his hand. “Disagree.”
“Shut up.” Gray nudged Tanner in the side.
“What? Cam used to razz me constantly. And he still hasn’t let me forget that I stood outside of Van’s house with a boombox on my shoulder.”
Cam shot a glance at Tanner. “It wasn’t a boombox, it was a Bluetooth speaker. Lameness should never be forgotten.”
“See? It’s not just me.”
Gray rolled his eyes at his brothers. “What if the kid changes his mind?”
“Then I’ll be back here like a shot.” Cam had no doubt about that. “But I can’t stay in this town knowing she’s so close yet so untouchable. It’ll kill me.”