by Nina Levine
The exhaustion lining my face.
The sadness in my eyes.
The smile that’s missing. That’s always missing.
I need Winter and he needs me.
This might be the hardest battle we’ve fought together, though, so I need to dig really fucking deep to find the strength. I’m not willing to chance losing my husband because I wasn’t willing to talk about the hard stuff.
30
Winter
* * *
I lean back into my chair and rub my temples. A headache is forming. One I don’t have time for. There are too many balls in the air at the moment that I have to keep focussed on.
Axe hasn’t reported anything new on our rat; Scott hasn’t called with news on Zenith; Zane hasn’t dug up anything on Leif Jensen; and Striker hasn’t reported in on Eloise Carter. We’re nowhere closer to fixing all the shit we’ve got going on and my patience is reaching breaking point.
Fuck.
A text comes through.
* * *
Torres: The shipment has been delayed by a week.
* * *
Christ.
I shove my chair back and stand to go find King. This delay will cost us and he won’t be happy to hear the news.
I’m halfway down the hall when I hear Birdie’s voice. “Who let you in here?”
“I fucking let myself in. I’m looking for the big dudes with the beards.” Moses.
“Yeah, that doesn’t really narrow it down,” she says, and I hear the amusement in her voice. Amusement I don’t share. Not when someone talks to my wife with that kind of attitude.
I round the corner as he says, “Fuck, lady, just get me whoever’s in charge.”
Before Birdie can respond, I bark, “You talk to her that way again, you’re not gonna like the consequences.”
Both their eyes come to me. Birdie speaks first. “It’s okay, Winter—”
I lock eyes with Moses. “It’s not fucking okay, and he won’t do it again.”
Moses blazes with insolence. “I just wanna know why the fuck my aunt came home today and lost her shit when I told her you two dropped by yesterday. I don’t fucking like being the punching bag for her stress.”
King steps into the corridor. “She’s not your aunt.”
Moses swings around to face him. “The fuck?”
King moves closer. “What do you know about your parents?”
“I know my father killed my mother and that he disappeared after that. My aunt took me in.”
Compassion fills King’s eyes as he breaks the truth to Moses. “It’s true that your father killed your mother and then disappeared. But Eloise is not your aunt. She was a friend of your mother’s. She went missing the same time you did. We never knew what happened to you until now.”
Moses stares at King in silence. Finally, he says, “Why should I believe you?”
“Believe what you want,” King says, “but that’s the truth.”
“So my father was a member of Storm?”
“Yeah,” King says.
“And a murdering asshole?”
King doesn’t respond to that.
“So that’s a yes,” Moses says. “And my mother? What was she like?”
“I barely knew her,” King says. “She hung out with the guys. Liked bikes and a good time.”
“Great, so you’re as helpful as my aunt’s always fucking been. No one wants to tell me a thing about my parents.”
“How about King gives you their names?” Birdie suggests. “Then you’ll at least have them to go by if you want to search for more information.”
King’s gaze cuts to her briefly before he looks back at Moses. “Come with me; I’ll give you everything I know.”
Moses eyes Birdie as he takes a step to follow King into the clubhouse bar. “Sorry I was rude to you.”
Birdie gives him a smile. It might be the first smile I’ve seen on her in weeks. “All good. Sorry, what’s your name?”
“Maddox.”
With that, he’s gone. Birdie watches him until he disappears from sight and then glances back at me. “Hey.”
I run my eyes over her body, taking in the long flowy dress and make-up she’s wearing. Birdie usually lives in workout gear and doesn’t often wear this much make-up. She’s beautiful either way, but what I like about her today is the way she’s looking at me. It’s how she used to look at me before everything went to shit for us. “It’s been a long time since you just dropped in here, angel.” She comes by to help keep the clubhouse running, but I always know when she’s coming. This visit is a surprise. A welcome fucking one.
Her features soften and it’s like her eyes reach deep inside me. Like she’s trying to reach deeper inside me. “Yeah. Too long.”
My eyes roam her body again. “You got dressed up for me?”
Her lips pull up at the ends and her smile hits me in the dick. “Well, I could pretend I did, but really it was a work thing.”
I step closer to her and slide my arm around her waist before brushing my lips across hers. “I’m down with this happening every day.” Jesus I’m hard for her. We don’t have sex anywhere near often enough as far as I’m concerned.
She hooks her fingers into my jeans as she presses herself to me. “I could make that a thing.”
“Fucking hell,” I rasp, needing to be inside her.
A text comes through on Birdie’s phone, cutting in on where I want to take this.
“Shit,” she says as regret flashes in her eyes. “I need to check that in case it’s the woman I just met with.
I jerk my chin at her. “Check it. I’m not going anywhere.”
She quickly pulls her phone out and reads the text. “I have to go.” Slowing herself down, she adds, “I’m sorry. I was hoping we could maybe do something tonight if you were free, but now I have to take care of this.”
I curl my fingers around her arm as she grabs her car keys out of her bag. “How long do you think it’ll take?”
“A few hours maybe.”
“That’ll still give us time to do something tonight. We could go out for a late dinner.”
She bites her lip. “I don’t know. I don’t wanna tell you yes and then have to cancel if it takes longer.”
“Baby, I’m just happy you’re thinking about it. You go do what you have to do and I’ll be home by eight. If you’re good, we’ll go out. If you’re not, I’ll wait for you. Either way, I’m fucking you tonight.”
Heat flares in her eyes at that. Standing on her toes, she kisses me and says, “It’s a date.”
I watch her turn her ass around and walk out of the clubhouse. I don’t take my eyes off her. Thank fuck for Cleo; my guess is she talked some sense into Birdie when I couldn’t. And while I wish like fuck I could get through to her, I’ll take any help I can get at the moment.
“You’ve got an issue you might wanna check out,” Axe says when he calls me just after 7:30 p.m.
“What kind of issue?”
“We picked up some chatter about the kid who lives at that address you have for Eloise Carter. It looks like Zenith have zeroed in on him after seeing him at the clubhouse today.”
“Zeroed in on him how?”
“They’re planning on visiting him. Eloise too.”
“What the fuck for?”
“My guess is they knew Stark was desperate to get to her, and now that they’ve seen him come to you, they think there’s something here that might be valuable to them.”
“Fuck.” I scrub my hand over my face, not fucking liking this latest development.
“Yeah.”
“Thanks, brother. I’ll get over there and take care of this.”
We end the call and I locate King in the bar. “Axe just called to let me know Zenith have taken an interest in Maddox and Eloise because of their link to us. We need to head over there and bring them back here for a while.” If I wasn’t stretched thin with club members taking care of other shit, I’d send someone to watch t
hem instead.
“Fuck,” he mutters. “She wasn’t pleased to see me this afternoon; she won’t fucking like this.”
After Maddox paid a visit to us, King went to see her while I called Striker and demanded to know why the fuck he hadn’t advised us that Eloise was home. He gave me some bullshit excuse I didn’t buy for one minute. He’s still chasing pussy all over the place and allowing it to distract him. I sent him home and told him not to bother showing his face again until he’s sure he can contribute something useful to the club. I’m this fucking close to sending him back to Adelaide. I allowed him to return to Melbourne a month ago, but shit isn’t looking good for him.
“She wouldn’t have to deal with any of this if she hadn’t stolen a child years ago,” I say.
Eloise told King she took Maddox because she didn’t want the child growing up around the club. Apparently she’d slept with half the club and hated every one of them. Whatever her reason, it’s not a choice I condone.
“I agree, brother.” He offered the club’s help to Maddox if he wants to search for his family. Eloise didn’t fucking like that.
“Okay, I’ve gotta call Birdie and then I’ll be ready to go,” I say before walking outside to make the call.
Birdie answers on the second ring. “Hey, baby. I’m almost finished what I have to do, so I’m definitely ready for dinner. I was thinking we could go—”
Fuck, I hate to do this to her, especially when I can hear happiness in her voice. “Angel, I’m sorry, but something’s come up here. I don’t know when I’ll be home now.”
“Oh, okay. I understand.” She might understand, but the happiness I heard a moment ago is nowhere to be heard now.
“I’ll text you when I’m on my way home, but don’t wait up for me in case I’m late.”
“Okay.”
“I love you, Birdie, and I’m taking a raincheck on dinner.”
“I love you, too,” she says so damn softly I only just hear her. “Be safe.”
I stare at the phone after we end the call, wishing like fuck that shit didn’t keep coming up that causes me to be away from her. I’ve missed so many dinners and nights with her over the last four months that I can’t count them anymore. The fact I’m missing tonight, when it’s taken us this long to make the time to be together, pisses me off.
King joins me outside and we drive to Eloise’s place.
The street is dark due to half the streetlights being broken. Eloise’s place is also dark and I wonder if either she or Maddox are home. Eloise appears at the door after we knock, though, and I see Maddox in the hallway.
Scowling at us, she demands, “What the fuck do you want now? Don’t you think you’ve stirred up enough trouble for us already?”
King doesn’t give her an opportunity to refuse entry; he pushes the door all the way open and steps inside. “We need to talk.”
Her mouth opens wide, as do her eyes. “Just make yourself at home.”
“We’ve got shit going down with the club and we have reason to believe you and Maddox are in danger,” I say as I enter her house.
Slamming the door after us, she says, “Oh, this is exactly what I should have expected from your fucking club. What kind of danger?”
King turns to meet her gaze, his eyes dark. “The kind that could get you killed. Pack your shit because you’re coming with us until this is over.”
Eloise crosses her arms. “Over my dead body. I’m not going anywhere near your club.”
“Yeah, you are,” I say.
Maddox stares at me. “Where are you taking us?”
“To the clubhouse. You’ll be safe there,” I say.
“How do we know you’re not making this shit up?” Eloise says. “Your club doesn’t have a good track record of caring about anyone other than its members. Why the fuck would you care about us?”
King’s wild energy fills the room as he closes the distance between them. “You don’t know the first fucking thing about our club. If you did, you’d know we go out of our way to keep people we care about safe. And while I don’t really give a fuck about you, I give a fuck about a boy who was stolen from my clubhouse and robbed of the chance to know his family. So you will fucking pack your bag and do what the fuck we tell you to do, because if you don’t, I’ll carry you fucking kicking and screaming out of here.”
She blanches and suddenly has no more words for us.
“I’m going,” Maddox says before leaving us to go into what I’m guessing is his bedroom.
Eloise’s gaze snaps to Maddox’s room. “No, we’re not, Maddox. Get your ass back out here.” I don’t like the nastiness in her tone. No child deserves to be spoken to that way.
When Maddox doesn’t respond to her, she moves in the direction of his room.
I reach out and grab her arm to stop her. “Go pack your bag. You’ve got five minutes.”
She glares at me for a good minute before finally realising there’s no way this isn’t happening. “Fuck you,” she snaps and stalks into another of the rooms off the hall.
King comes to me. “This woman is gonna give us nothing but fucking headaches.”
I nod, knowing he’s right. The alternative, though, is one I won’t consider. King’s right: I give a fuck about a boy who grew up knowing only lies. Maddox deserves our care and our help. This is the fucking least we can do for him.
Eloise drags her packing time out until King loses his shit and forces her to finish packing and get out to the van. The four of us make the drive back to the clubhouse listening to her grumble about being made to do something she doesn’t want to do. That is until King turns around and barks, “Shut the fuck up and pull your fucking head in. If you don’t, I’ll take you back home myself and leave you for the wolves.”
She clearly believes him and does as he says. Thank fuck, because the headache I felt forming earlier has taken hold after listening to her shit.
Once we arrive at the clubhouse, I show Eloise and Maddox to the room I had Thorn set up for them, and lay down the rules for staying here. Eloise doesn’t appear to take much of it in, but Maddox listens intently. I can’t get a read on this kid. He was mouthy as fuck the first time we met. This time, not at all.
When I finish speaking, Eloise says, “How fucking long do you intend for us to stay in this shithole?”
I work my jaw. “As fucking long as it takes.” I jab my finger at her. “And if you give my men hell, I’ll give you hell.”
With that, I stalk out of the room and down the hall to my office. I still need to talk to King about the shipment from Torres, and handle some other things that came through on text while I was at Eloise’s. It doesn’t look like I’ll be going home to Birdie any time soon.
31
Birdie
* * *
“She said yes!” I grab my bag out of the car and head into the clubhouse as I share the good news about the Instagram influencer with Cleo.
“Oh my God, that’s fantastic news!”
This influencer has a massive following. Every share she does for our business will give us the kind of exposure we’ve never known.
“I’m putting together a marketing plan with her, so email me anything you want us for sure to cover. She’s going to do her first post featuring us next week.”
“You sound a million times better than you did two days ago. Have you and Winter talked?”
Cleo and I haven’t had a chance to catch up since she helped me see I need to face my marriage problems. “Not really, but I did go to see him at the clubhouse like we talked about. It was good, and we made plans for a dinner date. Stuff came up, though, and he had to cancel. But I feel good about things. I’m at the clubhouse now, dropping in again. Maybe we’ll get our dinner date tonight.”
“That’s so good to hear. I’m happy for you guys.”
“Well, it’s early days yet. We’ve got a lot to work through.” And it’s going to be hard.
The line goes silent for a moment before Cleo says
, “Shit, I’ve gotta go, babe. I can hear a client going off in reception.”
“Go take care of it. I’ll talk to you later.”
I shove my phone in my bag and enter the clubhouse. It’s just after 4:00 p.m. and quieter than usual here.
“Hey, Birdie,” Memphis says with one of his flirty grins as I walk past the bar. He’s the biggest player I know, and cocky as hell, but I love him like a brother. I think if I were to mesh my two brothers together, I’d probably get a guy like Memphis; maybe that’s why I love him so much.
I make my way to him. “Hey, Memphis. You know where Winter is?”
He lifts his chin towards the hallway. “Check his office. He was with King last I saw him.” He pauses, his features turning serious. “You good?”
Winter and I didn’t tell anyone we were pregnant, but they all knew from the very first IVF cycle that we were trying. And while we stopped talking about trying to have a baby after a while, Memphis has a sensitive side unlike anyone else here, and seemed to always know when I was up and when I was down. He’s checked in on me a lot over the years; probably another reason why I really like him.
“I think I’m like seventy percent good,” I say, giving him complete honesty.
His brows pull together. “That’s not a high rate of happiness, babe.”
“No, but I’m working on it. How are you?”
“I’m ninety percent good. If I could find a woman to tackle that last ten percent, I’d be a happy fucking man.”
Goodness, it’s been too long since I’ve spent any decent time here. I’ve forgotten how much these guys lift me up. “Maybe I’ll help you with that.”
He grins. “If your friends are like you, send them my way.”
I smile and squeeze his forearm. “You know how to make a girl feel good about herself. Thank you.”
“Anytime. We need to move you up from a seventy to a hundred. You help keep this place running and we need you happy.”
I think about what he said as I head down the hallway. He’s only half right; I used to help keep this place running. I still help out, but not like I did. And I realise I miss it.