“For us,” they all said together, almost like a sports team getting ready to go.
“Okay. Let’s practice it a few times, then we’ll get the crew back. Let’s do this thing.” Trevor gave him a tentative smile. “I’m not giving up on us. Not yet.”
Trevor was done wallowing in whininess. Yeah, he’d been guilty of that the last day, pouting on the plane and joining Carter and Carson in moaning and groaning. But no more. They were going to win this thing. They were going to stroll among the gorgeous manicured gardens of the park, summer flowers in riotous bloom, and they were going to sing. They’d do as many takes as it took for this video to be cohesive, and they’d lay down the studio vocals with the same conviction.
Because he was not losing this thing without a fight.
“So what if it’s Whitney?” he said after a few more takes. “It doesn’t mean we can’t make this ours.”
“Exactly.” Jalen smiled at him. “If we keep being all intimidated by the song, that’s gonna show. You’ve got this, Trev.”
Trevor’s heart gave a little sputter at both the nickname and the praise. Jalen believed in him—something that went beyond simply wanting to make good TV. And sometime in the past few weeks, he’d dropped all the silly made-up pet names. There was something reassuring about being Trev to Jalen, knowing that Jalen’s affection for him wasn’t an act. They might have the cameras on them more than Trevor would like, but they were the same guys to each other no matter what. And now he needed to find a way to live up to that faith.
“I’m still not sure about the high notes,” Trevor admitted. “I don’t want to sound—”
“You say ‘girlie’ and you can sleep with Carter and Carson tonight,” Jalen threatened.
“Hey, don’t give him to us.” Carter mock shoved Trevor back at Jalen. “I’ve got big plans for our last few nights here.”
“Don’t say last.” That did it. Girlie or not, he was going to unleash it all, because this was not going to be their last time singing together. “At the end of the week, I want to sing our victory song.”
That number, at least, the show had let them choose. The winning group would be revealed, then get to celebrate by singing a song of their choosing on live TV.
“Me too.” Jalen’s teeth flashed brightly in the summer sun. “I can’t wait to do that number. You guys aren’t going to hold me back.” Jalen shared the lead on their victory song, and for the first time, he’d actually get to use his rapping skills. Trevor wanted this win for him more than anything.
“All right. One more time,” he said. Jalen got them started with the right key and rhythm, then Trevor came in, and this time, he held nothing back. He was dimly aware of a gathering crowd, but he sang on. And this time, when the high notes came, he embraced them. Embraced everything about his own voice he’d hated for so long. Embraced the group and everything it stood for and embraced their future together.
Chapter Twenty-five
@NextDirectionShow Way to break the internet
@StandOutTrevor! Getting it done on Nightmare Week!
@StandOutJalen That’s my guy! #HesMine #AllMine
@StandOutCarson Have you shared @StandOutTrevor’s killer performance yet? Why not? #BreakTheInternet
@NextDirectionShow Final week. Preparing like crazy for the live finale!
“Are you ready?” Dawn asked, patting Jalen’s jacket and straightening his tie like she was Mama Ivy the Second. They were moments away from filming the live portion of the finale. The wings of the TV studio were crowded with the other groups and production people, while he could still hear the thrum of the studio audience from inside the theater set.
“You already know who won, don’t you?” Jalen had asked her earlier, getting the same frustrating shoulder shrug and helpless expression. “Come on. Give me a hint. You owe me.”
“I owe you?” She stepped back, hands on her hips. “Who got you this gig? And this boyfriend?”
Oh no. They were not spending the next however many years with her thinking Jalen owed her for Trevor. “I got me the boyfriend. The fake stuff? The stuff the show had us do? That’s not us.”
“You really love him, don’t you?” Dawn’s face softened.
“Yeah. And I’m not letting the show ruin what we have together. We’re more than just a sound bite or a viral video.”
“If . . . if you win, the spotlight’s just going to get brighter, Jalen. You can’t control that.” Her hand stretched out like she was going to pat him on the shoulder, then dropped.
“Maybe not, but I can still try to carve out a space for him and me that’s just for us. Stuff the cameras can’t touch.”
“You mean like boundaries.” She wound a long strip of hair between her fingers. “I guess the show hasn’t really had many boundaries.”
“Try none.” Trevor came up next to Jalen, put an arm around him. “I’ve been meaning to say something about that, too. I’m okay that my diabetes has become narrative, or whatever, but if we win, I don’t want my whole relationship with Jalen or my health to be documented.”
She nodded. “I can’t promise anything, but this summer has really been eye-opening for me, too. You’re right that you guys deserve a life outside of the music. A private life. And I’ll advocate for that for you.”
“You will? Doesn’t the show come first?” Jalen couldn’t keep from sounding a bit bitter.
“Oh Jay. You’re my baby brother. Of course you’re my priority. And I’m sorry if maybe I lost sight of that a bit.”
“The show has a way of making everyone crazy,” Trevor said, nodding sympathetically at Dawn.
“It gives a false sense of what’s real,” Jalen said, insides still not completely settled.
“Us.” Trevor squeezed his arm. “We’re real.”
“And family,” Dawn said. “Family’s real, too. Both the one you have and the one you’re making with your group. That’s not all for the cameras. And that’s what the audience has been going nuts for—anyone can see how genuine you guys are. It’s magic.”
“It kind of is.” Trevor laughed, leaning in against Jalen.
“Jay?” Dawn did touch him, then, a gentle hand on his shoulder. “How about you try trusting that the universe has good things in store for you? Trust the future.”
Trust. It was the one thing that did not come easy to him, yet it was the only path forward.
“Stand Out!, are you ready?” Arrow called their names from the stage entrance. “Get ready to make history!”
“Hey.” Trevor stopped him before Jalen could head to the door. “Look at me for a second. Win or lose, I still love you. We’re going to make this work.”
Jalen took a deep breath. He could do this. He could jump for his dreams. “I believe in us.”
Trust. Trust. Trust. Each footstep carried him closer to the dream, closer to believing in the reality of who they were as a couple and who he was as a performer. He glanced over at Trevor a final time as they pushed through the stage door.
“Thanks for giving me a new dream,” he said quietly. He knew Trevor couldn’t hear and he’d have to tell him again louder later, but that was okay. They’d have time.
@NextDirectionShow Have you followed our winner yet? Click the link to get tickets for The Next Direction Show Tour celebrating our winner!!
Ten months later
“So you can tell this is changing keys here because of the extra A flats?” Jalen asked, eyes starting to cross at the sheet music on the laptop in front of them. But he’d made a bet with Trevor that he could learn to read four-part arrangements by the end of the tour, and he was going to stick to it. Trevor had some wicked cool software from a composition class he’d taken in college, and that made it easier for Jalen to hear the various parts of the arrangement as Trevor messed with it.
“Yes! You’re getting it!” Trevor applauded like Jalen had found the cure for cancer. “And that next part is the bridge where someone is making us do body rolls.”
“Hey, you let me handle choreography. It’s going to be wicked awesome.”
“I still can’t believe we’re performing at the Billboard Music Awards.” Trevor’s giddiness made the hotel bed bounce. Michelin’s assistant had booked the rooms for them and, as usual, she’d scored them a prime room—huge king bed and the sort of opulent leather and chrome décor Jalen always associated with Vegas.
“Hell, I can’t believe we have a hit single. Still have to remind myself that we won.” Jalen set the laptop on the nightstand, studying done for now. He stretched, still in just boxers, as was Trevor. It was the perfect, pre-awards show lazy morning, and he intended to make the most of it. They’d gotten better at carving out these sorts of times to be away from the cameras, and just hang out with each other, studying music or watching movies or just chilling.
“Think we’ll see Heat Loss at the show?” Trevor asked. Keg Stand had disbanded, but Heat Loss was still trying to make a go of it, and they had opened for Stand Out! at a number of stops on the fall tour sponsored by Next Direction.
“Maybe. Your friends are meeting us for the pre-show dinner right? Or are they too famous now?”
“They’ll be there. I can’t wait to see Cody’s version of a tux.” Stand Out! was nominated in two categories for their new single, while Embellish had shocked the world with the best-selling holiday album of the year and a slew of hit singles and videos. Show-offs. Still, it was hard to hate the guys they’d be touring with all summer. And Jalen dug Trevor’s friend Lucas and his boyfriend, Cody. They were working on a collaboration, and it was nice not to have to worry about nailing down the bass line on his own.
“You’re gonna be looking mighty fine yourself.” They’d largely ditched the color-coded wardrobe, but they were kicking it for the awards with their jacket colors and slim-fitting black tux pants. “Remind me to send Mama Ivy a selfie of us.”
His moms had thought about coming to Las Vegas for the awards show but had settled on having a big watch party back home in LA. They’d be back in LA in a couple of days anyway to resume prep for the summer tour with Embellish and to put the finishing touches on their album.
Their album. How cool was that? They’d released a number of singles, but this would be the big album included in their prize from the show. It was slated to drop right before the summer tour started.
“I will.” Trevor knocked Jalen flat on his back, straddled him. “But in the meantime, we’ve got a few hours to kill . . .”
“Yeah? You have ideas about what we can do?”
“Checkers.” Trevor grinned down at him. “Monopoly.”
“Pick-up sticks.” Jalen shoved his hand inside Trevor’s boxers, finding him hard and ready and not at all interested in board games.
“That too.” Trevor gasped, then whimpered as Jalen released his dick before pulling off their boxers and flipping them. He kissed Trevor, long and slow. Trevor’s arms came around his shoulders, held him tight.
“Love that.” Jalen sighed against Trevor’s mouth. He still loved pinning Trevor down and liked making him hold his hands over his head, but sometimes this was really nice, too—no wrestling, no power games, just them kissing and holding each other and slowly grinding. “Love you.”
Trevor got a leg around Jalen’s waist, arching up to meet Jalen’s thrusts. He was more muscly these days, several months of eating right and exercising with Jalen behind him. He was never going to be a built guy, but he looked healthier with the blood sugar numbers to back it up. And his new strength made the wrestling moves even more fun.
But then, everything was more fun with Trevor around—showers, singing, waking up. It was all good. And he tried to put that gratitude in his kiss, claiming Trevor’s mouth before trailing down his neck. Pausing at Trevor’s collarbone, he looked up.
Trevor laughed when their eyes met. “It’s a high collar. Do it. Please.”
He sucked the tender skin just below Trevor’s collarbone, loving how Trevor bucked and moaned at the contact. He shouldn’t need the mark to remind himself that Trevor was his, that he wasn’t going anywhere, and that what they had in private was as much the real deal as their stage personas. But knowing that Trevor would have his mark when the lights and cameras were on them in their fancy clothes made hot sparks rain down his spine.
Their hips sped up, dicks rubbing against each other as the slow climb turned into a fast sprint, both of them panting and moaning as they came.
Releasing Trevor’s skin, he admired the mark before he kissed his way back up to Trevor’s ear. “I’m liking the tattoo idea more and more.”
“Me too.” Trevor laughed. “But you can still bite me whenever you want.”
They’d been talking about getting something small and matching to celebrate the album’s release, as well as their one-year anniversary in a few months.
“Tiny microphones?” he asked.
“Oof.” Trevor pushed him off. “Sorry, you’re heavy. Little bunk beds?”
“That. Absolutely that.” Jalen laughed and kissed him.
Love Me Tenor Playlist
Music is a huge part of my writing process, and I thought it would be fun to share some of the songs that inspired me while writing and editing Love Me Tenor. Some are songs I imagine Stand Out! or the other groups performing, while others seemed perfect for a particular part of Jalen and Trevor’s journey.
A huge shout-out to all the people who audition each year for the various reality music shows. Every dream starts with that first brave step, and I am forever in awe of the musicians who put themselves in front of the judges for a shot at stardom. A special shout-out to all the people born with unique voices—the ladies who can get low, the men who can go superhigh, the country stars with grit, and the blues singers with soul. And to every group and individual who puts their music up on YouTube for our enjoyment—thank you. You enrich my life and my writing process, and your creativity and determination to put yourself out there really fueled this book. You can find my full playlist on Spotify and my favorite videos on YouTube.
“Supermassive Black Hole,”—Muse, covered by the Vanderbilt Melodores
This is the song that inspired Trevor and his ridiculous range. The first time I heard this cover I knew I had to do a hero who could sing like that.
“#ThisCouldBeUs,”—Doug Locke
I discovered Doug Locke when the book was already at least half done, but it’s like this song and its amazing, heartbreaking video were made just for Love Me Tenor. The video features an interracial LGBT love story, and the song’s message of needing to let go of fear and embrace the potential for a lasting love seems tailor made for Trevor. I could totally see Jalen discovering this song and demanding Trevor listen to it.
“Cool Kids,”—Echosmith
This song made me think of Trevor the first time I heard it, and it’s one I could totally see Stand Out! covering. I think at first Trevor sees the rest of the group as the “cool kids” and wonders if he’ll ever fit in anywhere. Then later, he comes to realize that they all feel this way, and that indeed feeling like the cool kids have all the fun is an inherent part of the human experience.
“Shorty Don’t Wait,”—A Great Big World
I couldn’t not include this one. Trevor has a bit of a complex about his height, and this song really reflects his journey to embrace everything about himself and live life on his own terms.
“How to Love,”—Lil Wayne
This song represents Jalen’s journey and also shows what he brings to Trevor’s life—both are going to have to learn how to love.
“Timber,”—Pitbull featuring Ke$ha
I’m not sure why I associate this song so closely with Jalen. Part of it is the obvious swagger, and I could indeed see Stand Out! covering this song with Jalen taking Pitbull’s lead, but part of it is the song itself—to me it represents how hard Jalen falls for Trevor despite himself.
“Shake It Off,”—Taylor Swift
Not only is Trevor a closet
Swiftie but this particular song is perfect for him. He has to learn to let go of the criticism about his voice, his choices, and shut off his internal judge. He needs to listen to Taylor and just be himself.
“Beautiful,”—Christina Aguilera
There are several Xtina songs that are perfect for Trevor and his journey. This one is one I returned to over and over again as framing his journey toward self-acceptance and the difference that love makes in his life.
“F**kin’ Perfect,”—Pink, covered by Cornell Class Notes
There are a bunch of great covers of this song, including several from The Voice alone and many great a cappella covers. This song really represents how Jalen and Trevor see each other. Neither is perfect, but they are perfect for each other. And both have a hard time accepting how hot and sexy the other finds him.
“Falling Slowly,”—Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová, covered by Ball in the House
It’s hard to top the original of this song, and both versions really showcase the middle of the book, where Jalen and Trevor are falling in love despite themselves and really figuring out what is real and what is show.
“You are Luhh,”—Aaliyah, covered by Frank Ocean
This is one possibility for the song that Jalen can’t wait for Trevor to listen to and that he wants Trevor to cover. It’s another song that really represents all the longing and yearning of falling in love for the first time.
“Accidentally in Love,”—Counting Crows, covered by Bostonians
Love Me Tenor Page 28