by Eden O'Neill
And how I hadn’t realized I’d been holding it.
I literally couldn’t breathe until my stepbrother started to make his way down, and with the excitement over, LJ and Royal left him to it. The two headed back to their girls who were now up with me. I think the events in question brought great humor to both December and Billie. They were still laughing and talking about it when LJ and Royal made their way over to them.
“Always got to be the center of attention,” Royal stated, grabbing December. He tipped his beer back. “I swear, we can’t go anywhere.”
He really did sound like a father, like he cared, and I might have listened to the group’s conversation had I not had my eyes still on Jax. It appeared he’d stopped his descent from the rails because he currently was standing on them watching me.
He had his smirk on me, his smile nothing but wide. Standing, he closed his eyes.
Then let himself fall.
Now, in the back of my mind, I knew nothing was wrong. The water was deep enough to swim. He’d be fine, but in that moment, I didn’t see him anymore.
I saw someone else.
Memories from my past grappled their fearful hold on me, and I couldn’t help rushing over to the rails to check and see if my stepbrother, of all people, was okay. This was so terribly, terribly stupid. Of course, he was okay.
Of course, he could swim.
My panic didn’t allow for reasonable thoughts, though, nothing but my past in full swing in my mind. I got to the side of the boat and peered over, searching the water, searching for anything, but all I came up with was empty water. No one was there.
Until there was.
A body, still and belly down floated several feet away in the sun. The ocean carried him, my stepbrother spread eagle and facedown in the middle of deep blue water. I must have screamed, but I didn’t remember.
I was too busy climbing over the rails myself.
I hit current almost instantly and completely flailed, my body forgetting… everything. It was like I couldn’t remember anything. Not my swim lessons or the years of therapy I’d had to remove my fear of water. It was like the terror wasn’t completely erased.
And never could be.
I knew that now, kicking beneath the steady waves. My vision clouded, all I saw was a weighted little body, one who’d sunk clear down to the bottom of the pool. His eyes were closed.
He was already dead.
My little brother Nathan had drowned, and now, I was about to drown too, my gasping lungs filling deeply with water. I choked, struggling for some kind of air or breath.
Instead, I got hands.
Strong hands lifted me, later, cradling me. I hit a hard chest, pressed close, and kicking legs darted us to the surface.
My lungs filled with air the moment I breached the surface, hacking as I gripped my arms around a neck and my legs around a thick waist.
“It’s okay, Cleo. It’s okay.”
A voice, deep and strong kept saying that. Over and over kept saying that. Despite, my fear lingered on, absolutely terrified. I held on for dear life, holding tight and not wanting to let go. I smelled spices and aftershave.
I smelled him.
I knew it was Jax without even looking at him, holding him close while others shouted in the distance. Royal was in the water too. I saw him swimming out to us, yelling at us. “Is she okay?” he asked, complete horror in his eyes. “Is she alive?”
Jax said nothing, only holding on to me and swimming right past him. He swam so fast I couldn’t measure the time between almost drowning and getting back to the boat. He wouldn’t let go of me until we got completely there, and even then, he pushed LJ off me after the tall guy had pulled us both back onto the boat.
The whole gang was there. Even Knight and Greer had surfaced, their eyes wide in utter terror, but Jax, he pushed everyone away from me.
“Back the fuck off her!” he bit out, then hovered over my face. He had water droplets gathered thickly in brown eyelashes, his unruly hair wet and incredibly curled. He caged my face. “Girl Scout? Look at me. Can you breathe?”
I gasped, still coughing. Royal had made it up out of the ocean too at this point, and he’d gone in completely clothed. He still had his flip-flops on. “Jax…”
But Jax’s attention was only on me, his fingers pulling my hair out of my face. It’d completely gathered around my neck, so long.
“Cleo?” he gasped, his thumbs completely trembling on my cheeks. That’s when I realized he was just as shaky as me, his cool, green eyes completely unfurled with terror. I’d scared him.
But he’d scared me first.
One of those thumbs brushed the corner of my lips, words on his own lips. I never got to hear them.
Because I was too busy hitting him.
A punch to his stupid chest before a slap to his cheek sent his beautiful face flying in another direction. It came back surprised, enraged as his eyes shifted from worry to intense fire. I’d surprised him, caught him off guard.
Especially when I slapped him again.
He caught it this time, his big hand completely encircling my wrist. I had another hand and used it, my stepbrother catching it again.
“Cleo. What the hell—”
“You’re not dead!” I cried, kneeing at him since he had my hands. He got on top of those too. Like his full huge body on mine, and I bucked. “You’re not dead. You stupid fucking asshole!”
I couldn’t see… blind myself with rage. Blinded with visions, memories. I was blinded by everything I’d fought so hard to overcome. It had taken me years to be right after I’d watched my little brother, merely a child, drown before my very eyes. He’d been three years old. Just a baby.
And the whole thing had been my fault.
I knew that just as well as Jax pinned me down. No more anger in his eyes.
Just confusion.
He was confused why I was hitting him, fighting him. He locked my wrists to the deck. “What the hell is your problem? It was just a joke, Girl Scout.”
Well, a joke to him, wasn’t a joke to me, and before he could make me the fool more, I wrestled from underneath him. I think I only got out from under him because he let me in the end. He outweighed me by probably close to a hundred pounds.
I didn’t care, barely able to walk when I did get to my feet. That’s how much I shook, completely unstable down to the toes on my bare feet. I swung around at the grip of my wrist.
Jax tugged me back.
“What is your deal? I didn’t,” he started, shoving a hand in his dripping locks. He still wore all his clothes, of course, too, his sandals on. “I didn’t…”
But the thing was, he did. He knew exactly what he was doing. He’d wanted to scare me, get his revenge for earlier today.
I guessed he gained what he wanted in the end.
“Get your fucking hands off me,” I charged, ripping my arm away. Tears clouded my eyes. “And never again.”
I think we both knew what never meant. Never in my life did I want anything more to do with him.
Never in my life would he ever touch me again.
I’d promised him that before, but I think, in the past, I’d only partially meant it. I hated that about myself, but it was true. Some of me, deep down, still had wanted him in the past. Wanted him to want me, to be like how things were that first night we met.
The day built completely on lies.
Jax’s lips parted, his friends materializing behind him. They all stood off in the wings, but he didn’t look at them. He was too busy watching me escape below deck and I was very proud of myself when I got down there. Slamming one of the bedroom doors, I put my face in my hands.
And managed not to cry until I was behind closed doors.
Chapter Sixteen
Jax
I’d never forget the look on her face. It was like I’d traumatized her.
It was like I’d destroyed her.
I shouldn’t care, but for some reason, the moment we docked
I was chasing after her. Cleo’d locked herself below deck, and I’d only had access to her after we had docked. She’d kept herself locked away that whole time, ignoring me when she’d finally opened the door to leave. She’d pushed me away from her, and blocking my path, my friends were the only thing standing in my way from getting to my stepsister.
Royal had grabbed my arm before I could even hit the dock, and the other guys got in my way so I couldn’t touch the dock. The girls were already off the boat, scowling while they stood idle with their beach bags. I’d heard the most from December after all this. That’d been what I got to hear while I was trying to get my stepsister to talk to me through a freaking door. December had been livid, the guys equally pissed. I’d heard nothing from Billie and Greer.
Probably only because I didn’t know them as well.
My friends were taking this way more seriously than they probably should. I mean, what should they care? My drama was my drama. The whole thing had also been a joke, and had I realized the reaction I’d get, I may have reconsidered it. I’d only been trying to get a rise out of my stepsister, which I guessed I’d been able to accomplish…
My only confusion rose with her reaction and why, if she didn’t fucking know how to swim, she went into the ocean after me like Flipper. It was beyond stupid, and I more so wanted to scold her for that. She’d obviously just been trying to play the hero since she hated me.
The decision had almost gotten her goddamn killed.
My buddy with his hand on me was seriously pissing me off, and working it away, I stalked my way over to my other asshole friends blocking my path. I couldn’t even see Cleo from behind LJ and Knight, the girl long gone. I growled. “Get the hell out of my way.”
I got a push instead, Knight like he had a freaking right. I shot out a finger. “Touch me again.”
He didn’t want to test me right now, any of them. None of this had anything to do with them.
Knight got up in my face in response, and rather than allow a brawl to go on right here and now, LJ surprisingly shot an arm out.
He placed it right between us, more so on Knight.
“Let him go,” he said, Royal appearing at his right. He didn’t say anything, and I guessed he agreed. LJ jerked his head in the direction of the dock. “You deserve anything you get when it comes to that girl. Just know that.”
But what did he know?
He knew nothing, none of them did, and rather than put up with their eyes of judgment, I hopped off the boat and onto the dock. I got three more sets of eyes and further judgments along the way, the last of which was December herself. She had her arms folded, but she didn’t look angry.
She just looked sad.
By the time I got to the resort, I’d had no visual on Cleo, which let me know right away she wasn’t in the immediate vicinity. My stepsister was hard to miss between her extended height and breasts for days. She’d actually tried to hide them behind a pair of coveralls before she left the boat. Like they could be covered and conceal the fact that the swimsuit she’d worn made her look like a goddamn wet dream. The thing was about two sizes two small and had her tits spilling out the sides like she was Pamela Anderson in her prime.
It was one of the things that pissed me off even more about her. How she dressed like a complete and total reject, but still managed to look sexy as hell. I’d believed for a long time she’d been playing me with that. But as I knew her longer and longer, caught her staring at her feet more than the world when she strode casually through campus, I wondered how much of it was actually an act. She never saw me when I noticed her walking. I made sure of that, but still, she did it.
Every time she did it.
She appeared to lack confidence, like she wanted to hide or blend in. It made me wonder how much all of that was just her and that she actually didn’t know how hot she was. In the past, I hadn’t allowed myself to frequent the thoughts.
Maybe it was just easier that way.
Easier than now as I looked for a girl I’d been trying to do nothing but break since I’d gotten down here. She hadn’t made it easy. Still around and though I had backed off from her, she hadn’t met my challenge. She hadn’t come to me, and that had floored me. I knew she was attracted to me, still was. I saw that in spades today when I’d had her fine ass pressed up against the boat. Still, she hadn’t come back for me. She’d been harder than I thought to unravel, stronger.
I darted my gaze around long enough to look like a fool, and eventually, I got my head out of my ass enough to try her room. I knew where she, Rick, her mom, and Kit were staying. Rick had even given me a room key. That’d been before we had it out on the golf course, though.
I hadn’t known what was up with Cleo’s friend Kit or where she’d been. And honestly didn’t care. Especially at the present. Getting to the room in question, I tapped on the door out of formality. But when it didn’t open, I went for my room key. The green light clicked, and I reached for the handle, but didn’t have a chance to tug it. The door opened right away.
And my father came out.
My bio dad in all his glory waltzed into the hall, looking pissed the fuck to hell. He wasn’t even dressed for vacation, a dress shirt and slacks on like he was at the office. I’d turned him down for hanging out today. Turned him down for all the days. I wanted nothing more to do with him this weekend.
The sentiment seemed to be shared now.
He had his arms cuffed, puffed up like he actually was pissed at me. It took me all of half a second to realize Cleo was either very much here or had called him. She’d had ample time to do both. She’d spent the rest of our sailing trip by herself with access to her cellphone. She’d also been on the shore long enough to tell my father everything about what happened.
But would she dare?
She just might, my hand scrubbing my hair. “Hey, uh. Is Cleo in there?”
I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Why was I even here?
And why had my heart felt like it did?
It literally thudded to the point where I could hear it in my goddamn head, reminiscent of how it’d been out there in the water. The rush of letting myself fall off the boat had been one thing, but it’d been entirely another to hear Cleo’s screams, then later, see her struggling amongst the waves. She’d gone in after me, tried to save me.
But then she hadn’t come up.
That’s what my heart felt like now, like I couldn’t breathe, and though I physically didn’t get that, I did want to talk to her. I just… I wet my lips. “Cleo. Is she—”
“She is.” Dad made himself bigger now, confirming my fear. She’d told him, probably everything, but that didn’t mean he knew it all.
My jaw shifted. “Look. I don’t know what she said,” I started, a loss for words. I scrubbed my hair again. “Can I just talk to her please? There was a misunderstanding.”
That sounded about right, a misunderstanding.
My father merely allowed those words to hang in the air and I noticed something. Something pretty big.
He didn’t move. Not a goddamn inch.
If anything, he worked himself completely out of the door, closing it behind him. He cuffed his sleeves again, and I felt that heartbeat in my head once more. I really shouldn’t care about that, his judgment. But for some reason when it came to this? He sighed. “Jax, it’s one thing to be upset with me. It’s one thing to pull that kind of shit with me.”
Never in my life had I ever heard this man use such language. He was always perfect, sickeningly perfect.
Always.
Rick Fairchild never broke his holier-than-thou persona, a politician through and through. He kept his nose clean. No, he never used such words.
But he had on me, staring at me in this empty hallway. Eventually, in our silence, we weren’t alone, and the couple that passed, he gave them his perfect signature smile. They went into their room, and no sooner had their door clicked closed than he was pulling his hand down his face.
“Do you hate me that much?” he asked, the words croaking in this throat. “That much to do something so cruel and…” His throat bobbed. “So vile to her?”
He swung his gaze in my direction, pinning me down. I didn’t know what all this shit was about. But at the end of the day, what happened was a goddamn joke.
“I told you it was a misunderstanding,” I said, my voice incredibly even. I wouldn’t give this dude any of my emotion. Never. “And I don’t know what she said to you, but it really all was just a joke. Teasing between me and her.”
And nothing to get this upset about. If anything, she should be apologizing to me. She was the one who jumped into the water and didn’t know how to swim.
And had I not gotten to her…
Working my hands, I let those thoughts fall. I had gotten to her. I had saved her so no harm done.
Rick obviously didn’t feel that way. If anything, what I said made him only looked more and more pissed. He scrubbed into his hair too. As I just had and I wondered if that’d been how I looked not a second ago. I was well aware how much I looked liked this guy.
And how I hated him for it.
I did hate him, hated him so much I couldn’t see straight most days, but me being here and checking on Cleo had nothing to do with that. It wasn’t about him. Sometimes, just once? It was about me, and I didn’t know why I was still out here even talking to this guy.
I started to shoulder around him, but he grabbed me, not hard but he did stop me. He put his hand right on my shoulder.
“You won’t go in there, Jax,” he said. He shook his head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you.”
I shouldered from under his hand. This guy wouldn’t touch me. “Just let me fucking talk to her. Apologize? It’s the least you can do.”
“The least I could do.” A nod as he parroted. His eyes flicked in my direction. “And what you call teasing was damaging, son. Do you know anything about your stepsister? This family?”
More than I wanted to, but apparently not enough when he sighed. He made it sound like it was out there to find, though. That it could have been if I’d looked.