by Kenna Bardot
“I love you.”
"Shall we go?" Julian asked, and I nodded before leading the way towards the Springen booth.
“Yes, please. Before I change my mind." I felt Shep’s eyes on my back, but I didn’t want to see his face. I’d had enough goodbyes as it was.
Within minutes we were safely inside the Reserve, but I'd left a very essential piece of me behind.
✽✽✽
“You’ve chosen to apply for admission into The Cadre. I commend you on this brave, and some would say foolish choice.” Gaige sat before me with his fingers steepled in front of him. He looked at me with a smirky grin.
Immediately upon arriving at the reserve, Patrick took me to my previously aborted meeting with the head of the elite Dragon Guard force. Now I sat in his office, intimidated but determined. “I have no other choice. If I fail, then I fail but I have to try. Not because it’s so elite or prestigious but because it’s what she wants.” I jerked a thumb at Hydra, who walked around the office, sniffing at the various things strewn about on the tables, clawing at the artifacts and weaponry that had been hung on the walls. “And what she wants, I want too. So, here we are.”
“Well, you did well enough, even impressively, during your basic exam so I’ve invited you to complete your training. Just as with the basic, if you at any point fail or opt out, that will be your last chance. If you succeed though, you will become one of us. It’s a duty that is often unappreciated, even considered an honor. No one but another member of the Cadre can truly understand the dedication it takes. The only perk is our uniform.” Even though I was in no position to feel amused, I had to admit that I did vastly prefer their version that had glinting black thread woven through rather than the red woven through mine.
I had figured they would be just that strict, so I nodded. “I understand.”
“The most important part of being in the force is not your ability to do the job. Mostly, we rely on our dragons to maintain and fix the wards, and it’s a skill easily passed from dragon to dragon. Being that we are tied to our dragons, it’s easy for us to pick up. What you need to work is simply the ability to enter the Unwanted Lands so that Hydra can do her part.”
“What exactly does that mean?”
“A study in pain and your tolerance of it, or your ability to mask it with something else, whatever your preferred method is for surviving through it,” he explained.
I suddenly felt it was a distinct benefit that I was married to Vide. “Okay.”
“You’ll need to be checked over, both you and your Hydra to be certain you're in perfect health, but we’ll start as soon as possible. Do you have questions?”
Before I could even think about having any, a blue-haired God with about seven piercings all in his left ear, poked his head into the office. “Sorry to bother you, Gaige. But Zeevar is in the center stone and wants to address the entire Dragon Guard. All of us.”
Gaige nodded and stood up swiftly, with me following suit almost immediately. “Then it’s best we go then. It’s never smart to keep Zeevar waiting.”
Julian waited for me outside the building, and we walked to the center of the Reserve in the wake of Gaige and other members of the Cadre, along with several other Dragon Guards. Overhead, numerous dragons flew towards the same destination.
Once there, I saw Haisley, her arms wrapped around her torso, head bowed dejectedly. I approached her slowly. As quietly as I could manage, I touched a hand gently to her shoulder. She started a bit but didn't react in any other way but to point forward. I looked and saw Zeevar standing over a newly erected dome, which I could only assume hid Madi and Leone’s bodies.
There was a harshness to his movements, like he was trying to contain himself from doing something horrible. When he turned, and I saw his face, his expression mirrored the fury in his body. Dark eyes glinted angrily in what sunlight filtered through the trees. His mouth twisted into a cruel and angry sneer.
"My Dragon Guard." He tossed his head back and regarded us all with such pure undiluted anger, I felt a frisson of it run up my arm. With the way that Hydra reacted by my feet, I knew she felt it too.
"While we celebrate in the new life our Guard has been blessed with, an affront has been committed against us. Someone has slain a dragon and his handler. And with that shown me direct disrespect. We will not rest until we learn who was responsible for such an act and when we do, rest assured that I will punish them in a manner so horrible they will beg for the end." He smiled, a smile of such terrible, intoxicating evil. "And an end shall not be given for it is too much of a mercy. I promise you this."
And around us, all the Dragon Guard cheered. The dragons who flew roared, a loud sound of a thirst for vengeance for their fallen one. Beside me, Haisley clapped, and I joined in even as Hydra’s roars joined that of the bigger dragons.
Zeevar held up his hands and stepped aside, and Mother Rhiannon came into view. Before she turned to face us, she turned to Zeevar and wrapped her arms around his neck. She kissed his cheek, caressing in such a gentle manner that there was intimacy to the moment, like I shouldn’t be there and watching what was obviously a moment between the two of them. She spoke quietly and whatever she said, some of his tension melted away.
Then she turned to us and behind the usual beatific smile on her face, her own anger lurked. As unfamiliar on her face as ugliness was.
"My children. My heart breaks and bleeds for the pain and suffering that you have all endured. That my Zeevar has endured. You know that normally, I would beg for compassion and love above all else. For what is our life for if all we do is spend it in hate and a thirst for blood? But I too struggle with the insult of taking life so needlessly.” A light burst from her, near blinding in intensity, but I squinted to see her through her flash of rage. “Find who committed such an act, and you have my blessing. Any act of anger directed towards this individual will be forgiven." She looked towards Zeevar with worry etched on her features. "For only when that has been accomplished can we truly once again have peace. I will watch over every one of you. Be well."
And like the end of a spring rain, she disappeared. A blanket of calm settled over the crowd as they processed her words and whispered about their meaning. Even as a new Goddess, I knew it was not common for Mother Rhiannon to approve of violence. It felt momentous for her to make such a decision.
It showed just how important the lives of the dragons and the Dragon Guard were. "Stay safe. Stay near. Farewell and be well." Then Zeevar closed his eyes and sat in front of the dome, guarding Madi and Leone.
The crowd dispersed and Haisley pulled me along. "You weren't here when Zeevar did the same thing for Kimba and Trellis, but this was different. Back then, we were all just sad and mourning the loss of a friend, but now we know it was no accident.”
"Yes." My heart threatened to crack, even though I’d barely known Madi, and the anger of the rest of the Dragon Guard pulsed through me like a tangible thing.
"Mother Rhiannon doesn't normally condone violence. But when she does, you know that you are on the side of the light. It feels right that she would give us her blessing. But it doesn’t make it better, does it?" Haisley sighed, and I rubbed a hand over her back. Given how rough my night had been, I was certain she'd found it hard to sleep too.
The calm cruelty in Jarek’s voice as he spoke behind me caught me by surprise. “It should have been you to die. Then poor Kimba would have seen what’s become of her daughter and what a disappointment she would be to her.” I met Jarek’s gaze as he addressed me. For a moment, I felt sympathy for the sadness in his eyes, but it hardened as his mouth twisted into a sneer.
“I’m sorry you feel that way. I wouldn’t wish death on any of the Dragon Guard, but I guess that’s just me.” I turned away, but not before I saw the look of surprise on his face.
“Jarek, don’t add in more shit to an already shitty situation,” Haisley berated. He might have answered, but I was already too far to hear it.
That kind
of toxic thinking had no place in my life.
✽✽✽
The sky was overcast, wind blowing across the land to puncture sharp needles into my arm. I reveled in it, the pain a perfect way to cut through the numbness that seeped into my being. It was a perfect backdrop to what the day was.
Haisley and all those who hailed from House Tempestas had a hand in how the weather perfectly reflected the morale and spirits of the entire Guard. I just wished there was something I could do to contribute.
Haisley once told me that dragons lived so long that some Guards served for half a millennium without ever having to watch a farewell ritual. It did not seem fair that I'd been a Dragon Guard for less than a year and on my way to witness my second.
It was heart-breaking.
I walked next to Haisley, who grasped Chett’s hand tightly, on the way to the central stone where Madi and Leone waited. Waited for us to lay them to rest. Around and above us, the Dragon Guard headed in the same direction, a silent protest of melancholy.
Because we all felt the anger and hurt at the loss of one of ours. For the three nights I’d stayed in the Reserve, I’d found it difficult to sleep, difficult to find peace when I knew there was a rip in the fabric of my family.
I missed my Sires desperately.
Chett kissed Haisley on the temple when we reached the stone, stopping just before the dome where under it, I knew Madi and Leon were. Seeing them made me miss my men, knowing that at such a dark and desperate time, they would have brought back even a sliver of light.
With a last caress, Chett walked forward to join the other Gods who surrounded Zeevar and the dome. The leaders of the Dragon Guard. Beside me, Haisley sniffed and grabbed my hand, and I gave her a hard squeeze to show her I was there. In between my legs, Hydra curled up - waiting and mourning as I did.
Weak sunlight filtered through the trees and ominous clouds in the sky. The contrast cast a gloomy light on what was already a melancholy affair. The entire area remained quiet, like the world joined us in our mourning of our slain comrade.
On that day, all the Dragon Guard stood as one. Because everyone, including Illyrio, Gwynna and her newly hatched dragon were in attendance. We made a circle around the clearing and waited. We watched with bated breath for something to happen. To move forward with the next stage of our grief.
Then Zeevar opened his eyes and looked out at the crowd. In that moment, I understood how he could be a father to Caprice. In his eyes, he held the emotions of the world, the heaviness that kept it tethered to reality. He was life and death all at once. It swirled inside him in a dizzying amalgamation of the balance. Pain and peace so entangled it was a wonder he could even function in any semblance of reality or sanity.
But then he stood, and it was all gone. He was simply Zeevar, God of Death and Resurrection, and we knew that the ceremony would start. He held out his hands to address us.
Electricity crackled in the air.
"My Guard, today we gather here to celebrate the life of Leone, a dragon taken too young and his partner, she who had been born of House Svadeni but a Dracari through and through, Madira." He took a deep breath, and I saw how the loss had taken a toll on Zeevar. How the deep anger ravaged him.
"We mourn the loss of a light extinguished. Honor the purity taken through darkness, of the duty senselessly taken before its time. As one, we give them our love and ensure that their bodies will not be used for anything beyond a memory, one that would forever live in us." The dome he had erected disappeared, and it was the first I'd seen Leone and Madi since their deaths.
Beside me, Haisley’s body shook with her sobs. My eyes stung as tears slid free to fall to the ground in icy puddles. We all cried for the injustice of a life that never needed to end. Those that didn’t, pulsed with the desire for revenge.
The violence was something I understood, even accepted and welcomed.
"Of ashes and flame, of snow and ice, nature reclaims everything it gives." Zeevar spoke the familiar words and his magic pulsed into the dragon. Scales of deep blue took on a deeper golden sheen and before where there had been a corporeal body, there was only dust.
"Find peace in your afterlife," Zeevar whispered and raised his hands, the dust swirling in the air around him. "And watch as we find justice for you." The wind whistled, and the dust flew into the trees, a trail of glinting particles.
And before I could blink, they had gone. I'd bid farewell to the very first dragon I'd ever seen in my life. A dragon and a friend who would undoubtedly shape the way I lived the rest of it.
I'd lost too many friends in my short life.
“I can’t believe they’re gone too,” I murmured to Haisley as the Guard dispersed, everyone slinking off into their own misery. Julian trailed behind us, ever present unless he had switched with Patrick.
“Yes. Too much in too little time.”
“Both dragons who knew me as a Sylfe,” I whispered softly as we walked up the path towards the Northern side of the
“What did you say?” she whispered.
I hadn’t realized I’d spoken loudly enough for her to hear. I nodded. “They were both in my Sire Trials, but it was Leone who I met when I woke up on that rock.”
“That can’t be a coincidence.” Haisley eyed me thoughtfully.
I tried to laugh it off, but her eyes were serious on me. “It has to be. What else could it mean?”
“There are no coincidences in this world. Not when it involves dead dragons.” She clutched my hand and brought it closer to her. “Promise me you’ll be careful?”
“I will.”
Twenty-One
Mireyah
“I need to see them, Elin. Seeing just one is not good for my soul. Or at the very least, my bond.” I took my wrist in my hand to caress my tattoos. Why did it feel like forever since the last time one of my Sires had kissed me there? Like my life slowly seeped out of me, my soul withering with every day we were apart. “It’s one bloody night. Surely there’s nothing wrong with that?” I grabbed my wrist tighter, but my grip slipped. Hydra nudged at my hand. When did she grow so big that she could reach that easily without stretching? “I’ll come back, Elin. I won’t even stay there the rest of the bloody week. Just one night every now and again, maybe two.”
“They’re visiting you here, Mireyah. They’re not being stopped from doing that and are free to come to the station so long as they follow the visiting guidelines.” He leaned back on his chair, silver eyes hard, and tried to read me. Being married to a Nastroj meant I knew how to keep my emotions in check so he would have less to read.
“Yes, the guideline. Your guidelines limit me to one, no more than two of them at a time, maximum of one hour each night. My Bond is suffering. When I told them I would stay here, I didn’t know that our time together would be so limited by your stifling rules and regulations.” I looked down and laid a hand on Hydra’s head. “Yes, I would still stay here. That’s the thing. I want to keep Hydra and me safe. But it’s difficult when my Bond is strained to this extent.” Like a drop of water to a man dying of thirst. Enough to keep me alive, but not enough to thrive.
“I’m sure that’s an exaggeration. You’re still seeing them nightly.” He scoffed, and I felt tempted to bash his face in.
“Are you in a Bond yourself?”
“No. As I’m sure you already know, I am unmarried as are a majority of the Dragon Guard.” His eyes narrowed. “I don’t know how this could be relevant.”
“It’s relevant because I would know better how my Bond with five Sires is being affected by my inability to see them all at once. I stayed because I wanted to keep us safe. It was my choice. I should have more of a choice if I want to leave.” It felt melodramatic, but I pointed to myself with my right hand.
“The evidence that Madi and Leone were killed mounts daily. We can’t afford to be careless when it’s easier and more practical to be careful.” He stood, his body vibrating with his aggravation. I didn’t give the first shit if I annoyed
him, not when he stood between me and spending time with my men.
“Five Sires who love her feel like they would be enough to offer adequate protection. They might not be of the Dragon Guard, but they are still Gods.” For the first time since we’d arrived in Elin’s office, Patrick spoke, and I spun around to eye him. Surprised by the fact he openly contradicted his boss. Next to him, Julian nodded in agreement. Another surprising thing to note.
“We don’t want to kill her, Elin,” Julian said softly. She’s been feeling more lethargic as the days have gone by, and I’m sure that’s not because the Cadre have been making her read up on their history and objectives.
“Even if all that literature can put even the liveliest of men to sleep,” Patrick put in with a laugh. “We’ve seen how weak she’s getting. She’s pushing, and we know it’s because she has no choice. Hydra keeps her motivated, but even the support of a dragon you share half your soul with can’t be enough in the long run when you need physical connection with your Sires. Even if all five could come visit, they can’t exactly get very physical in the visiting area.” He ran a hand over the top of Hydra’s head when she slithered over to rest her head on his lap.
The sound she made was of agreement, and I knew that she was pleased with Patrick. As I was.
“How would we live with ourselves if something happens to her?” Elin asked, walking back and forth. He threw open the window of his office, reaching out a hand to touch Elmira, who waited for him just outside. He took a few deep breaths, and I knew he used that bond to steady himself.
In the last few days, doing that had been the only thing that kept me solidly tethered to reality and to sanity.
“Even in this place, there are so many variables that anything can happen. I promise I’ll be careful and the moment I feel uncertain about anything, I’ll contact you all so I can come back.” Hydra reached up to lay a claw on my knee, and I reached out to clutch it, like I would the hand of a friend waiting for news.