by Hannah Meade
"Earlier, yeah. And all he said was he was babysitting his cousins."
"Please tell me you did not call his aunt to see if they were real."
She knows me too well. "I did. And they are as real as you and me. Except, he was not there last night."
Emily sighs. This is not the first time I have gone done this with a guy. "Oh, Mia. You just need to tell him to be upfront with you, or this relationship is not going to work."
I call him, taking Emily's advice.
He picks up on the first ring. "Hello?"
His voice booms against the phone speaker so loudly I have to pull the phone back from my ear. Damn, it is loud wherever he is. "Marcus? Where are you?" He does not respond. I say it louder. "MARCUS? HELLO?"
I am about to respond again when I hear a faint voice. "Marcus, who are you talking to? Come back and play." The voice giggles.
Marcus just laughs. "Be there in a second, Natalie. Go play."
So, he is out playing with some girl...
"Hello? Mia?"
Finally. "Yeah? Where are you?"
"I told you I needed to be somewhere. I'll talk to you later. Love you." Then he hangs up.
That is the first time he has said "I Love You" to me.
Twelve
I am still staring at my phone when Emily comes up behind me. "Uh, you okay?"
I reply numbly, "Marcus just said I Love You."
"OH, MY GOD. DID YOU SAY IT BACK?"
I just shake my head, still too stunned to say much.
Emily whacks my on the shoulder, hard.
"Ow! What the hell?" Well, now I am awake.
"He told you he loved you and you did not say it back? What is wrong with you?"
"I am just too stunned to reply, I guess. He said it so fast and then hung up right away, and I did not even get the chance to process what had happened. Gosh, Em, that was the first time he said I love You to me."
She squeals like the annoying, excited girl she is. "Is not that exciting? This is a whole new step in your relationship. This is major. I have to Facebook this." She scurries over to her phone and posts something about me, again. She does that a lot. Whenever I do something she is proud of, she Facebooks it. It is utterly annoying.
Every time she whips out her phone and clicks on the Facebook app, I just want to smack it right out of her hands and say, 'GET A LIFE.’
"Emily, can you stop being annoying for one second and tell me what the hell I am supposed to do now?"
Emily rolls her eyes but sets her phone back down. "What do you mean? You are supposed to say it back and then live happily ever after. What else is there to know?"
"He is cheating on me."
She does not say anything, just stares at me with her mouth hanging open.
"When I called him just now, there was a girl that was giggling in the background. She said she wanted him to get off the phone and come play. Then he said he would be there in a second. Her name was Natalie." I sit down and let the depression sink in.
Emily walks over and pats me on the shoulder. "Oh, Mia. I am sorry. But why would he say he loves you if he was fooling around with another girl right in the room with him?"
I shrug; I do not know anything anymore. "I do not know. Maybe he was too drunk to realize what he was saying. He was in a really loud place and he could not hear me. It was like he did not even notice he had called me or something. Now I wonder if he even really meant it or not."
Emily mumbles something under her breath, but I do not hear it.
"Huh?"
"Nothing. Nothing. Let us not be Molly Mopers about this. We need to go out. You need to forget about Marcus for a while. What better way to do that then go to a party with your best friend?"
A party, really? "The last time I went to a party, I ended up with this confusing douchebag. Not going to happen, Em. Do not you ever get sick of parties?"
She shrugs. "Nah. Do not you ever get sick of being alone and depressed?"
"I am not alone and depressed."
"Well, you pretty much are. Your "boyfriend" is evidently cheating on you and you are just sitting here moping around the house."
"This never would have even happened if you had not dragged me to that stupid party for no reason." She knows I do not like parties, and this is why. You get drunk, get stupid, and regret everything afterwards.
"I am sorry I set you up with an absolute idiot, but you were happy to begin with."
My eyes snap to hers. "What do you mean, you set me up?"
Emily's eyes go wide. She did not mean to say that. "Well, I just mean I forced you to come and then you happened to meet Marcus and yeah. So, we should go out dancing." She grabs my hand and tries to pull me to the door, but I am not having it.
I yank out of her grasp. "Did you send me to that party to have me hook up with Marcus?"
"Um, maybe?"
"Emily, what the hell? I am not that desperate for a boyfriend. Jesus Christ, are you kidding me right now? Do you have another guy set up for me at this party, too? I cannot believe you did that."
Emily throws her hands up in the air. "Well, what was I supposed to do? Watch you be sad all the time, because that guy Andrew was an asshole to you? I was trying to help you be happy again."
"I was happy, but do you think I am happy now? Marcus might be cheating on me. I was much happier before I met Marcus. You never even asked me if I wanted this; you just assumed."
Emily laughs at me. "Mia, you were not happy. Trust me. Andrew ruined you. You gave him exactly what he wanted. I was just trying to give you back that love and trust you once had."
I am so mad, I do not even want to hear what she has to say anymore. "You know what? Thank you. Thank you for showing me what assholes guys are. Thank you for showing me exactly the kind of guy I do not want to be with. Thank you, Emily. I am so goddamn thankful that you are here to find me the same kind of relationship I want to avoid. Thanks so much." I give her a fake smile and rush out the door. I do not know where I am going, but I just need to think. Why would Emily do that? She knows I am not ready to move on, but she did that anyway.
I get in my car and drive to the one place that I hope might help me.
~~~
"Oh, my. Are you sure he is cheating on you, dear? I could not imagine my little Marcus doing anything like that."
"I do not know, Maribelle. I called him yesterday after he ditched me again and there was a girl giggling in the background. I think her name was Natalie." I have been talking with his grandmother for a while now and we are now on a first-name basis.
"Wait, Natalie? What was he doing with Natalie?"
"Um, he said they were playing. I do not know what kind of "playing,” but I can take a guess."
Maribelle starts laughing. A lot.
"What is so funny?"
"Oh, hunny. Natalie is his little cousin. He is been babysitting them a lot lately. Their parents are a little...checked out most of the time. I wonder why he did not just tell you that."
No. That cannot be right. His little cousin? Was he really telling the truth?
"He has...He has been spending all this time with his little cousins? Are you absolutely sure?"
She nods. "One hundred percent sure."
I was so sure I had been right, so sure that he was lying to me or cheating on me. I get up and hug Maribelle. "Thank you, Maribelle."
She smiles and hugs me back. "Whenever you need to talk, you know where I am."
I leave soon after I talk with Maribelle, a bag of muffins in my hand.
I am afraid it is going to take a lot more than muffins, however, when I apologize to Marcus.
I arrive at Marcus's apartment a half an hour later. I stall for a little bit, not wanting to face Marcus. I fiddle with the radio, promising myself I will get out of the car after "the next song.” That turns into twenty minutes of me just listening to music. I feel bad for thinking that he could ever cheat on me. Hearing his grandmother confirm that I am just ridiculous for
thinking the worst, makes me feel even worse.
Hesitantly, I knock on the door.
It opens seconds later. "Finally. I've been waiting for..." He stops, realizing I am a different person than he expected. "Mia. What are you doing here?"
I hold up the muffins. "We need to talk."
~~~
"Why in the world would you think I am cheating on you?"
"Well, you have been ditching me a lot lately, Marcus. And without any explanation. What am I supposed to think?"
"I told you I was babysitting my cousins."
I keep my eyes trained on the floor. "I thought you were lying to me; that it was just a cover-up for what you were actually doing. Plus, last night you were playing with some girl named Natalie and you barely even noticed you were talking to me on the phone. I thought you were drunk or something."
Marcus does not say anything for a while, just stands there. Then I hear him laugh and walk closer to me. "Look at me, Mia." He lifts his fingers and gently pulls my chin up, so I meet his eyes. "You are my girlfriend, and I would never, ever think of jeopardizing that by cheating on you. You just have to trust me. Without that trust, you will never get those thoughts out of your head."
I shiver a little when he calls me his girlfriend. We have never called ourselves anything, much less boyfriend and girlfriend. "I am willing to trust you, if you do not give me any reason not to."
"I love you, Mia. Remember that."
There it is again. He has said it twice now and has left me speechless each time.
He leans down and places a gentle kiss on my lips before I can respond.
I revel in his touch. All of my doubts that I had yesterday vanish once he kisses me. It is like he knows exactly what to do to convince me.
He pulls away all too soon. "As much as I would love to continue this, I faintly remember you bringing muffins?"
I grin. Only Marcus would interrupt a make-out session to think about food. "You remember right. I stopped by your grandmother's café and picked up some apology muffins."
He jumps up and down excitedly, like a little kid at a candy store. "You sure know the way to a man's heart, Mia."
"Unfortunately, the way to a man's heart is pretty fucking expensive. I spent like twenty bucks on two flipping muffins for you."
Marcus just laughs and comes up behind me, grabbing a muffin from my hands. "It is so worth it though. These things are heaven." He takes a humongous bite and holds it out to me, like he expects me to eat that, too.
I make a disgusted face and push his arm away from me. "No way am I eating that after your mouth touched it. You have not even brushed your teeth today."
"How did you know that? You were not even here."
I did not know, just guessed. "Call it female intuition." I give him a smirk and grab the other muffin. "Thankfully, I was lying when I told you I got both of those muffins for you." I take my own "big" bite out of my muffin and grin at Marcus, giving him quite the show.
"And you said I was gross."
I shrug, not admitting anything.
"I do not mean to shoo you out or anything, but my cousins are coming over soon. That is who I thought was at the door. Their mom was supposed to drop them off an hour ago."
I cannot help but feel a little disappointed that he is ditching me again, but I know he actually does have to babysit. I need to start trusting him. "It is fine, babe. Just text me when you are done. Okay?"
He nods and leans down to kiss me goodbye. "See you, Mia."
~~~
I get home around dinnertime. I picked up some Chinese for Emily and me on the way home. I am in a good mood, but not a good enough mood to cook.
Fun fact about me: I hate cooking.
I open the door and find Emily watching our favorite show, Pretty Little Liars, without me. "Emily, what the hell?"
She ignores me, just keeps watching the show.
What is her problem? I stalk over to where she is sitting and turn off the TV.
Her eyes snap up to mine. Yeah, got your attention now. "Turn the TV back on, Mia."
"Why are you watching our show without me?"
"Because you were not here." She stands up and gets right in my face. "You know that we watch our show at the same time every week and you still left to go see that pathetic guy. Is this going to be a regular thing?"
I roll my eyes. Really? That is what she is upset about? Because I was not here at the beginning of our show? We always record it anyway. What is the big deal? "I had to talk to him. I was wrong. He is not cheating on me. I talked to his grandmother today. He has just been super busy babysitting his cousins lately. I had to tell him that and apologize for thinking he would ever cheat on me. I did not expect it to take this long. I even grabbed dinner on the way home." I hold up the bag for proof.
She briefly looks at it before scoffing. "You do not know anything, Mia. He has playing you and you do not even see it."
Huh? "And how in the hell would you know that?" Clearly, she is just bluffing. She is just mad at me.
Emily then seems to have a mental battle; to tell me or to not tell me. But I guess she has decided to tell me. "Because he has been screwing me."
She then exits the room, leaving me speechless.
Thirteen
I just stare after her. What the hell is she talking about?
Her and Marcus? Marcus and Her? No. It could not be.
I run after her, determined to find out what she means. "Emily, stop."
Damn that girl can move fast. She has stalked out of the house, almost down by the beach by now.
I catch up to her, after she collapses on the sand, head between her knees. "Emily, what the hell are you talking about?"
She does not say anything at first, just breathes in and out. If I did not know any better, it would seem like she is shedding a few tears. "We were dating. About a year ago. He had asked me out at a party and I wasn't stupid enough to say no. He was hot. So we started dating and were together for about six months before I called it off. Found out he cheated on me with my other friend. That was when I decided I did not do relationships anymore; just hookups. We did not talk for a month. Then at one party we were both at, we were both really drunk and we...slept together. That next morning, we both said that we would be friends with benefits. Even if we both got into a relationship." She takes a deep breath, like she has to prepare for what she is going to say next. "And then he asked about you, after he had seen me video chatting you one night after we had hooked up. He seemed really interested and I said I would help him out. I did not want to tell you at first, because I was curious to see how this would go. But I cannot keep lying to you, Mia. I had to tell you the truth." Her voice breaks at the end. "I am sorry."
I take this all in. So, he was spending half his time babysitting his cousins and the other half screwing my best friend. Nice. That is not the part that hurts me, though; it is that neither of them bothered to even tell me. What did they think? Marcus and I would just keep seeing each other and they would just keep hooking up in the meantime? "So, you have been hooking up the whole time Marcus and I have been together." It makes me sick just saying it.
"Yep."
"You guys are sick. Just sick. How did you think this was going to end? Did you think I would never find out?"
"You had not found out until I told you."
I scoff. "I would have found out eventually. You know that." She does not say anything after that, so I start to head back to the house.
"I did not mean for you to fall in love with him, for God's sake. Or for him to fall in love with you. I just thought this would be a casual fling and would eventually fade out. His relationships never last this long."
I stop walking and respond to Emily, my back still turned to her. "Has he had any relationships in the past six months?"
I am starting to think Emily is not going to answer, but she does a couple minutes later. "He has had four; each only lasting a couple weeks."
I just
shake my head, disgusted. "How can you deal with this? While he is not getting busy with you, you know he is with another girl. How do you live with yourself? Especially when it is your best friend he is with?"
"I told you. I do not do relationships anymore. You just get hurt. Look at you. You believed he actually loved you."
My heart breaks at the trueness of her statement. Marcus does not really love me; he just says that to say it. He knows exactly what to say to get me to believe him. He is just a player who knows how to play the game. "You are right. And I believed you were actually my best friend."
Once I get back to the house, I lose it.
The reality of the situation settles in and I cannot take it. This is my parents' situation all over again. I am being betrayed by the ones I love the most.
How am I going to face Marcus again knowing what I know? Knowing how little I actually mean to him?
Here I am; a sad girl in love with a guy who is just fooling around with me until he gets bored. Marcus probably does not even care. I am just another piece in his game that he does not care about. He will laugh in my face and move on.
I should not be crying over this guy. This guy who is not worth my tears.
But I know that is not why I am really crying.
Emily. My best friend, my rock, my support system. She sets me up with a guy that is fooling around with her. And she is okay with that. Without Emily, I would have been lost after my parents shunned me. Now, I do not have anybody to support me this time. I have to be my own support system. I need to be my own rock.
I decide in that moment that I do not need anybody. All I need is myself. Then I can never get hurt. Problem solved.
~~~
The next morning, I start searching for apartments for rent. Obviously, I still want to be near the beach and close to the university. The Barnes and Noble I work at is only a few miles away, so that would not be an issue anyway.
I get up early to purposely avoid bumping into Emily. I am hoping to find something right away and start moving out today. But not everything can work out that perfectly.
I hear footsteps bound down the stairs. I glance over at the clock. 7:30. What is Emily doing up so early? I just ignore her and continue my apartment hunt.