Technically, You Started It
Page 16
Game’s over.
I’M sorry. No reason for you to be.
You didn’t do anything wrong.
I shouldn’t have had my phone out.
No, don’t be sorry.
Were you THAT freaked they’d figure out who you were?
No.
Yes.
I mean, not for myself.
I was more worried about you.
???
I don’t know.
It’s ridiculous.
I didn’t want them to see all the stuff we talked about.
???
I mean … Jack’s the worst. I don’t want to have to hurt him.
Hurt him more you mean
I’d probably wimp out at the last minute, but I’d totally intend on hurting him.
No, for this I’d really do it.
You’d consider hurting your ex for me?
UGH! Don’t call him that.
You make it sound like I’m promoting domestic violence.
Really, I’d probably just glare at him.
Your death rays?
You’d make him cry.
I know he’d cry.
You’d break his heart.
Wouldn’t.
Would.
I think he still likes you.
UGH.
WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT?!?
Because it complicates everything.
Now I need to wash my brain out with soap.
At least you know where the soap is.
True. I labeled it.
Sorry if I freaked you out.
I’ll be more careful.
No, I’m fine.
Well, not the Jack part.
You’re hallucinating if you think he likes me.
Boys are simple.
Yeah, right. Your cousin isn’t …
What was all that about?
It was nothing.
???
I was almost starting to rethink the clown’s jerk status.
You were?
I mean, he still comes into the gas station.
I don’t know if I told you that.
You’ve implied it.
We’ve started talking a little if it’s slow.
Mostly he comes in during lunch, so it’s not REALLY slow.
But then he was really nice to me on Sunday.
And after the con.
Now … I don’t know.
I’m going to kill him.
No. Don’t. I’ll just poison his Slushee.
Thanks for the warning.
I wouldn’t really do it.
I’d just think about it.
A lot.
One step forward
Two steps back.
This is why you’re right. We have to stay internet friends.
…
I’m sorry I’m a freak.
I’ve gotta go though.
Sorry again about tonight.
Not as sorry as they’re going to be.
So Step2 cleared out all her stuff and is moving back to the West Coast.
Oh no, I’m sorry.
It’s fine.
Is your dad okay?
Fine
He’s the one who exploded it
And he had a prenup.
That’s …
Typical.
Well, no.
Not even close.
I mean, it’s a sound decision for someone who’s on his third marriage to someone he’s in business with.
He’s an idiot.
Is this going to ruin his company?
Both make too much money from it.
So what are you going to do?
I’ll stay with him on weeknights
At my mother’s on weekends.
Awkward dating will really begin that quickly?
It’s already begun.
My mother
Remember?
Oh wow. Are there others?
Like does he revisit the backlist?
Doubt it
Step1 is already remarried and has a kid.
Even HE’S not going to break that up.
So he goes out and finds new people?
Just like that?
He’s calling it his “triumphant return to the bachelor lifestyle.”
But he’ll find Step3 soon enough.
He won’t try again with your mom?
CHUCK bought her a car
A Jag.
Says I can borrow it “if I’m good.”
He what?
He wanted to buy me one too.
She talked him out of it.
Matching Jaguars? Isn’t that going a little far?
That’s what I thought
But I think he’s serious.
About European sports cars?
About my mother.
Even though they broke up and she hooked up with her ex?
I think CHUCK being serious might have been WHY they broke up.
He said something about how this will do until she takes the ring.
So he proposed?
I don’t know.
I don’t really know anything.
Is it really that bad?
I mean, he’s a little over the top, but he doesn’t sound evil or anything.
I never thought of my mother having another husband.
She hasn’t actually agreed to anything yet. Right?
Guess not.
Right, plus, you’ll definitely get ice cream before it happens.
True
That helps.
Ice cream?
Knowing there will be some kind of warning.
Oh, yeah. Well, she kind of has a tell, doesn’t she?
She totally does.
But what about you?
Shouldn’t you be working on your bathroom project?
Taking a lunch break.
Is that allowed?
Who cares?
You’re on lunch break, so I’m on lunch break.
So you’re not still upset about last night?
What?
No.
I’m sorry about them
All of it.
You’ve already said that.
They ruined everything.
What could they ruin? It’s not like either of them are a surprise.
That’s who they are.
They always have been.
It’s not who I am.
It’s definitely not who I want you to THINK I am.
They don’t mean anything.
Jack’s Jack and your cousin …
I don’t know about him anymore.
I was starting to think I did.
I knew this would happen.
I’m sorry.
You shouldn’t blame yourself.
It’s not that
I keep screwing this up.
It’s not that big of a deal.
He screwed everything up … Like always.
I almost had it all figured out.
You’re fine.
We’re not fine.
I don’t know if I can ever actually make this fine.
Oh.
I’m sorry.
It’s not that.
ARGH!
There’s stuff I have to tell you
But I’m kinda scared.
What would you be scared of?
You
You’re just so you
All the time.
Weird.
No.
You don’t get it.
I don’t think you WANT to get it.
No, I do.
You could explain it to me.
Not yet
Not without ruining everything.
I still can’t figure out how to do this without anyone getting hurt
I know you’re going to hate me
I’m not going to hate you.
Whatever it is. It’ll be all right.
I wish I could believe that.
Look they’re calling me back to t
he office.
Okay.
You feeling better?
Fine.
That earlier was nothing
Ignore it.
Family stuff got to me or something.
I’m sorry I’m so terrible about … those people you talk to in real life.
You’re protective of your friends
Even when they don’t deserve it.
It’s kinda why I’m still talking to you.
Kinda?
Well …
You also don’t need me to explain what I mean by things.
People ask you to explain stuff too?
All the time!!!
Words … metaphors … examples.
I just had to explain to a guy at my last job site “what a meme was.”
OH YES! I KNOW! ALL THE TIME!
Like, guys, if you don’t know what a phyllosilicate is, Google it. I do.
I can’t believe they’ve made it this far in life without realizing they can search as fast as ask me.
Exactly.
You really sure you’re okay?
I don’t want you to get upset again.
I decided I’ve got to do something about all this.
I just don’t know how yet.
Yeah, I know how that goes.
Why do you talk to me?
What?
This again?
I KNOW why I talk to you.
I don’t.
I told you.
I guess.
Why do YOU talk to ME?
Because.
You can do better than that.
It’s almost time to plug in.
But it isn’t.
Just one thing.
Please???
You won’t laugh?
Probably not.
This does not instill confidence in me.
I won’t laugh.
This is what I thought friendship is supposed to be like.
What do you mean?
I mean, I thought Sarah and Lexi and I were going to be friends forever.
And now Sarah wants to spend more time with Chloe than either of us.
And Lexi’s only interested in the results of my ideal seduction technique quiz.
(The test literally said I have none. I know you’re shocked.)
We used to do everything together. And now it’s like we’re strangers.
You know almost as much about me as they do and you haven’t run away yet.
Right.
RIGHT!
Exactly.
You haven’t run away yet.
Look, I really have to plug in.
I know.
You sure you’re okay?
I’m better now.
Well, that’s something.
Good night, friend.
Good night, weirdo.
Did you tell him something?
???
The burrito clown was being strange today.
Stranger.
Progressively more strange.
Did you say something to your cousin?
I told my cousin nothing about anything.
So you didn’t talk to him about Tuesday?
???
After all that stuff I thought …
Never mind.
He was just being weird. As I said.
Weird?
He was really … nice … kept apologizing about stuff.
Like he knew I was mad at him.
And?
And what?
Do you still hate him?
I don’t hate him.
After the con and the party I guess I stopped hating him for a second.
It’s just all complicated.
But I guess I realized something just now.
???
He didn’t know that was me.
I mean, you really could be talking to a French Canadian you met on the internet for all he knew.
And like I know he was being a jerk because it’s his job.
Is he really THAT bad?
No, he’s not.
But he really does think that whole bad-boy thing works.
You think it’s a bad-boy act?
I mean, look at what happened with Sarah and then AGAIN with Chloe at prom.
That’s not reality
Maybe not.
Maybe it’s because he’s so nice to girls we keep getting the wrong idea.
Making things into stuff he didn’t mean.
Which isn’t his fault, but it makes it REALLY hard to figure out what he’s thinking.
Maybe the burrito clown hadn’t met the right person.
Boys are so dumb sometimes.
As a boy I take offense at that.
Well, not you.
Well, okay, sometimes you.
But you’re the good kind of dumb.
There’s a “good kind”?
Yeah.
I’m afraid to ask.
You’re the kind that makes me laugh.
I can handle that.
Good.
Can’t crush your fragile male ego.
!!!
Hahahahahaha!
Fine … I’ll let it go.
But …
Uh-oh.
Do you dislike him or not?
Dislike who?
The burrito clown
Martin Nathaniel Munroe II
The one who comes to visit you at work.
Oh.
Him.
No.
No.
I guess you could say I’m disappointed.
I can work with disappointed.
Why are you so invested in us getting along? Does he have to approve all your friends?
…
Weren’t you just trying to convince me like a month ago you’re not actually the same person?
As you say
It’s complicated.
What are you up to tonight?
Nothing.
Well, sorta nothing.
Gotta catch up on my stories.
???
Yeah, so many good dramas. You have no idea.
More foreign television?
You make it sound so elitist.