A joke?
I believe you know the rules.
I apologize, Mrs. Hancock.
I hope I didn’t wake you.
No, I’ve been awake since Haley’s declared quite loudly the only Martin she has any interest in speaking to is Dr. King because “he’s not a liar.”
So I cannot say I’m surprised you’re messaging this late.
Was this your doing?
I’m afraid it must be.
Haley will speak to you in the morning when she has found her words again.
Yes, ma’am. I’m very sorry for disturbing you.
I don’t want to talk to you.
Whatever happened I’m sorry.
Don’t bother me.
Don’t bother my mom.
Don’t be nice to her.
Just …
Don’t.
What happened?
I don’t talk to liars.
…
That’s all you have to say?
???
How did I figure it out?
Yeah
I saw you.
Then Chloe connected all the dots about Wade’s party.
I can’t believe I trusted you.
I told you I’m still me no matter what.
It was right in front of my face this whole time.
I’m sorry.
You should be.
I don’t know why I thought this was real.
I don’t know what I thought.
Please don’t hate me.
I don’t know if I can.
You played me.
It’s not like that!!!
It is.
You …
UGH.
Don’t talk to me.
I’m really sorry, Haley.
Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted.
Yeah … well … you’re really good at it.
I can’t believe I thought this was real.
Were you ever going to tell me?
I didn’t know how.
Are you there?
If you’re there answer me.
You can hate me again when I’m done.
After the Escape Room what exactly did you see that freaked you out???
Shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend?
Was that what you saw?
I believe I made it clear I don’t want to talk to you.
Answer me
Please
Please?
Yes, I saw you two together, all right?
I mean, I figured out your big secret. Big deal. Who cares? You’ve just been lying for weeks.
By together you mean …
Kissing. Okay?
I SAW YOU AND SARAH KISSING.
Is that what you wanted to hear?
That I caught you?
So when you said you saw me
When you freaked out
It was because you thought you saw Sarah kissing me?
OMG, when you put it that way, I sound super jealous.
I swear it wasn’t like that. I’m only mad that you lied to me, okay?
Let me get this straight
I … Martin Nathaniel Munroe II … am a liar because I kissed Sarah Eastman on Friday night?
Why do you keep saying it?
Because
Augh
I hate my life
Why?
Because I caught you?
What’s wrong with that?
Nothing
Everything
I’ve got to go
We’re at the restaurant
But we HAVE to talk later.
So you can lie to me some more?
I knew there was a complication
I didn’t think it had gotten THIS complicated.
I hear the relationship or whatever it is was made official at church this morning.
In the most dramatic way possible.
I shouldn’t pry.
I wish you would.
No, I don’t want to know what anyone has to say about Sarah and any of the Munroes dating ever again.
You’re a liar and that clown didn’t even come into the gas station this whole week.
After Friday it’s clear even he really wants nothing to do with me.
The maniac burrito clown is a fool who didn’t think he deserved burritos this week.
Is he okay?
He’s been dealing with some stuff.
I’m trying to give you credit for at least trying to tell me at Wade’s party.
This means I still have to talk to you.
What? Why?
Everything’s out in the open now.
Not even remotely.
Oh.
Ohhhh.
Wait.
You WERE going to tell me, right?
???
About you and Sarah.
Or were you just going to let me find out?
Or is Chloe right? Are you Munroes just playing with me???
What we need to talk about has nothing to do with Sarah AT ALL.
But regardless of Chloe’s unnecessary drama this is STILL not something I can do on the phone.
So you weren’t going to tell me you were dating?
Hasn’t this been bad enough?
Does she even know we’ve been talking?
STOP.
Not everything in the entire world is about them.
You’re dating my best friend but talking to me ALL the time!!!!!
How is this not about that?
Please
Just stop.
We need to REALLY talk.
Can I come over now?
No. My parents have people over.
Tomorrow?
I’m babysitting tomorrow.
Lunch Tuesday???
I work Tuesday.
Exactly
I’ll come in on my lunch.
I thought this wasn’t something to hash out over burritos.
This isn’t what you think
Not even a tiny bit what you think
Please don’t avoid me.
I have to go … my parents want me to play a game with them.
Now?
They want to do an emperor game in Magic but need six players.
Please don’t freak out when you see me.
You don’t get to tell me what to do.
This is all going to be OK.
I can fix this.
You’re not freaking out about tomorrow
Right?
I’m not done being mad at you if that’s what you’re asking.
I promise I’m going to explain.
That’s fine, but I can’t talk about it now.
Are you that mad?
I’m in a tense negotiation.
???
My cousin refuses to eat his favorite food.
My only advice for cousins right now involves extreme violence.
Are you fighting with him?
What’s happening? I heard you guys were arguing after church. Is he okay?
Get back to your negotiations.
We’ll talk tomorrow.
Don’t be too rough on him if he’s really having a bad time.
My cousin doesn’t even know what a bad time looks like yet.
Are you still working tomorrow?
On the schedule.
And you’re healthy
Not getting a summer cold?
Considering it.
You NEED to see me
I need to see you
We need to see each other.
Look, I gotta go.
I know.
Just …
Good night, Francis.
No.
No more Francis.
I’m going to be a little late.
I’ve gotta pick up one last thing.
If coming in with Sarah is the message, I got it loud and clear.
In fact, I figured out something today that I hadn’t realized.
Our relationship kinda sucks
.
No, that’s not true. Texting you is awesome. Too awesome. More awesome than it should be.
But in real life, you’re a bit too good at this pretending thing.
I don’t think I can do it anymore.
None of this. Not pretending. Not talking to you. Not even our conversations being awesome.
In fact, the being awesome is the worst part.
You know, I got so confused I thought maybe you were going to tell me you liked me at Wade’s party?
No. I wanted you to like me because it would be easier.
You two … with your confusing names and all your mixed messages …
You would be easier.
You got me.
But I don’t know how you can talk to me this much and start dating my friend.
I don’t know how I can pretend to your faces that I’m happy for you.
I don’t know why I thought this would be different.
Chloe was right. That night at Wade’s party.
I was deluding myself to think either of you would ever pick me.
I’m just a fun internet friend. That’s all I ever am. All I’ll be to anyone.
Then … on Friday. That look in your eye.
It was like I didn’t even exist.
Your freaking COUSIN was nicer to me than you.
In fact, he’s been way nicer to me all summer than you have even once in person.
You both got me so mixed up …
I mean, I get it, you’re going through some stuff. Your family situation sucks, but that’s not an excuse.
None of this is an excuse.
And that’s the thing. I’ve been making excuses for both of you all along.
You, in the store, holding her hand. That’s when I figured out that this is imaginary.
You are imaginary. I made you up. You might as well really be Francis.
No one’s that good of an actor.
So I’m out. I’m done.
Whatever this is … it’s finished.
I can’t believe I ever thought you were the good one.
Chloe was right. Everything’s a game to you two.
I can’t believe I lost.
I can’t believe you’re not even good enough to answer me.
Really?
You haven’t even responded?
I really HAVE been fooling myself.
Look, I’m not trying to talk about you. I just wanted to know if your cousin is all right.
Lexi said he’d had some sort of accident at work.
And that’s when I realized … despite having had him over to lunch and hanging out at the con with him, I have no freaking idea what his phone number is.
If you’d at least be kind enough to let me know if he’s okay, or how to contact him, or anything, I’d appreciate it.
You can manage at least that much can’t you?
Okay, this is ridiculous.
You should at least be off work now.
No, you should at least be mature enough to answer a simple request.
Man, I’m an idiot.
least you could do is come visit your boy
Who is this?
you know who it is
Jack?
yeah dingbat
Why are you on Martin’s phone?
because he cant be
hes sleeping right now
And again I ask …
they gave him some serious drugs
he’s not all there but they’re finally letting him have visitors
not that he’s up for anything more than whining about you
and you dont even have the courtesy to come check on him
What are you talking about?
you have to have heard about M’s accident by now
I heard he was in the hospital.
I’ve been trying to get his contact information for days.
well this is his phone how else would you expect to contact him dingbat
Stop calling me that!
You know how much I hate it!
I mean, you have to know how much girls would hate it.
i know its you H
Crap.
CRAP!
What’s going on?
What happened?
he was making some sort of delivery and there was an accident
the dude his moms seeing wanted to show him a real construction site and he tripped in a hole and bonked his head
lucky he was wearing a hard hat
Oh crap. He’s okay?
Why is he on drugs?
the super brain got shaken up and he jacked up his shoulder
I’m so confused.
I thought it was the other one who was hurt?
you’re confused about a great number of things
this is why youre our dingbat
Shut up and explain it to me, then.
cant both shut up and explain
How could both of them have accidents at the same time?
you still dont get it
do you
I really don’t.
i figured this was a bro code thing and thats why he didnt seal the deal
but you think hes II
Could you use English for once in your life?
I am on M’s phone
That doesn’t help.
then you tell me
how do you tell the munroes apart
I don’t.
clearly
you both think youre so smart
I am just about done with this conversation.
not if you know whats good for you
I am gonna try one more time.
You’re saying that only one of the Martins had an accident?
yup
The Martin who had an accident is also the owner of this phone?
yup
And the accident that the owner of this phone had was at his future stepdad’s construction company?
yup
Where is Sarah?
probably out sucking II’s face somewhere
Not at the hospital?
there may be light at the end of this tunnel
nope
Because she’s not dating the Martin who owns this phone?
not since she made a giant scene behind the craft cabin and threw his leather cuff in his face because she was jealous of all the time he was spending with his cabinmates
Wait, what?
come on everyone knows that
Technically, You Started It Page 20