Wait, that came out wrong.
Pinko commie.
Am not!
I like the free market just fine.
Really?
Okay, I like a reasonably supervised market based on free market principles.
That doesn’t even make sense.
See! American once more!
I’m glad you’re feeling better
But I have to go.
My mother wants a REALLY good spot
And my father’s already whining
And I’m reasonably sure they’re going to trip the wrong wire well before Step2 even gets here.
I’m sorry.
I’m used to it.
That’s why I’m sorry.
You’ll be here if I need to vent?
Always.
Plus, I don’t have to plug in until late. Holiday bonus.
Then you’ll get to hear all about the explosions.
Ew.
Of the parental variety.
Even worse.
But, yes, I’ll hear about them.
Because you put up with all my drama.
My mother’s screaming up the stairs now
Later.
Don’t lose a finger!
Still allowed near your phone?
Yes, we’re watching action movies to drown out the fireworks.
They’ve been over for hours.
Well, we’re not done watching Nicolas Cage.
Nicolas Cage?
Classic movie night.
Can you talk?
Uh-oh.
What happened?
Nothing that wasn’t expected.
You okay?
It’s not like any of it is a surprise.
They’re already screaming at each other
We barely made it out of the field before they started
And they didn’t stop the whole drive to my mother’s.
Is that where you are? Her place?
I’m at my father’s
It’ll be easier here
At least until Friday.
When your stepmom comes back?
Yeah
Then the timer starts all over again.
Well, I’ll clean out my closet.
What would your family think of a strange boy living in your closet?
Well …
I would have said they’d freak out.
But after this afternoon, I’m more worried they’d like you even more than the clown and never let you leave.
My mom wouldn’t let you leave anyway.
She’s got a thing about kids going through divorces.
???
When my grandparents got divorced, one of her friends took her in for a while.
But she was in college and it was just for a summer.
But really, I guess they helped her a ton and she always likes doing what other people did for her.
That seems …
Weird?
Nice
Like super nice
But I shouldn’t be surprised.
My parents are surprisingly nice.
Unless you break their stuff.
Especially do NOT break my mom’s stuff.
Good thing you broke your father’s garage door.
No kidding.
It’s the worst when she’s disappointed.
It fills the whole house.
Steals all the air.
You’re right
Angry is easier.
My mother screaming at my father will go away.
Her disappointment in him NEVER will.
Yes, but I still wouldn’t trade my parents for anything.
I don’t know if I’d get any better.
I might trade mine for yours
But I still like mine.
Separately that is
VERY VERY separately.
Yeah, I guess.
Still sucks.
Still sucks.
You gonna be okay?
Probably.
Is it time?
Mom would let me stay up for this.
Really?
Of course. Soft spot, remember?
You should sleep
I’ll watch some TV or something.
No PvP?
Not tonight
There’s a new show I want to check out.
Okay, well, have fun.
Good night, Haley.
How are you doing?
Fine
Why?
Just checking in after last night.
Yeah fine.
I’m working.
Well, waiting.
I’m getting ready for work.
This early?
On a Tuesday?
Yeah, shifts changed around. This is what was left.
I’m on Tues and Thurs this month.
???
I get whatever no one else wants.
Plus, the new lady can do more hours after school starts.
That’s not fair.
I’m cool with only a few hours a week. Better than nothing.
I guess.
She’s a vet and has a kid and is going to school at the same time. She can get the sweet overnight pay if she gets fully trained on the deli stuff this summer, which I SO can’t.
Vet as in veterinarian?
No, Afghanistan.
That’s cool.
Yeah, except for it not being cool at all.
Gotta go
I’m being summoned.
Why is the last hour of work always THE LONGEST?
Are you STILL working???
No, I just got home.
But I’ve been trying to message that to you with my brain for the last hour.
Sorry I didn’t get it until now.
No?
Well, I’ll work on that.
Psychic communication.
Because texting is just not fast enough.
I’m actually afraid you might achieve it.
You’re still afraid of menopause?
STOP SAYING THAT WORD!
OMG, really?
Childish much?
We have to listen to you guys go on and on about erectile dysfunction.
I have never once in my entire life gone ON AND ON about erectile dysfunction.
You know what I mean.
Still.
Okay, fair.
I hope your day went well
Other than the boring last hour of course.
Yeah, it did.
Anything exciting?
Other than seeing the burrito clown for the fourth day in a row?
Nope.
And that counts as exciting?
Only if you’re excited by burritos.
Wait.
Don’t answer that.
Are you NOT excited by burritos?
UGH! I knew that was the wrong way to say that.
It wasn’t exciting.
He just bought a burrito.
And yet you felt it was worth mentioning.
Okay, so we talked a little about Orphan Black.
Not a big deal.
He has come to understand the magic of Felix and, like all of us, needed an outlet for those feelings.
This sounds …
Weird?
Friendly.
Don’t make me declare war on Martin-kind again.
Don’t you need Congress for that?
Let me tell you the things I DON’T need Congress to decide I can or cannot do.
No, never mind that would take too long.
But your hatred of Martins is wavering?
Well, I’m not quite ready to forgive Van Buren for supporting slavery.
You’ve got to give him some credit for the Petticoat Affair.
You must have gotten a 5 on your AP test.
Oh right!
That’s today!
You haven’t checked?
Why are you talking to me?!
Shh … logging in.
I got a 4.
<
br /> And a 3 in Chem.
And a 4 in Lang Comp.
You got a 3 in Chem???
I got 4.
I don’t test well in science, remember?
Got a 3 in Calc so there’s that.
What’d you get in US?
4 like you.
Despite picking the Articles of Confederation over Nixon?
I forgot about that!!!
You forgot why we started talking in the first place?
Washed my failure from my memory.
How’d you do in Lang Comp?
… 5
WHAT?
That’s amazing! How’d you get a 5?
Don’t know.
Doesn’t that make you some kind of superstar?
No … I just have a 5.
Doesn’t matter.
Shut up.
Don’t be jealous
You’re going to skip undergrad entirely and go straight into a PhD program.
Wait, why would I be jealous?
People get weird about stuff like this.
I’m impressed by you. This is impressed.
Is impressed weird?
Sorta
Don’t know.
Okay, what’s up?
Everyone at school gets so competitive.
True. It’s a gifted and talented program.
Might as well call it Hunger Grades.
Exactly.
And yet you don’t like telling people you’re amazing at a thing they want to do well?
Are you afraid they’ll worship you more?
Well, no.
You’re afraid they’ll think you’re a nerd?
…
OMG! We go to a nerd school!
You would be their king.
I don’t want to be their king.
You’re already their king!
Okay, co-king. Whatever.
DEFINITELY don’t want that.
Well, I’m proud of you.
Even though you did better than me and you didn’t talk to me even once before taking the test.
Not true.
US History test was Friday
Lang Comp wasn’t till Wednesday.
But I gotta go
I’m already running late.
Oh, have fun.
At our church baseball league???
It’ll be a laugh riot.
Oh, well, break a leg.
That’s theater.
Yeah, I’ve got nothing for sportsball, sorry.
Are you still freaking out?
???
Your test.
Did your parents freak out?
They congratulated me.
That’s it?
My mom wanted a party.
For two 4s and a 3?
Low standards.
After the whole Bio thing they said I could stop AP science, but I wanted to try Chem and it worked out better.
I never considered that.
Lowered expectations?
Any expectations at all.
My mother’s disappointed in my Calc score.
What?!? Why?
Ridiculous.
She doesn’t understand how hard it was.
English is easier.
Even being in AB your junior year is impressive.
Your mom’s wrong. You did awesome.
I did like half as good as you.
We did the same on US.
Yeah, well, average it out.
You’re like twice as smart as me.
Ridiculous.
But you’re probably right.
I blame the biased school system.
You should just assume I know everything. Safer.
You’re feeling good about yourself.
I got two 4s and a 3! That’s like $10K less at college right there.
I’m the queen of the world!
You’ve got gender bias and a trust fund on your side, so there’s almost no pressure involved.
Clearly taking four AP courses means nothing.
Fine, Your Majesty.
We’re both smart.
Good you see that.
As you can tell, I can’t talk to people who aren’t smart.
They freak out and run away.
I haven’t run away.
Well, you’re odd.
Not as odd as you.
True. You wish you could be this odd.
Sometimes
Yeah.
Oh stop being serious.
Do you have any candy in the house?
Step2 left behind some gluten-free cookies.
THAT’s sad.
Tell me about it.
Okay, tomorrow buy yourself a treat.
Something sugary and fatty and horrible.
And eat all of it and tell yourself it’s from me.
I can do that.
Good.
It’s time for you to go.
Yeah. Just about.
You good for real?
Am now.
No
I will be.
No pouting over being nearly as smart as I am.
Not that
Just thank you.
For being weird?
For being you.
Well, I’d suck worse at being anyone else.
No …
This is just the first time I had someone to talk to about all this.
You had Jack and your cousin.
Not really.
Yeah I had them
But not to talk to
Just to be around.
You don’t talk about stuff?
Not like this.
What about your girlfriends?
Those were nothing like this.
Oh, right, I guess I’m your first girl-who-is-a-friend rather than girlfriend.
No
Never mind.
No, I get it.
Don’t get all sappy. Just go pwn some n00bs in PvP.
No one says that anymore.
My parents still do.
Your parents are old-school nerds.
DON’T I KNOW IT!
Good night, supergenius Martin.
Good night, Your Majesty.
What do you do on your days off?
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