by Lois Richer
“Why the frown?” a voice behind her asked. “Phone out again?”
“For such a tall man, it’s amazing how you creep up on people, Gabe,” she snapped, startled by his sudden appearance.
“I do not creep.” The cowboy’s blue gaze narrowed. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you cranky, Olivia. Something must be wrong.” He sank onto the grassy knoll beside her and, after a quick study of her face, turned his gaze on the lushly forested valley below them. “Want to share?”
“No. Thanks.” She turned the question on him, so she wouldn’t have to explain her sudden inexplicable yen to stay here. “Did you buy that land yet?” One look at his face said everything. “Gabe! It’ll probably be listed soon, if it isn’t already.” Understanding dawned. “You couldn’t get funding,” she murmured sadly.
“The money’s in place.” He stretched out, legs in front, leaning back on his elbows to support his upper body. He looked completely relaxed. “That’s not the issue.”
“Then what is? Won’t Edward sell it to you?” Reasons for his failure to act multiplied in her head. “Has he changed his mind about selling?”
“Nothing like that.” Gabe’s slow drawl, something Olivia usually enjoyed, suddenly irritated her.
“Then why in the world haven’t you bought it?” she demanded.
“Because I’m not sure that’s the right thing for Eli.”
Gabe’s soft-voiced response killed her irritation. This man was acting like a responsible father, putting his son’s welfare first. How could she fault that?
“What specifically are you worried about?” she asked quietly.
“I work long hours at the Double M, Olivia. That won’t change if I intend to keep my job, and I do.” Gabe’s pensive tone told her he’d given a lot of thought to this change. “I’d probably have to hire a housekeeper to maintain the house anyway, but I’d also want whoever that is to watch Eli until I get home. It’s a lot of time for a kid to be alone.”
“Or he could take the after-school bus with Adele and Vic’s kids here to The Haven,” Olivia mused aloud. “My sisters hired an after-school sitter who watches over the kids and plays with them until five or so. Maybe you could chip in for her pay and Eli could wait here for you to finish work,” she proposed.
“It’s an idea.” He thought about it for a few minutes. “Probably better than him being at our home, or what could be our home.”
“What makes you say that?” She couldn’t understand the comment.
“Olivia, Eli has never lived in such an isolated place.”
“But he said he wanted no neighbors,” she protested, thinking she should have put more research into after-school care for kids, though she’d been very busy reorganizing the office and the schedule and a myriad of other details that had cropped up. “He wanted grass,” she remembered.
“Eli can have all the grass he wants.” Gabe laughed, then quickly sobered. “The rest—I’m not so sure. In theory, having no neighbors sounds great. Until you’re alone and the coyotes are howling, or a blizzard is blowing in.” Gabe shook his head. “Scary, especially if you’re a little kid.”
“You’ve really considered the angles,” she said, unable to mask her admiration. “Good for you, Dad.”
A tinge of red colored Gabe’s jutting cheekbones before he tilted his Stetson down, which meant she couldn’t read his expression.
“It’s my job. I’m responsible for Eli now. I’m all he has. I want him to have a home, but most of all, I want him to be happy.” His voice changed, grew sadder. “I don’t think the kid had much of a life before Eve got sick, let alone after. I’m only guessing that since Eli hardly says a word, but a couple of his comments make me think somebody bullied him.”
“I’ve wondered that, too.” Olivia reached out and squeezed his hand in commiseration. “But that’s the past. He’s here now, Gabe, and you’re not going to let that happen again. Eli’s going to be very happy here. Especially when you get into your new home. If you get into it,” she added with emphasis.
“Maybe.” His dithering drove her crazy.
“You’ve come to The Haven every night to have dinner with him, to read him a bedtime story and say good-night. That’s all good,” she said, nodding. “But it doesn’t make The Haven Eli’s home.”
“No, it doesn’t. And it doesn’t make me his father, either. That’s clear because he always asks you to listen to his prayers, even though I’m sitting right beside him.” Gabe’s face was a picture of hurt and confusion. “That’s another reason I’m hesitating. I’m hoping that with a little time he’ll get more used to me.”
“Or maybe he’ll get so used to staying at The Haven that it will become his home, instead of one you both live in together—eventually. Time will only make it harder when you move him.” Olivia shook her head. “I doubt that’s what you want, Gabe.”
“What I want is for Eli to be happy.” The low-voiced comment made her pay attention. “Even if it isn’t with me,” he added.
Mentally, Olivia cheered that Gabe was willing to deny himself for his son. He was going to be a great dad. But she also wanted him to be practical.
“That is all very selfless, until you remember the day Kathy dropped him off.” Olivia couldn’t explain why she felt compelled to help father and son bond. She only knew they couldn’t—wouldn’t—do that when they were mostly apart. “Eli said he prayed you’d come, Gabe,” she reminded softly. “That doesn’t sound like he doesn’t want his dad. The two of you just need your own place and time alone together to figure out how to mesh.”
“You make it sound like a marriage,” he grumbled. “Bad comparison.”
“Not all marriages are bad, Gabe.” Olivia giggled at his glower.
“I’ve been told,” he shot back, face grim. “But mine was bad enough that I’m not going to repeat the experience.”
“I feel the same about marriage myself, though I never actually made it to the altar,” Olivia agreed, then wished that hadn’t slipped out.
Gabe sat up. “Why didn’t you? Make it there, I mean?”
There it was, the question she’d been avoiding. She unclenched her jaw.
“Because I could never marry a liar.”
“What did he lie about?” Brows pleating, the cowboy dad studied her.
“Everything. His love, me being beautiful, a future together. Most importantly about already being married. That kind of turned me off matrimony.” She met his gaze and shrugged. “Doesn’t matter now. It’s over, finished, in the past. I do not want to talk about him or remember my stupidity in being so gullible that I believed every lie he spoke.”
“I don’t think it was a lie to say you’re beautiful, Olivia.” Gabe’s soft voice and gentle smile reached inside her and warmed a cold, hard place, but his words made her furious.
“You think this is beautiful,” she demanded, pushing her hair off her cheek so her scar was on full display.
“It’s a scar, sure.” Gabe didn’t flinch or turn away. In fact, he looked totally blasé. “I’ve got a few of my own. That’s the cost of living. Visible or not, Olivia, everyone has scars.”
“The point is, it’s not beautiful,” she muttered, half to herself. “And Martin didn’t love me. He couldn’t have.”
“Why not?” Gabe was not going to let this go. She wished she’d never brought up the subject. “Olivia?” he pressed when she didn’t answer.
“Because he was already married,” she blurted. “He has two children. Can you believe I didn’t know that, didn’t guess?” Disgusted with herself, she tightened her arms around her knees. “Olivia, the great organizational expert, didn’t have a clue she was being duped until her boss told her the ugly truth.”
“Was Martin unhappy at home or something?” Gabe asked.
“Who cares? He was still living there, with his wife and family
.” She blinked fast and furiously to suppress the tears. “Anyway, it didn’t matter.”
“Why not?”
“Because even if he’d got a divorce, I wouldn’t have anything to do with him. I never want to be the cause of a family breakup. Besides that, I would never be first in his life. I don’t want to be someone’s second best.” She glared at him. “Don’t you dare say a word about this to anyone, Gabe Webber. It’s not for public consumption.”
“Of course not.” His moue of disdain somehow made her feel better. “What a pair we are with our terrible taste in the romance department.”
They were a pair?
“Back to the point,” Olivia said after a moment, uncomfortable with the picture his words drew in her brain. “I still believe you and Eli need to get into your own place as soon as possible.”
She hesitated, wanting to say more. But to do so meant she’d risk offending Gabe. And yet, maybe it was worth it if it would get this cowboy and his son to begin bonding.
“You know, it’s none of my business, but I was thinking. Maybe part of what went wrong between you and Eve,” she began tentatively, not liking the way his whole face tightened, “was not being alone together. Maybe if there’d been just the two of you, you’d have been forced to work things out.”
“You’re wrong,” Gabe said flatly. “Lack of togetherness isn’t what went wrong with my marriage. Our failure wasn’t due to my father’s presence. He never interfered. In fact, he made it a point to be away most evenings. Actually, so did Eve.” His face tightened; his lips pinched together. “I told you—all she wanted was good times and money. Period.”
Olivia sighed. Gabe sounded so bitter, so hostile when he spoke about Eve. That couldn’t help with his attempts to bond with Eli.
“Are you thinking it was a hardship for Eve to live on our ranch?” he snarled a moment later. “It wasn’t. My father did very well. We had a huge house, several vehicles, everything we needed.”
She waited, somehow knowing he wanted to vent.
“Married to me, Eve had a respected name in the community, a nice home, somebody who loved her like a fool,” he added, blue eyes blazing. “She threw it away for money, money my dad gave her, so I could be free of her. It was my fault he died. I married her against his wishes and he paid for it.”
“Oh, Gabe.” Olivia’s heart ached for the young man who’d been so disillusioned by love and was still hurting. Not that she’d done much better. But at least she’d been able to write off Martin’s pretense of loving her and move on to embrace a new life.
Have you really?
“I do not want to talk about Eve.” Cold and hard, the words seemed dragged from him.
“Me, neither. Let’s talk about Eli.” Olivia squared her shoulders and faced facts, as she always did when dealing with a problem. “Have you watched him with the other kids? He never just grabs a toy and joins in with them. He always waits until all the toys have been chosen, and then he picks up one and tries to amuse himself with it.”
“So?” Gabe arched an eyebrow.
Lord, help me say this so it helps him. Olivia inhaled and let the words flow.
“So, I know exactly what that’s like. Every single foster home I was ever in gave me the same feeling,” she said as grim memories assailed her. “It wasn’t always that someone was mean to me or wouldn’t let me use the toys. It was mostly that I didn’t feel like anything was mine, that I had a right to play with their stuff.”
“Why did you feel like that?”
“I guess because it wasn’t my home and they weren’t my things. Because no matter what anyone told me, I knew I didn’t belong there.” She paused. “I wonder if Eli feels the same?”
“He’ll get over that once he gets used to everyone here,” Gabe said with a shrug.
“Not necessarily.”
“Why not?”
To explain she had to tell him a little more about her past.
“I didn’t. I went through the motions of living here at The Haven, but it wasn’t my home. My foster aunties tried to help me understand that no one was going to come and take me away. That I could stay here, that I could let myself love them and my sisters.” Frustrated that Gabe hadn’t seemed to notice his son’s aloof behavior, Olivia struggled to gain his understanding. “Aunt Tillie and Aunt Margaret kept at it, and I did finally relax, but sometimes I still don’t feel like I belong here, that The Haven is my home.”
“You’re saying Eli needs ownership of where he lives.”
“Yes.” She exhaled. “Once he’s at home, other kids can come over and he can be the one to say, ‘Play with anything you want. It’s my stuff and I don’t mind sharing.’ That’s when he’ll gain confidence.” Olivia hadn’t thought about it for eons, but suddenly the feeling of not belonging anywhere returned full force. Where did she belong now?
“I’m not sure—” Gabe’s nose wrinkled, showing his disbelief.
“I was left at a hospital as a baby. I never knew my parents, never knew where I came from or where I’d be sent next. It’s a horrible feeling for a kid, Gabe. In a way, Eli’s going through the same thing. His mom’s gone. His aunt dumped him off. You leave him at The Haven. He doesn’t know what to expect next. He needs control and stability in his world. He needs a home to come home to.”
“I guess.” Gabe studied her as if she were a total stranger. “I knew your aunts fostered you. I didn’t know the rest.”
“I don’t like to talk about those days.” Wasn’t that the truth?
“I’m glad you told me. It helps me understand some of Eli’s issues.” His gentle smile made her feel better about blabbing her life’s history.
“That land is what you want, Gabe. You said so. If you and Eli choose the house together, it would make it seem more like you’re a family and that you value his opinion, that he has some say in what’s happening to him. It will give him ownership in the place he’ll eventually call home.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“Good.” She exhaled, then blurted out the next part. “But you have to act. You can’t keep waiting for the perfect situation to happen along because it won’t. And you’ll have lost this opportunity.”
“Okay, okay. I get it, Olivia.” Gabe straightened from his lounging position and held up his hands in surrender. “I’ll call the guy and make an offer.”
“Now?” she pressed, afraid he’d come up with more excuses once he left.
“Can we say pushy?” He rolled his eyes at her before pulling out his phone. Then he frowned. “I don’t have the number with me.”
“I memorized it.” Olivia recited the numbers, thrilled that Gabe was finally doing this.
“I should have known you would, Ms. Organizer,” he muttered, flicking the phone on to speaker. When it was answered, he gave his name and said he was interested in purchasing the land.
Olivia sat, elbows on her knees as she listened to the back-and-forth discussion, trying to stem her excitement when they agreed on a price and a possession date.
“I’m really happy to see Dad’s land go to someone with family,” the seller, Edward, told Gabe. “I have so many wonderful memories of times there, with my dad. My mom left us when I was little, so the two of us were on our own. But Dad made the place a wonderful home for a kid. It’s good to hear you intend to do the same with your son, Gabe.”
After discussing details, Gabe finally hung up looking bemused.
“Congratulations. You’ve taken the first step to making a home for Eli.” Olivia tried to hide her delight, but judging by his expression, Gabe saw her satisfaction.
“You’re the one who got me into this,” he grumbled, tucking his phone into his pocket. “You better not leave until Eli and I are settled in that house.”
“No guarantee of that. But I can probably stay another couple of weeks.” You weren’t g
oing to get involved, remember? Fresh start in Edmonton? She shoved away the nagging voice in her head.
“Why are you grinning like that, Olivia?” Gabe grumbled.
“Because I just had a great idea. Let’s go get Eli and show him where his home is going to be.” She jumped up and held out her hand. “Come on, Gabe. Smile. This is a happy day.”
He did grasp her hand, but it wasn’t for help to get up. He rose on his own, his fingers tightening around hers as he studied her face.
“If this doesn’t work out,” he began, but she wouldn’t allow it.
“Enough with the naysaying,” she ordered, and yanked her hand from his. She had to, in order to stop the electric current shooting up her arm. “This is going to be the best decision of your entire life, cowboy.”
* * *
The best decision of his life?
Gabe wasn’t so sure when he saw Eli’s lack of response to the land he’d just purchased.
“Can you just imagine it, Eli?” A very excited Olivia pointed out features. “Your dad could hang a tire swing from that tree. And you could make a hideaway place in the caragana hedge over there. I used to do that.”
Gabe grinned. The woman was like a kid herself as she outlined possibilities for what would be Eli’s home.
“Do you think you’d be okay to live here?” Gabe finally interrupted, worried when Eli kept looking around without saying a word.
“It’s very—big.” Eli gulped.
“There’s lots of grass,” Gabe reminded. “You said you liked that.”
“Yeah.” Hesitant or afraid?
“We’d need a dog.” Stark fear filled Eli’s face at Gabe’s comment. He immediately revised. “Maybe a puppy would be better. Where I work they have a dog who’s going to have puppies soon.”
“A little dog?” Eli asked timidly.